Underwear and Wedding outfit if overweight - just want to cry

[WeddingNight]

I’ve been unwell for a while and gained a lot of weight. My normal is 160lbs and I’m currently 190lbs. I’m 5 foot 8 and 25yo usually wear anywhere between a 14 and an 18 but usually 14 on the bottom and 16 on the top. I’m getting married next month and just want to call it all off.

I hate the way I look and don’t feel happy in anything. Now I’m feeling better I’m obviously making changes to my routine to help me lose weight but it won’t be fast enough for the wedding.

I was thinking some flattering, slightly special underwear may help (nothing OTT, no extra holes or anything) but have no idea where to look. Current bras are 32HH and fit quite well but are plain.

Additionally any advice for dresses? I’m not going for traditional and was considering something like this… https://www.phase-eight.com/product/julissa-ruffle-wrap-midi-dress-22180560008.html. Maybe in the green..
Budget of £500 ish. I’d do anything to feel slightly better

I was a size 18 on my recent wedding day and wore this dress from nobody's child.
It was very flattering (despite it being satin) as it cut right under the bust.
They have it in shorter lengths and different colours.

You mentioned your chin etc and I've had great results on my cheekbones and double chin in only a few weeks using a gua sha routine at night.
(I've also lost some weight but usually my face is the last thing to shift so I really do think it's down to the gua sha)

Would help if I added a photo eh?
I know your not looking for white/ivory but like I said they have other colours.
Also look at their starlight dresses, they are a similar cut around the chest but you would get more wear out of one of those.

I think it would still be a worthwhile read. It’s really good for helping you to connect to your body’s signals and to forget about fad diets etc.

@WeddingNight I hope you won’t mind my saying it’s quite disturbing - worrying - to read how much you are clearly not looking forward to your wedding.

Is there (sorry to be so blunt) anything else wrong beyond issues with injury and weight gain? It seems an awful shame to be planning a wedding you don’t seem to want to be part of.

@BlossomBlossomBlossom Nothing other than just generally not feeling like myself. Started a new role at work which is high pressure, quite literally life or death and loads of responsibility. We have a lot of work to do in our house which is extra stress and pressure. We’re hoping to start a family in 1-2 years and I was hoping to get myself in the right place mentally and then the injury happened which set me back and the weight gain has set me back further.

I have professionals involved with my health both physically and mentally and we’re making real progress but the wedding is just getting me down a bit. I want to be married, my partner and I are in the best place we’ve ever been (and we’ve only ever been good, never bad) despite being together since we were teenagers.

He’s my rock and really takes care of me. TMI but we’re having loads of sex compared to what we used to. I had periods of feeling very low and sometimes going a month between and he was always amazing and understanding and there was no pressure. We’re now at about 4-5 times a week average. I have only ever felt secure with him, I want to spend the rest of my life with him, I want to marry and start a family but I HATE the fuss.

Even the most low-key wedding is bringing all sorts to think about. Giving notice, wedding rings, outfits, shoes, taking the day/days off work, honeymoon?, telling people we’re not having guests but may celebrate later, cake for later celebrations? Photos vs no photos (my partner is desperate for photos), people are sending cards and presents and messages about how excited we must be. I’m just not excited. I don’t feel like myself, I just want to shrivel up and hide.

I know it sounds awful and my partner is completely understanding. I have never liked being the centre of attention and I hate all the added pressure about it being the most important day of our lives. I am not usually so pessimistic but it is essentially just my worst nightmare :( If I was guest at a wedding I’d be so excited and wouldn’t feel the pressure. I’d feel the same if it was a gender reveal or a birthday party etc. I would feel better if I was more confident in myself. I know my partner probably deserves better

The weight gain to 160lbs and maintaining there was all part of a long process that I’d undertaken to better myself in order to be fit to start a family. I was really taking care of myself and looking really well. I was fit and strong and then I completely lost myself again.

