Hair is an ageist issue

[Beeinalily]

In this area there are two looks for ladies over about 50. Either long unstyled hair, or a graduated bob. The reason being, whatever you ask for, you get the bob. Last time I went, I did my research and downloaded a photo of what I wanted, booked the salon owner (rather expensively), and came out with - the bob. And actually the bob in question wasn't as good as the usual one from the trainee! So now I have the long unstyled (and unkempt) look, and it's driving me crazy. The dreaded bob is probably better, but all the older ladies here look like clones! Does anyone else find this?

My hair is thick and wavy. A bob would be the most high maintenance style for me as it always needs a lot of styling to look good. Long is much easier.

Great thread title!

I too have ‘baggage’ with hairdressers and dread the near future when ageism and the features of older hair could play in.

The style in the picture could be hard to maintain and not suitable for some hair types, but if the hairdresser thought that and wanted to do the ‘standard’ style instead she shoud’ve discussed that with you.

Do you live near a bigger town or city you could travel to, for more choice of hairdresser?

The bob is much maligned on MN and I'm never quite sure what they mean by a bob.

My version is shoulder length with a few layers. I have highlights and lowlights and it looks good blow dried or left alone or curled into beach waves.

Am 61 and very happy with it but I wouldn't leave the salon or pay if they didn't get it right.

There are several, and I can travel with my bus pass! But I don't know how to tell if they're any good, all the photos are of young, beautiful, long haired girls.

I stopped going to regular hairdressers after so many 'bouncy blow dries' - I have naturally very curly hair and most hairdressers just wanted to see it tamed, smoothed, glossed as that was their comfort zone, but it isn't mine. Thank god for the increase in curly hair hairdressers, I finally feel seen at nearly 50 😀

I have had to find a private, visits at-home (Vidal Sassoon trained) hairdresser for my gender non-conforming DD precisely because hair stylists seem to only be able to do bobs/longer cuts. We’ve taken her into headmasters and toni and guy to be told by a stylist that they ‘don’t do short hair or men’s cuts’ and that we need to rebook for a men’s cut with a different stylist!! What she has is a style Sheena Easton or Annie Lennox sported in the 80s’, ie feminine but short.

When they train these days they seem to train in colouring, long hair cuts, perming etc - ie, so not seem to be taught how to cut any style of hair. DD has muddled through with a barber in the past, but male cuts are harsher because they assume male facial bone structure, whereas a good stylist will soften and shape a short cut around a woman’s softer features.

That said, it’s taken me years to find a good hair stylist who understands long, thick, curly hair (I’m in my fifties and refuse to go short as my hair would look like a brillo pad was stuck to my head if I did), so am assuming there is a separate course for that too!!

Anyone around with a great cut you could ask where they go?

you could take photos of yourself with your cut immediately or soon after the last hairdresser and say ‘I don’t want that’ along with take your ‘reference photos’ before booking an appoiintment to get the stylist’s opinions, book the appointment then if you decide they’re not the stylist for you cancel it over the phone!

And don’t pay again if what they do hugely varies from your photo / request!

Look on their Facebook and Instagram - you will get a feel for their chosen style to cut.

Have you considered a barbers? Where are you in the UK? I know a couple of hairdressers here that would and could do that cut well

How did you walk out of there if you asked for a short cut and she gave you a bob? When she was cutting the length didn't you say it's too short? It is super weird though that you asked for a short style and she ignored you. Rude!

I have long not unkempt hair! Mine is naturally wavy though. I don't like short hair, makes you look old (aka like my mother!)

No it wouldn't.

@CautiousLurker1 I have very short hair (it's buzzed to a 1.5 most of the way up one side) but a feminine cut and I get it done at Toni and Guy. I have found some of their stylists are more experienced with this than others - one of them told me she didn't have clippering/barbering training - but mostly they've given me very good short haircuts. Originally I booked in for "haircut" but they told me to start booking under "bespoke barbering" as it was slightly cheaper and guaranteed the person would be trained with clippers.

Second this, if you want a short cut without someone turning that into 'I want a bob', go to a barbers. I think they will do that haircut you're after.

That photo you've put on the style is old fashioned.

She possibly didn't know how to achieve the look in the photo, as it is old-fashioned. My mum likes that look but has trouble finding hairdressers now who know how to do it (she needs a perm etc).

@Richiewoo richie Irrelevant (and rather rude).

I live in quite a rural and not at all tedny area, but see a variety of hairstyles on a variety of ages tbh.

Thank you - Sounds similar to my DD - I think if the new at home person (who is actually really reasonably priced) doesn’t work out will try T&G again. Clearly using their online form was a challenge too far for us and I should have called them up to explain what we needed! My DD is ASD so finds going out really stressful so not knowing whether the stylist will be able to do the job has added a layer of anxiety to hair cuts now 🤦🏽‍♀️

That's a graduated bob!

Change your hairdresser if they’re not giving you the cut you want! I show photos of the look I have in mind and (allowing for different skill levels of hair dressers, with some being better than others) I always get what I want. I can’t imagine going back a second time to a hair dresser who completely disregarded my instructions! I recently had a complete restyle and created a whole Pinterest board to show the hairdresser.

This is so true about the young women with long hair!

I travel to nearest city to have my hair cut. My experience has been that more local salons are more conservative and I come away disappointed. I have followed the same hairdresser to three different salons from the one he first cut my hair at over the years.

Find somewhere more edgy in a bigger town or city. This often means paying more, but ime it's worth it. The salon my hairdresser is at now is a bit alternative with a very mixed clientele. It has a high profile on social media and does editorial work for magazines, hair for advertising, etc.

Ask more widely for recommendations for a hairdresser who is good at cutting short hair. The advice about asking someone whose haircut you like where they had it done still rings true.

I often see people out and about and like their hair, but is it weird to ask them?

You need to ask for a messy /textured medium to long pixie cut. Short hair is called a pixie cut regardless these days. If they go too short, it will soon grow out and you can take a picture at the ideal length. Not everyone can do these, check your salons instagram. But - pixie cuts are really dependent on the thickness/texture/direction of your hair as there’s nowhere to hide. So you may not get what’s in the photo as it would be impossible, you’ll get a version.
Also you go from “oh dear this is a bit too short” to “this haircut is perfect” to “help I need a trim it’s taking over” every 6 weeks.

My friend's mum has a lovely pixie cut. She's been stopped by people while walking the dog and asked where she's had it done. They then go to her hairdresser and request an "Anne" (name changed). So if you do spot an outlier who doesn't have the ubiquitous bob, ask them where they go! Or ask someone younger if you like their hair!

True though!

It was a very adroit comment. Made me larf.