Flattering-do you always choose to wear clothes that disguise your ‘flaws’ or ‘shortcomings’ or do you just wear what you want regardless?

[Ridingaroundonbuses]

I hate the word flattering as for me it’s synonymous with the word ‘slimming’ and making people look smaller.

As someone who has slimmed down a lot ( double digit dress size to single dress size) I don’t make it the primary reason for my outfit choices. For example I am petite and wearing wide leg jeans with chunky boots which I am sure don’t make me look taller but which I feel put together in.

I have always taken “flattering” to mean “makes you look nice” rather than “makes you look slim”.

I am fat, so nothing is going to make me look slim.

Lits of things make me look nice though 😁

Depends how you interpret 'flattering' I guess. I wouldn't always choose the most 'slimming' thing but I think clothes are flattering if they show my personality, or are clearly suitable for the activity I'm doing, showing in practical and capable.

I tend not to like the styles that are most flattering on me! I’m slim with huge boobs and “should” wear structured, fitted clothes that emphasise my waist - because I do have one, but you can’t tell if I wear anything loose-fitting or that hangs from the boobs. But when I wear “flattering” outfits I look very va-va-voom and I hate it.

I dream of looking and dressing like Chrissie Hynde from the Pretenders but am more Jane Mansfield. Still trying to work out the compromise between how I want to look and how I do look.

Clothes being flattering is very important to me. I wish it wasn't but it is 🤷‍♀️

I wouldn't say flattering is merely shape related. For example, I have sallow skin. If I wear white, cream, yellow, beige or orange I look ill. Unless I was really bloody minded, I'm unlikely to buy something that makes me look shit. I know cropped stuff looks terrible on me, so I'm not going to buy it just because it's in fashion, but nor do I want to buy things to fuck the patriarchy/fashion industry/size debate. I wear what I like and if it looks dreadful, I don't like it.

If you've skimmed down as much as you have then of course you're not making choices based on making you look slimmer or smaller. You already are slimmer / smaller!
I'm chunky at the moment. I have a big tummy that I will always try and disguise. That's through use of slimming underwear, styles of clothes etc. I'm not sure you'd call everything I wear "flattering" as I have that slightly bohemian middle aged woman style, love big mohair cardigans etc. But I don't wear clothes that show off the parts of my body that I don't like - tummy and arms.
When I'm slimmer (that ship may have sailed now!) I love wearing clothes that show my waist / more fitted styles.

I always dress to hide my stupid c-section/biscuit belly. The bit between navel and lady garden is basically a car crash.

I have a colleague who will comment that an item is “slimming” and it makes me want to howl with rage. I wear what (I think) looks good, not what makes me look smaller. Today I am in brown leopard print jeans, a grey tee, and a burgundy cardigan. The cardigan is from Arket and quite over-sized. Probably a more fitted style would “show off my waist” and be more “flattering”. I’m 51, a size 12 - I don’t care about looking small. I’m not small. When I go out I will either wear a huge Arket puffer coat (football manager) or an oversized long wool Weekday coat (dressing gown) - it’s snowing. Neither will be “slimming”.

That said, I wouldn’t wear a cropped top or hot pants because it would look crap and it’s not my style. It would also not be flattering I guess.

I’m a lecturer and the girls I teach tend to be teeny tiny, or heavy - I applaud them for wearing whatever they like, regardless of their size and shape. I really hope that the TikTok generation have chucked out the body conscious/body shaming shit that I grew up with.

I used to dress to flatter but my figure wasn't bad so it was easy. Had radical mastectomy 2 yrs ago (no recon) and I wasted 6 months trying to disguise my lopsidedness but had to give up and spent the next year just pleased to be here! So now I choose colours that I like but do go for loose tops so as not to draw attention to (what I still see as) my deformity. It helps that I'm in my 70s, I think I'd have struggled much younger and would definitely had padded up! What I have learnt though is that we are much more conscious of our own appearance than anybody else is and I wish I'd had this confidence in my youth

I think there’s a difference between thinking you have “flaws” and “shortcomings” and dressing to hide them, and recognising that you have a particular body shape and avoiding clothes that don’t suit your shape. The first is a negative attitude but the second is positive, though the result’s the same: you dress in a way that makes you look good.

This is interesting as I was thinking this recently
As a child / teen I was taught by my mum what to wear - ie what to hide!

Now (am 50s) I can see that this concept is disappearing with under 25s!

Meanwhile my mum has a long list of what can / should be worn depending on your age / size!

Always flattering and always comfortable. I don’t own any clothes that don’t flatter me colour-wise. I do own clothes that used to be flattering but aren’t any more ( have got fatter with a lower slung tum) and either don’t wear them, or wear them differently, but I don’t want to show off bits of my body I don’t like. Sadly as I am in my sixties some things I used to like to wear no longer look good, eg short skirts with bare legs, or grunge style things.

Thank you for this thread @Ridingaroundonbuses , I was thinking about this issue earlier, based on another thread when someone can't decide whether or not to buy a particular fleece...based in turn on whether other people think it's suitable or not, not whether she likes it, which she clearly does!

Like many PPs, I have realised that no amount of clever dressing is going to disguise the fact that I am currently obese. I can wear things that I feel comfortable or even happy in because I think they suit me, but there are no clothes on the planet that are going to make me look skinny.

