What to buy to look vaguely civilised/up to date

[Bristolnewcomer]

I need help! I’ve had a tough couple of years including bereavement and having my first child. As a result I haven’t been shopping since the midi dress and trainers era RIP and all my clothes are now basically supermarket jeans and cheap oversized T-shirts and I look, quite frankly, crap and a bit depressed. Back at work now and have a small budget to get some new clothes and I have a personal shopper session booked (gift) at JL, but I have no clue what I need to get myself looking even vaguely up to date or nice.

Specifically:

• what are people wearing out for coffee/lunch?
• What looks nice for work (sometimes have meetings with very cool people)
• what tops and top layers over jeans?
• what shoes would say I realise it’s the mid 2020s?

I’m a 14 5’6 and look a lot better in tailored shapes like blazers than big woolly things

I’d say for me -

Coffee/lunch - jeans (straight leg, wide leg or barrel leg) and an interesting short chunky cardigan (colourful, or a collar, etc) with trainers

Work - either a knit dress and knee high block heeled boots, or wide leg trousers with trainers and a jumper or cardigan

Tops for jeans - personally always a thermal layer at the moment, then either a cardigan as mentioned before, or a sweatshirt, or jumper - nothing too long, and the trend is for slightly oversized/boxy. For going out, either a fitted long sleeve top maybe with some ruching, or an oversized satin/silk shirt.

Shoes - trainers are most important - retro styles really on trend now, both suede and leather depending on what you like. For flats, I’d say Mary Jane ballet flats. For boots, either chunky and black and flat (Chelsea style/maybe DMs if you like them), or more delicate, pointy toe and kitten heel for work/going out. Or knee high boots - flat or chunky heel, less so stilettos.

I'm a similar height and size to you and firstly, I'm a big fan of the JL personal stylists so hopefully they will be able to give you plenty of personalised up to date advice. Try not to wince when they refer to your budget as "small" (anything under £300 seems to be that in their vocab 😂)

I also like a bit of structure. Boden ottoman dresses work well for me, and then you just need to add tights and chunky boots. Also means you can experiment with colour and they are quite classic shapes.

A splash of red (any shade) or leopard print is apparently quite "now" so you could apply as liberally or minimally as you like.

Agree with the above poster re Mary Janes, and they should be reasonably classic and not too faddy.

I think the best thing you can do is try on lots of silhouettes with the stylist and just see what suits you. You may surprise yourself - I have often ended up buying things from them that I would never have picked out for myself. They are good at analysing your shape without knowing your baggage (eg. I can't wear purple, that brand isn't for me, that dress will stick to my hips for sure ").

Good luck! Most of all, remember to look like yourself!

Well done on getting yourself through the difficult time - and congratulations.

Firstly, if it’s relevant, you would do well to take yourself to a good hairdresser a few days before your personal shopper appointment. That way you’ll see a fresh new you and will feel more open to experimenting with clothes.

For myself, lunch clothes and work clothes would come from the same pool - the higher the stakes the newer / more expensive the individual items but no real difference.

Must you base a wardrobe on ‘things to wear with jeans’? I know you could buy fancier brands - but you’ve already said you feel a bit depressed in that sort of outfit, so why not consider something different? It’s hard not to feel glamorous and powerful in a swishy pair of wide leg wool flannel trousers - and they can look just as relaxed as jeans, worn with a good t shirt and an easy jacket in velvet or cord. I’m currently alternating that sort of outfit with one based on knee high boots - usually involving a neat Shetland sweater with a very lightweight skirt and a huge coat.

How old are you? That would help, because what someone in their 50s would suggest may not be what someone in their 30s would wear.

For me lunch or coffee would be jeans and a smart jumper with trainers or a skirt and jumper with some boots of some sort (probably biker because that is what I like),summer I'd be in a nice summer dress or shorts with a summer top or tshirt. It all depends where I'm going for the coffee or lunch.

I do like a cardigan, nothing to thick as it adds size to me so I go for fine knit then I can also wear them in the summer (I'm always bloody cold).

For work I tend to wear jeans, occasionally I'll wear a mini skirt with boots, but I have a casual office.

Supermarket jeans are fine. You need to find the right style for you. I recently bought a pair of flares whilst comfortable they make me look like I have a huge bum (and I don't) so I'm back in my skinny jeans if I want to look put together.

For myself, lunch clothes and work clothes would come from the same pool - the higher the stakes the newer / more expensive the individual items but no real difference.

The same- and neither includes jeans and trainers

Must you base a wardrobe on ‘things to wear with jeans’? I don't understand why jeans are always such a given. This isn't even my style, but pinched from another thread, the stuff on sale at Serena Bute would lighten my heart if I were looking for a boost, and it meets lunch and work criteria. Serena Bute sale

Thanks SO MUCH for the thoughts so far, I love the idea of non jeans I just don’t know what I would wear instead due to woeful ignorance.

Sorry should have said my age - I’m 40.

would love to see any suggestions for short interesting chunky cardigan, Mary Janes (used to love these!), non jeans trousers Esp “a swishy pair of wide leg wool flannel trousers” which just sounds marvellous. Also retro trainers?

really appreciate all advice, and thanks for the congrats @MsWintertowne ❤️

You’re right I never used to wear trousers really just various skirts and dresses but I currently spend lots of time crawling around after a baby and am still breastfeeding so jeans/trousers feels more practical I guess

I LOVE Serena Bute & usually buy at least one gaudy shirt in every sale

But lots of the clothes are dry clean only, even the stuff in fabrics you'd think are hard wearing.

