Help me find my style

[justlass]

I've just seen a photo of myself today and I'm horrified! I know I'm overweight, I'm size 16, no waist, apple shaped, large tummy, legs ok ish, but big calves I guess, size 34/36ff or g bra size, dark below shoulders curly hair, brown eyes, 5 foot 7.

I tend to wear jeans with vest tops and cardigan in summer and jeans with quite long hoodies or jumpers in winter, with either Converse or ankle boots.

I thought I looked ok until I saw the photos. I'll try and attach one. My stomach looks huge, I look scruffy.

I tend to buy things off eBay or Vinted because I'm on a very low budget, the disadvantage is of course that sometimes clothes are too small or awful condition etc.

I don't have many stores nearby, so mainly shop online. I can't get to John Lewis or Debenhams for a consultation about what suits me and I can't afford to have my colours done.

I've tried looking at influencers, but can't find anyone who wears the sort of clothes I wear. I don't need going out clothes or work clothes, just casual wear. Plus they're all slimmer or larger.

Any ideas or advice? Just been feeling really down about myself recently and feel I need to change something but want to still feel comfortable.

I agree with @ChinHairDontCare first get a full length mirror and post some pics of yourself in combinations of your existing clothes!

I had a bit of a revelation on a short holiday in March, that I look better when I am dressing out of a suitcase. It’s because I choose outfits, but within colour families, so that if it’s colder than expected, , or whatever, things can be shifted about. I took 2 pairs of trousers, khaki and navy, 3 cream , 2 khaki tops a navy skirt and a dark cream cardigan, and navy jumper with a couple of dresses in navy and leopard. I felt great all week.
Since then I have made a conscious effort to not mix in too many colours or patterns. Today I’m wearing grey joggers, grey tshirt and grey green hoodie, so not exactly fashion forward, but it is quite pleasing. I also have begun to take much better care of my clothes. I iron, put things away neatly, and try not to buy things unless there’s a clear gap. I don’t wear clothes that are too big or small, misshapen, stained, uncomfortable or wrong, but I will challenge myself to try new shapes, materials, colours or combinations. I think about what I am doing that day when I get dressed.
I am in my infancy with this, but there is a discernible difference. I found the advice of having 3 words to sum up your hopes for clothing very useful. Mine are cool, calm and collected. Nothing like me! but it has helped.
I spent a lifetime looking after and loving other people while loathing my own body and neglecting my needs. Its not the work of a moment to change that. But turquoise gel nails and a really honest question on Mumsnet are a great start.

I can't get a full length mirror at the moment, but will hopefully soon. I'm keeping an eye open for a second hand one but no way of collecting it. And I really can't get to a big city to try clothes on. And I can't afford to buy masses of clothes to try on, even if I will be returning them, I just don't have the money in my account 🤷‍♀️ sorry if you don't understand that, but it's just the way it is. The only shops nearby are M&Co and New Look, both small branches too.

It's not that I'm not trying to absorb the information, there's just been some conflicting information and I don't really feel any the wiser to be honest, just a bit confused. Wear shorter cardigans, shorter vests, longer vests, bright colours, a blazer, A line skirts .. maybe I'm being a bit thick, I do find I get brain fog these days due to menopause. I feel like I need a step by step guide 😬

Could you get a Next account? You don't have to pay for anything for around 5 weeks so can order a few things and return the items you don't want to keep. I find it's a good option when I'm dress shopping and don't know where to start.

A good way to try out things that you wouldn't usually consider.

I recommend buying this book and doing it before buying any clothes https://www.abebooks.co.uk/servlet/BookDetailsPL?bi=31587862112&ref_=ps_ggl_2039220669&cm_mmc=ggl--UK_Shopp_Tradestandard--product_id=UK9780753545850USED-_-keyword=&gclid=Cj0KCQjwrMKmBhCJARIsAHuEAPRSWGZnKoZ-3reStAXw4TsUKFOGg-4D0iisNQmUpbDJxFQMczSSErgaAoBLEALw_wcB

I do find I get brain fog these days due to menopause. I feel like I need a step by step guide 😬
Been there with the brain fog and general can't be botheredness. I hear you.
I suspect you will get a variety of "rules" but mine would be to concentrate on colour & shape.

1. find and show off your waist. Wear a single colour outfit with a belt or contrasting coloured top and bottoms to define your middle.
2. wear colours that suit you - I think you already do this.
3. Think shape not shapeless. If it looks like a square on the bed. It will look square & boxy on you. If it looks saggy on the hanger it will look like a pair of saggy curtains when you wear it. So as suggested upthread, a shirt might be an alternative to a jacket, but not if it's a mahoosive tent.

This is what a google of full length images of tall women brought up. Not a baggy cardie in sight.
https://www.google.com/search?rlz=1C1FHFK_en-GBGB981GB982&sxsrf=AB5stBgUXDzzbTIgRU6GMQFJ8NP4NfSF2Q:1691424058543&q=full+length+image+tall+women&tbm=isch&source=lnms&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjS4rHR9cqAAxXtSUEAHWDWDR4Q0pQJegQIDBAB&biw=1920&bih=931&dpr=1

It is confusing, and you have been giving conflicting advice, and access to an endless supply of lovely clothes is limited. So, think about what you want to achieve. Key points from your early posts were that your stomach looked huge, you felt scruffy and a bit lost to style, but that it was important to you to be comfortable. So maybe you want to look groomed, and a bit more current, but still comfortable.and fairly casual.
There have been lots of suggestions. The people telling you to look first to your own wardrobe are absolutely right. I suggest getting everything out. Discard anything obviously scruffy, out of shape faded, soiled or stained. Straight in the bin. Then Anything that you really don’t like, or doesn’t fit or haven’t worn in years. Try them on first, but if you hate them, pass them on. Make sure that what is left is clean and ironed . Try them on , try the style tips. Do take photos. If something nearly works , ask what it needs. If stuff works together, hang it together.

