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Original poster

To look less haggard??

82 replies

Imamumgetmeoutofhere · 08/05/2023 17:53

How to I manage to look less haggard? My delightful "D" H said to me a while back that I always look haggard these days. Whilst I was offended he said it I think he's actually a bit right. I've got lines on my forehead, lines between my eyebrows and great big dark circles under my eyes. My skin is oily on my forehead, nose and chin yet flaky on my cheeks. My hair is oily at the scalp yet really dry and frizzy down the main lengths due to mostly washing and straightening daily and am just starting to get my first few greys.

With my hair I'm getting it cut and having an Olaplex treatment soon and then plan to follow the curly girl method afterwards as I'm naturally wavy so I know it's just rebelling to all the heat and styling.

I know I can't fix the wrinkles without Botox which I'm not prepared to do, but is there anything I can do for my skin so it's less crap and tired looking.

I'm 36. I don't get a lot of sleep due to early starts and late finishes with work and being a bit overwhelmed in the home. But I want people to look at me and not judge me for my appearance which is I'm worried they do after the comment from my husband. I've never worried before now, I just thought I looked like your typical mum. Now I'm worried I'm a mess.

Thank you

OP posts:
coloursquare · 08/05/2023 17:59

Cheeky swine

EezyOozy · 08/05/2023 18:02

Mostly here to follow but I found the following help:

keeping my hair shorter . I have a blunt bob now… if it gets too long it looks really straggly which is ageing

whitening my teeth

drinking less booze (I’m not tee total but trying to to drink regularly)

sleeping as much as I can (I’ve two young kids so not easy)

being realistic with my wardrobe. I mostly wear jeans ,leggings t shirts and jumpers… so I try to get good quality flattering ones on colours that suit me (recently had colour analysis !).

I do get Botox 3 x per year and that has been the main thing to keep the lines at bay… although I understand you’re not up for it

EezyOozy · 08/05/2023 18:02

(I have to add - I don’t do any of this for my husband but for myself !!)

Original poster
Imamumgetmeoutofhere · 08/05/2023 18:04

coloursquare · 08/05/2023 17:59

Cheeky swine

Oh I know. But now I'm worried I look like shit all all the time.

In the almost 19 years we have been together he's clearly aged too. He had grey hair, bigger boobs than me and an old man's chin but I'd never say those things to him. People age.

But it's always the woman who's expected to look good. Despite working 11 hour days 2 days a week and 6 hours the 3rd day. Then doing all the housework and pretty much all the stuff the kids need. Clearly I'm going to look worse for it as I have less time for me.

I used to think I was ok for my age and reasonable looking. Now now 😭

OP posts:
AdoraBell · 08/05/2023 18:07

Tell him he doesn’t look like Micheal Angelo’s David statue.

Original poster
Imamumgetmeoutofhere · 08/05/2023 18:07

EezyOozy · 08/05/2023 18:02

(I have to add - I don’t do any of this for my husband but for myself !!)

I think the Botox thing is more because it would be obvious I've done it rather than not wanting it done if that makes sense

OP posts:
ArianahX · 08/05/2023 18:08

Well you can loose circa 15 stone for a start

NormaTheWife · 08/05/2023 18:08

Maybe people don't look at you like that? In fact I suspect they don't.

However as others have said get more sleep - can you get a cleaner once a week? Charge it to your husband and tell him it's part of your strategy to get less haggard. 😂

Sorry to say but premature wrinkles will age you and you are young. They are only going to get worse. Only Botox will help with those. Use sunscreen too.

A moisturiser, some basic make up and of course your hair will help too. Choose clothes carefully - go for neutrals.

ArianahX · 08/05/2023 18:09

Then you'll look happy not haggard!
In fact I doubt you look haggard at all.

NormaTheWife · 08/05/2023 18:09

AdoraBell · 08/05/2023 18:07

Tell him he doesn’t look like Micheal Angelo’s David statue.

but he is acting like one - a dick 😂

NormaTheWife · 08/05/2023 18:10

Imamumgetmeoutofhere · 08/05/2023 18:07

I think the Botox thing is more because it would be obvious I've done it rather than not wanting it done if that makes sense

Show quote history

Why do you think it will look obvious? And to who?

Original poster
Imamumgetmeoutofhere · 08/05/2023 18:12

NormaTheWife · 08/05/2023 18:08

Maybe people don't look at you like that? In fact I suspect they don't.

However as others have said get more sleep - can you get a cleaner once a week? Charge it to your husband and tell him it's part of your strategy to get less haggard. 😂

Sorry to say but premature wrinkles will age you and you are young. They are only going to get worse. Only Botox will help with those. Use sunscreen too.

