sexy but understated outfit for rare weekend away

[Scatternobrains]

Hubby and I are having a cheeky weekend away whilst our son is home from uni to look after the dogs. We are early and mid forties have been married for over 20 years. I have bought some gorgeous sexy black underwear, including suspenders (note to self don't forget to buy the stockings) to bring a bit of spice as I know he will love that.

I have booked a table for one evening in a very nice but quite relaxed restaurant. I would love put the underwear on to go out in and give him a flash enroute so he knows what he is waiting for him. However I dont want to look over dressed up, or it be so obvious that everybody else will know. I'm not thinking little black dress with seamed stocking and high heels. I think I want understated, tempting, tantalising and classy sexy rather than the full on raunchy, explicit sexy I would have done for him many moons ago.

I am about a curvy size 14, tiny waist, with huge boobs (34G), big hips, bum and quite large legs. I generally wear trousers or jeans day to day, haven't worn a short dress in years, but do wear maxi dresses in the summer. I prefer v necks or low neck because of my boobs.

I would love some some ideas, thoughts, inspiration, links photos on what I can wear over the top of the full sexy ensemble underneath. What would you wear? I think I am picturing a long dress of some description (I really don't like my legs & cankles), I don't have high heels, I do have a few pairs of kitten heels but I also don't want to look old fashioned or dated, perhaps more sexy modern fun. What shoes would you pair with the outfit too, as I am clueless on that also. I am happy to spend £200 ish if need be.

Any help will be grateful received, by me and him!

Some people like wearing unnecessary and limiting - me included. I would probably have gone for that red dress back on page 1, though maybe not in a snake print, with hold up stocking and high heels. I love a bit of glamour and the right clothes get me in the right mood. Everyone is different and there is really no need to disrespect other people's choices.

Another vote for leather midi skirt and a good sweater! Very nice with black leather knee high boots too

Well, so what? It’s not like he’s forcing or even asking the OP to do any of this. If wearing clothes that make you feel sexy and desired for a damn good shag isn’t your thing, that’s absolutely fine, but the OP clearly does and that’s perfectly fine. Most people, men and women, like to do things that turn their partner on.

For some people that might involve clothes. For some it might not. For example, I personally am not particularly bothered what my partner wears, so he’d be wasting his time and money dressing up for me - but there are plenty of other things he might make an effort to do / say / arrange / whatever that might a similar effect.

I’m sure if the OP’s partner thought the OP would immediately want to rip his clothes off and ravish him if he wore certain underwear, he’d happily wear it.

I really like the leopard print skirt OP. Have fun.

“I see no difference between saying certain tops don't flatter large norms and me saying stockings are unflattering to anyone without gazelle sized legs and make you look 2 decades out of style.”

There is no difference, in as much as they’re both incredibly rude and nobody asked

I think the "so what" is the point I'm making. There's a reason the second page of this thread is all deletions as people suspect the Op is Brian the lorry driver.

Stockings gie me the ick with their obvious and sexualised messaging.

The "so what" is that it doesn't work the other way round. Kanye and Bianca for example. Nowt wrong with her naked body and I'm sure she's feeling very sexy for her man who makes zero effort.
Possibly a man in uniform is the closest a bloke can get to sexualised clothing. although that messaging is smart and strong man in control,not "oh look what at the top of a woman's legs its a vag"

Anyway hope the Op has a lovely weekend and they both have great sex.

OK. But the OP was just asking for style advice for a weekend away, not a preachy lecture on how she’s betraying the sisterhood by wearing nice underwear.

The fact that stockings give you the ick is neither here nor there. Nor is the fact that they’re ‘sexualised’, given that that’s why the OP has decided she’d like to them. She’s literally wearing them because she wants to be sexualised, which is a very normal and healthy thing to want to be for a sexual encounter. It’s not like she’s suggesting she ought to wear them on the school run.

Nobody, including the OP, is suggesting she HAS to do this. She isn’t being coerced and she clearly doesn’t feel a sense of obligation (and she also isn’t being displayed like a trophy; it’s not remotely like the Kanye/Bianca situation).

