What to wear when 40+ and you look like everyone’s boring mother (work night out)

[Greenlittlegrasshopper]

I’m 40 and the eldest of my team of 5, although there are two in their mid late 30s and then three in late 20s / early 30s.

They are also all above averagely attractive women.

then there’s me 😭😭😭
I’m a size 8 but I’m not toned so my figure is poor and I think I look much bigger. My hair is nondescript and a bit rubbish. I’m only 5ft 5 so not that tall so struggle to pull some stuff off. Bust is small. Face is hideous.
I feel so awful about how I look at the moment it’s making me reluctant to go.

if I do go what on earth can I wear? It’s just a night out, meal and then drinks. Probably dressier than jeans but not like super dressy.

Budget of about £250 all in. I have no idea. I am so tired of looking like the old ugly granny in the corner 🤣

Op you are barely much older than the others. You are slim and a great height.
I don’t think being younger automatically means someone is more stylish or attractive.
Wear a glamorous version of what you feel comfortable in.
I love clothes and wear what makes me happy.
I wouldn’t go to a Christmas do in jeans, far too casual but then I enjoy dressing up.
I think M & S have some great party wear in. I’ve bought their sequined trousers and long sleeved velvet blouse to wear for a forthcoming event. I’ll pair them with some heels, not sure which but I have plenty to choose from. Plus some blingy jewellery.
Enjoy yourself and have fun.

@MistletoeRegrets gosh I love the models faces

they are not trying to get the viewer to like them or lust after them. They just “are”. Unapologetic Resting bitch face. I actually find this very inspiring as an older woman who is shedding her “girly charm” 😏

It feels like you need to work on your confidence rather than your outfit. Feels really sad how you describe yourself.

40 is not old, nowhere near! You could have a look on TikTok as there are a few accounts about people finding their style at 40. Charlotte’s World is a good one!

Came here to say this! I have the Reiss patch pocket jeans and I am 50 something and size 12 but they make me feel young and with it! Someone actually came up to me in Anthropologie and asked what jeans I was wearing as they loved them! I would be a knock out if I was a size 8!!!
There’s so many lovely tops in Reiss or All Saints etc that would make you look a bit edgy and get a really good hair cut and colour and you would look amazing.
Go to John Lewis to either Hourglass or Bobbi Brown and they would also do wonders for make up. I’ve found neither of these two have ever got it wrong and are great for slightly older skin whereas Mac etc can make me look worse than no make up!
Good luck!

The outfits you've posted are exactly the kind of look I go for when going out and I'm 40 too. I find a lot of suggestions for 40+ women on here so frumpy😬

You seriously need to change your mindset! I'll be 41 by the end of the year and I'm not OLD, nor have I lost any points on some ridiculous X/10 rating scale! If anything I have improved with age as I am more self assured, I am more confident in my style, more comfortable in my own skin and focus mainly on how I view myself rather than caring too much about other people.

Reiss patch pocket jeans and this blouse would be fab.
www.sezane.com/en/product/abelia-blouse/black?#size-6

Get a grip. Stop putting yourself down. Step out of your comfort zone. Many people would give their right arm to be a size 8!!! Nothing remotely to do with age. Go girl!

I don't get why you're worrying. I also think you're overthinking it.

When I go out with my 20 something colleagues I wear what I usually wear. I don't feel like their mum even though I could be (and not a teenage mum either). I also don't dress like their mum.

If you change what you wear you won't be comfortable and then will feel awkward and out of place.

Also 41 is not old.

Yes, I’m 5 ft 5 1/2 and have always thought of myself as ‘quite tall’!

Sorry you feel so rubbish about yourself. I would get my hair done, and/or nails/make-up. No one wants you to look sexy for your work do, but you’ll feel more fun if you use the excuse to wear sparkles and/or glitter. Avoid the temptation to fade into the background, wear fun things people can compliment you on. Also: compliment others and really try to listen to the compliments you hear back. You don’t have to be the most stunning woman at your work do, but you should work on your self-confidence.

Also came here to say spend that money on other things. Have a makeup lesson, get your colours done, or search online for a stylist for a helping hand. You need a little push to find your spark again! You don’t need to spend £250 on an outfit, especially when you don’t have a clear idea of what you will feel good in.

Me too! I wouldn’t be seen dead in most of them.

I’m guessing that although OP is slim she’s not toned, which is why she feels unattractive.

But she’s still likely to have decent legs. So I would absolutely go for something short. I’m 5’ 5” and I find I can go quite short without looking slutty because there still isn’t that much leg on show, iyswim.

I would never wear a midi or maxi to a Christmas party, or a knitted dress like someone suggested, or chunky boots 😐

My SiL is very stylish and older than you she wears those coated faux leather jeggins with a stylish fairly baggy draped top - but v neck so not frumpy. She always looks great for loads of different occasions . Just a thought !

My go to is mini skirt, black opaque tights, thin jumper (3/4 sleeve slash/boat neck) and boots with a block heel(they're longer than ankle but shorter than mid calf and not chunky boots but not stilleto/pointed hard to describe them) I've worn this to parties.

I have a really nice beaded mini skirt (I'm too fat for it right now) and I've got a sequin mini that I wear to parties.

My priority is being able to walk and not having sore feet as there is always a lot of standing. I can't do stilettos as I look ungainly and a bit drag queen like. Ankle boots make me look squat because I have short legs for my height.

I know what you mean as I have definitely agonised about outfits, esp now am in my 40s. However, no matter how much you spend you're not going to change your age, so I would get a hair cut, and then wear something you already own - maybe with a new / new to you purse / bag or earrings to change it up - I bought some extremely sparkly hoops from TK Maxx for £10 in a similar situation last year. Once you're on the night out you'll not be thinking about what you're wearing and you'll regret £250 on something for a work night out. FWIW I think something velvet gives a festive touch without being over the top, and there's loads of good options on Vinted. Or a jacket, I have a nice tuxedo style one that also glams up an outfit.

Long fitted red Jersey or wool type dress and matching top, I stunned a friend's daughter as out of character but think of Chris Rea!!!

@Hopethishelps8 This thread concerned pre-Christmas dressing. Very hard to understand why you re-opened it.

Old ugly granny at 40. Bloody hell.

I actually felt a bit sad reading how you described yourself; I am sure you are not hideous. Hopefully you were just exaggerating for comic effect.
Not sure I can offer any advice I’m more a comfort over style type person but I’m sure with the great advice on this thread you will look fabulous.

@Fairylizthe OP posted this thread before Christmas!

If genuine (…) it has long since ceased to be of use or interest to them.

You're being so hard on yourself and without seeing you, you are not hideous!

Go online at John Lewis and book yourself a personal shopper. It's free, you get a discount. The lady I had was amazing. She knew the stock, she knew what would suit me. She had it all ready, but made some dashes onto the shop floor as inspiration struck her.