What to wear when 40+ and you look like everyone’s boring mother (work night out)

[Greenlittlegrasshopper]

I’m 40 and the eldest of my team of 5, although there are two in their mid late 30s and then three in late 20s / early 30s.

They are also all above averagely attractive women.

then there’s me 😭😭😭
I’m a size 8 but I’m not toned so my figure is poor and I think I look much bigger. My hair is nondescript and a bit rubbish. I’m only 5ft 5 so not that tall so struggle to pull some stuff off. Bust is small. Face is hideous.
I feel so awful about how I look at the moment it’s making me reluctant to go.

if I do go what on earth can I wear? It’s just a night out, meal and then drinks. Probably dressier than jeans but not like super dressy.

Budget of about £250 all in. I have no idea. I am so tired of looking like the old ugly granny in the corner 🤣

It’s sad to hear you say such awful
things about yourself. I’m sure you don’t look hideous at all.

Treat yourself to having your hair and make up done? £250 is a lot for an outfit so you should have enough for a pamper.

I am absolutely certain your face isn't hideous and at only 40, you aren't the granny in the corner. Please don't be so hard on yourself.

My suggestion is a jumpsuit with tapered legs, fitted at the waist or put a belt on and some nice jewellery and heels. Doesn't need to be expensive, raid the charity shops.
Find a jacket / blazer - ted baker on vinted. You'll be beautiful xx

I agree with RubyRedBow - I would spend your money on a good hair cut (and colour?), a manicure and some good underwear. If you buy clothes, make sure it is something you will wear again and again.

I am 5ft 1 and size 6-8, small bust. I like those 1950s style dresses, they cinch in at the waist, but they flay out in the skirt so cover any stomach. They tend to shape well to give you some definition to your bust even if you don't have much. Could wear with below knee boots in the winter.

With a budget of £250 and your figure I would look for some really great (expensive) jeans that make you feel good - perhaps a dark denim or black. Black boots or black heels.

A top that sits on the hip. Maybe sparkly or a sparkly bit. If it is sleeveless a little/light cardie e.g. to the elbow or a jacket.

Whatever you choose you will look fab.

If you need make up or your hair done perhaps go under budget with the clothes. Maybe choose whether to have sparkly eyes or a glossy lip. You could ask for ideas at a make up counter of a brand you like if you have time.

Most importantly your colleagues want your company- go have fun with them!

@Greenlittlegrasshopper Jump suits are a serious faff on a night out!

I second smart jeans and mid heels. Don’t go high and regret it. Find a decent silk top that you will get lots of wear from. Try Poetry? Or look at a top with some sparkle. Lots of great ones about - M&S have some decent ones. Definitely get a hair cut and feel good about yourself! Size 8 is a dream for me!

Your post made me laugh as I’d feel the same. I’d probably ask the girls at work for ideas as they seem to know what they’re doing!

Are you on Tik tok. Have a look at Nerys. She calls it over 50 fashion but she looks amazing and has similar figure to yours. With your figure I could look gorgeous lol . Definitely get a new hair cut and colour. Trinny London is expensive but helped me loads with my make up when I was stuck in a rut wearing the same products as when I was in my 20s. Any of the make up counters would help you. Then go to primark and stock up. Their make up is really good. And get cleansing and moisturizing and some retinol. Others on here would be more knowledgeable. Honestly you're so lucky to be that size it would take a lot to bring you up to date

Don’t invest in clothes, invest in your appearance.

Get some highlights, facial treatment, teeth whitening, make up lessons ect.

It’s all about the foundations when it comes to looking good, and by the sounds of it you probably already do.

Also a knit dress and boots is a fail safe outfit to wear for these kind of events.

Have a look at Wolf and Badger, Sezane, Rixo and All Saints. I love all of these for going out stuff (similar age to you!).

