Cream lace mini dress, at a wedding…

[SummaLuvin]

I went to a gay (men) wedding recently and noticed a woman there wearing this dress. She looked really fabulous in it. But is it acceptable to wear this to a wedding? Even one with no bride?
https://www.harveynichols.com/self-portrait/crystal-embellished-lace-mini-dress-958059-crem-cream-157633/

A cream lace dress is probably OK at a gay wedding, where presumably the couple getting married were wearing dark suits. But if either of the couple (male or female) were wearing white/cream, it wouldn’t be appropriate.

But the main problem with that dress is that it shouldn’t really be worn by anyone older than about 12, because it’s a child’s dress in my opinion. An adult wearing it is clearly trying to be “little girly”, which is just weird.

OP you ‘might’ have been offended. But you weren’t at a multi event venue so what’s the problem. Get a life!

The issue isn’t just confusing with the bride, it’s upstaging the bride. That was always my understanding. The bride should be the one everyone notices, and if someone else is wearing a pube-revealing red dress or a chicken costume, then they’ll be the main topic of conversation!

Green eyed monster.

Because it looks like a Communion dress @IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle

@43ontherocksporfavor you seem to be on one. I wish you peace and improvement on your reading comprehension, which you seem to be lacking at present.

Lol

I've had a quick Google about this and there doesn't seem to be a firm rule in place by whoever makes them. Some couples don't care since there's no bride to upstage, but some gay grooms wear white and would prefer guests not to. Often the grooms don't care but parents and grandparents of the couple do, and it isn't appropriate to offend them either. Very few people would truly confuse a woman in white with the actual bride so it's not so much about genuinely not knowing who to congratulate as much as it's about taking the focus off the couple by making yourself a talking point or causing at least some momentary uncertainty. So some people say you should avoid white since it's a gay wedding and it would be just as "confusing" to see a woman in white there when you wouldn't expect it.

The general consensus seems to be that while many grooms won't care, the safest thing to do is to avoid white, or check ahead with the couple.

fine even if there were bride(s) at the wedding.

OP given that the etiquette came about because it was seen as inappropriate to upstage the bride by wearing similar colours or fabrics , can you not then make the small step in thought to the fact there is no bride in cream or lace and therefore the only upstaging of the couple would be done by the other males at the wedding wearing suits similar to the gay couple. How are you not offended by them???

It's very look at me. It gets attention. It's not a guests day It's the couples day and anything that could possibly be interpreted as "pretend it's my day" is out.

IMO, a cream lace dress of any length is not a good choice for a wedding guest, regardless of whether there's zero, one, or two brides.

Even if the happy couple are OK with it, you can be pretty sure that half of the guests are going to be secretly raising eyebrows... I think mostly because it's such a well known rule that to deliberately break it begs the question of whether the guest is deliberately trying to cause offence.

I've seen similar at a (heterosexual, if it matters) wedding once before, and honestly, I was a bit annoyed on behalf of the bride. It's just so unnecessary.

I disagree. When I go to a wedding I want to look my best. It’s on the couple to look their best . When I got married I was thrilled to see my guests making the effort for my wedding.

@Mmmmpavlova the rule is because of not upstaging a bride in cream/ lace. There wasn’t one so no issue. If you raise an eyebrow at that the you are very narrow minded and out to be offended.

I'm sure you can do that without wearing white for crying out loud 🙄

It is really not that short. 😵‍💫 maybe she’s closer to the couple than you are and knew as she looked fabulous, they’d be more than happy.

Did you really hunt high and low for the dress so we could…what? Lay into her?

@DirectionToPerfection i was responding to a pp who said your job as guest is not to stand out and just blend in

read the thread, I clarify the length wasn't even a factor to my OP (not a religious ceremony) not that it matters but if we are being factual it is a very short dress in person. I mentioned it here, as wedding dresses are typically floor length so had I saw her standing up first I wouldn't have noticed so much or thought it looked as bridal.

It's also incredibly easy to find, to anyone who knows Self-Portrait this has many of their motifs.

It also often traditionlly signifies the wearer thinks THEY should be the one getting married. It gets mutters. It's just not on.

I love Self portrait lace dresses but the minis look too short even on their models.

I think it's too close to a wedding outfit personally. Especially since many brides change into an often shorter dress for the party part of the day.

BUT that's an issue at a wedding with a bride.

So, at a wedding where you've got no brides...I don't see an issue!

I'm in the "if in doubt, don't" camp. If there's a chance you might upset someone who you wouldn't want to upset, best avoided, if only to stop yourself worrying.

I had a conversation with DIL-to-be a few weeks before the wedding about what to wear. I suggested a dove-grey skirt suit that I wore to DS1's wedding, but thought it might be too pale. She said "I don't mind". I said alternatively, for the autumn theme, I might acquire a purple trouser suit. She said "I don't mind". "Jeans?" I said. "Whatever you like," she said. I said "How about full length white lace?" "Now that I would mind," she said. I have crackin' daughters-in-law 😁

(If anyone cares, I discovered an autumnal brown trouser suit lurking in the wardrobe that I'd quite forgotten, managed to squeeze into it, and everyone said it was perfect. Meanwhile DIL did the full length white lace perfect justice. The only others in white were the flower girls, who were very small so no-one would have made that mistake. What is the purpose of this somewhat irrelevant post? Why, boasting of course. Next!)

It's gorgeous and bet it looked amazing on a petite figure. I don't agree that wedding guests should dress very conservatively. They should wear what makes them feel good. White and cream would be a no go for a heterosexual wedding but not a gay one.

If I saw a guest in this at a wedding I’d be worried there was a six year old bridesmaid (groomsmaid?) locked in a cupboard somewhere, wearing only her vest and pants 😢. So no it shouldn’t have been worn by a grown up.

I wore a white lace mini dress at my wedding in 1968. We were much more open minded back then... 😂