What to wear when 40+ and you look like everyone’s boring mother (work night out)

[Greenlittlegrasshopper]

I’m 40 and the eldest of my team of 5, although there are two in their mid late 30s and then three in late 20s / early 30s.

They are also all above averagely attractive women.

then there’s me 😭😭😭
I’m a size 8 but I’m not toned so my figure is poor and I think I look much bigger. My hair is nondescript and a bit rubbish. I’m only 5ft 5 so not that tall so struggle to pull some stuff off. Bust is small. Face is hideous.
I feel so awful about how I look at the moment it’s making me reluctant to go.

if I do go what on earth can I wear? It’s just a night out, meal and then drinks. Probably dressier than jeans but not like super dressy.

Budget of about £250 all in. I have no idea. I am so tired of looking like the old ugly granny in the corner 🤣

Love the Mint Velvet blue ombre dress!

I'm the oldest person in my office. There isn't a week goes by with at least one much younger colleague complimenting something I'm wearing.

Another poster said

But I know that feeling of being old and frumpy compared to the young ones.

Being young doesn't automatically mean someone is wearing clothes that are stylish or interesting.

As well as finding something to wear OP should address her mindset. Coments like- "everyone's boring mother" "ugly old granny in the corner" aren't funny.

It’s not really about “ what to wear for this night out” it’s about working out your style generally and then finding something a little bit elevated that fits it. I like quite minimal, androgynous, edgy looks so ( for me not you) I’d wear some vintage men’s evening trousers or high waisted dark jeans with a cream silk shirt. I’ve got a man’s green velvet jacket. I like the silver platform shoes upthread but I’d wear them with sparkly socks. My friends are very different dressers to me… ones very into print dresses… one is the sparkly top queen with matching blingy jewellery, one’s a chunky boot devotee. There’s probably not one recommendation that would suit all of us.

Slinky skirt, top (or shirt) ankle boots. This was a popular look across all age ranges at a lunch I was at this week. Go get your hair done.

Ohhh and I’m also 54 and have friends in their 30’s & 40’s.

I like the silver platform shoes upthread but I’d wear them with sparkly socks

You get bonus points for the socks !

I'd be tempted to use the clothes budget (maybe a bit more) on a mini makeover instead:

new haircut and colour
professional eyebrow shape
dentist/hygienist visit plus teeth whitening
manicure

Is there anything in your wardrobe you could rewear? Also, don't forget the power of accessories e.g. a lovely pair of earrings (doesn't need to be expensive).

New hair do

Get your eyebrows and nails done or do nails yourself.

Satin bias cut skirt midi length and the same colour soft jumper then you can wear these items to make other outfits.

I'm very confused by this thread.

How does being 3-5 years older than your colleagues make you a granny?

How is 5'5" not tall when it's above average height for a woman?

How can you think you have a poor figure at a size 8?

It's not a nice dress you need, it's reframing your thoughts to match the real world.

I have just been out with a bunch of 30 somethings. I am nearly 53. I dont call myself a boring mother in their company.

What are you going to do when you are in your fifties? Put a bag over your head for having the temerity to get older?

@Greenlittlegrasshopper get your confidence about you and as already mentioned hair nails and all the rest. Most of all wear something you feel wonderful in, smile and have a great night.
And do some work on your self confidence. You'll smash it.

There are some nice clothes linked, but like others have said, you need the base layer, the foundation of self confidence, of good self esteem. Age may be a factor, I guess, for some, but this is style and beauty, not young and beauty.

My favourites of the links so far are the 90s dress and the sandals and glittery socks idea. Hope you find something you can feel great in.

I saw an influencer online in this recently. She had a similar sounding figure to you but this really cinched her in and have her some curves! Its also not too expensive, so splurge on some other clothes rhat also make you feel good.

joanieclothing.com/bellatrix-short-sleeve-velvet-jumpsuit-black.html?gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQiA3sq6BhD2ARIsAJ8MRwV5OM8uZD2hz2WkwsI1SRE8VlHqwsDCTE2xFEMqHuAIgCrBIjCw8DEaAsWqEALw_wcB#136=4

If you’re not happy with your figure but are slim I would invest in some Spanx. I wear them
all the time with certain outfits . Just smooths everything out

Also, definitely get a blow dry to make your hair nice but I wouldn’t bother about the nails. Gel ones destroy your actual nails

I’m sure you’re absolutely beautiful. Be kind to yourself. One thing you could do is go to a posh department store or space NK and get your makeup done by a professional. Maybe a facial first? Those little things can really help self-esteem. Don’t spend loads on an outfit you’ll wear once.