Also, we have our Christmas meal next week and I'm planning on wearing my Reiss flared jeans (look a lot smarter than normal jeans) with a Sezane blouse tucked in, a big belt, lots of gold jewellery and high heels. Looks dressy, age appropriate (I think?!) but not too "old lady" 😂

Try to stop being so focused on how you look. And enjoy being out with people you like, eating a nice meal, having a drink. Because otherwise you will feel worse and worse as you age, and it is really not necessary to care so much. Looks don't last and they don't really matter very much either. I know it sounds very pious, but it is actually the wisdom of age 😂

https://www.reiss.com/shop/gender-women-category-jeans/fit-flared?p=1#300

Reiss jeans are fab - really well fitted and flattering.

This is style and beauty not Aibu stop telling her not to worry what she looks like

i second this! get some good quality boots the dress doesnt need to be expensive. dont be so harsh on yourself! get your hair done,and I suggest some new make up. I would recommend the hourglass range for foundation. hope you feel amazing on the night x

I don't think there's anything wrong with suggesting the OP think more kindly of herself and not describe herself as hideous, rubbish, and ugly. We all want to look and feel good on our Christmas night out, but starting from a mindset like that is never going to help.
To practical suggestions: I'm just a little older than OP, and at this time of year I wear velvet, pretty much head to toe because I love it and it feels festive. What are you drawn to?

This and you sound like me except I'm even older ! I'd probably get my younger work colleagues to help me find something to wear - I'm sure they'd love to dress you

Maybe something like this blouse in black/gold or green with some nice jewellery

www.sezane.com/en/product/abelia-blouse/black-gold#size-6

What can't you wear at 5ft5? That's a perfectly fine (slightly above average) height, especially at a size 8.

I think you need to change your attitude! You’re only a couple of years older than these people, do you think that people a few years older than you are ancient?!!

What sort of things do you like, dresses, skirts, trousers?

I've seen quite a few mesh dresses around and they're slightly dressy but not too dressy. I'd wear with black tights and boots.

Option 1 - Mint velvet

Option 2 - leopard

Option 3 - Stylecheat (comes in various colours)

Or I LOVE the sezane velvet blouse a PP posted.

£250 is a lot for an outfit for a work night out. I'd do what PPs have said and use the budget on getting hair and nails done, and great underwear that supports and smooths.

Then buy a fabulous pair of wide leg jeans, a sparkly top, a chunky bracelet and ear rings and some pretty heels (to show off manicured toes) that you can wear again and again.

M&S have nailed it this year with party clothes, you'd be able to get everything you need in there within budget. You might even be able to get a faux fur jacket to wear too...

Then smile! You're only 40. Your colleagues want to spend time with YOU, so relax and enjoy the evening.

Ok I know I shouldn't go jumping in when you're feeling so down but you're not only being hard on yourself but also by extension, on other women of a similar age and older. (Sorry, I know the 'old ugly granny' comment was meant light heartedly but I didn't laugh.)

You're not even that much older than your colleagues. I've just been for lunch with a couple of gorgeous women who are 40+ and 30+ years younger than me. Did they look it? You bet they did but it's not a competition.

I do get what you're saying about being slim but untoned cos I am too. That's what decent underwear's for. You're also 2 inches taller than me. And lots of women would kill for a small bust.

Anyways if you're still reading, I wouldn't spend £250 on a Christmas night out, in fact I try and avoid buying any clothes In December as my taste seems to go out the window and I wake up in January to find I've bought a load of glittery tat. But, if you have to buy, I second @thedevilinablackdress about velvet - skirt/dress/trousers/blazer/top or whatever you normally go for - because it feels nice as well as looking good. And then I'd put the rest towards some new clothes next year. I really hope you feel better soon.

With that budget I would buy some really great jeans rather than a party outfit. Super flattering jeans are a massive boost. Then you can look for a top/accessories etc

I completely disagree with spending anything on make up, manicure etc. I'd spend it all on the outfit.

Something like these.

Klements flame dress
Klements dress

I can't imagine what item of clothing can't be worn by a 5'5" size 8