Totally lost - mid life crisis cry for help.

[BeretRaspberry]

Hi,

There’s a TL:DR bit at the bottom as I have waffled a bit.

As the title says, I’m literally lost with my appearance. I’m 47, perimenopausal, fat and grey haired. I grew my colour out due to sensitivity to dyes and on its own, I actually love it, it’s a bright silvery colour, however, I’m so pale
(always have been) so I just looked washed out.

I’m also a size 22 at 5’6”..and I’m ok with that in theory, but I am utterly sick of trying to find clothes that fit well. That is the only superficial thing I don’t like about being fat.

When I was slim, I used to dress ‘well’..not always expensively but I always got compliments on being put together and looking classy/polished (but not boring).

I’ve noticed a lot of plus size clothing is made of polyester and the like, and is often ditsy, cold shouldered, butterfly prints which I absolutely hate! Or it’s like 50’s pin up style or quirky prints (Popsy dresses as an example). These are absolutely fantastic on other people but they’re just not ‘me’.

I’ve had my colours done but finding clothes in my colours is even harder than finding clothes that will cover my body.

TL:DR bit

My questions (if you got this far) are - have you any tips for looking a bit less deathly pale without looking clown like in makeup?

Has anyone any experience of having larger clothes tailored to fit properly and if so, can you share your experiences. Or even having clothes made from scratch.

And lastly, and recommendations for how to look ‘put together, ‘classy but not frumpy’ as a size 22?

Please and thank you!

I'm much older than you and size 14 at 5 and a half feet. I did go up to size 18 at one stage but had to get rid of it.

I live in jeans and jumpers. Tbh I can only recommend losing weight, not only for fashion and style but also for health. Not much help, I'm afraid. Good luck. I hope you get some more useful answers.

I'd look at tanning drops.

Re the make up thing, I’m also pale and similar age - don’t really want to wear foundation any more in case it settles in lines, so use a variety of tinted moisturisers. Love them. Instantly less pale and interesting, lol. Trinny London BFF is a nice one. I also like Avene anti-redness tinted moisturiser. Agree with above poster too, that tanning drops in your normal moisturiser can work well too.

Erborian BB cream is really good for light everyday coverage

Tinted moisturiser for not looking like a ghost. Laura Mercier is great, but I would get a Bobbi Brown counter make over - they are pretty good and if you are pale with grey hair you will need to define your eyebrows and stuff.

M and S Jeans and cords are good and go up to a generous 24. You have to look carefully for fitted cotton shirts but they can be found - mango, m and s, live unlimited, monsoon, River island, fat face, seasalt (you have to work around the twee patterns but some of their Larissa shirts are good, they are also good for jumpers).

I got a couple of stylist recommendations so if you’re in London or the SE PM if you’d like them.

I think good skin, hair and teeth are key.

I'm 58, size 18-20 5ft 6. Git sick of dressing in sacks. I've polished up my look.

Firstly hair. As a laugh during lockdown I coloured a strip of my hair blond on either side of my face - and it really brightened up my face. So I now have it done professionally as highlights with a strong blunt cut of my shoulder length hair. I'm lucky as I have a good volume of hair. It's naturally frizzy at the front so I had a kerastase treatment. I've not my nails done with shellac at the moment in dark purple. I wear a gold necklace, earrings and bracelet too. And always have dimple makeup - foubdation, eyebrow pencil, eye liner(upper lid only), mascara, blusher. I do it quickly - don't have time for taking hours over it.

I've also got a couple of outfits that I really like for winter/ spring.

Good quality fine knits or cashmere jumpers from M&S, white company (sale), hush. In black, blue, green type colours.

Worn with a long bias cut skirt and clumpy ankle boots or straight ish jeans.

Also have a tighter cowl neck cotton jumper or navy crew neck with wide leg trousers from M&S worn with trainers or heeled boots.

Both outfits worn with a long loose Zara wool coat.

Nice handbag from whistles.

I've had quite a few compliments on these outfits - I loved fashion when I was younger and slimmer and don't want to miss out.

Thanks everyone. I always thought there was a like button but I can’t find one so ‘likes’ to all.

