38 and done with dye, growing out my grey hair

[BoogalooBoo]

I'm 38 and I've finally decided to let my natural grey hair grow out and stop dying it. I was naturally dark brown but for about 10 years the badger stripes have been getting wider and wider and now my roots are an even mix of salt and pepper. I've always dyed my hair back to brown either myself or at the hairdressers, but this time I just can't be bothered!
Been thinking about growing it out for years but always give in after an inch of white/grey/brown roots grow back. The regrowth is now at 2 inches and looks awful (a mix of light brown highlights in a clear line, natural brown and white and grey) but I'm hoping to hold my nerve this time... I'm excited and feel a bit defiant(?) I feel like I need a sign saying 'don't worry, it's deliberate, I haven't let myself go'.
Has anyone else grown out their greys in their 30s? Did you just go cold turkey or get highlights, or cut your hair short to speed it up? How long did it take?
Feels like the start of a long journey...!

This is not what you want to hear but I think in general, grey hair on someone so young as you is ageing. One of my DDs is your age and I think they'd look much much older grey.

I only knew one person who'd gone grey before 40 and she had a very short, almost pixie cut and beautiful bone structure. She could carry it off.

Maybe that's you but so many women (IMO) look much older grey and in your 30s I'd say keep colouring it but not with a block of colour- maybe a mix of light/ darker tones done professionally.

I was 34 when I stopped. It took about a year to grow out fully but I had a short pixie and because it was short I didn't need to do the highlights or try to blend it, I just wore a lot of hats and tried not to think about it. Since not using dye my condition has been great so I can grow it long and its now just below bra strap length. I am totally silver all over and I love it. Annika von Holdt is my hair inspiration and I'm not far off her length too.

I grew out my blonde dye in my mid thirties and found I had mid brown hair with maybe 25% grey.

I went cold turkey and grew out the tide line. It was a bit brutal tbh.

Once I’d grown it out, I heard about Plantur39 Brown shampoo and conditioner on here. It deposits brown colour ON your hair rather than dying it, so the colour washes out pretty quickly. I now use it every wash and it makes my greys blonde and my dark greys/browns brown. Looks very natural because of the variations in colour, and doesn’t damage my hair like the dye used to.

If you want to grow out your permanent dye, I’d recommend using Plantur39 Brown to ease the tide line process. It will wash out when you stop using it; I forgot to take it on a three week holiday last year and was back to natural colour by the end.

@HerOopNorth you're right, when my hair is newly dyed brown with some highlights I look much younger but it only lasts about 2 weeks and the bloomin greys show again! Your point is exactly what I'm weighing up: I look younger, but then what's wrong with looking my age? But then I feel better with it dyed, but it doesn't last so then it looks worse again... argh! My hair is straight shoulder length with nice layers, so thankfully it's just the colour I'm worried about.

It's just become such a battle and I'm a low maintenance type (gardening at the weekend rather than getting dressed up!) I guess I'm looking into my 40s and feeling like I can't be arsed with the expense/hassle of my hair every few weeks and my son will be at school I'll be at work etc etc... if I can grow it out now I'll be done forever!
I am sometimes on the TV and social media videos (I'm a historian) which causes the biggest crises of appearances but then Mary Beard has lovely long grey hair and I'm not trying to be a model!

@TheDandyLion this sounds beautiful! Do you use any special type of shampoo? My highlighted greys are starting to turn yellow... eek

@HappyAsASandboy thank you for the recommendation I've just looked it up, think I'd only heard of that brand for mens shampoo! Could be a game changer for the coming year, I'll give it a go.

Also nice to know others have done it and are happy the other side!

@TheDandyLion I've just googled Annika von Holdt and holy moly, I'll imagine that's what's waiting underneath my dye! Hah!

You'll be fine. You'll save a fortune in hair dye, not be bombarding your body with chemicals regularly (and STILL have a bloody re-growth line most of the time anyway) and your hair will be in better condition than it's ever been.

So many people now not fighting it and/or using dye colours that don't suit them. The more who accept it, the less it will be associated with (perish the thought😜😂) 'being old'.

I'm about 3 months in. (I'm 37 ) constantly having to dye it every few weeks was getting a bit much. I have to admit it looks awful at the moment. My natural hair is so dark and where ive previously dyed my greys they are now a gingery brown. I've had it cut into a bob but I'm tempted to go a bit shorter just to get rid of more of the horrid old colour. I just try not to look in the mirror often 😅

I stopped dying my hair at 37, now 41 - much better condition and the grey is face framing looks more like an intentional stripe. Only problem is it can get frizzy and that’s really ageing - will keep up with Brazilian blow drys so it’s sleek and keep it above shoulders.

Go for it, you could hang on as long as you can and then get it cut short to lose the old colour which is what I did and then regrow it. If you decide you don't like it then you can always go back to colouring?

FWIW I think Mary Beard looks unkempt - just saying as you referred to her - and she's 70 not 38.

I'm about 50% grey and have lowlights done about 3 x a year. In between I use a powder hair colour which you brush on to colour the regrowth.