I want to be a mother so badly but I will not intentionally bring a child into the world when I am not feeling secure in myself. I am trying to accept myself and get married as I am. I feel like changing the date would set the wrong message to my mind. The professionals feel me not jumping to lose weight as fast as possible is a good thing and a sign of amazing progress but I just feel so sad that “this is it” and I look the way I do.

I am overweight. I am an unhealthy size. I know this is true so I don’t want any photos where I see myself like this as I know others will think the same about me being big. It’s not a battle in my mind like I have had previously. This time I AM too big which is what hurts and I can’t just cut down calories as much as possible to lose the weight as that will set me back. I’m doing everything in moderation but it won’t have me back at a healthy size by my wedding. I will always be a big bride, that will never be changed. It’s really hard to articulate

I treated myself to Rigby & Peller and was disappointed what they offered. I wore a well fitting Bravissimo bra and they came up with a totally different size which clearly wasn‘t right after trying it on.

I got a good set but for a treat to an expensive company as a birthday present - I wouldn‘t go again.

Not sure if they still do buy aeons ago I had a corset from Bravissimo which did wonders for my wedding dress figure (size 16/18 at that time). I think there are some companies around doing corsets for larger sizes, the silhouette it creates is amazing.

This was me size 16/18, I lost and re-gained a lot of weight but I still love looking at the photos because I liked myself on the day.

The right dress can do wonders,.

Another one

Have you considered RIXO OP?

https://rixolondon.com/products/sadie-daisy-jacquard-sage

Also I second Elope bras

You have a wonderful figure and the height also. You are a similar weight and probably shape to me I’m 18 tops 12-14 bottoms but sadly I am double your age and don’t have your height 😁.

A decent fitting new bra will help you feel supported on your special day. look on simplybe or one of the other catalogues as they might have something, it’s hard to suggest somewhere as any makes I used to prefer myself are not as comfortable or supportive in recent years.

I think, I’m also looking for a wedding dress for myself non traditional, an a line dress will suit you a lot. As then there’s no ties or anything around your middle as it goes outwards so very flattering. A shorter 50s style dress would probably look amazing.

Enjoy your wonderful wedding day and don’t even think about trying to lose weight you are perfect just as you are you just need a dress that makes you feel as pretty on the inside as you are on the outside x

In many ways I’m exactly the same apart from being older. My weight gain was health related too. I have an anxiety MH illness also so I really can relate.

And we want a wedding just the two of us no fuss at all. But if your husband to be wants photos take a few, I don’t like myself in photos either well hardly ever, but if it’s the two of us hugging and happy I can at least look at the photo and remember the special memory and look at my wonderful partner.

Some of these are very pretty depending on the colours you like. https://www.heartsandroseslondon.com/black-rosaceae-swing-dress-in-plus-size

Hi OP, I've read all your posts and just wanted to send you best wishes. It sounds to me as though you're unlikely to do a 360 now in terms of looking forward to your wedding day - I wonder whether you might find it easier to simply look on it as a means to an end (that end being marriage) and then consider having a celebration with some friends as and when you feel ready? It's easy to feel that everyone getting married has a massive Instagrammable celebration involving all the usual suspects and spending a fortune but the reality is, loads of people just get married every day, with low-key outfits/venues/numbers of guests etc, and their marriages have just as much value and may well be remembered just as fondly. My friend went to the registry office in her favourite outfit then had a pub lunch with 6 family members - she looks back on it as a lovely day but didn't feel pressured at the time and now doesn't feel pressured to see it as The Most Important Day Ever, and that works for her. It's fine to wear trainers on your wedding day, despite people telling you you'll regret not going all out. We're all different. Very best wishes to you and your fiancé.

You look incredible!

Thank you! I hope you find the dress for you.
I will definitely look at A line dresses. I think the credit card may have to come out and I’ll just order 15-20 dresses of varying styles and colours keep the best 3 and then order more and then compare and keep the best and so on until I find the best option.

My worry is, if I agree to any photos then the in laws will want to see them and no doubt blow it up to huge proportions and put it on their wall. They already have photos of me all over many of which I really don’t like but they love because I “look so happy” or similar. I know I am very lucky that they’re so lovely but I won’t be able to control who sees them which I know is sad.