Moving forwards, think about colour, The clothes you’ve shown us are mainly a bluey grey, which isn’t great with dark hair and eyes, but can work almost as a neutral for you. You could certainly rock more vibrant colours, and you seem to crave them. But be careful.
But also think about basics, buy the best you can afford in jeans and t shirts, and make sure they fit. I do think that matching the colour of top and bottom gives a longer, leaner silhouette, then you can have a contrasting jacket or cardi, or trainers. I’ve never been able to wear belts and whenever I’ve attempted a French tuck, my Dh points out I’ve got my tshirt in a tangle, but I do love a shirt over a vest top, and it’s a classic, not dated.
Be wary of rules, sometimes they can be a straitjacket, the important thing is to develop your eye, to understand your body and what works for you, but also to be willing to shake that up. One of my friends has worn blue eyeliner for so long it’s come in and out of fashion about 5 times! I would love to steal it and throw it away.
As a process, this can give you joy, shouldn’t actually make you feel worse.

I don't mean trying on clothes in shops, I mean trying on your own clothes, in front of a full length mirror, applying the suggestions on styling on this thread. I'm suggesting you don't spend any more money on clothes until you get to grips with what you already own. You can get very cheap mirrors, you may even get lucky on a free cycle or local Facebook page. Or find a place in the house you can set up your phone and take selfie in your full outfit, tweaking as you go.

I'll just throw in this photo of Drew Barrymore who I think is an apple shape. There's nothing amazing about any of these clothes and you might not even like her look, but there is light and shade in the colours, her waist is drawn in, her trousers are turned up to a good length and her blazer is casual but gives a good shape. You don't need ££££, OP, just a full-length mirror and a bit of time.

Some of the clothes you’ve posted that you already own are nice and would work well for you, you just want to think about how you’d style them - what looks good together, and how you can change things a bit to suit your shape. Is there anyone you could get to help you if you haven’t a mirror? Someone who can give you honest feedback?

The jacket was available in regular and petite.

I wouldn't say I'm hooked on Vinted, but today I couldn't really find anything I wanted to wear that I felt confident in. I'm sorry if I'm not doing exactly what was advised, but I still need to dress everyday and don't have a full length mirror yet, so I'm not really able to have a trying on session at the moment 🤷‍♀️ but am still looking for a blazer, which everyone kept saying would be better than a cardigan!

Just remembered a hack DD does with T-shirts. Put a bangle outside a baggy t-shirt at about waist level. Then put a hairband around the bangle from the inside. It sounds slightly crackers, but it pulls the T-shirt in & creates some interest. You can also do it at the centre back or off to one side.

Ok, that's a good idea. I'll try, I'm not sure what the criteria are for an account though in terms of income.

Thank you, those are helpful rules 😊 Sorry of I'm being a bit arsey, I'm very tired today and had to get dressed in a hurry and just couldn't get my head round any of it 🤯 I'll try harder tomorrow.

Re. the google search though, all those women are tall AND slim.

I think if I do that, I'll be left with nothing 😂

Seriously though, I will do that over the next couple of days and might post some Photos again if that's ok for opinions.

Again I'm sorry for being grumpy today 😳

I think there are a couple of things going on, one is that I have been hiding in baggy clothes for a long time due to depression and lack of confidence, and the other that I've always had psoriasis and worry about looking like I have bad dandruff, so I've been avoiding strong colours and instead wearing a lot of grey 😔 I need to change that and I need to stop giving a damn what other people think.

I'm struggling to get my head round that ... think I need to try it when I get home.

If you're comfortable in a cardi try a different style. Less waterfall more fitted. I don't do blazers but am happy in a cardigan. And the bonus is you can put it in a or over the straps of a bag.

For my lifestyle a blazer would look stupid, I tend to spend a lot of time outdoors, and in summer, dresses or shorts. A blazer walking round a country park would look a bit ridiculous and coats are too much so a cardi is perfect. I can't cycle in a blazer but a cardigan is less restrictive.

You have to choose what fits with your lifestyle.

That's kind of what I was going for and linked to a shorter cardigan above but was told it wouldn't be any better than my old one. So I'd presumably misunderstood the advice.

Yes, my lifestyle doesn't fit with a blazer either! I like to walk, go birdwatching, etc, they'd laugh if I turned up at the bird hide in a blazer 😂

Hi so I got this from ebay they delivered it and it hangs on the back of my door. I dont think the price is too bad. Your doing great op dont get too bogged down in all the detailed advice.

That's quite handy, no need to drill or knock nails in?

No the hangers fit in the back of the mirror and hang over the door.

Hi OP,

If you’re finding it hard to work out shapes / silhouettes with the conflicting ‘long cardigan, no, short cardigan’ advice, you could approach getting dressed thinking about colours and tones instead.

PP have suggested wearing all one colour and adding some bright accessories. Another way is to get dressed so you’re wearing something light, medium and dark. A good blog with pics to illustrate this idea is Wears My Money - her posts are generally quite good and she wears a lot of jeans-and-a-top outfits that might be good inspiration.

Getting to grips with this can be shit even if you have access to a good selection of shops and a healthy budget, so doing it online and on a shoestring does make it harder. You’re doing really well and it’s not easy - don’t worry about getting frustrated and grumpy!