Unfortunately, she has to go to a ball (and really needs some help)

[radiatorcat]

I hesitate to ask because I'm very difficult. 😞

DD has asked me to come to a formal fundraising function being held by a club she attends. I feel I have to go, for her. I really don't want to 😭.

It is being advertised as a 'ball' but there will be a Scottish ceilidh as well as dancing.

I have already spent HOURS doom scrolling looking for something to wear with growing panic. I'm recalling all the past events in my life where I felt self-conscious, frumpy, badly put together, all my flaws on show with ever increasing misery. I don't want DD to sense this in me.

My searching is informed by this.

Practicalities

1.It's a Ceilidh - extremely vigorous dancing so nothing I will stand on and fall flat on my face (like I nearly did at my wedding). It can't be too long. I would love something below mid-calf - the sort of length HRH Kate often wears.

1. I'm on a tight budget. I've actually been looking on Vinted a lot.

Absolute no-nos.

Nothing that exposes too much of my back (I have ugly moles).
No thin straps or strapless.
No satin or clingy fabrics that will reveal my lumpy thighs and droopy bum.
No body-con styles at all.

My body shape and taste

I have narrow shoulders with wider hips. I'm mid-fifties and about a size 12. I prefer classy to glamorous (but maybe need to be pushed out my comfort zone a little). I suit navy and greens and teals and black etc.

Dresses I have felt most comfortable in in the past.

Ones that skim my hips and then flare out.
Fitted-ish around upper body.
Ones that have some sort of sleeve - fluttery or cap even. Seems to balance me out.

If you can suggest where to look or things to consider I'd be so grateful.

SilkFred have some lovely swishy dresses within your budget.

The waistband looks a bit odd. Are there some better pics of it?

@doveshadow These. I'm not sure now. The gold also is possibly a bit washed out.

I've had evening dresses from this brand. They do from size 12 upwards. https://www.scarlettandjo.com/products/victoria-solid-navy-angel-sleeve-mesh-midi-dress?variant=47849054994740

Definitely keep trying Vinted.

Wear a good bra!
And you don't want anything which you'll get too hot in. A knitted dress would be horrible after about the first two minutes

This coast dress is on Vinted - £71. However it's shorter than I'd ideally like, and I'm not sure if the off the shoulder would expose too much of my back.

LOL! I know. And take shoes off.

Have a look on ASOS. The brand Maya seems to do midaxi length, boho/floaty style formal dresses with a short sleeve.

https://www.asos.com/maya/maya-embellished-navy-spot-mesh-maxi-dress-in-navy/prd/207501963#colourWayId-207501964

Hope and ivy also do similar styles but are a bit more expensive. Maybe worth www.asos.com/maya/maya-embellished-navy-spot-mesh-maxi-dress-in-navy/prd/207501963#colourWayId-207501964 the brand on Vinted.

I do think a skirt and top is so much easier to come up with than a dress if youre maybe a 12 top and 14 bottom and you are more likely to wear both pieces again. I have some long pleated satin skirts which I wear with a more fitted 'bodysuit' style top and it's dressy but not too overdone and comfortable to move around. nobody would see your bum and thighs at all.

as an aside, you didn't ask for advice on it to be fair, but maybe try and talk more positively about your body if you can. Or at least neutrally, especially in front of your daughter. Its the only body you have and its sad to hear the way you have described it.

I just want to pop in and say that you really don't have to go if you don't want to. As I've become older, I've learned to say 'no thank you' and resist all attempts to persuade me to do things I don't want to do. I know you're doing it for your DD but how essential is your attendance? How relieved would you be if you weren't going?

How about this? It's in viscose, which I personally would find cooler than all the polyester dresses suggested, and likely less clingy.
https://www.monsoon.co.uk/fleur-devore-midi-dress-teal-6403907920.html?gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQiA-aK8BhCDARIsAL_-H9kmj2f6lU4XS3v8HI21zfk1S8y8yBZ7QFNtfgaexRZEZotpzZTfnnEaAv1dEALw_wcB

i also like this, but the velvet part may be too hot. https://www.albaray.co.uk/products/velvet-taffeta-dress-aw24?variant=46091101274349&country=GB&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=uk+-+shopping+-+pmax+-+new+season&gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQiA-aK8BhCDARIsAL_-H9mXmjfjDfQZEALPimW7Jjhhiun0Stt3PvHewAD4oRXXXYb4Nw3d6_gaAiDkEALw_wcB

I also LOVE this. https://www.baukjen.com/collections/sale-dresses/products/malin-cupro-dress-dark-green

Have a look at the sale section at Ghost. I'm the same age and shape as you and their stuff really suits me. I got a fab dress for a wedding for £40!

DD is 14 and would be bitterly disappointed because all her friends are going with their mothers. It's one of those occasions I just have to do it. I'd be so relieved though if there was a huge storm and it was cancelled!

Ah, that's different if she's only 14 and I understand not wanting to be the only Mum not attending.

I've recently bought 2 dresses on Vinted that fit your description of style although they're not really evening dresses. I'll have a scour around...

This one at Joe Brown's is a bit of a 'safe' option compared to your gorgeous black & gold find. It's cotton. It's £55.
https://www.joebrowns.co.uk/vintage-dreams-dress-wf104

I am extremely aware of this and I hear you.

This is an anonymous forum. I'd never be this honest with people I know. But it is nevertheless - in this specific context - my truth.

For the most part I am completely unselfconscious about my body, because I can easily wear fabrics and styles that suit me.

I'm hoping I can find something that I'm comfortable in and look good in without DD being even slightly aware that I struggled and stressed about finding it. I'll just swan along with everyone else 'confidently'.

There's something less forgiving about evening wear.

And ... there's something about the whole concept of 'dressing up' that invites scrutiny. The amount of excitement and chat that's currently going among women attending about 'what to wear' almost certainly means scrutiny over choices later. Phrases like "It's so nice; we never get a chance to dress up and make an effort ..." Scrutiny.

I wish this excited me, but it doesn't. It fills me with dread.

And ... I don't want DD to think I made less of an effort than other mothers etc. She's at that age where clothes mean something to her.

Oh god, I so miss the days when my DC wanted to go anywhere with me. Enjoy it. It soon passes!

That is very pretty and I might buy it just for me. Does it qualify as 'ball' attire though? The other mothers are talking about sequins and glitter etc.

love a good old ceilidh @radiatorcat 😀

this is pretty

this kind of skirt is endlessly useful and very comfortable to wear. Add a slightly glam top - glittery, velvet, silky - and jewellery and you have an evening outfit. Hair up for a ball/ceilidh.

Google taffeta skirt (maxi or midi) for alternatives. I have a Boden one and have worn it so much.

♥️ I want it to be lovely and I don't want what I'm wearing to get in the way of that.

You're all being so helpful. Thank you so much. I have to head out but will read everything again when I get back.

Wide trousers and a fancy top?