Just wear jeans and a tee shirt and tell him you've got no bra and knickers on. That'll have the same effect

I'm also an hourglass and although this doesn't look anything special my husband loves it on me. He says it accentuates my best features.

https://patra.com/product/pbd/womens-bamboo-cotton-fit-and-flare-dress?_gl=11hawpkm_upMQ.._gs*MQ..&gclid=Cj0KCQiAq-u9BhCjARIsANLj-s06SJi9F9cRb5dzpsJkK7THlDEFcrp2SPkF8YMFrW48FY_UqTPQsV8aAhq2EALw_wcB

I have boobs the same size as OP, DH would know in an instant if I wasn't wearing a bra out to dinner as I'd be constantly having to lift one or other out of the soup 😅

Sounds like he'd be thrilled

Midi leather skirt and a silky top with a heeled boot. Get the skirt with a slit. Or a silky midi skirt and cropped jumper if it's going to be chilly.

That’s dress is lovey . Op sounds like she has the figure for it too.
@Scatternobrains you could wear a short boot with block heel they are very much in just one and would go with the dress

wot

What's a "cheeky" weekend? Does it have anything to do with "having a cheeky wine"?

wow you really know how to lift and support other women!! Perhaps you could take a little time to consider how helpful your comments are and how they can make other people feel before posting.

That poster was just pointing out how the need to 'look sexy' is all one way: women are expected to do it, and spend money on it, while men don't. Many of us have rebelled against that. To us it seems cliched and actually rather demeaning that you have to dress up in something that men think is sexy (and which you have learned to think is sexy too) in order to excite your husband. You're approaching the whole weekend away concept from a male standpoint. Is he giving any thought about how to coax or thrill you into bed? I'm guessing not. The other poster is pointing out the patriarchal game you're playing and encouraging you to think about things differently.

Get dressed to go out in front of your husband, so he knows what you have on underneath. That way you can wear whatever you like.

I love over dressing for evenings out. The fashion for dressing down over the last 20 or so years starting to feel old! The red maxi was gorgeous.

Gosh a lot of these suggestions imo are not understated at all, quite the opposite in fact!

i’s go for something like a leather a line skirt & a nice blouse.

Infact, if it was me, I’d be wearing flared jeans and my fave Celia Birtwell shirt and my docs but I’m not sexy🤣

It's not a "patriarchal game" if the woman is taking control of the situation. She's choosing to surprise and flirt with her husband so the power is all hers.

It would be different if he'd given her the undies to dress up in and told her to do it but that's not the case here. Have you never done anything sexy to tease/flirt with a man or does it all count as a "patriarchal game"?

Have you never done anything sexy to tease/flirt with a man or does it all count as a "patriarchal game"?

It's not really the thread for this discussion but it kind of is a patriarchal game where the flirting involves this type of underwear.

Also, a man can obviously flirt but "tease"?

I wear dresses like that in summer to the beach and casual restaurants... its hardly wild, its a v neck basic long sleeve maxi dress in a print not a ball gown lol.

I’m not sure that’s entirely true - my husband would absolutely put extra effort into his appearance for a special occasion to look his best, and I’d certainly hope that lots of men think about how to make their partners happy in bed!

Also, has it occurred to anyone that some people just actually like dressing up? I love heels, love dresses, love makeup, and feel like a total slob in a tracksuit. My husband loves my face makeup-free, but I’m not going to make a point of rejecting the things I actually like to make a feminist statement.

@Pluvia yes thats what I'm getting at.

I’m not sure that’s entirely true - my husband would absolutely put extra effort into his appearance for a special occasion to look his best, and I’d certainly hope that lots of men think about how to make their partners happy in bed!

Exactly. Extra effort to look his best. No sexual messaging required. He is enough.

Also, has it occurred to anyone that some people just actually like dressing up?
When you say "people" ...? You mean women. Men just wear nicer versions of their everyday clothes. Again, that's enough for us to find them sexually attractive.

eh?

I never dress up day to day, I don't do my hair or wear make up because I exist as I am. Hell your lucky if I put proper pants on (in fact the reason I wear maxi dresses like the one posted earlier is because its piss easy, slip it on and go one piece) but for a nice night out Ill get dressed nice as its nice to do once in a while.

My brother is a finger on the pulse stylish fashionista, he carefully collaborates clothes/outfits, will drive to the other end of the country to get a one of a kind vintage piece (often has) and constantly dyes and cuts his hair and changes his look and has a shopping basket full of expensive wish list shoes, coats, jewellery.

Why are you making this a gender thing... bloody weird, people just like what they like.

What does that have to do with the OP's situation? Your brother's doing what he does because he loves it, isn't he? He sounds like someone with taste and his own style. Rather than the high street approach in which stockings+suspenders = sexy. That's generic Ann Summers.