Help me. I feel like shit

[Desperateinseattle]

I’m a mid 30s mum with a stupid amount of animals and live in the country. I work too much and money isn’t an issue but prefer to avoid stupid expense. I am a size 14:16, often flitting down to a 12-14. Big boobs, generally hour glass but short at 5’2. Stumpy.

I want simple- high end classic vibe but also don’t give a fuck- will last and tolerate being thrown in a washing machine and then tumbled endlessly. I want to be comfortable without it making me look like a sack of spuds.

I do keep up with my eyebrow wax and tint, keep my nails short and natural, keep a pedicure topped up when not hiding my trotters in winter months.

i Live in supermarket pick ups right now and just feel overall a bit unkempt and crap but don’t really know where to start to smarten up without the unrealistic approach of turning into someone who reallllly cares 😂

I love trench coats OP and I'm sure you looked great in yours. I got the exact same daft comments from my family the first time I wore one years ago! They just weren't used to it (we live rurally too and it's mostly a style-free zone) plus they have absolutely no idea about clothes. I love them but they aren't people I go to for fashion advice 😂 I suspect it's the same in your case so don't let them knock your confidence!

There's a saying that goes something like don't take criticism from someone who you wouldn't go to for advice - I think its very apt in this instance!

Men are funny, not always in a ha ha way either🙄, most of their interactions with one another is in the form of micky taking, I don't mind that when I'm feeling good about myself, but when I'm at a bit of a low ebb, it hits a nerve.

I bet you look amazing, it's frightened him, he's probably thinking he's punching way above his weight 😉don't let it stop you xxx

Better still, post a picture on here and let us all big up your bad self!

sad to read your update OP, people can be silly. The people closest to you are bound to comment as you change and develop your personal style, although friends are supposed to lift you up not deflate. Ignore them and crack on.

Trench what did you wear it with? buttoned up and tied can be a hard look to pull off if you don't have a wasp waist and want to save yourself from looking like Inspector Gadget or veering into "only wearing a basque underneath" territory. And never wear a skirt the same length as your coat. How you accessorise can also stop it from looking boxy or pedestrian, if you're curvy wear a lower neckline or open collar shirt under, pull your waist in underneath the open coat to show off your shape. Also the colour, if a beige trench drags you down put colour between it and your face. If you decide a trench isn't for you return it or stick it on Vinted. Making a few dodgy purchases is part of the process, we all have them lurking (my latest is a blue sleeveless high neck shirred tunic nightmare).

I said it before but take time selecting a few high quality accessories that will lift anything you wear them with, that will last and most importantly earn their keep. Think cost per wear. Eg my wardrobe stalwarts that I replace when they eventually look knackered are from Ferragamo (classic reversible belt), Viv Westood, Issey Miyake, Pucci etc but I don't have very many because its unnecessary. These kind of items add a personal twist to anything you chuck them on with and are versatile. Ladyofthemanor has been mentioned and she seems to be a good example of this, I'm not a fan of the Gucci belt because its too obvious logo-y & has been done to death but she pairs one with Peacocks everything else and it looks polished.

Back to boring, but my favourite basic white tees are Petit Bateau, they are good quality and keep their shape well in the wash (unlike some popular MN brands that cost more but look like old rags after a few wears).

Rina I love that! Ok when I’m next not in my house clothes I’ll take a snap!

makethemostofit- I can’t help but feel a broach and neck scarf might be tipping the balance of what I’m aiming for here, my MO is to look smart but in a “don’t give a fuck kind of way” (because I lack the energy to do so, not cos I’m a weird snob) broach and scarf territory feel distinctly like giving a shit 😂

I’ve bought a lovely mini windsor F&F bag. (Yes after saying I don’t typically like their things) but it’s tan and olive green which is a colour combination I love. Thank you Vinted, £100 off full price and looks to be fantastic condition (I’ll be wrecking it with every day use anyways, can’t understand the amount of people selling these bags that have been used twice and kept in dust bags! Why have nice things if you’re not going to fully enjoy them for intended purpose?)

i wore with jeans ( rolled and paired with a tan healed boot) and a slouchy rust coloured light knit. Hair was thrown in a trunchbun cos we don’t move that fast here and I’m still at Pinterest stage 😂 small hoops and my glasses. I don’t wear make up but do have my eyebrows and lashes done for definition.

however I was fucking freezing so I had buttoned up. Possibly my issue. I won’t lie, I did not look in the mirror before I left.

That look does not work for me, at all, if I have to do up the coat - I never see people looking good when done up, so I'm just hanging out here to see if someone has a solution!

@Desperateinseattle where was the rust coloured knit from?

