Flattering-do you always choose to wear clothes that disguise your ‘flaws’ or ‘shortcomings’ or do you just wear what you want regardless?

[Ridingaroundonbuses]

I hate the word flattering as for me it’s synonymous with the word ‘slimming’ and making people look smaller.

As someone who has slimmed down a lot ( double digit dress size to single dress size) I don’t make it the primary reason for my outfit choices. For example I am petite and wearing wide leg jeans with chunky boots which I am sure don’t make me look taller but which I feel put together in.

It's a lot easier to look edgy or choose clothes that are "unflattering" (aka make you look bigger) when you are a smaller body shape.
I do think that's a fair point. But it doesn't explain why, when I was into choosing clothes that were supposed to suit my shape, I was a dress size smaller than I am now and yet far less happy with how I looked.

As I've said, it ate away at my confidence. I remember how I used to bemoan my supposedly flappy arms to my husband and he'd look at them and say, 'I've no idea what you're talking about.' To this day, even though I've left most of it behind me, I still insist on sleeves.

@Gwenhwyfar Agreed, I could still lean in to the male gaze if I wanted at mid-40s. But my bolder clothing choices does mean the pool of potential is much smaller!

I did have a funny experience recently. I work in a male dominated industry and I usually wear glasses and my ugly-beautiful clothes in the office. However, when I turned up for an awards dinner in lowish-cut velvet evening gown with heels and smoky make-up, the vibe was definitely different. Glam suits me (as does low lighting!) - I think my colleagues were rather surprised!

Thanks for this. She's my kind of person!

I think you are right @strawberrycrochet it is quite a negative way to think of oneself. I think that on the whole people, especially women, have had to think about flaws and short comings. I think that it’s interesting that the popularity of social media has maybe counteracted this in terms of people dressing how they want and seeing people more like them wearing what they want and so having the confidence to do so.

OP, “single digit dress size”; so you were 12+ and now you are 6-8?

Yip! My dad said last Christmas 'you know you're getting old when you fancy Miss Marple' 😂

I mostly dress for ease and comfort because I dont have a car and take the Tube or walk.
I wear bright colours and colours I like though. Not interested in getting my colours done or wearing black all the time. Oh, and I wear purple.

I could have written this.
Also, wear your hair in a way that pleases you. Forget all that size/age appropriate nonsense. Make yourself happy. 😁

I still have parts of my body that I am self conscious of. I feel the wide leg jeans show off my stomach which I don’t like but hey go!

I used to try to wear the "in thing". I have large boobs and a small waist and I'm quite tall and when I look back at photos now I hate that I wore such unflattering outfits for my shape. I look like a mammoth in clothes that hang from my boobs.

With age and experience I have realised that I have to wear outfits that nip in at my waist. Also necklines are important and I always look better if my arms are covered.

Yes. Think size 20 plus before.

I dress for comfort but prefer stylish rather than fashionable clothing. With broad shoulders and a DD chest it can be difficult finding clothes that fit well. I always try in clothes when shopping, ignore the size and prefer investment pieces that will last for years. Well tailored and fitting clothes stand out.

It doesn’t matter what size or shape you are certain styles can be unflattering on everyone so you might as well wear them if you like them. Leggings immediately spring to mind in this category. The only people they suit are 2 yr olds and male ballet dancers.

I think that colour has to be flattering, I’m blonde so wear a lot of red and dark orange. Yellow is an absolute no for me but I do love purple.

I had always planned to use a purple rinse in my hair when I turned grey. Not the bright purple but that gorgeous silver grey that was popular in younger women a few years ago.

Most of the family went grey fairly early but at 60 I’m still very blonde. I think I’m going to have to wait a few more years before I reach the silver grey stage I was looking forward to. I love some of the older grey models the clothing companies use they look so elegant.

My DSis is remarrying this summer. It’s her third marriage but her first church wedding. Since we no longer have our parents and I’m unlikely to be mother of the groom to my DS for some time I quite fancy being surrogate mother of the bride and dress up in one of “those” outfits. I need to lose weight so it gives me a goal. I am imagining all satin and bodycon with a big f@&k of hat. It may be totally unflattering but at least I get to wear one once in my life. And purple would be perfect.