Not terribly chunky but short and interesting.

I’m a jeans person and love barrel leg or wide leg - Levi’s or Abercrombie are my faves. I like oversized knits with a white t-shirt underneath, but per pp do like a boxy cardigan. I have this one from Sezane which is expensive but I love it:

https://www.sezane.com/en/product/basile-cardigan/khaki#size-XXS

Feet-wise I am in Adidas Spezials, Sambas, SL72s, NB 574, or DM Church boots. Birkenstock Bostons with chunky knit socks too.

I don’t have swishy flannel trousers but I do have some brown wide leg cords from Hush which I really like. (I wore those yesterday with an olive green Arket jumper and DM boots for work.)

I’m 5ft 6 and a size 12. I’ve gained weight in peri menopause and don’t like very fitted things on me.

Interesting chunky cardigans.

Forbes Knitwear

Thanks - chunky cardigans look great! I had a load of ancient thin ones from Topshop (!) etc which I had to ditch recently

You’re in luck - the sales are on. You could start here:

Collagerie

Studio Nicholson

Penelope Chilvers

YMC

Massimo Dutti

As PPs said, trainers, trainers, trainers. Adidas originals of some sort maybe or a dupe. I went out for a walk in my ankle boots the other day and felt so dated, partly that was the wrong jeans and coat as well. Every one is so casual now. And the move to looser bottoms means you need different stuff, eg shorter tops and jackets. That’s how they get you.

You sound a bit like me if you get swamped in baggy stuff so just something a bit looser like girlfriend jeans. Trousers are either very long or ankle length. There’s definitely been a jeans/trousers revival following the midi dresses.

Every one is so casual now
Love these sweeping statements.

I've noticed that the under 35 women in my office are moving away from trainers and jeans. Obviously not back to pencil skirts and heels and pre Covid office wear but definitely a smartening up.

It's the people stuck in jeans and trainers who look dated- as if they gave up getting dressed during lockdown and have now forgotten how to.

As the sites I linked above are more for your work wardrobe you might want something to refresh your crawling on all fours outfits:

Community Clothing

Really sorry, @TheOGCCL but if I see anyone wearing trainers outside in this weather I’m likely to assume they either cannot afford suitable footwear or simply haven’t been taught how to get dressed.

@IHaveAlwaysLivedintheCastle I'd never heard of Serena Bute before but now I've been suckered into her sale and my first ever purchase is winging its way to me. Thank you!

Surely the final para of your post is queen and king of sweeping statements? (Also a bit unkind on a thread where people are saying they enjoy wearing jeans and trainers.)

Yes I suppose it is, but sorry, in a work environment that's how they look to me.

Looking around my office the people in jeans and trainers look drab compared to the people not in jeans and trainers. The female intake post Covid are more the Serena Bute look with Doc style boots or pointy flats , not jeans and trainers, or shortish skirts and dresses with opaque tights- lots of Mary Janes in velvet or patent. The men are as likely to be wearing canvas or cotton trousers as denim and leather shoes, not trainers.

Sweeping, judgemental statement!

I wear trainers all the time. I hate driving in boots, so I tend to wear trainers. I'll have my ankles out even in this weather (I wear skinny jeans though). I have boots but I find they're too restrictive when I'm driving. I save boots for when I'm in skirts.

I can dress myself and I can afford boots (in fact I own several pairs) but trainers for me are more practical.

Where I am in London, everyone is wearing trainers. There is no snow or slush. I am wearing them myself as I walk a lot.

These kind of threads always end in sniping because everyone has a different idea of what is dated.

Anyway, non-jeans for crawling about: cord trousers or wool trousers in a different cut like barrel or wide leg. Slouchy rather than fitted.

Long pleated skirts may also wotk.

@HundredMilesAnHour I had only come across Serena Bute a few days ago when someone posted a picture / link of the royal blue trousers & shirt on another thread & it really caught my eye.

What did you order? I'm tempted myself but not sure what works for me.

As for the OP's dilemma - I currently only have 1 pair of jeans & they're not even really traditional jeans. They're wide leg ankle grazing Japanese(ish) style from COS last year & I've worn them a LOT.

I'm now contemplating a men's trousers style pair from Benetton (flat front, side pockets & wide leg)
.
I wear trainers but not with the denim. I wear black laced Whistles boots or black laced shoes from me+em with them.

I work at a senior level in a local authoritu & don't wear jeans to work. Very few people do.

There's a sea of polyester black trousers & colourful patterned blouses where i work so it's not the most inspiring

I don't wear that, but I do usually wear trousers & my challenge for 2025 is to change that!

I wear a mix of wide leg cropped, straight fitted cigarette pants, pleated front wide leg full length trousers in black, navy & dark grey. I wear with silk shirts, cotton shirts, merino or cashmere jumpers or a blazer style jacket in wool, cord or knit. I have several from Whistles & Sezane.

I wear nice wool overcoats too.

It's.more conservative than other places I've worked but it's still possible to dress well.

I'm planning an overhaul of my work wardrobe this year & will add more dresses. Finding the right foot wear for dresses in the workplace is key as I have no interest in heels.

@MsWintertowne Ha yes that used to be me too until I realised some trainers are just as warm as boots, and often more comfortable for walking fast which I do when it's cold! But always with knee length socks. Oh yes and I'm in London so no fields and no snow.