It’s a very old unbranded knit that’s been in my wardrobe too long 😳 not sure if it’s origins

okay NO buttoning up. Can’t believe I bothered to check it was waterproof now 😂

Well, the reason I know it looks awful on me is ... Yep, I too had the Delboy/grandad comments 😆

I have the same coat in green! It's a great coat. I haven't seen that colour but it looks lovely in the link. I agree, looks better worn open. But it is waterproof and when it's throwing it down I am much less bothered about what I look like - just want to be dry!

I very almost bought in the green.. do I buy another?!

Ah, in that case I fear the next trench may give you a Colombo vibe...

As someone who shares your shape, heavier fabrics tend to make me look luxurious, rich (in the texture rather than financial sense) and well put together. Flimsy stuff just hangs weird, often. A good wool coat like PPs posted would probably work on you, and you really don't want to try to match everything (coat, boots, jumper) or IMO it has a slightly odd vibe. What about getting a coat in green or a wine type colour? Or just black? then the browns you like will look nice underneath.

Getting some really PRETTY earrings can do a lot of work I think, to make you feel nice and get some compliments. Gold hoops are fine but obviously quite uniformy. There are probably some nice craft markets coming up in your local city with Christmas approaching and IME there are tonnes of jewellery stalls at these - some really lovely things.

You may be lost to Vinted already 😄 but also worth looking at Uniqlo.

As another rural person, tired of trying to defur otherwise clean clothes on my way out to dinner I now have two wardrobes - one with my smarter clothes and the other with typical outdoor/gardening/animal handling stuff and try very hard not mix them up.

I have a STACK of high rise Uniqlo jeans In different colours which are great value normally but also often silly low price in the sales. Love them and they are worn to death, gradually being demoted to the scruffy selection. It's great to whip on a new pair when the occasion requires.

Thry also have fantastic cashmere jumpers and are generally good colour wise for an autumn palette and the colours you mention.

I can recommend a fabulous personal stylist if you are interested.

otherwise, check out Reiss or Massimo Dutti. They’re higher end for the high street, but quality is good and super stylish and classic. The reason I like these shops too is there isn’t too much choice. It’s like shopping in a capsule wardrobe, so it can help with any overwhelm you might feel.

Yeah she’s really cool, I love her YouTube videos and follow on Insta!

Are you Katie Price ?

Something like these?

😂😂😂 no, but then I guess if I was I might also say no 🤷‍♀️ joys of an anonymous forum

isn’t she super slim? Sadly we may have boob size in common but I am far far rounder —and my lips are natural—

I think I’m going to have to do this too- two wardrobes with a strict no overflow.

I just bought this. I don’t know why really, I’ve gone a bit panic but-y online. School run warmth?

Where I live puffers are essential and ubiquitous and what really matters is how warm they are. This one looks great, flattering colour and suitably toasty!

I'm just placemarking for ideas. I don't live rurally but I'm the same shape as and even boobier than you OP and feeling lost. High waisted anything end up looking like a boob shelf but I've parsnip legs in most trousers. I have one pair of wide leg trousers I adore and a couple of skirts but feel very haphazard most of the time. I'm also freezing all the time and layers get bulky. I do have a gorgeous plum Laura Ashley single breasted wool coat (thank you ebay) in the wardrobe that I think I need to start wearing at all times.

My husband described my new raincoat as a parachute.
Ignored him, wore it and got lots of compliments.

noodle I’m sorry but I did laugh, why are men like this!

new problem, Fairfax and favour mini Windsor bag arrived, I like it although I don’t love it and I’m a bit meh about the price point, I am depressed however so there’s a good chance nothing will please me as nothing seems to thrill me much at all of late.

However my fucking purse doesn’t fit in it. I’ve always had long purses.

what do I do now? New purse? Do people have separate small purses and card holders/coin purses or whatever? I mostly use my apple wallet these days but no purse would make me feel naked. And a bit silly.

I would compare it to the feeling of your other new purchases- did you feel excited opening your new coat for example? If so then maybe it's not the right bag. And at that price point there are lots of bags you could look at.

But, if you think you do like it really (and I think it is very nice) then yes, small purse. I just have a card holder and an emergency £20 in one of the slots. Couple of £1 rolling round my bag but I never use them

Also, I've been eyeing up this bag and I think it would fit a big purse

https://www.jigsaw-online.com/products/large-meret-crossbody-conker?variant=44307483852966&istCompanyId=5cb36b28-3b54-4573-9793-5e46611a0358&istFeedId=862761a5-2bf0-4417-ab0a-7e46ee93302a&istItemId=liwilmtpq&istBid=t&gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAjwnOipBhBQEiwACyGLuvFd5LwotldA2F4vqJNJy83Bt7GHFopzIu38Lnd58xOvuYiAt1EwZBoCHF0QAvD_BwE