I want to be more elegant and classy

[Sianthomasisnothererightnow]

This might sound odd, but I’m sick of always looking a messy. I am terrible at styling myself, I always look wrong no matter what I do. I can’t afford well cut clothes or a stylist or anything like that, so it’s Primark and Vinted but I always look messy and slobby. I tried on a beautiful midi dress the other day and I finally looked sleek and elegant but I can’t find anything else that makes me feel the same way! I don’t want to be a 40 year old mess any more!

if you’re someone who tends to look out together, how do you achieve it? And can you do it on a budget or is it down to the cut of the cloth?

Who are you talking to?

Can you take a friend shopping @Sianthomasisnothererightnow ?
Even if you can't afford to buy, it's good to try things on and get a friend's opinion.
Look at pictures of celebs who you think look elegant and study what it is that you like about their look. Is it the hairstyle? The make up? How do the clothes fit? What are the colours and proportions?
There are lots of different ways of looking elegant, from Jackie O to Megan Markle to Charlotte Rampling - it's about finding the look you like and which suits you.

I would avoid primark altogether and get good quality second hand. Primark stuff doesn’t last long and the quality isn’t ever great. For the same price as a new primark dress I’ve recently bought on vinted a few nice midi dresses from Ghost with tags on, a nice very gently used Brora dress for under £20 and some Kate Spade suede platform sandals that were listed as used but the soles were in perfect condition for £15.

I also avoid cheap costume jewellery and wear dainty silver jewellery that goes with anything, currently that’s some Monica Vinader stuff I got in the sale! I avoid any of that nails and lashes stuff, they might look nice for a day or two but when they start to grow out or you see people missing lashes it looks pretty horrid!

Have to say one of the most stylish women I’ve ever known was relatively … vast. Beautifully groomed and dressed, full of joy and wit. Language teacher at my school, nearly half a century ago.

Health is obviously a different matter.

Vinted is better than primark as you will find better quality clothes for a similar price if you look hard enough.

Try looking for brands such as Whistles, Reiss, French Connection, Jigsaw, Cos, Me + Em. Build up a wardrobe of good quality basics such as a good pair of jeans, blazer, jumper, etc. Pinterest and Instagram are good places for inspiration.

Keep make up, nails, hair neat but perhaps understated/neutral.

It annoys me when people always say good skincare routine makes them look classy. I have a good skincare routine but sadly am plagued with hormonal acne! I still think I look ok.

Starched linen trousers and dresses with nude footwear in soft tones of dove, navy and white in the summer with a hat - one statement piece of jewellery with dewy skin, well conditioned sleek hair and a big basket - any size person looks good in the above as the French will tell you.

Cashmere and natural wool in the winter.
well trimmed nails, bright eyes etc basically you but with some self care and polish.

You can get an online colour and body shape analysis for £75 which will help you choose clothes that flatter you. You can still shop in budget but will feel more confident and find your style - https://www.stylemehappy.co.uk/book-online/style-analysis

I’m sure op knows to clean her teeth and brush her hair. Patronising.

You forgot one.

Don't be a bitch.

Yes it will eventually show on your face as my grandmother used to say 😂

Hello,

Thank you for everyone who has taken The time to reply and give lots of advice! I will definitely be doing some things such as going clothes ‘shopping’ and seeing what looks best and then getting on Vinted and Depop. The dress that made me want to change things, as someone asked, was a strapless, fitted black one, mid length, so it’s not suitable for every day where really but maybe in a white or a navy if I could find something similar, just keep seeing stuff that’s floaty and that doesn’t suit my body type, makes me look like I’m wearing a sack. I can’t wear make up either as I look like a little girl playing at dressing up! But I need to be more experimental possibly.
Thank you for all your input!

Don't bother with make up if you don't to.
I think the more fitted style sounds as if it would suit you. So many dresses now are very flouncy and tiered, so perhaps go for separates?.

Fewer, good quality pieces are better than a ton of Primark - imo. Wear colours that suit you. Walk tall, fake confidence if you need to, over time it will develop naturally. Bit of tinted moisturiser, some mascara, lippie if you like to wear it. Tidy brows. Tidy nails. Clean, neat hair in whatever style works for you. Look after your teeth. Smile.

If you wear your hair long, bear in mind that it still needs to have a shape-don't leave it to just hang there.

Nails do not really need to be anything other than short and clean.

My biggest tip would be to switch out hoodies and cardigans for blazers or tailored jackets.

Tailoring in general helps to look elegant. Vinted is perfect for this as lots of people buy tailored things for weddings or events and only wear them once.

My other tip would be natural fibers. In summer stick to cotton, linen or silk and avoid polyester. Again vinted is your friend, try putting silk as a search term under dresses

Aha! Saw this in the FT today. I have a similarly shaped, corseted wool dress that looks excellent over a shirt or a not bulky sweater. Perhaps the black dress, or versions of it, could work in the same way for more everyday wear?

Marques Almeida might be your sort of thing.

That's good advice @Frenchfancy . I generally wear cardis but on the rare occasions I wear a blazer, I get loads of compliments and I'm told I look chic.

@Sianthomasisnothererightnow it sounds like you've hit the nail on the head. Floaty, flouncy stuff doesn't work for you. So look out for tailored/structured shapes and block colours or neutrals that suit you, rather than busy prints.
There's no one holy grail look that's the secret to looking chic. On one woman cream will look effortlessly elegant, on another (me) it will look dreadful. It's about finding what suits you.

1. well fitting bra
2. avoid things that are fussy, busy, overly revealing or very stretchy.
3. capsule wardrobe of good quality staples
4. shoes you can walk in
5. If in doubt ask yourself “would a well dressed french woman wear this?”
6. walk tall and smile (better to seem happy and confident than stylish and snooty)

I would avoid white-tipped nails
Kate Middleton goes for these and MN users tend to describe her as elegant.

Where are you? I can help in Bristol

Clean hair, no frizz. Clean filed nails they don’t have to be done. Well fitting ironed clothes. They don’t have to be expensive. Not too much jewellery.
makeup not caked on, soft and natural. Definitely no lash extensions 😖 when they start to fall out it looks cheap.
clean shoes is a must wether it’s heels or runners. I think sports wear can look tidy.
mostly I think it’s how you carry yourself.
take care of teeth and skin and clean ironed clothes is the main thing.

I'd say natural fibres rather than synthetics.

So in winter wool jumpers. In summer, linen and silk. I also think in terma od exposing less flesh rather than more.

Charity shops in places where there are expensive cast-offs, plus some eBay shopping is the way to go.

She says she never wears make up.

I would start with classic clothes in natural fibres. (Charity shops and Etsy can be good for those). They must fit properly; no one looks good in stuff that's too tight or too baggy.
Decent quality shoes, coat and bag.
Hair that looks natural, no garish dyes. A decent cut does wonders. Care of fingernails, teeth and eyebrows. Good posture is essential. Minimal make up. Nothing fake!

Oh and repair anything like a dropped hem or missing button and pick a colour palette for clothes that suits you then all your stuff can go together.