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Original poster

To look less haggard??

82 replies

Imamumgetmeoutofhere · 08/05/2023 17:53

How to I manage to look less haggard? My delightful "D" H said to me a while back that I always look haggard these days. Whilst I was offended he said it I think he's actually a bit right. I've got lines on my forehead, lines between my eyebrows and great big dark circles under my eyes. My skin is oily on my forehead, nose and chin yet flaky on my cheeks. My hair is oily at the scalp yet really dry and frizzy down the main lengths due to mostly washing and straightening daily and am just starting to get my first few greys.

With my hair I'm getting it cut and having an Olaplex treatment soon and then plan to follow the curly girl method afterwards as I'm naturally wavy so I know it's just rebelling to all the heat and styling.

I know I can't fix the wrinkles without Botox which I'm not prepared to do, but is there anything I can do for my skin so it's less crap and tired looking.

I'm 36. I don't get a lot of sleep due to early starts and late finishes with work and being a bit overwhelmed in the home. But I want people to look at me and not judge me for my appearance which is I'm worried they do after the comment from my husband. I've never worried before now, I just thought I looked like your typical mum. Now I'm worried I'm a mess.

Thank you

OP posts:
doadeer · 08/05/2023 20:39

Wow that's so rude.

I wouldn't focus at all on beautifying. You work really hard and balance a lot. When you have any time to yourself do something relaxing. Go to a yoga class at the weekend, try a sound bath, read in the bath.

Bringonthesunforthewashing · 08/05/2023 20:42

he said what?!!!!!!!! 🤔

FatAgainItsLettuceTime · 08/05/2023 20:43

I'm 39 and have had my 'oh my god I'm looking old' moment recently.

What I'm doing is:

  • lots of water to hydrate
  • trying really hard to make sure I get at least 7 hrs sleep, have gotten into the habit of about 5 hrs a night over the last 10 yrs
  • bought some L'Oréal expert day cream, night cream, eye stuff and toner. So I wash my face, use the toner, day cream and eye cream in the morning then in the evening wash my face and night cream.
  • had my eyebrows shaped, not the HD or anything fancy just threaded and tidied up.
  • planning to get eyelash lift and tong but need to get a skin test and I have some allergies so that might not happen. If not will just actually put mascara on every day.

I don't wear makeup so can't help with foundation or concealer.

coxesorangepippin · 08/05/2023 20:44

He needs to do the housework whilst you go for a nap/pedicure/shag another fella?

Kickingupmerrybehaviour · 08/05/2023 20:46

Just get the Botox. You won’t regret it. I’m 38. Been having it since 30. Botox is really no big deal. It just smooths you out and gives you a refresh. It’s fillers were you’re on dodgy ground. I’m resisting that until 40 at least

Seas164 · 08/05/2023 20:49

I'm just reeling at the cheek of the fucker.. haggard?!

WonkyHare · 08/05/2023 20:50

ArianahX · 08/05/2023 18:08

Well you can loose circa 15 stone for a start

Took me a while to get this! Comment of the night 😎

Wishona · 08/05/2023 21:05

doadeer · 08/05/2023 20:39

Wow that's so rude.

I wouldn't focus at all on beautifying. You work really hard and balance a lot. When you have any time to yourself do something relaxing. Go to a yoga class at the weekend, try a sound bath, read in the bath.

I’ve actually done all those self care things today! Just got in a bath with a book, sound bath earlier and yoga. Was just reflecting on whether I’m a bit selfish. I had years of putting myself bottom of the pile though. I agree, prioritise yourself more.

Original poster
Imamumgetmeoutofhere · 08/05/2023 21:11

Seas164 · 08/05/2023 20:49

I'm just reeling at the cheek of the fucker.. haggard?!

Yep. And he's been going grey since he was 24 (he's 38 now) so a bit of a fucking cheek.

But it's made me realise perhaps I am looking a little old before my time really. It's probably the last few years that's done it. Working in a healthcare role during covid has not been a fun time, especially without much support at home. The kids try and help where they can but theres only so much you can expect from kids

OP posts:
Weatherwax13 · 08/05/2023 21:15

Did you feel so self conscious and down on yourself before your husband said this? It was a bloody awful thing to say. Projection much??

Original poster
Imamumgetmeoutofhere · 08/05/2023 21:18

Weatherwax13 · 08/05/2023 21:15

Did you feel so self conscious and down on yourself before your husband said this? It was a bloody awful thing to say. Projection much??

Not really. I'm quite overweight so have been self conscious about this but not my looks. I'm no looker, just your average mum but even I'll
admit I pretty much always look a bit tired.

OP posts:
ImAvingOops · 08/05/2023 21:21

My sister had a bit of baby Botox recently - despite not being keen on the idea, I have to admit it's bloody marvellous. She still has movement but all her deep wrinkles in her forehead have disappeared. It's not at all obvious either because she can still move her face.

That aside, I think that if your husband is comfortable being critical of you, you need to be less polite and careful of his feelings and let him hear back that he's aged snd got moobs!

Weatherwax13 · 08/05/2023 21:26

You'd look less tired if he pulled his weight and you had time to rest or just do what you like once in a while. Maybe get the haircut, use the botox, buy the face cream and then become a fabulously confident single woman. Don't let him crush your self esteem.

BeverlyBrook · 08/05/2023 21:58

Apart from ditching the 15 stone, a few things you can do on a more practical level.

Drink more water.
Get more sleep.

What do you wash your face with and when? Switch to only at night with a creamy wash that is massaged in. A few drops of olive oil and see how your skin feels in the morning.

Spf every day. Add another couple of drops of olive oil if you are still dry.

