Unfortunately, she has to go to a ball (and really needs some help)

[radiatorcat]

I hesitate to ask because I'm very difficult. 😞

DD has asked me to come to a formal fundraising function being held by a club she attends. I feel I have to go, for her. I really don't want to 😭.

It is being advertised as a 'ball' but there will be a Scottish ceilidh as well as dancing.

I have already spent HOURS doom scrolling looking for something to wear with growing panic. I'm recalling all the past events in my life where I felt self-conscious, frumpy, badly put together, all my flaws on show with ever increasing misery. I don't want DD to sense this in me.

My searching is informed by this.

Practicalities

1.It's a Ceilidh - extremely vigorous dancing so nothing I will stand on and fall flat on my face (like I nearly did at my wedding). It can't be too long. I would love something below mid-calf - the sort of length HRH Kate often wears.

1. I'm on a tight budget. I've actually been looking on Vinted a lot.

Absolute no-nos.

Nothing that exposes too much of my back (I have ugly moles).
No thin straps or strapless.
No satin or clingy fabrics that will reveal my lumpy thighs and droopy bum.
No body-con styles at all.

My body shape and taste

I have narrow shoulders with wider hips. I'm mid-fifties and about a size 12. I prefer classy to glamorous (but maybe need to be pushed out my comfort zone a little). I suit navy and greens and teals and black etc.

Dresses I have felt most comfortable in in the past.

Ones that skim my hips and then flare out.
Fitted-ish around upper body.
Ones that have some sort of sleeve - fluttery or cap even. Seems to balance me out.

If you can suggest where to look or things to consider I'd be so grateful.

Have you tried Coast? They have a big sale on just now.

Try googling fifties style dress, swing dress or tea dress.

I came up with Dollyanddotty.co.uk.

Some are a little shorter than mid calf but have a look.

JJs House worth a look:

https://www.jjshouse.com/scoop-a-line-chiffon-asymmetrical-midi-dress-295308568-g308568?filterColor=blue

I’d go monsoon on vinted. I have lots of knitted (viscose blend) type dresses. Elbow length sleeves, skim the top half and then flare out. Breathable and with stretch so you’d be able to dance.

Also:

https://www.jjshouse.com/pleated-v-neck-a-line-stretch-satin-midi-dress-295307493-g307493?filterColor=blue

If it’s a Burns Night Supper and ceilidh, you’ll have a whale of a time. It’s the most bonkers of formal occasions.

JJ's house has the most incredible search function! I'll have a good browse later today. Thank you.

Oh I know. Totally bonkers.

It's more a ball with a ceilidh though. Other women in the community are talking about dressing up, which terrifies me. I actually have massive anxiety about it which has made me think quite deeply about what I might be projecting into my DD.

Thank you. I'll do that.

No shame in buying from Vinted at all. I bought a Boden dress on Vinted for £15 then had it adjusted by a local seamstress to fit me perfectly. £40 for the perfect dress. The fabric has lots of weight to it so it hangs beautifully.

I really love this look, but it's not one I can pull off. I'm more boho hippy (if I had to pigeonhole myself).

I'll go look. Thank you.

I have this sitting in my vinted favourites which might work / give you an idea of things to look at.

Also suggest Scamp and Dude, their midi length is low calf on me (5’4”) and lovely fitted loose fitting tops and wide flared skirts but bit understated. I always get compliments wearing mine.

Think also glamorous separates - don't restrict yourself to dresses. I'm pear shaped and find separates both fit me better and give me more flexibility (and can be bright together with a good belt, tuck of top fabric etc).

Love a ceilidh - enjoy (at the end of which, everyone will be in the same sweaty mess!).

I bought a dress for £3 on Vinted for a wedding and was told by a few people I was the best dressed guest! I absolutely love it. I scroll it like people scroll Facebook! 🤣

Would something like this work?

https://stylecheat.com/collections/evening-dresses/products/toni-long-sleeved-pleated-maxi-dress-blue-floral

They also have it in other colours and prints including navy.

A flared midi/maxi skirt and a fitted top will give you most bang for your buck.

@Illpickthatup That's very pretty. But I think the sleeves will get ripped in a ceilidh. I found something similar with chiffon sleeves and thought I'd be playing with fire.

Thank you. Gives me another avenue to look down.

A budget would be useful. Monsoon keeps sending me nice slightly boho dresses in green and blue.

Kindly, nobody will be looking at your bum or thighs. When was the last time you looked at someone at a fun group event and thought " wow look at her bum".
I am in my fifties, a 12, and go to lots of social events, many where I know no one. If I am not thinking about their thighs, why would they be thinking about mine?

Apologies for the lecture. I just tire of so many women putting themselves down.

This gold skirt is on Vinted. What do you think? It's £40 and described as being in good vintage condition. I'm going to have to measure myself and check whether I'm more a 14 than a 12.

Perhaps not. But I'm horribly aware that clingy fabrics make me look very lumpy, and I would feel self-conscious even if no one was looking. I could squeeze myself into shape-wear but then I wouldn't be able to breathe all night.

Budget: it's one night and an outfit I'm unlikely to ever wear again. So I won't go above £120 max. But I'd rather spend a lot less - hence trawling Vinted.

@radiatorcat any nice self colour dress will do and just add a tartan scarf across your shoulder and pinned at the hip!