I want to be more elegant and classy

[Sianthomasisnothererightnow]

This might sound odd, but I’m sick of always looking a messy. I am terrible at styling myself, I always look wrong no matter what I do. I can’t afford well cut clothes or a stylist or anything like that, so it’s Primark and Vinted but I always look messy and slobby. I tried on a beautiful midi dress the other day and I finally looked sleek and elegant but I can’t find anything else that makes me feel the same way! I don’t want to be a 40 year old mess any more!

if you’re someone who tends to look out together, how do you achieve it? And can you do it on a budget or is it down to the cut of the cloth?

Maybe gather together some images of women who have the style you want to emulate- that can be helpful. More than clothes or buying things, elegant women carry themselves calmly and with confidence. Anyone can learn to do this with work.

I think above all elegance is about carving out time for yourself, and taking good care of yourself. Making sure you are rested and prepared for the week. Which is easier said than done when you're a parent to a young child!

This could look like making sure you carve out 30 minutes a few times a week to iron your clothes and put outfits together. It applies to your inner life, too. It could mean taking 20 minutes-or even ten- to do a short meditation and deep breathing so you can feel calmer and go through the day with more confidence.

And elegance is to me, above all, a beautiful spirit shining through. When I think of Audrey Hepburn or Sade, as stylish and gorgeous as they are, they seem warm and serene, like they are kind to themselves and others. Beautiful manners and the ability to make others feel comfortable.

I wish you the best, OP. I hope you are able to give back to yourself and feel as beautiful as you are.

I feel your pain op-I look a mess always. Medium height and size but have hair that is frizzy, and not in the nice way, but then doesn’t suit me straight either and with waves I look like I’ve tried too hard!!! I once went to a spa with friends and in their dressing gowns they looked elegant while I looked like a kid! Some people just look more put together unfortunately. If you’ve found something you clicked with, great, but remember you can look nice and not have to be ‘done up’. I’d say you can be lucky in charity shops, h and m or new look, and actually recently I tried on a shapeless, navy maxi dress with pockets in m&s that made me feel the way you described and for some reason it was 18euro (I didn’t get it and regret it so much!!)

I use the Dior Glow nail polish on short nails and it gives a lovely natural ‘done but not done’ look.

The Dior is expensive but Nails Inc do a good dupe.

If you’re not a fan of makeup but still want something, then maybe just a bit of mascara and a lip gloss to give you a boost but still keeping it natural.

As others have said though, natural fabrics tend to look better for clothes. Making sure your clothes are ironed helps I find too (even though I have an aversion to it) and then generally looking after them (fixing buttons, hems that sort of thing) just keeps things in good shape.

Don't wear skinny jeans. Keep your eyebrows good- not too thin. Decent teeth and a neat French manicure

Literally ! White tips is so elegant short and clean

Ironed clothes in natural fabrics
Neutral colours
Minimal make up (no thick foundation or smudgy mascara)
Brows groomed - use just for men beard dye if you can't afford a tint
Neat clean nails in neutral colour
Hair groomed so it's not frizzy
Carry a hair brush around with you!

You say this, but if I don't carry a hair brush with me, I look like a witch after a couple of hours

She says she doesn't wear makeup. No idea why people don't read the thread.

I don’t wear make up either. I wouldn’t say I’m put together but I can’t recommend highly enough getting your eyebrows shaped and coloured and your lashes tinted. I try and go every 4-6 weeks. It makes such a difference and my face looks instantly better for it. I don’t regularly get facials but the difference they make is astonishing as well. Simple, easy to car for hair cuts as well.

The tip on wearing cream clothing is a good one. It can make you look elevated.

I also agree a manicure and some lashes helps. I'm 40.

I appreciate these suggestions and I understand why they make a difference but I can’t afford regular beauty treatments and facials!

Primark is awful these days. For cheap clothes have a look on Shein. Can get some lovely dresses on there. It's very hit and miss but it's free returns so I buy loads and send back what I don't like.

Ah apologies. I only pay a tenner to get my eyebrows done monthly, but appreciate even a tenner is tight in the current climate. Hope other suggestions have been more useful x

You do realise it will probably go into landfill? Shein is also notoriously poor quality and ships from china.

She said “I can’t wear make up either as I look like a little girl playing at dressing up! But I need to be more experimental possibly.”

Which suggests she is potentially open to the idea.

@Yorkshirelass04 I've got a few dresses from Shein, all good quality, never had any issues. I've never had to throw anything away

Yeah, but all the advice not to cake it on and not wear false eyelashes seems redundant, but hey. I'm sure she's taking all this on board.

I know you say you feel like a girl playing dress up on make up but for me, getting my skin ok makes me feel a lot better. A light foundation helps enormously - the right one will just even out your skin and might make you feel better. If you have £15 then it could be worth asking somewhere like Boots to see if they can find a shade that doesn’t make you feel like it’s caked on. I normally just wear foundation and a cheek tint, Revolution do a sort of shiny balm that gives you colour without looking like an old fashioned blusher (which makes me look like a clown too!)

If I want to look a bit smarter I wear chinos instead of jeans. Today I wore khaki Gap chinos from Vinted, a tucked in cap sleeve T-shirt from Next, and a pair of fake Birkenstock from Asda which are divinely comfortable and just £12. Not expensive, but felt much better than jeans an a round neck T-shirt. I look terrible in the kind of floaty or mid length stuff that is “in” at the moment so avoid it like the plague.

Take it slow, but IMO just feeling as if your skin is a bit better and your hair is tidy can make a huge difference.

My point was that when you over order and send back, the clothes tend to get dumped. They aren't resold. Aside from that, Shein has a pretty poor environmental record.

I do not want to derail the thread, but I thought the issue was how they treat their workers.

On the not derailing front, I think you look more put together if you wear simple earrings, if you have your ears pierced, just don't take them out, go for something really classic, a gold stud or similar. Also a good quality bag can really lift an outfit, it's the thing worth spending some money on or looking out for a good quality brand on vinted.

Also I know you said you don't wear make up, but a tinted moisturiser depending on what shade you are in the first place might make you look a bit more polished, even just a basic BB cream, the Garnier one is good.

Agreed. White tip nails and lots of Primark jewellery is definitely not going to have the desired effect.

This is such good, simple advice. Subtle lash extensions look fabulous on everyone. Even the Royals have them

Could I ask a quick question of all those recommending natural fibres only like cotton and linen. How to keep clothes from getting creased and crumpled? I always feel
like these items look so elegant and classy on the models but in real life look a mess

Wear what suits you. The right shape and the right colours.

Study other people a lot. Think about why some people look good and others look like a sack of spuds. So often it's attitude, but generally well dressed women wear only 2 or 3 colours in shades that suit them, have a good hair cut, match their accessories with their outfit & wear decent shoes.

Cream is fine if it suits you. Terrible if it doesn't. Likewise hair extensions. Great on some people, but others look like they've been dragged through a hedge backwards - and that's never a good look. Often really well dressed women have short hair and break a lot of so call rules.

I only wear cotton or linen in the summer, I iron while the items are damp, and hang them up. I know what you mean about linen, but I've not found it too bad if it's been ironed well when it's damp. Cotton is fine and doesn't usually crease too much during wear. I genuinely don't know how people wear polyester when it's warm.