Concealer- the absolute best is YSL touch éclat concealer. Not the radiance one. It comes in different shades. Non drying, stays on and can't tell it's there.

BeverlyBrook · 08/05/2023 21:59

Definitely a hair cut.
And write out all the house jobs that need done. Highlight which ones he does. Discuss as a couple what you can outsource or he does.

doadeer · 08/05/2023 22:09

You look tired because you are tired.

Focus on that for yourself not because your dick head husband was rude

AuraBora · 08/05/2023 22:11

Gosh I am so surprised how commonplace Botox is..I had no idea!

OP I'm sure I look pretty 'haggard myself (at 40), mainly due to my greying rather straggly long hair (which I don't get cut and coloured enough but am going to try to get on the case with) and poor sleep - due to toddler...
I did start using a vitamin c cream/serum recently and that definitely makes my skin feel brighter.

I'd be really annoyed if my husband said I look haggard tho. We both admit we should take more care of ourselves but hes never gone as far as using that kind of term about me!

5128gap · 08/05/2023 22:11

OutOfMyPocket · 08/05/2023 20:26

You'll automatically feel and look brighter and lighter if you ditch the DH.

This. Living with someone who would say such a thing must be pretty miserable and unhappiness really drags you down.

Casba · 08/05/2023 22:14

L'Oréal revitalift is good for wrinkles. Max factor miracle touch foundation, applied with a brush. Always use sunscreen on back of hands and neck. Less or no alcohol. As much sleep as possible. A good cut and hair colour.

OutOfMyPocket · 08/05/2023 22:14

I hear a new lover can bring a glow to the cheeks too and help one look less haggard!

Casba · 08/05/2023 22:15

Oh and get rid of stress eg a rubbish dp.

TwoFluffyDogsOnMyBed · 08/05/2023 22:39

I’m slightly obsessive but I have a four day cycle:

Day 1: dermarolling (buy from Amazon)
Day 2: Tretinoin (I use retirides and buy from Spain but you could just get Skin&Me).
Day 3: fake tan
Day 4: Exfoliate and face mask

Don't drink and have plenty of Omega 3 fatty acids. SPF 50.

MonsterRehab23 · 08/05/2023 23:43

What a horrible comment to make. I bet you look lovely OP. If it makes you feel any better, I’m a similar age, I have pale skin that wrinkles easily- I can’t afford Botox.

Overall I definitely look a bit haggard these days. I do find though I look better when I’ve slept and eating well. Getting hair cut/eyebrows done definitely helps give you a boost too.

ColdBrewInSummer · 09/05/2023 02:09

Here’s my routine that keeps me feeling better. I have a few ‘concerns’ similar to those you listed.

  1. very basic skincare routine. I use all fragrance free - cleanser, then toner, retinol (at night), cream. In the day will follow up with a factor 50 sunscreen. I don’t spend a lot on my cosmetics - Cerave is pretty good. It’s made a lot of difference to my skin!

  2. I will use some Tan Luxe drops in my facial moisturiser a few times a week just to add a little colour. I also use Bondi Sands dry oil with a mitt on my body if I need a bit of colour. Both very easy to use, which is great for me as I am lazy.

  3. For hair, I use a tea tree shampoo (helps with oil) and then always use a conditioner. I then apply air dry cream (the Sun Bum one is great!). Hair dries nicely and naturally with no frizz! I also have a Revlon blow dry hot brush if I need to style my hair which is also easy to use.

  4. not really related to looks but I always wear perfume and a bit of nice smelling moisturiser on my neck/chest - clarins is nice and smells clean, Laura Mercier smells like holidays! Smelling nice makes me feel really put together and confident!

a little exercise puts colour in your cheeks, lots of water, good diet with lots of veggies and fruit, getting in the fresh air everyday, getting enough sleep also all helps. I know all easier said than done though!

On a side note, I’m sorry that your husband made that comment. I know how much these things can be upsetting. Make sure you’re making these changes so that it benefits you and your mood, not just for your husband.

keffie12 · 09/05/2023 03:10

Imamumgetmeoutofhere · 08/05/2023 17:53

How to I manage to look less haggard? My delightful "D" H said to me a while back that I always look haggard these days. Whilst I was offended he said it I think he's actually a bit right. I've got lines on my forehead, lines between my eyebrows and great big dark circles under my eyes. My skin is oily on my forehead, nose and chin yet flaky on my cheeks. My hair is oily at the scalp yet really dry and frizzy down the main lengths due to mostly washing and straightening daily and am just starting to get my first few greys.

With my hair I'm getting it cut and having an Olaplex treatment soon and then plan to follow the curly girl method afterwards as I'm naturally wavy so I know it's just rebelling to all the heat and styling.

I know I can't fix the wrinkles without Botox which I'm not prepared to do, but is there anything I can do for my skin so it's less crap and tired looking.

I'm 36. I don't get a lot of sleep due to early starts and late finishes with work and being a bit overwhelmed in the home. But I want people to look at me and not judge me for my appearance which is I'm worried they do after the comment from my husband. I've never worried before now, I just thought I looked like your typical mum. Now I'm worried I'm a mess.

Thank you

Get your hair done. I think you said you are. Get your hair trimmed regularly so your hair is healthy and condition as well when you wash it

Then, invest in a good skincare routine. It doesn't need to take long daily or cost a lot. Here's the list with type. Use them in the order I give.

Face cleanser - CeraVe (Boots also available on Amazon)

Toner - doesn't need to cost a lot.

Eyecream - CeraVe (as above available at)

Day cream - CeraVe

Night Cream - Cerave

A weekly facamask, too. None of those items coat more than £15. You can get toner for a few pounds.

Use the toner on good quality tisses

It will help the quality of your skin. That will get you started