Help me. I feel like shit

[Desperateinseattle]

I’m a mid 30s mum with a stupid amount of animals and live in the country. I work too much and money isn’t an issue but prefer to avoid stupid expense. I am a size 14:16, often flitting down to a 12-14. Big boobs, generally hour glass but short at 5’2. Stumpy.

I want simple- high end classic vibe but also don’t give a fuck- will last and tolerate being thrown in a washing machine and then tumbled endlessly. I want to be comfortable without it making me look like a sack of spuds.

I do keep up with my eyebrow wax and tint, keep my nails short and natural, keep a pedicure topped up when not hiding my trotters in winter months.

i Live in supermarket pick ups right now and just feel overall a bit unkempt and crap but don’t really know where to start to smarten up without the unrealistic approach of turning into someone who reallllly cares 😂

Is this for the day time? If you are short with an hourglass figure, wear high-waisted trousers. If you are constantly mucking out, etc, get trousers which can be tucked into your flat knee boots. Depending on the broadness of your shoulders, either get gilet/jerkin/body warmers/tank tops to wear over shirts and jumpers if you are broad or a similar tone worn on your top half to your bottom half if you have small shoulders.

If it is for nights out, etc, what is your personal style? Do you like to be ‘edgy’, androgynous, feminine?

Day time general -lifeness I think. Rarely go “out out” so can continue to put that off until forced to!

mucking out I reserve for proper old beat up clothes and I get paranoid about smelling farm-y so get changed once jobs are done for day.

so supermarket/school run/meetings/pub lunches etc

wish I knew the answer to the last question. I like a lot of things on other people I couldn’t pull off myself, I feel.

See if your local flannels offers personal shopping some stuff will be stupid expensive so let them know as they do have cheaper stuff as well. E.g. designer and high quality but not ridiculously priced.

I think you need good relaxed jackets and coats, you can wear these over jeans, wide leg trousers, leggings etc with plain knits, t shirts or floaty shirts.

What do you like to wear?

This is very helpful!

going to order some high waist jeans/knits and coats now!

Oh I am pleased, I also had these pics for you but you could only attach 3 to my original reply.

Follow some mid size women on Instagram for ease. Annacascarina is one such.

Love the greens especially!

@Desperateinseattle I agree with @Rina66 ...if you can get one decent coat you can really get away with whatever underneath! I have a grey (not real) wool coat from New look. Similar to the non button camel coat above. If I put that on over leggings and a jumper and my sunglasses and boots on I feel pretty put together. Throw on a beanie an it covers the bad hair! school run sorted and most errands. I swear by really decent thick high waisted leggings (Matlan luxe are fab) I work from home so just wear those with a jumper and if I need to do school run or go out I bung on some boots and my coat and I look half decent. Winter is ideal for this type of dressing

check out vinted too - I just got a great check shacked similar to the check one above and it was £5 perfect for throwing on and walking the dog

Just ordered a trench, too!

maybe some boots??

ooh@Desperateinseattle show us the trench! definitely some chunky boots

I’ve ordered two- this one https://www.houseoffraser.co.uk/brand/barbour/beal-showerproof-661039?cq_src=google_ads&cq_cmp=17418111058&cq_term=&cq_plac=&cq_net=g&cq_plt=gp&cq_con=137139871813&cq_med=pla&cq_pos=&gclid=CjwKCAjwysipBhBXEiwApJOcu0QutIdpIfGRkjKiwpPfZ6cFnUplaa-xmgZ5ZPrrcESjXjFhmJ9a_BoCrD0QAvD_BwE#colcode=66103969

and this one:

https://www.joules.com/style/st609819/756478#756478

Vinted is great for restocking your wardrobe at pinch of the shop prices. Good luck!

You sound a lot like me size and lifestyle wise.

With money not an issue slow down before you make a heap of expensive mistakes, take time to build your wardrobe. Think long term style not fashion, its a marathon not a sprint. Follow mid sized women on insta, eg Rita Serrano who does little comparison videos. Kibbe can be a minefield but some of it makes sense if you can establish your body type & cherry pick to suit your personal style.