A moisturiser, some basic make up and of course your hair will help too. Choose clothes carefully - go for neutrals.

I say wrinkles I don't know if they are wrinkles or just your typical forehead lines plus those lines between your eyebrows that appear when you frown if that makes sense? Can you get Botox that's less that obvious, I mean so it only takes a bit away, not all of it? I don't want the frozen face look

OP posts:
NormaTheWife · 08/05/2023 18:20

Imamumgetmeoutofhere · 08/05/2023 18:12

I say wrinkles I don't know if they are wrinkles or just your typical forehead lines plus those lines between your eyebrows that appear when you frown if that makes sense? Can you get Botox that's less that obvious, I mean so it only takes a bit away, not all of it? I don't want the frozen face look

Show quote history

Of course you can.

anothermansmother · 08/05/2023 18:30

I'm 39 and a few years ago decided that I had to start taking care of myself as no one else would. Firstly start with drinking more water, I have a routine for morning and night with skincare and don't deviate from it. My skin went awful, dry in patches, oily and spotty in others. I use la Roche facial wash, serum and moistures. In addition to making sure I moisturise my body each morning after my shower.
I also make time for some light exercise and take supplements, it's made a huge difference, and more do to my head space. It's hard when everything falls to you and being gone is like a second job, so delegate as many chores to your partner as possible 😉

anothermansmother · 08/05/2023 18:32

Also with your hair, make sure you're shampooing twice ( roots only first time) and preferably with an anti dandruff shampoo, then conditioner (ends only). My roots get terribly oily even hours after if I don't.

Purplecatshopaholic · 08/05/2023 18:33

Sounds like you are getting your hair sorted the way you want it, and no doubt even that in itself will make you feel tons better. Your DH is a bit of a shit btw! Wee bit of Botox between the eye brows would works wonders and not necessarily even be noticeable - you’ll just look better. Agree re get a cleaner - game changer. Decent concealer is a must for me - I just feel so much better with a little bit under the eyes.
Everything I do on the ‘maintenance’ front I do for me btw - partner would be horrified to know I get Botox now and again, but hasn’t a clue - that’s how subtle it can be if done right.

Original poster
Imamumgetmeoutofhere · 08/05/2023 19:10

Can anyone recommend a brand of under eye concealer and a foundation then that won't be obvious I'm wearing it? I find it hard to find one that works for my combination skin.

Also skin care. No matter what moisturiser I use on my face, I'm shiny hours later which isn't a good look at all

OP posts:
EezyOozy · 08/05/2023 19:41

Oh I use biore watery essence primer , it’s factor 50 and mattifying

itwasntmetho · 08/05/2023 20:15

You want baby Botox, it softens but doesn’t erase and leaves you with some movement.
try a derm subscription like skin & me or dermatica it’s about £20 a month and takes the guess work out of serious skincare you send them a picture of your face and they blend you a prescription skin care cream.

Use spf 50.

itwasntmetho · 08/05/2023 20:20

Ive never had a product keep me Matt the whole day but keep a packet of red rizla papers on you and blot when you use the toilet/ leave some in your car for when you arrive somewhere it’s far more natural than powdering.
Nivea face spf 50 shine control is good, still will need to blot though.

PaperwhiteTheGhost · 08/05/2023 20:21

Skincare skincare skincare.

I'm 36. I look about 28. People ask my secret- partly genes of course and the fact I've never smoked but I've been diligent about skincare since I was in my teens. I never ever ever sleep with makeup on (I have Drunk Paperwhite well trained) and cleanse tone and moisturise every day.

A bit of clever makeup also helps. I like Maybelline age eraser for under the eyes plus some mascara and bronzer. Maybe some highlighter if I'm feeling fancy.

Your husband is a prick though, I bet you look fine.

OutOfMyPocket · 08/05/2023 20:26

You'll automatically feel and look brighter and lighter if you ditch the DH.

Paperbagsaremine · 08/05/2023 20:30

There is something called The Ordinary which is basically caffeine drops to apply to baggy skin under the eyes to tighten them up a bit.
Otherwise things like exercise where you get your heart rate up, weight training to make you leaner and with better posture, and last but not least, getting extra sleep, well, each one of those requires extra time.

Cheapest time saver is a delivery pass for reliable online supermarket shops.
If you don't want the hassle of a cleaner, a big win is robot hoover and mop.
And if DH wants a less haggard missus then DUH he needs to help you get more sleep ;)

MeetMyCat · 08/05/2023 20:31

A tiny touch of facial self tanner can make a big difference