I don't think I wear clothes that are consciously flattering but I do wear items that balance me out. At 5ft 3 with swimmers shoulders, wide trousers that fit well on the waist /hips are good. Likewise long slightly flared skirts. Anything frilled or furbelowed on the top just no. Plain fitted scoop or v necked fitted tops suit me best. As a short arse short jackets are meant to look better. Well not on me as they just truncate me, so long flowing coats are much better.

Flattering, but also this means as thin as possible frankly.

I also never did the maxi dress thing, dreadfully unflattering on me and not my style. On the other hand, my oversize COS jumper and wide leg trousers makes me feel stylish and thin.

I wear what I want. The only fashion I am interested in is hearing the song by David Bowie.

Flattering, but also this means as thin as possible frankly. To you maybe. I think it means makes you look nice. There's a clothes designer who wears black opaque tights with big heels and tiny dresses, and I think that look is 'unflattering' on her. It makes her look too thin.

Flattering always. But I like bright colours, greens, teal, silver. and massive silver sequins are my fave.

Flattering always, as if I look in the mirror and don't like what I see, it'll never be worn again!

Before I lost weight (from 14/16 at my heaviest to 8/10), I always bought clothes that made me feel like I was smaller or slimmer. I suppose you could say "flattering".
Recently I've realised that it just doesn't matter if I look big or small or slim or whatever, I prefer to be comfortable and stylish.
Sad that i had to lose weight to gain this confidence that I don't care what other people think of me.
However, when I choose clothes now, I still have that little voice in my head that searches for the negatives (eg I still have quite broad shoulders) and I like to find things that don't emphasise those bits.
Am I doing it for me or for how people perceive me? I'm not sure, if I'm honest.
It's quite complex, I feel.

I realise my post is full of contradictions [sigh]

No I aim to look

1. Not scruffy
2. Not frumpy
3. Stylish
4. Clothes that fit well

I'm a size 18 have been a 12.

This the kind of dressing/style that I like and aspire to as well! Im a fairly tall 12/14 40 year old with a bit of a mum tum, no amount of choosing a "flattering nipped in waist" is going to make me look skinny and I don't really care if it does or not 🤷
I like interesting clothes and jewellery and I do like loosely following trends so am into oversize things at the moment.

I'm lucky to be very tall and reasonably slim, but curvy rather than skinny. I wear clothes I like, in colours that look good on me. I don't deliberately choose clothes because they are 'flattering' in that they hide bad points, but stuff that I feel good in and is reasonably stylish. I'm not a slave to fashion, but do like to be fairly up to date.

I think I probably end up somewhere in the middle. I don't dye my grey hair and I cut it myself, but I keep it looking good. I wear glasses not contacts. I don't wear form-fitting things - I don't care that strangers don't know that I have a nice figure, I'm comfortable in loose things. But I do look for colours that look better on me - how much this is in order for others to think I'm attractive though is mixed. I like compliments, but the colours is because it was the answer to why I thought I had randomly good and bad days - turns out it was colour choices, so about what I was seeing in the mirror back at me. I splash out on clothes and enjoy them very much, but my focus is on interesting cuts, beautiful fabrics, and comfort - dressing is a pleasure that I get a kick out of. The thing with all of this is that I learned quite late in life that these things, my hair, colours, the fit, the product, all actually lift my self-esteem a bit. I feel a little more confident because of my appearance. I don't look in the mirror much, and I never look at my reflection when I'm out except in a restaurant after a meal when I check my teeth. After I get dressed then I just enjoy the day!

I wouldn't say I dress to hide aspects of myself. I'm very overweight but hourglass so tend to wear clothes that show off my waist. But I'm not really in a place where I can hide that I'm fat and I don't really try to. I wear very practical shoes and always go for comfort over prettiness - no heels, wide toes, usually trainers or walking boots. For coats I similarly go for comfort, warmth and pockets over prettiness.