Totally lost - mid life crisis cry for help.

[BeretRaspberry]

Hi,

There’s a TL:DR bit at the bottom as I have waffled a bit.

As the title says, I’m literally lost with my appearance. I’m 47, perimenopausal, fat and grey haired. I grew my colour out due to sensitivity to dyes and on its own, I actually love it, it’s a bright silvery colour, however, I’m so pale
(always have been) so I just looked washed out.

I’m also a size 22 at 5’6”..and I’m ok with that in theory, but I am utterly sick of trying to find clothes that fit well. That is the only superficial thing I don’t like about being fat.

When I was slim, I used to dress ‘well’..not always expensively but I always got compliments on being put together and looking classy/polished (but not boring).

I’ve noticed a lot of plus size clothing is made of polyester and the like, and is often ditsy, cold shouldered, butterfly prints which I absolutely hate! Or it’s like 50’s pin up style or quirky prints (Popsy dresses as an example). These are absolutely fantastic on other people but they’re just not ‘me’.

I’ve had my colours done but finding clothes in my colours is even harder than finding clothes that will cover my body.

TL:DR bit

My questions (if you got this far) are - have you any tips for looking a bit less deathly pale without looking clown like in makeup?

Has anyone any experience of having larger clothes tailored to fit properly and if so, can you share your experiences. Or even having clothes made from scratch.

And lastly, and recommendations for how to look ‘put together, ‘classy but not frumpy’ as a size 22?

Please and thank you!

Not sure why the thread is pointless just because my hair is shiny. Maybe it will change over time, who knows? It still doesn’t change the fact that I feel washed out because of my complexion.

I’m the same as Motherhubbard above. My hair was previously dark brown and always shiny. I don’t know if it’s because it’s fine or something. It does still have a small amount of brown towards the back so maybe it’s that sort of non descript colour that doesn’t help overall. The rest is silver though so I’m grateful for that.

My silvers are as shiny as the rest of my dark brown hair, I don't think it's uncommon!

I don't know if any of this fits your style, but I love this woman and think she always looks great, even with things that aren't really my cup of tea. She also makes a lot of her own clothes, so might help if you are meeting a local dressmaker? www.instagram.com/frocksandfroufrou/

Thank you! I’ve just had a quick swipe and she looks amazing. From that quick swipe, I think it would be the same for me as in some things aren’t ‘me’, but equally, I can see some things that are. She knows her style and owns it it seems, and looks fabulous doing so!

I have the Dior lip glow in pink and it really is lovely.

Seasalt does size 22. They do plain and printed and have different styles in linen and cotton.

HRT for your hot flushes- might also help you feel a bit more yourself.

Nars cream blush stick in Orgasm (cringey name, great product).

What’s your budget on clothes?

I’ve literally just sat down to have a cuppa and am about to order this! Thanks for sharing your opinion..it helps when you’re umming and ahhing about something.

Also: love your username!😊

Studio 8 might be worth a look, they currently have a sale on.

I probably do need to see about HRT but I’m trying to put it off for as long as I can. I know it might sound silly but I’m sensitive to a lot of meds because of my health conditions and although there’s nothing to say it would be the case with HRT, I’m holding out for as long as I can. I went through a horrendous period of anxiety about everything to the point I couldn’t leave the house at one point last year but I upped my anti anxiety meds, downloaded an app, had therapy and that seems to have helped me cope. My flushes aren’t too intense at the minute, though I do still get them. It’s more an overall inability to regulate my temperature at the moment. Like I’m in a black vest top and loose trousers while pottering and I’m sweating like I don’t know what!!🙈

I’ve got the Orgasm in powder, which is nice but I didn’t realise they did it in a stick. That sounds like it would be good for those days where I don’t want to make too much effort but need to make some. Off to spend more money.😂

Oh and clothes budget - maybe up to about £100 per item, possibly with some cheaper basics (I wear a lot of vests in the house and they’re from Next for example). Potentially more for coats etc, though I hardly ever wear them..see aforementioned hotness!😂

Thanks again to everyone.

I’m older, grey haired, plump and short. Most of the time I don’t give a fuck. But like many others you just fade away of colour as you age.

