Thread for women who will not be defeated by menopause/ peri

[Marmaladegin]

I'm 42 and have recently been diagnosed with peri. To be clear, I'm comfortable with my age. But I need to find a style that I find both comfortable and hip, and not feel that everything is sliding downhill into being someone I don't recognise. I do not love the term "princessing" but I suppose this thread is about "queening", and also clothes stuff. Here are the challenges I'm experiencing, that I'm intending to battle and would love company.

Hi 👋🏻
52 short and have put on a stone from size 8/10 to 12

I've just been shopping and my god what is going on with the sizing out there!?
Bought a size 12 pair of cargo shorts from M&S and I can barely do them up! The fit is horrendous, tried on an old pair from a few years ago size 10 and they still fit. Some other old things of mine are a bit big. I thought I had lost weight since last year. I was really depressed until I tried on my old clothes.
I'm surprised by M&S to be honest!

H&M is also terrible sizing a 14 barely fits , yet a 10 in another style is loose!

Solidarity with all of you going through this stage of your lives. I'm 54 and am now officially out of it but can certainly sympathise and recognise what so many of you are going through. I found the emotional side of menopause worse than the physical symptoms but appreciate I was lucky in that respect.

I certainly can echo what so many have said about diet and exercise, especially weight bearing and resistance. I happened to see this book recommended in my mum's copy of Woman's Weekly and thought it might be of interest
Book to a few of you. For me, adding more protein to my diet in the way of beans, pulses etc helped me a lot.

I took a magnesium supplement to help me sleep after a recommendation on MN from someone Night Time. Also took a general vitamin B multi-vitamin and got outside as much as possible which never fails to lift my mood.

Now is the time to be kind to ourselves and start to put our needs first (easier said than done, I know!). I'm much less of a people pleaser now.

You are never out of menopause. Menopause just means over one year without a period. Many women will experience symptoms for the rest of their lives. Some women of course don't have symptoms/ have only mild symptoms/symptoms stop but Menopause lasts forever.

This is a good thread.

Thoughts!

I've always been very centered in myself, very happy with my physicality, I've always enjoyed being me. Messy womanhood and all. It's always been ok.

So, what I would say (I menopaused three years ago) is find a way to be absolutely at ease with yourself.

The way you look to the world is secondary to the way you feel about you.

YOU project your image.

Be fit, be healthy, be bloody happy about the one body you're ever going to live in.

And be happy about the brain that resides in your skull.

And if you can't do it alone, get help, find a way. Just talk to other women. As professionals or friends.

And that might all sound a bit trite but I'm very passionate about women feeling at home with womanhood.

It's a wonderful thing to be comfortable with.

Thank you for this thread @Marmaladegin , it’s lifted me today.

I need to read back through it as there are so many great suggestions, just place marking for now but will be back!

I agree, thank you; it's given me a lift knowing there are other women feeling the same way, it's not just me feeling lost.
I've always felt quite comfortable in my skin, until around a year ago. I know I will get back there, but I need to work at it. Knowing others have got there has helped.

@ProstituteHair Your post is exactly what I would have wanted to say, but probably couldn't have put so eloquently. I feel as those this is now a new phase in my life and I mean to go into it with my head high.

Wanted to recommend this Sugarhill Brighton jumper, though possibly too ubiquitous in certain parts of London! Flattering and non-clingy on my peri belly, but also very light and does not cause me to overheat on the tube. I struggle to find cotton and viscose jumpers. https://www.sugarhillbrighton.com/products/k0593-rita-jumper-navy-retro-stripes?pr_prod_strat=use_description&pr_rec_id=3161e4d75&pr_rec_pid=

Lovely thread. I’m 47 and my body changed after last baby at 41 and I’ve now realised it’s not going to change back! Ive found my style has completely changed right down to the underwear I wear. I cannot bear tight bras or pants now and am much more sensitive to scratchy materials generally. I’ve gone for a process of acceptance rather than tonnes of exercise/dieting etc.

So thrilled so many of us are enjoying this thread! Has lifted my entire mood about thinking about menopause.