I LOVE the way that young well-built girls (as I was) are now able to wear clothes that are fun and fashionable in bigger sizes...there was no such thing when I was a teenager, and as there was nothing that would fit - never mind flatter - I spent long hours waiting outside Miss Selfridge whilst my sister tried on everything in the shop.

So flattering yes, but defined in terms of what puts a smile on my face and a spring in my step; if something helps me look more "put together" then that's great, and if it makes me somehow appear slimmer then that's a bonus...but my days of choosing clothes to try and disappear into the background are long gone.

That is an interesting point, and I agree it is very noticeable that younger women are not trying to hide or disguise eg fat bellies/ chunky thighs. It’s a very different way of dressing and thinking. I’m very glad people are more aware of “ fat shaming” and dressing how they want irrespective of size and shape. I can’t do myself though, it’s too ingrained!

I'm another that thinks flattering means suits you rather than makes you look slim. So it's about colour, shape, style, whatever makes you feel good in it amd when you see yourself in a mirror you like what you see. Also comfort and suitability for the occasion do sometimes override all else, eg if I'm going to a football match comfort, warmth and deep pockets so I don't have to carry a bag are more important than what I look like. I don't always bother but I'd say I consider it when choosing my clothes most days.

Flattering is important if it helps you feel good and confident . I never did the flowing summer floral dress thing as it looked dreadful on me .. saw some lovely dresses but they did nothing for me . I’m 50 and look it , tall but got the odd lump in the wrong place

Defo flattering. I’m not going to wear something that doesn’t look good on me, why would I do that? Lilac for example is one of my fav colours but I don’t wear it as it makes me look dead. I suit darker more vibrant purple so wear that.

The older I get the more I go for flattering. I was always size 6-10 in my younger days and was a punk ( at secondary school) then a goth in my late teens to mid twenties so was in unflattering black PVC and fetish type outfits when not at work. Now 55 I have moved from a 20 to a 14 and hopefully back to a 6-8 later this year and dress much more sedately. Jeans, jumpers, more Vivienne Westwood tartans and edgy jumper dresses. Definitely flattering, I don't want to draw any attention to myself if I can help it, so no lycra and scrunch bum leggings thank you very much!

I think the people ( me included) who are hiding their bodies under ugly clothes stand out more than those in simple well cut jeans and jumper

Flattering and "my colours" don't come into any consideration for buying clothes. I like clothes that are dramatic and get noticed.

I don’t really understand why it would be a bad thing to choose clothes that make me look my best. This isn’t just about figure, it’s about colour and style as well. I want to look in the mirror and like what I see and that will include a neckline, a dress finishing at the best length for my legs, a sweater the right shape and length for whatever I’m wearing on the bottom half etc.

A lot of the rules I grew up with about "appropriate" and "flattering" didn't really take into account size and build. The main thing was being well covered, not drawing attention to yourself and not looking fat. I have a big Diastasis recti belly and big boobs so I feel like a sack of spuds in most clothes now. Peri menopause is not helping.

To a certain extent but I also like to feel comfy above all.
I'm very big busted which means some clothes can make me look much bigger than I am (boxy jumpers), certain styles of dresses. So yes, I try to select clothes that suit me and it makes me feel more confident. But it's not like I stress over it.

Oh and I certainly wouldn't wear something like a crop top and expose my rolls of fat with stretch marks to the public - that's just not nice for anybody so I suppose the answer is yes I do dress to flatter my figure.

It's a lot easier to look edgy or choose clothes that are "unflattering" (aka make you look bigger) when you are a smaller body shape. Same goes for conventually attractive/groomed.

However, I now love my horseshoe jeans which took some getting used to. (Tbf, they suit me much better than mom jeans or skinny jeans). I think I'm in the sweet spot of "ugly" clothes dressing in mid-40s.

I'm out of the male gaze and in-front of menopausal body-shape changes. I can truly wear what I like and afford to spend on clothes. I've got a statuesque body-frame with big shoulders, proportionally smaller waist, big bum/thighs and big hair so my dressing has always tended towards the dramatic but this is the first time I'm embracing casual.

I cannot get enough of ugly dad trainers. Plus horseshoe/carrot jeans, slogan sweatshirts and ugly, ugly fleeces with chunky gold jewellery. It's a look only other women appreciate. Much like the Mormon dresses with huge collars/or sleeves - another look I favour - thanks Ganni).

I have a pastel and gold bomber jacket which is complimented on by nearly every woman I meet, of all ages. No man has ever said one word about it. Not one.

My director did ask me about my Ganni leopard print tie-blouse. He was visibly shocked at the huge puffy shoulders in the office. However he's a good bloke and wanted to know where it was from as he thought his wife would like it (I could tell he was not sure). I think he got her one for her birthday.

You're not out of the male gaze in your mid forties. At least not for men your own age and older.

Sometimes trying to flatter can have opposite effect. I was so self conscious about my weight I was wearing long baggy dresses to work. I have since binned them as they were out worn and now looking back were similar to bin bag style. I realised this when one day I wore skinny jeans and a top and half the office were like ‘oh my god you’ve lost so much weight’
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