Don’t be so hard on yourself! First of all, so what if you’re 40? Feeling like a “boring mom” is 80% in your head, and the other 20% can totally be fixed with the right outfit. And size 8? That’s great! Nobody’s actually staring at your face (they’re too busy taking selfies lol).
Outfit tip: Get a little black dress (LBD), knee-length or shorter, fitted but not too tight. Pair it with killer heels (pointy-toe pumps or slim boots to elongate the legs) and some bold earrings or a statement necklace for that pop of chicness. If your budget allows, throw on a sharp blazer—instant power vibes!
Most importantly, stop thinking you’re “old” and just have fun. A good smile is the best accessory!

I would definitely get your hair and nails done. It's amazing the difference that will make you feel. And you can get tips and makeovers at make up counters. You don't need to spend £250 on an outfit.

It might. I've never had my nails done. I don't notice nails. Obviously blown dry hair, just looks obvious.

OP hasn't been back. I hope the "every one's boring mother" and "ugly old granny in a corner" were just failed attempts at humour rather than how she really sees herself. If it is what she really thinks, then a manicure and a blow dry won't help much.

Being 40, 5'5", a size 8 with a small bust would be a joy.

I’m in my sixties, @Greenlittlegrasshopper. I actually feel sad that your perception of mature women is that they must be ‘boring’ and that you somehow have to distinguish yourself from them.

I wonder whether, if you’d prioritised building good relationships with other women, you’d have a better perception of yourself. Do you not know any other women of your own age? Because it’s almost hilarious that a 5’5, size 8 woman would imagine there’s something so wrong with her appearance that she struggles to look presentable.

You have a job - an income, and enough freedom and independence to be able to attend a Christmas party with colleagues. What stops you from pursuing normal inexpensive activities to maintain your appearance? Exercising at home, going to a hairdresser occasionally. I doubt your face is hideous. If you eat well, get fresh air, practise basic hygiene and undertake even the minimum amount of skincare there’s no reason why you wouldn’t be considered as lovely as any other adult woman.

It’s only your attitude towards the rest of womanhood that’s ‘boring’.

I’d spend it on:

Cut and balayage /highlights (Rush have 50% off colour): £100
Shapewear body suit approx £35 (hey shape or similar)
nice top a la https://www.riverisland.com/p/black-premium-embellished-fringed-top-915767
wear with jeans
if needed, buy some heels / make up with remaining budget

See that sounds far too 80's for me. I'd feel so uncomfortable in heels or a blazer, would never happen. It's so individual isn't it.

I agree with @WhereAreWeNow. Less is more. I’d focus on good hair and good jewellery.

I do know what you mean OP. But I think it is a lot about acceptance. I am 48 and was out last night with a group of six women the youngest of whom was 24 and the oldest 32. And there’s no hiding that really. I am older and no matter what I put on, I will be perceived as that by them, in so far as they stop to think about it. Not that this is your situation but my point is more around the inevitability of ageing and needing to make peace with that. It’s very hard though.

Also there’s no way your face is ‘hideous’.

This dress with some Chelsea boots:
Hobbs

Well firstly, you clearly have a great petit figure, toned or not.
the key to looking good is positive self image, so please give your head a shake and speak to your self like you would your daughter.

it’s Christmas, so it’s time for some sparkles,
unless it’s formal I’m all for jeans and a sequin top, or beaded jacket rather than a dress.

and when I really want to feel good, have a boost I like to have a blowdry and make more of an effort to put my face into an open and warm configuration. I think happy (looking) people look prettier.

i am not a pretty woman, i am pretty meh, especially now I wear glasses, but can’t do much beyond smile and look warm and chat with enthusiasm. I also don’t look in the mirror much so don’t dwell on it much.