Recently I have been much better at doing regular power yoga (class and app) and eating well (although tiredness and long working hours mean I fall off the wagon at about 7pm... need to work on that.

That book looks great @Sagittariusrising - does it have a reasonable number of vegetarian recipes?

I was very early menopausal at 42, and learned to dress in layers for wicked hot flashes, but they have mostly stopped now (except sometimes at night). I'm now 61.

I think I dress reasonably fashionably, follow trends only that suit me. I'm mostly in jeans and cargos due to very casual work, but try to keep tops and shoes on trend.

The main thing I struggle with is waists on jeans since I have gained a bit around the middle. My waist is less defined now, so it's a bit of a challenge. I love that wider legged jeans are back, they always did suit me.

I vouch for weight lifting. I'm still overweight but fundamentally I feel strong and confident in my own body and it's capability and that is important.

I wear what the flip I want to - my main concession is that I don't do any heels. Trainers and flats and occasional small wedges are as far as I go.

I look after my hair ( long, swishy and highlighted) and skin as much as possible. My features are decent so I make the most of what I do have.

I aim for 'modern' as opposed to young - works better for me.

I love this thread, thanks @Marmaladegin. In answer to your question on skincare, for rosacea (which has appeared for me in last five years) niacinamide and azaelic acid (the ordinary) work wonders for me.

The advice here is great. I’m 50, been on HRT for last year. It’s worked well on night sweats and the lost feeling I had, I feel more connected. I’d love some advice from posters.

Whats working well: skincare, HRT, magnesium glycinate for sleep (amazing stuff). Botox - just had it - really lifted my face. Dog walking every day - the feeling of being outside. The mental health aspects are so important. Some wardrobe stuff - but that middle section is a challenge). Diet ish - I need to low carb but sticking to it hard. But not eating sugar is easy for me (but leaving the cheese alone is more of an issue).

whats hard - exercising. I’m struggling with this. Those of you who weight train etc. How do you manage to fit it in and keep it sustained? Full time work, the dog, the teens etc. I just feel so tired and can’t quite get there to fit it into my day. By the end of work I’m mentally knackered to take anything else on. Encouraging seeing people say the difference it’s made.

I booked a 6 week beginners Weight lifting course at a time I thought would be doable and made myself go. I told the family that I'd booked it and was really looking forward to it so if they had to wait for lifts etc it was just tough! (We live somewhere with no public transport and two kids can't drive yet)

It doesn't matter how tired I am, it always puts a smile on my face

@Treacletart9 - also work FT and have one son ( 12). No dog and no commute though.
I bought myself a mat, a bench and a set of digital dumblells.
I use the fit bod app which customizes workouts to me, the time available, which muscle groups are recovers and my available equipment. Really recommend.
Some days I only do 15 mins - other days I'll do longer. Hope that helps

@SarahDippity I have started getting teen style break outs, currently have two big zits on my chin

i am 51 and so must be peri, not sure where my hormones are at or what this means 😁

googled it and it may be due to low Oestrogen

I am open to trying HRT, but how do you know if you need it, and how much?

as you don’t’t know where your hormone levels are at ? Am still having regular periods….

it’s a guessing game

Not everyone's periods are effected during perimenopause. Mine weren't. The break outs could be indicative, so it's worth looking at the bigger picture and see if you have any other symptoms. I find this list the most comprehensive

It's also worth having a chat with your GP but be advised that some aren't knowledgeable or even interested in perimenopause and menopause.

With HRT, you start off on a small dose and see it it alleviates your symptoms. You stick with the small dose for 3 months minimum iirc and then go up gradually if you need to.
I recommend the patches - you just stick them on and change every 3 days. But definitely check the list of symptoms as there are loads of things that aren't the obvious hot flushes. I had terrible anxiety - o didn't even realise it was a symptom until I started HRT and the anxiety went away.

ooh, great thread, can I join? I'm 57 and my menopause occurred at 51. I'd been symptomatic for about 4 years beforehand, and then having an ovary removed pushed me into actual menopause. I started HRT a good while after my last period.

