Dressing to cover rather than style

[letsgoooo]

I see a lot of older women (I am nearly 60) who dress with the main intention being to cover up bits they don't like rather than to dress in a certain style that they do like.

Sleeves that reach the elbow to cover upper arm flab or loose capri pants that hide legs but are cooler than full length in summer. Waterfall cardigans to cover the bottom. Strange cut outs at the shoulder to show a little skin where they feel their skin isn't looking so aged.

I think this all results in frumpy looking old lady dressing style.

I don't think anyone else is really noticing a bit of a bingo wing or a wrinkly knee and dressing to cover bits of you just results in an overall unstylish look which everyone notices. I feel the discomfort at our aging bodies is leading women feel they need to cover things up even if it leaves them looking like stereotypical old ladies

The women I know don't deny they're covering bits they don't like but I don't see it as a bad thing if someone is more at ease with what they're wearing.

I was commenting on the denial that it even happens, even though this board is rammed with threads about covering up everything from grey hair to flappy arms (the latter being something I do myself).
Nobody has denied it does happen. It has been denied that the photos OP selected demonstrate it or that more widely you can assume the motivations for what anyone is wearing.

I'm not trying to prevent anyone quoting me or @ing me if they so wish but just going to repeat what I said:

When I first saw this thread, my first instinct was not to post and I wish now that I'd stuck to that.

I am weary to my bones of talking about this topic. Nothing ever changes.

Sorry to @ you again @Floisme but I wish I could understand what you mean

What I find annoying is when a poster suggests anything which is in the least bit non mainstream and it's then followed by endless posts about how impractical it is, how nobody would wear that, or how it could only look nice on some one who is tall, young, slim or a model.

That seems more limiting than not wanting to show your knees.

I sort of get where the OP is coming from but the examples she picked of dull, don't scare the horses by wearing anything interesting because the wearer is over 50 prove rather than disprove her point.

Jane I dont think anyone has said I wear colours that don't suit me.

Not everyone cares what "colours suit them"

and shapes that aren't designed to show off my best features

Well that's such a limiting approach.

I understand what the op means, but I don't agree with her. People always assume you don't "get it" when you disagree on here.

I hate showing a lot of skin. I like to cover up. I have always felt this way since I was a teen. Not everyone likes showing off their bodies. It doesn't make them unstylish and it is often seen as such on the S&B boards. "Oh don't wear that, it'll make you look OLD and FRUMPY", "with a figure like that you should wear something to show it off", "you're 40 not 80" etc when people ask for opinions on clothes which don't show leg/boob/arms etc.

It's fine if you want to show off your body and nobody should judge you for that - I think most people agree on that. But if you prefer not to get your various body parts out on a night out, people seem to go bananas.

Just my tuppence worth and it does grind my gears! So I wish op had chosen her words more carefully seeing as her examples of stylish older ladies are all very well covered. So the issue isn't covering up clearly

For the stereotype of covering up when you're older there is also the stereotype of dressing too young or too cooky and outlandish. Women are always judged. You might think "Good on her wearing this mini skirt and sleeveless top despite her varicose veins, wrinkly knees and bingo wings" but others will be looking with disgust and saying mean comments, the kindest of which will be "but she'd look so much better in a longer dress and some sleeves would 'flatter' her, she no longer has the figure of her youth dress for the figure you have now"

What is sad is not women choosing self preservation and comfort over fashion, it's this ageist sexist society and toxic fashion, beauty industry and media culture. It smacks of victim blaming and gaslighting the women who choose to hide parts that feel more comfortable for them to hide.

Not everyone had a good family or hundreds of top therapy hours or money to afford surgery to be body confident and resilient enough to deal with negative comments, wearing clothes with coverage is how they cope and feel best.

Whether you think they would look better or draw less attention is irrelevant, you do not live in their body or live their life to know the kind of treatment and looks people get when they look less than "ideal". Just because you don't stare maliciously at bingo wings doesn't mean that others don't.

Lastly this whole thing of maximising the best of your appearance feeds into the narrative that women exist to beautify the environmemt, as eye candy or a pretty piece of furniture. Some dress for practicality and function and it's their prerogative. You go ahead and dress as you like, and I can guatantee you it won't be to everyone's taste.

I personally would rather see less bare skin from everyone beauty or age irrespective.

But the thing is, if I was to display parts of my body that I dislike like wobbly arms or fat thighs for the sake of style that wouldn't nake me happy, it would make me miserable and I would feel self conscious all day. I may have been conditioned to judge less than perfect body parts, but truth is that I do, I judge my own and being very honest I judge others. I think that someone in their 60s or 70s with wobbly arms will look 10x better with a t shirt than with a sleeveless top. So I will dress myself to this standard. It doesn’t make me unhappy it makes me happy and confident.

