I want to be more elegant and classy

[Sianthomasisnothererightnow]

This might sound odd, but I’m sick of always looking a messy. I am terrible at styling myself, I always look wrong no matter what I do. I can’t afford well cut clothes or a stylist or anything like that, so it’s Primark and Vinted but I always look messy and slobby. I tried on a beautiful midi dress the other day and I finally looked sleek and elegant but I can’t find anything else that makes me feel the same way! I don’t want to be a 40 year old mess any more!

if you’re someone who tends to look out together, how do you achieve it? And can you do it on a budget or is it down to the cut of the cloth?

I’m sure there are still well cut clothes in charity shops and on pre-worn and vintage sites, and you can buy decent plain t shirts and simple dresses at Sainsbury’s and Primark - so it’s not impossible to look put together on a tight budget. Though admittedly it’s more fun if there’s some flexibility for the odd more extravagant new thing.

Diet and posture and simple grooming (clean hair, well cared for skin, neat nails,) make a difference. Sun protection, smoking, too much alcohol, too much stress all affect how one looks - it’s not just about clothes.

Also, remember that other people won’t see you as you see yourself. I seem to attract compliments on an outfit or whatever when I’m feeling my most flustered and scruffy - it’s inexplicable.

Where was the dress from and what did you like about it?

What makes you look messy?

Clothes don’t actually matter that much, as long as they fit well, aren’t scruffy/crumpled and suit the look you want (so dresses vs leggings).

More important is grooming (hair, skin, nails), shoes (clean and well kept), accessories and also posture.

All imo of course.

I'm 24 and feel this way sometimes since I had my daughter but get your nails done with a nice white tip, blow dry your hair it will make a big difference, get your lash extensions done trust me you will feel like a new person. Also if you have TikTok or instagram follow loads of influencers who show how to style outfits and where to buy them from. Buy cream clothing it can make such a big difference to your appearance and make you look very classy and elegant. If you go into primark you can get lots of jewellery I think wearing it makes a big difference aswelll like lots rings, bracelets and necklaces. Hope you feel better in yourself soon xxx

After I had my son I struggled and just ‘let myself go’ (horrible phrase).

I stopped wearing decent clothes and just walked around in my husbands too big stuff, my hair wasn’t cared for and became a mess and my skin was terrible. I’m trying to fix it now but after looking like a wreck for nearly 3 years I am struggling to fix things. I put something on, feel good then an hour later it just looks all wrong. Badly fitting etc.

If you don’t have loads of cash to blow think of it as a year / 6 months to get yourself together. It will take a while to find your style. Start by looking for some inspiration and collecting images. There are loads of threads on this so have a comb through.

Hmm … I’m sure you look wonderful, @laakhx - but I’m not at all sure your advice would have assisted my pursuit of elegance as a forty year old.

No matter how expensive and elegant the clothes are if our weight and posture are not right we can look like a big mess. And simple everyday grooming (hair washed/ coloured, good skincare, good teeth) can make a big difference.

Plenty of people manage to look polished at a variety of weights.

😁

Yup.

Hair glossy and healthy

Brows neat

Skin glowy

Teeth clean and shiny

Nails neat and shiny

Clothes ironed, fit well and colours that suit.

Subtle jewellery

Smell nice but not overpowering

What does elegant and classy mean to you?
think of someone who you know that is elegant/classy, what makes them so?

Iron your clothes. Makes a massive difference.

We need an example of someone you would like to emulate, OP

I would avoid white-tipped nails and lash extensions personally.

Can you share a picture of or link to the magic dress?

Seeing what is working and why can really help. Well, it can if there are any of a similar type in the shops at present glares at polyester animal and ditzy floral print everybloodywhere

Some inspiration for you, @Sianthomasisnothererightnow :

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/style_and_beauty/4795942-the-stupendous-style-of-sculptor-simone-leigh?reply=125870471

I was only trying to help lol OP didn't really explain what kind of style she was interested in so just gave some advice

Everyone's idea of elegant is different, as can already be seen on this thread. That's why we need to know who you consider elegant OP. For me, it's Joanna Lumley who tbh can often look a bit frazzled, but she is always classy.

I also like Jennifer Aniston, I've seen her style criticised as "too safe" but again she always looks polished and classy.

I think as a PP said, always iron your clothes. When my kids were little I found that only ironing the front of most things worked fine.

Also it can be useful to have a limited colour palette so that everything goes with everything else. So my wardrobe has a lot of black navy and cream. Eg jeans, often the dark navy ones, a black blazer and an ivory
top. Then I add colour with accessories. It's safe, but looks good. And yes, cheap jewellery can look good.

Finally but most importantly, good grooming. So an easily maintained hairstyle, good skincare (doesn't have to be expensive just consistent), clean nails.

And finally, please stop wearing your DHs clothes, they're just not cut for women's bodies. Primark is fine, just avoid cheap looking prints. Good luck!

I would agree with @Lapsedcataholic . You can look good with budget clothing, just make sure that it fits. You need to find your style and that will give you confidence. Think about what colours you like, and your lifestyle. I would agree with ironing clothes, and generally taking care of them. If you like white tipped nails - go for it!
Perhaps give us more details about yourself?

I’m 49 and I think @laakhx advice is sound. Hair done, nails - doesn’t have to be white tips just done. Also not necessarily false eyelashes but an eyelash tint to save time etc. i also agree about the jewellery, makes me feel better if I’ve bothered to add a couple of pieces. Can go cheap and cheerful with Primark till you find your style.

I actually agree with the cream, I always wear black because of my size but actually I don’t think it alwsys looks smart if it’s faded or the blacks don’t match etc.

Id say start with hair, a couple of good outfits and go from there.

Don’t be overweight

Don’t wear clothes that reveal rolls of flesh

Good teeth

No fake eyelashes - instant trash look

One or maximum two pieces of jewellery

Well moisturised skin

Clean hair

Smile, stand tall

Don’t wear sports gear unless you’re actually doing sports

Don’t smoke

Don’t ever get sunburnt - looks awful

Don’t be overweight

@Sianthomasisnothererightnow I really only shop secondhand these days. My tips would be:

Find what feels and looks good in shops, try different fabrics and cuts to see what looks good and if there’s a particular brand that works for you, then hunt out similar things on eBay/vinted. This way you avoid unnecessary costly mistakes.

Research luxury brands to see what colours and shapes they’re using, then search vinted etc for similar colours.

Use free colour finding apps, this can help you settle on colours that suit and flatter your skin tone.

Get in touch with local colleges that teach hair and beauty, you can get very good treatments, more regularly, at a fraction of the cost of salons. (The students are closely supervised so whilst daunting, it’s unlikely anything would go wrong).

Drink lots of water and research multivitamins, then shop around for the cheapest ones (vitamins are much of a muchness re dosage etc).

Wearing (a flattering) slightly darker lip colour will make your teeth look brighter.

You've said "don't be overweight" twice, @MsBattersea - was that for emphasis? I think you can look stylish and attractive if you're overweight, it doesn't preclude it.

Yes, it was deliberate. I think that being overweight precludes looking stylish. Whatever you wear you will probably look like a sack of potatoes. Just my honest pennyworth.

Gosh lots of claws out today.
Play nicely guys.