A good coat is worth spending money on and will hide a multitude of sins. Belted is fine but often looks better with a trouser belt underneath to pull your outfit together. With knockers when you tie a coat there's the risk of looking like 2lbs flour stuffed into a 1lb bag. Same goes for a trench, Look at heritage brands like Barbour, they can be old as anything but still look good and last a lifetime. The smartest woman I know (gentry) wears a Schoffel all weather jacket most of the time & the other school mums seem to try to copy her. Also things like wool and tweed jackets or capes (Holland Cooper does these well).

High waisted trousers are in but if you're curvy be wary of front pleats unless your legs are long. My favourite trousers are all from Me & Em, I have different ones eg wide legged and cigarette shaped and they wash really well, can be dressed up or down. I've never made a bad purchase from Me & Em TBH, their knitwear is beautiful. Plumo stuff also well made, you have to choose carefully for your shape but some of their stuff I've worn regularly for 10+ years and it still looks like new. Also heritage brands again, may not be instantly trendy but its better to buy less and spend on quality once you're in your 30s. Bigger budget look at eg brands like Claudie Pierlot, Johnstons of Elgin, Elisabetta Franchi, Begg & Co, Aethel, Alohas or Aeyde shoes all excellent quality. An Izzey Miyake pleated skirt goes with everything. Jeans & a plain tee is frumpy but chuck on a designer belt and a Toteme or Pucci scarf and its an outfit. You only need a few good quality items to make everything else look good too.

A really good well made bag, this takes time and saving up but when you have a few of those in your arsenal they'll lift everything else. Depending on budget take a look at eg Strathberry, Polene, Tods, Loewe etc (avoid it bags & logo heavy eg LV unless you're going for a certain look).

@Rina66 can you tell me where these photos are from please? The camel coat is just what I'm looking for, thanks.

@antwacky they're just photos i've collected over the years on my Pinterest, so not current, sorry. Could you search the one you like with google and see what come up? Which camel coat is it?

I found Esther Coren’s onthespike.com capsule wardrobe blog posts really useful when I was similarly lost.

Thanks @Rina66 it's the one in the first pics that you posted, can't see a belt but it looks like a wrap coat, no buttons. Im looking for either a wrap or single breasted trench style, I'll keep searching. Thanks for replying.

Love the joules coat OP ….you’ll look great!

What about this one from Mango @antwacky?

Thanks @Rina66 I've not ordered that yet but it is on my list. I thought I'd found the perfect one for me on J Lewis website a gorgeous mole colour Whistles wrap but it was just massive, the voluminous ones do nothing for me. Thanks again.

Thank you Hibambinos!

herownworstenemy- thank you! I’m listening intently and googling.

I really dislike Holland and cooper. Just find the branding so tacky and in your face. I keep thinking I should like fairfax and favour but can’t really find much I like when I do look. Strolling the stand at HOYS just had me feeling a bit flat, but it was busy and I was overall a bit unimpressed with the offerings.

I do need a new bag. I don’t carry much at all these days, keys, wallet and phone and my phone seems permanently in my hand anyways- so most bags feel too big, but then I feel my body shape is too big to be carrying a very small bag- if you see what I mean?

I can’t seem to find a bag I like, suggestions welcome!

I hear you RE not making expensive mistakes. I think I put off buying often because I convince myself I shouldn’t buy investment pieces because I’m perpetually on a failing diet hoping to be a size 10 in the near future - never am of course. Be Sod’s Law I finally splurge and then suddenly do lose the weight haha

Joules trench just arrived. Looked beautiful on hanger, much nicer IRL. I hopped out the bath (hubs came up with it) and raced to put it on, and I mostly liked how it looked in the mirror ( you know, aside from generally hating myself as usual) but I thought about anonymising the photo and sharing but now I look at them i think I just look too terrible.

Honestly I agree about H&C, I hate writing all over my clothes but their capes are beautiful and warm, can be shoved on over anything and look smart.