I had a makeover at a Nars counter recently, though she used products from other brands too and I’m pleased with what I’ve got for actual makeup. That said, unless I wear a full face of it, I still look a bit washed out. I might try some tanning drops in my moisturiser or some of the tinted moisturiser recommendations. I do have the Eborian CC cream but I can’t always get away with just that because of my acne prone skin. I do use Dermatica but it’s not 100% foolproof and I still have the odd spot.

I’ve tried on so many clothes that I end up sending back. Even the M&S cashmere.. I tried their short cardigans and a 22 was too low andsloppy on my shoulders and emphasised my rounded upper arms. Then the smaller one wasn’t big enough over my boobs!😂😩

I can’t do jumpers due to the aforementioned perimenopause and hot flushes.🙈

I honestly think I might have to employ someone to make me some clothes to fit but my local seamstress is an alterations place, rather than a from scratch place. I can sew a bit and have a decent machine but no way could I do that myself.

Face : I agree with tanning drops for your face, they really do help. Gradually add them to your usual moisturiser or try the Utan light spray on one which is great for acne prone skin. I'll post you a link.

Wear a little bit of make up and especially lipstick, light bronzer and waterproof mascara. Do your brows too.

Wear earrings: they really do make everything look a bit more done.

Hair: Always try to make sure you blow dry or style it properly, you'll feel so much better. Use a texture spray for lift at the crown, Living Proof is excellent.

Nails: get them done and your toes, again you'll feel done.

Clothes: Find a local dress maker/ pattern cutter and get some ideas of price, maybe even look on Etsy, although I think you need to see someone to be fitted properly. I'll warn you, things I've had made are very expensive (hundreds) and rightly so, fabric is also very expensive and it's hard to source a good selection.

Could you create a uniform, like black trousers, good black t shirt and then add in jackets, shackets, kimonos etc over the top? Then repeat in grey, navy and white? I think Simply Be have some great bits as does M & S for the basics. All of these come in size 22...

The Utan Jamie facial tanning mist....

https://utan.co.uk/products/utan-x-jamie-tanning-water?variant=15699864453163&currency=GBP&utmmedium=producttsync&utmsource=google&utmmcontent=sagorganic&utmmcampaign=sagorganic&gccid=17859071437&haddid=612847217258&gclid=Cj0KCQiA6rCgBhDVARIsAK1kGPIZTFW5GpPPwFLUaF6Vc9lGY4qtJEtr05fLg-cmJAD4DDcxbjhXQQaAjEeEALw_wcB

I've always been deathly pale. Even if I don't wear anything else I try and put Benetint on my cheeks. As it makes me look less like a cadaver. I sometimes put a dab of touché eclat on my dark circles too.

I think a tinted moisturiser and cream blusher will help if you want that much on your face?

Have you thought about LVLs? They even do bottom lashes now. Having full lashes makes you look more awake and fresh.

I have silver hair and I love the colour (it’s not natural) but I think grey hair has a different texture to it so I would recommend looking for product to get shine back in to the beautiful colour that it is.

@MynameisBillie thank you! I might give that a look into though I use an eyelash serum and mascara and it seems to really help.

I’m actually quite lucky in that my hair is still actually quite shiny. I get regular compliments on the colour and ‘healthiness’ of it. My hair has always been shiny and the texture has hardly changed at all. The only bits I would say that have are the very ends, despite regular cuts, so I put a bit of serum on them when I notice it.

Thanks again to everyone else.

@Rina66thanks, too. I’ve had that Utan spray and it brought me out in a rash so I gave it away. No idea why, because although I have acne I don’t normally react to things. The clothes suggestions are appreciated too.

I’ve actually just discovered a woman local to me who does actual from scratch clothing, so I’m going to ring to book a consultation. She can do pretty much anything she reckons! I’m going to ask about some basics to start with.

I get you OP. 51, size 14 and feel invisible all of a sudden. I've always been pretty stylish and like clothes, but I've lost my way somewhat.

I'm grey now- presently sitting in hairdresser's!- and I'm lucky to have good hair (it's pale and looks ashy) and a brilliant hairdresser. My hair is short but with some length and I think it makes me look more thought-out having a modern hair style.