You could try having lowlights with 3 colours, so you don't end up with a white parting line, because 3 shades (some lighter than your natural brown) will avoid the most obvious regrowth.

I do find this whole obsession with grey hair making a person look old bizarre. There is so much more than hair colour that influences how old a person appears - how they move, their skin, their attitude, their clothes.

Im early thirties and and a good 60% silver. I'm doing grey blending with my hairdresser. So my greys look more like light blonde highlights. Im also experimenting with pinks and purple on the ends at home that's been fun.
It's only hair. I've decided to embrace it and have fun. I hated the regrowth banding more than I hate my natural silver highlights so go for it and see. You can always colour it again it you don't like it.

It's not an obsession but an observation.

I know not everyone agrees but it's a valid opinion, as are others.

In general, older people have grey hair. That's a fact and it can look ageing.

Looking older?! Why should that even be a consideration in 2025, women are so pressured to look certain ways for other's benefit. Youth is worshipped to such a sick extent in our media and popular culture.

Looking older means we are getting older, and I assure you, that is a privilege. With natural hair comes increased confidence in yourself just for being you, not for being painted a fake colour, you'll find that lots of other things happen to you. Like you start to sort the wheat from the chaff in other ways..it led me to reconsider so much. Heels, make up .. what is it all for? Chemicals leaching into your skin, heels which literally damage our skeletal and muscle systems. Just for fleeting fads and superficial appearances.

Confidence is sexy. Self worth is fucking incredible to experience without all the visual props and crutches we are told are so desirable... Your own hair tone suits your skin, and it is a direct line to all the women you've ever been blood related to since the dawn of time. That is beautiful.

Gosh you sound an absolute hoot to be around. Glad I don't know you in real life, you sound like the worst kind of unkind, critical person giving people your unsolicited opinions.
And before you say it, OP asked advice on growing it out not if it makes her look old.

And you sound like....well I won't say!
Honestly, if you read the OP's update she is unsure of dyeing it and agrees it makes her look older.

Enjoy your day.

You too petal

I read somewhere that people are growing out salt and pepper hair by using temporary dye on the regrowth which looks like highlights as the grey goes a different colour to the hair. It needs redoing every few weeks but you can keep it up til the regrowth is long enough for you to cut the rest off. Then you can let the temp dye go and see how you feel about it

Good grief, please ignore @HerOopNorth OP. The notion of not doing something we want to because some people think it’s ‘ageing’ looks wise is exactly the sort of ridiculous bullshit we as women deserve to free ourselves from.
I grew mine out cold turkey over about 18 months. Mine is patterned mainly around my face and hairline so it wasn’t too painful in terms of regrowth, and I didn’t have too harsh a line. Regular cuts and taking your hair shorter as it grows out if you don’t mind shorter hair do make it easier.
I’ve honestly had nothing but compliments since doing it. I don’t doubt there are a few out there who’ve silently judged me like the poster I mentioned above, but I don’t give a flying fuck what superficial, sexist people like them think about me anyway!

I started growing mine out at about this age.....but then my face caught up with my hair and I realiesed I wasnt ready to look that old yet!😆

Having a fringe is a game changer IMO, it really helps hide the regrowth.

The discussion about looking old is such an interesting one, I agree it's all horseshit and getting older is actually wonderful. I had a scare a few years back and am lucky to be here, perhaps this is where my 'why tf am I bothering' viewpoint has come from. Looking at women with natural hair just shows confidence and self assurance and I'd strive for that. But the reality is, every day I look in the mirror and think I looked much better with dark hair. Perhaps that's social conditioning and capitalism trying to get me to spend money on my hair! But it is still valid to feel that way. I live in Ireland and don't know any women who have grey hair, at any age. Can't even think of any media people who could represent the cause, its a very image conscious society here I think.
Sorry I'm waffling... I guess I’m thinking my deliberations out loud and am glad to read encouraging posts from others who've done it.
I like the idea of getting a few highlights on the top of my parting to hide the dye line, and I'll spend my money getting good cuts instead. I love @FamiChiki s point about being linked to ancestors, my mum has beautiful long white/silver hair which she only grew out when she retired, she wishes she'd done it sooner! She had a dark bob all her working life.
Now if all the grey growers could just take over my town and make me less self conscious that'd be lovely!

Join silver sisters on Facebook…there is a whole community of women of all ages living this and sharing stories…it quite uplifting especially when you are in the throes and being tempted back to the dye. I’m just over 2 years in (at 47) and it was difficult but bore with it. Now really pleased I did it. I kind of like the idea of normalising this for my daughters (both in primary school).

Oh and I wasted a good few months at the start using semi-permanent colours…they fade but they never come out fully. Better cold turkey.

I have 10 years on you OP but I think we are at similar stages, except I’m blonde with brown, salt and pepper regrowth!

I am so far resisting the temptation to dye it again but it’s not easy!

Interesting! I'm 53 and toying with the idea of just letting the grey grow out as I'm fed up of spending £££ dyeing my hair every couple of months.
I have no clue about box dyes etc and thought I could just put a box dye on and let the grey grow that way...now not so sure if this will work. I've also got a couple of weddings to go to so don't want to turn up with a massive grey stripe 😂