Every so often I need to look my best, so I will dress up a bit. I read somewhere that a pop of colour near your face works, scarf, jewellery, earrings. I think that’s why a lot of older women wear a brighter lipstick.

Look on Pinterest for inspiration. There’s some fabulously dressed older women on there.

I'm overweight. I just don't think clothes look as good.

I think you’re right but I think that’s a combination of society’s views on larger bodies, as well as the fact that ready to wear clothes aren’t always well fitting in ‘straight’ sizes, let alone larger sizes. Clothes do look better when they fit better.

I’ve been looking at Seasalt after the recommendations and some of the plain things seem like they would be good for basics.

I’m 47 too, and I feel the same!

Lost weight last year, looked good, felt good. But my period suddenly stopped at the beginning of this year, and honestly... It’s like I’ve been hit by the menopause train! I’m a total wreck, feel terrible & my face is starting to just slide downward. Compared to to six months ago, I feel like a hot mess!

I mostly shop in M&S as the clothes are classic (when you can find good stuff among the polyester), don’t have any grey hair (need a fresh hairstyle though) & make-up-wise I mostly don’t bother. But I need attention to my teeth, face, abs to get back to daily walking again (winter has been tough). Hoping for some nice tips here!

@BeretRaspberry , I went into the local Seasalt shop reluctantly to look for a present for an older relative, who I know likes the brand a few years ago, having thought it was too 'middle aged and middle class' for me.
I was pleasantly surprised at the range they, and by the good quality, and the wide range of sizes. I've bought a few things since then.

instagram.com/clarewatkins_stylist?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

Clare Watkins is definitely worth a follow too.

Boden, Rixo, Mango and H&M all do size 22 without stepping into the generic plus size twilight zone that seems to have taken over the UK high st.
I am a size 18 and find good basics, a defined waist and cracking classic accessories definitely help. HRT has been a godsend and lots of lighter layers in my wardrobe to mix and match.

White stuff do up to size 24 too. There are basics and linens if you can plough through the flowery stuff

I have shiny grey hair too and blue eyes. I tend to wear a mushroom brown eyeshadow, a coral blusher and a bright lipgloss to brighten my face. I also look better in white and clean/jewel colours.

I like silver accessories , interesting shoes and a good haircut to draw attention away from my lack of boobs(double mastectomy) and Buddha belly.

Sorry to hear you’re struggling. It can be such a hard time. I always joke if men went through it, there’d be a cure by now!😩

I struggle with mobility so don’t walk far but I love getting out in the fresh air, even just driving to the nature walkway and sitting on a bench with a cuppa gives me a boost.

I’ve booked to get my teeth whitened with the dentist soon. I’ve wanted to do it for ages and I do think them looking cleaner and fresher will help.

Thank you. I’ve followed Clare and about to have a good trawl of the websites you’ve mentioned. Fingers crossed!

Thanks again. I’m definitely going to try some plain basics from there. I’m not really a pattern person so the plain stuff should hopefully be ideal.

If your budget is flexible, Karen Millen do a great plus Size range (I'm a 18/20!). Beware though, their knits can be a bit "man made fibres". Read the details before you order!

I have both of these and get tonnes of compliments when I wear them.

You sound exactly like me, even down to age, height, size and grey hair. I find that my face looks instantly less washed out if I colour in my greying brows (I always have a cool-toned brown eyeshadow and brush in my bag for this purpose) and put on a bit of lippy (Trish McEvoy's Beauty Booster cheek and lip colour is nice and moisturising).
I know what you mean about clothes, I'm not the biggest fan of prints (except leopard, which is a neutral IMO) so I tend to just browse Vinted until I find something I like. I wear a lot of plain dresses, but jazz them up with Snag Tights - I refuse to look invisible just because I'm old and fat, but I don't want to wear butterflies, sequins or cold shoulder tops with French script on the front

I have the Nars powder one and like it. Recently bought Armani Neo Nude A-Blush (50), which I absolutely love because it takes so little and is so easy to use, to give you just a nice healthy glow. It looks really good!

www.boots.com/giorgio-armani-a-blush-10320434

This made me laugh out loud

@CrackOfDawn....I don't want to wear butterflies, sequins or cold shoulder tops with French script on the front
So true 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