My top tip (apart from tinted mousturiser like PP) is find a lipstick that pops and really works for you. Mine is a coral and it instantly wakes my face up and everyone comments on it. A colleague said the other say that I'm always glamorous (I'm anything but! I have a child with ASN and by the time I get to work I'm exhausted already) and I think it's the lipstick.

Whilst I'm here, any recommendations for sorting my eyebrows? I was that 90s queen with thin brows and they just didn't grow back. They've always been pale anyway and are now grey/ dirty blonde. Because I'm grey I'm terrified of looking like a crazy woman with big, dark eyebrows!😀

I’m pale, and I would not want to be without Origins vitazing. It looks and feels very natural and gives you a glow no matter how washed out you look.

m.origins.co.uk/product/15352/13004/skincare/moisturise/moisturiser/vitazing/spf-15-energy-boosting-moisturizer-with-mangosteen#/sku/26067

Although expensive, Dior lip glow lipbalm is also fantastic! It reacts to your lips to give you a natural colour that will suit your skin tone.

lookincredible.co.uk/products/dior-addict-lip-glow-color-awakening-lipbalm-01-pink

I’m Australian so my recommendations are from here.
www.harlowstore.com
I love their tops and dresses
www.verge.co.nz/
Their pants are the best.
gfjeans.com.au/
Highly recommend their lustre pants.

I have been using a cream blush and highlighter to give myself a bit of warmth and glow. I use Trinny London “Just A Touch” concealer under my eyes and the red bits on my T- zone and I like it better than my tinted moisturiser.
www.bareminerals.com/makeup/face/foundation/complexion-rescue®-tinted-moisturizer-with-hyaluronic-acid-and-mineral-spf-30/USmastercomplexionrescue.html
This is great in cold weather, though.

@learieonthewildmoor What do you count as cold weather out of interest? 😀

☺️12 degrees Celsius.
I wear the bare minerals in colder weather because I sweat it off in an hour when the temp goes above 28 C. It’s a lovely light glowy formula and gives a lift on grey days.

Thought so. That’s summer! 😊 -20 here. Must be harder wearing make up in hot weather, even with a good setting spray..

@Puffalicious I was always a bit wary of eyebrow things, no matter the colour I tried in pencils etc, it always just looked too much. When I got my makeover thing done at Nars, she used an Anastasia Beverley Hills pencil thing in taupe and I can’t believe how natural it looks. I set it with a clear Rimmel eyebrow gel. This is the pencil:

www.boots.com/anastasia-beverly-hills-brow-wiz-10293332?cm_mmc=bmm-buk-google-ppc--PLAs_HeroCompare--Beauty_Premium_Low_ROAS-_-UK_Smart_Shopping_Beauty_Premium_Low_ROAS&gbraid=0AAAAADrIajV_zFcmGNHFbIo5zMGX--RRA&gbraid=0AAAAADrIajV_zFcmGNHFbIo5zMGX--RRA&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIn8SKkv_U_QIVYWHmCh3QqQDXEAQYAiABEgLqPPD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

@endoftheworldniteclub the Dior lip thing looks fab. I’ve been a bit hit and miss with lip colours so that looks like it would be great day to day. I’ve just bought the Dior Nail Glow and really liked the quality of that so I’ll probably order the lip glow too.

Thanks to everyone else.

Oooooh I'll go and have a look. Have a Boots gift card left over from birthday too. Thanks!

If you up your intake of vegetables, it will give your skin a natural looking golden tone.

Thank you. I really wish I could do this but I have terrible IBS and most veg absolutely cripples me with pain. That said, there are some I can tolerate more than others so I can probably increase the amounts I eat gradually. I also have some health issues so I suppose it’s probably no surprise I look like a ghost. 😂

Because of my ailments, I have regular bloods done and have had no deficiencies for years so I know it’s not that contributing to my paleness. And as I say, I’ve always been that way.

Really because grey hair is the loss of pigment and no longer produces much sebum. Guess you must be the exception. But you know best and this thread is kind of pointless.

@MynameisBillie my grey hair is shiny too, the same texture it was when dark brown. Not sure why you are so offended about the OP's shiny grey hair?