Thank you! That’s exactly how I feel about it. The commitment and the marriage is the important thing to me. I do not enjoy my own parties. I don’t drink alcohol and hate being the centre of attention. I go red and my skin feels all prickly and I feel constantly on edge. Now I can manage people and speak to the public in my job, I get comments about being personable etc but omg anything that’s all about me makes me feel sick.

I love celebrating other people and making a huge fuss of them but it’s just not for me and never has been. My partner is very similar so feels the same about our day. The only thing he’s keen for is photos.

I’d happily go for a nice celebration down the line once the fuss has died down a bit and that is our plan. I want a nice dress but ideally one that wouldn’t be too out of place at a nice dinner in the future. I know people think that is so depressing but even if we spend thousands (we have the budget for a £30k wedding if we wanted) I would not enjoy it

Try a few dresses, one might come along and surprise you. Scarlett and jo dresses may also suit you? I always think they look wonderful on everyone else but I don’t have the height for the ones I like.

As for the photos just a few with a photographer, some do 1 hr packages. The photos stay private for you and husband only….no copies for anyone else!

who are you having as your witnesses? Once we finally pluck up the courage to book something we will ask a photographer to be one witness, unsure about the other as we won’t be having any guests as they will just add to the stress and unhappiness.

And as someone else worded really well the wedding day is not the be all and end all it just means you have the paperwork and can get on with your lives together. Whatever the wedding industry or SM likes to tell us most people have had low key events for generations.

My parents it was just the two of them at a registry office in the 70s with two friends non wedding style clothes and my grandmother and her husband before them registry office to sign the paperwork then there’s a very lovely old photo of my grandmother in the back garden with the children and the flowers out in the garden. She’s wearing standard clothes so just a normal day apart from the photo and the signing of the piece of paper.

I like the sound of the older churchy ones (if I was religious, service in the church then slice of cake and drink in the hall etc and then the bride and groom used to leave! Sounds perfect to me as you can’t be forced to be the centre of attention as you get to leave 🙂).

We’d still deciding on witnesses. My In laws to be are desperate to be there but really trying not to put too much pressure on. We have considered a few options one of which was both sets of parents but then I know there would be thousands of photos. I guess we could get a photographer and say only their photos? And then share only ones I’m happy-ish with?

Other witness ideas were strangers, colleagues, a friend each or the older couple next door.

We’ve been told by the local registry office that you won’t find strangers on the day and no members of staff can ever help out 🤷‍♀️ hence we’ve left booking anything.

The couple next door sounds lovely or do either of you have an older grandparent or great aunt or uncle to ask? They always seem to be more reasonable especially about photos as come from the generation where there’s one photo taken every few years!

This sort of dress would probably suit you too? I really love it myself but I’m only 5ft4 so i don’t have the height required! https://www.scarlettandjo.com/collections/new-arrivals/products/julie-purple-ivory-hanky-hem-dress?variant=47470062338356

That is a very pretty dress! I will have a look at their site

Unfortunately no grandparents or older relatives, mine all died before I was born. We may end up going for both sets of parents

When I felt low about my weight I hated photos of myself and all I saw were the flaws - 5-10 years later I don't notice that and only see that I looked young and pretty. It's a bit sad I didn't see it at the time but please take a couple of photos even if you don't look at them just yet - you don't have to share them with anyone. But in a few years time you may love them!

This dress is lovely: https://www.phase-eight.com/product/charissa-silk-maxi-dress-222186408.html#is=true&navAjax=true&sz=60&start=0&srule=Storefront-price-high-to-low&cgid=dresses&isSecondPage=false&prefn1=size&prefv1=18&pid=222186408&pos=11

I hope you have a wonderful day

Thank you @Ophy83 that is a good point. I suppose our future children may want to see them too. I can always plan the celebration with wider family for a time I feel happier in myself.

That is a lovely dress!