HRT (which will be prised from my cold, dead fingers) for me is oestrogen gel, progesterone tablets, oestrogen vaginal cream and, from a couple of years ago, testosterone gel to boost libido. The NICE guidelines on HRT/menopause are a good foundation for a conversation with your GP if you are struggling to get help from that quarter.

Combined with the right exercise regime (in my case, yoga, pilates, ballet, walking 7k steps a day, more when I can) sorted out my joint pain, tendonitis, plantar fascitis, hot flushes, sleeplessness, lack of horniness and verve, and anxiety. I also gave up drinking (closely linked to giving up a crap job) and changed my eating patterns to a rough 16:8 and this helped me lose a stone and improved my sleeping and concentration no end.

On clothing styles: I like COS for their high waisted, wide-legged trousers which I find smooths things out quite nicely. Also their linen shirts and shirt dresses. I also like Mother of Pearl's trousers. Nice scarves (cotton, silk, wool, whatever) help with chilly necklines that can feel a bit scraggy and exposed these days.

I am rubbish in T-shirts - I'd love to do that classic white T look, but I'm broad-shouldered, not much bust, small rib-cage and if I don't nip in my contours somewhat across the torso, then I look like a block of flats. So I've learned to go for neat little shirts and get darts put in where needed.

If you are a bit sweaty, and, like me, partial to a silk shirt, then Sweatshield undershirts are brilliant. Stop any damp patches and their resulting stains.

Echoing all the PPs who say get the right bra. That includes style/shape as well as size - I don't have much breast tissue on the upper half of my breasts, so a balcony style rather than a plunge is better for me. Good old M&S do nice ones from £14.

There's a cracking book by Alyson Walsh, Know Your Style, which I came across in a charity shop. It's not explicitly targeted at middle aged women, but it sort of absolutely is. Loads of great ideas, role models and sources for brands - like really good flat shoes.

Oh, and the exercise regime sounds a lot, but it's all YouTube at home - well, some days I manage to do proper workouts, 30 minutes plus. Other days it's more a question of doing relevés and pliés and balances while I clean my teeth and make coffee. But if you try and do even 5-10 minutes twice a day, every day - hold a plank, do 5 press-ups, push up into a downward dog, raise one leg as high as you can from there, raise the other - you will get the benefit.

I am Bo-curious - I really am coming round to the idea of Botox as so many people seem to use it. And my forehead could certainly use the help. Is 57 too late? Does it help around the mouth (really don't want to try fillers)? And would I be on a pathway to spending thousands to maintain matters over the next decade?

Bo-curious!

Love it 😊

You could always just go for a consultation, but I wouldn't say it's too late. Not at all.

In terms of exercise, I go to a PT for one hour a week, then do two sessions of 'homework' using resistance bands, kettlebells and dumbbells. There's usually a short stint of cardio at the end of each weight session - maybe 10-15 minutes of interval running to take advantage of the body being in fat-burning mode. It takes about an hour altogether.

Then I'll do a longer run at the weekend. I do Jeffing on the advice of a physio, as I've had hip injuries from running in the past.

I go to a yoga class once a week and practice stretches at home when I feel the need to stretch out.

I also do 10,000 steps a day, as I have four dogs, who all need a walk.

I also do outdoor swimming at the local lake during the summer months.

I'm certainly not at my thinnest, and still have the mum tum, but I know I'm stronger than I've ever been, and I love it when my strength takes me or dh by surprise 'in real life'! It's a nice feeling lifting heavier weights, but it's even better to see people do a double take when I lift a piece of furniture or whatever!

Thanks @bunnybunnybunnybunny that is a good list, I only have 4 of the 49 symptoms so far

my GP has already put a prescription in the pipeline for me for Estrogel when I got my coil fitted 3 months ago.

she said that way I can get it as soon as I think I need it 😁😁😁 (she’s a woman in her 50s, she places no obstacles)

@Marmaladegin according to Waterstones it's not published for a while so I can't help you there. Pauline Cox is on Facebook and online so it might be worth messaging https://www.facebook.com/pauline.cox.9889/ if you want more info.

That list looked useful but I had to stop reading it because of the use of the word, 'spastic'. Not heard/seen it for over 35 years until today, thank goodness.