Dreading A Wedding

[BoyMum2023]

Husband and I got invited to a wedding last week, which is at the end of May. There are a few things bothering me:

First off, I have put on quite a bit of weight over the last year since my Mum died, so I'm not in love with my reflection atm. I am 40 this year, and also got a cheap, bad haircut recently which I can't afford to sort out. It's not bad bad but its not brilliant.

I've already ordered a few dresses to try on, but they have made my confidence worse because of how awful they looked!

I have so many hang ups about different parts of my body that I've made it almost impossible for myself to find clothing. I live in leggings, with check shirts or hoodies, baggy dresses if I'm not leaving the house, and I have one dress I wear to occasions now but it's very plain and fairly worn so not suitable for this wedding.

Second, they are fancy people, the bride is very successful and the groom is a muscly fireman, and they have wealthy friends... my husband and I are pretty low earners (not in relative terms, actual low earners) and creative types.

Third - the ceremony is at 2.30pm, followed by a wedding breakfast which all ends at 5.30pm. And then we are also attending the reception which is at 7.30pm. The reception invitation said "pile on the glam" and its basically cake and booze.

It sounds brilliant on paper and although my husband doesn't drink I intend to (don't normally in solidarity) because I wish to quell my nerves.

I worry about sticking out like some sort of Worzel Gummage. I worry I will look frumpy. I don't want to be uncomfortable. Glam doesn't suit my preferred dressing up style which is slightly alt/creative (I'd do combat boots with a dress and smoky eyeliner if I was going anywhere) but I do not do glam anything.

I hit post before finishing!

So I need help defining what pile on the glam really means.

I need advice on how to style a shit Bob.

I have tried these dresses so far, but the green one had a really weird neckline and was just generally ill fitting, despite sizing up. The black and white one was not as dramatic and classy as it looks, and the black one whilst the better of the three, the puff sleeves were a little Henry the 8th, and the skirt fell from a point in my torso that made me look pregnant.

I have on order some black wide leg tailored trousers, and a blazer, the same in a stone colour, with a green satin vest to wear under the blazer but honestly it's not really my style so I'm not sure what I'll think!

Anyone got any tips?

Could you post a picture of the dress you have that you do like and we could look for a fancier version?

Have you tried to curl your hair, that can be good if you don’t like the cut? Or play around with little diamanté clips or putting bits behind your ears?

yes this is it here. I've got two, but they're both quite bobbled now!

I put your dress in Google images and similar came up in Nobody’s Child and River Island. Next also do that style, I had a couple last year, the puff sleeve and V neck is flattering. You could buy another one similar and add some accessories then you’d still feel yourself and would be comfortable.

Do you really want to go?

Oh I never thought to do that! I'll have a look now - thank you

Is this too casual?

It's a social event. My gut instinct is always no. But these are good people, they attended our wedding back in 2021, and they've been together a long time so it seems fitting to celebrate with them now they're finally getting married.

I'm just not posh, so it makes me anxious. And I'm imagining all the wealthy attendees to be skinny, or all these buff firemen.

What’s your budget and what dress size are you?

possibly, yeah. I imagine that with trainers! It is lovely though.

my husband will be wearing a black western shirt with silver embroidery and black chinos.

They probably all look at you and wish they were arty, go as yourself, a slightly glammed up version.

You could wear your black dress with silver accessories and match him.

I think you want to look for tea dress shapes. What's your budget? I've found since I put on a bit of weight I need to spend more to get a flattering fit - cheaper fabrics cling to all the wrong places, and there are so many dodgy necklines/waists/darts etc!

I believe once you're at the wedding, you'll enjoy it. The bride and groom will be the centre of attention and once you've broken the ice with a few people you'll have a good time.

I do also have this dress which fits me well aside from being too long. what does anyone think? Is it slightly bridal? The bride is an older woman - in her 50s.

What about this. Classy and flattering. But not sure what size you are or budget.

https://rixolondon.com/products/bette-navy-vintage-spot

oh the necklines! I think it doesn't help that I'm 5'2" with a really short torso.

The reason I'm going is because I know I'll eventually relax - I always get myself worried about stuff.

Oh sorry - to clarify I'm a size 20 and my budget is sort of around the hundred mark. wouldn't want to spend more that one twenty but would prefer as cheap as I can get away with.

Or this one

https://rixolondon.com/products/georgina-green-wave

Sorry - both of my suggestions are over budget then (though the second one only slightly). Rixo is good though as they often show dresses on plus size models as well.

How about this one?

What about something like this? Hell Bunny dresses flatter a curvy body and this one is quite dressy but stays true to your alt style.

www.hellbunny.com/products/hlb40175-p-lanah-mid-dress

Are you on Instagram?
It's worth having a look at INPO - she sounds a similar size to you, and always looks lovely. You might find something in her pics you can buy/ emulate?

Not got anything mega helpful to add but re your hair, could you find a funky headpiece to wear - or even a hat maybe?

Bangin frock

this is sexy-tough but glam and would pair well with the man in black, some waves in your hair and a pair of heels and you’d look fab. My only concern is perhaps too long.

all your rejected try-ons have sleeves - would you consider a sleeveless dress if it had a cape over the top, sort of 1920’s style? Or is that too twee?