And I know you're kot meant to admit to this and even the new S&B ethos is to wear what you like, but it's not for me, sorry. I don't think I'm sacrificing style for the sake of soem arbitrary rules, I think that part of being stylish is dressing or your body / shape.

And I'll just add that S&B was my happy place on mumsnet and it's now miserable and pointless.

This isn’t about people who enjoy covering clothes as a style (I am one of them) but about people who cover bits in a way that clearly shows that they just feel this is something one must do to be seemly or to avoid causing offence by existing. It’s a bit like teenage girls when I was young who wore massive jumpers because they were “fat” and had to disguise their “fatness”. Not necessarily because they loved massive jumpers. As PP have said, the body shaming/insecurity started then and it continues now, and it’s sad. No one is blaming anyone, just observing. I do stand by my opinion that there isn’t a great deal of choice out there though so a lot of us just get dressed and there we are.

I’d also add that it’s annoying that people are going on about the photos - I spent ten minutes myself looking for examples and it’s not that easy to find the perfect examples when you want to - the photos did show the gist.

The only example I could think of as someone older who doesn’t seem to worry (although she is French so I am 💯 that she does ;) ) is Sandrine Kretz from the Netflix show about their real estate company. This is her Instagram https://www.instagram.com/sandrine_kretz/.

Lastly this whole thing of maximising the best of your appearance feeds into the narrative that women exist to beautify the environment, as eye candy or a pretty piece of furniture

Agreed, @EdgyCat.

I understand what the OP is getting at but my lord, it's sometimes like being lectured by Minerva McGonagall on S and B these days.

I mostly disagree with the OP's analysis. In my view frumpy isn't necessarily people trying to hide features, but can arise from wanting to dress for comfort & practicality or getting stuck in a bit of a rut.

But I'd also point out that there is a really fine line between stylish & frumpy. In the first photo of the "stylish" lady, change the trousers for narrower ones, swap the chunky sandals for shoes that lengthen her legs and give her a decent shoulder bag and she might actually look stylish.

I noticed yesterday that Victoria Starmer has bingo wings, yet in their victory walk and Keir’s speech she wore a dress with cut open sleeves so you could see. Do you approve OP?

@HebburnPokemon bingo wings??? That’s a ridiculous thing to say. She looked lovely.

She DID look lovely. Think about your interpretation of bingo wings.

It would have to be an extreme definition of bingo wings to say Victoria Starmer has them!

Actually I think she makes the op’s point - she has a good waist and always dresses to emphasise that. I’ve never seen her in anything shapeless.

Actually I think she makes the op’s point

I agree. I thought she was a good example of the point OP was trying to make.

Victoria Starmer is 51! Hardly OAP. And bingo wings? I don’t think that poster knows what bingo wings are.

Op I think you've been given a bit of a hard time on here on occasion.

I'm 67 and what I took from your post was...not that you should be wearing revealing clothing, but not to give up!

If your style has always been pared down, that's absolutely fine. But if you've always worn quirky, or flamboyant clothes just because your older, keep doing it if if makes you happy.

In a way rather than insulting older women, you're saying do what makes you feel you rather than feel you have to blend into the background just because you're over a certain age.

If you like capri pants and flowery t shirts go for it, but equally don't feel you can't wear something quirky if you feel like it.

I also am bamboozled by you getting the who cares answers on a board dedicated to style and beauty.

Thank you. You read me correctly.

I am advocating for women to feel good about themselves not see themselves as an increasing number of body flaws as we age

I won't speak for others, but as already said, I got what you meant. But I also wish you had chosen your words more carefully. Covering up is often called frumpy on here. Highlighting your 'best' body part is often encouraged.

There are so many ways you could have written your op which would have made your point without reinforcing the narrative that people who cover their bodies must hate themselves or lack confidence. And that anyone with an ounce of style shows off their bodies.

I don't especially care how many posters pop up saying "oh but nobody understands what the op means, poor misunderstood op". Your words were careless. Not a hanging offence by any stretch! But to then say "oh thank god SOMEBODY FINALLY knows what I mean...". I got your meaning, but still think it was carelessly phrased.

A lot of people have clearly demonstrated that they understood you, but still disagree.

Anyway, that's my thoughts on the whole thread, which started odd and ended up silly

That's us told eh 🤣

I also am bamboozled by you getting the who cares answers on a board dedicated to style and beauty.

You can't tell other women what they should be wearing when they didn't even ask for your opinion. Why should they care what anyone else thinks of what they choose to wear, be it "boring" or flamboyant or anything in between?