If you have no interest in style or beauty why post?

[TheDead]

I ask this in all seriousness and not to start an argument but it occurred to me that pretty every post at the moment on S&B has several posters essentially saying 'who cares...wear what you like'.

And we all know that's true and actually exactly what does happen but I think S&B IS a place to talk about....well...style & beauty related things!

I don't see the point in opening a thread about 'what should I wear to x, y or z' to post 'no-one cares, wear what you like'

It's just not in the spirit!

I want to chat to fellow posters about all manner of trivial S&B things without being made feel I'm being trivial! My life is stressful & this is an escape at times.

Does anyone else feel the same or am I just feeling cranky?

You're right @botemp I used to post on MN Vogue and loved talking about clothes. I wasn't one of the big spenders although I always enjoyed seeing and admiring what the others were buying.

Post Covid it would appear to be crass to post in the same way and even more so with the current CoL crisis. it's a shame as it was a friendly place but things have moved on and I don't think anyone would feel comfortable now saying what they spent on clothing; it wouldn't feel right in this climate.

I think you are conflating two things.

I am interested in style and beauty and often peruse these boards.

What I am not interested in and don't think is particularly healthy imo is feeling that you HAVE to follow what's on trend. It's to people that seem to base what they like on what's on trend that I might say "just wear what you like and what suits you". Whether it's on trend at the moment isn't that relevant and certainly shouldn't trump what you like and what suits you!

I like to look nice. But I know what I like and what suits me and I wear that. I also like clothes to be really comfortable so that also affects my choice. What's on trend is an afterthought for me (if at all) and it obviously affects what is available to buy but that's it. I find that I therefore go in and out of fashion! Sometimes I really like what's currently fashionable and that's a plus as there's lot of choice available. I was very excited when chunkier footwear came in a few years ago for instance because there was loads of great footwear options in the shops.

Obviously if clothes and fashion is just something you are really interested in and you get a lot of enjoyment out of following trends then go for it. But I do see a lot of posts denigrating other posters for their fashion choice not being "in" at the moment and I don't think that's particularly nice or healthy. People don't have to be fashionable, it's really not important in the grand scheme of things, and people shouldn't look down on those that choose not to follow trends.

As it happens I still wear 1940s suits. Well the jackets - I can't get the skirts past my arse any more. But that doesn't mean I don't agree with LimeCheesecake point. I enjoy fashion and I've noticed a growing snootiness about it on this board lately and I'm pleased that other people have too.

But I do see a lot of posts denigrating other posters for their fashion choice not being "in" at the moment

Yes, there are lots of those.

There are lots of those because posters want to know.

If those of you, who are confident or don't care enough, to follow trends, and are happy wearing e.g the almost controversial on S&B skinny jeans, and posters ask what jeans will be coming into the stores next, it is infuriating to read replies saying 'wear what you want', 'I'll never stop wearing skinny jeans' etc.

The poster wasn't asking what you are wearing. They are asking what jeans are currently on trend. If they are happy to follow fashion, it really is not necessary, to continuously point out that it isn't 'necessary' to follow fashion.
It actually just comes across as a last attempt to hold onto skinny jeans because you like them. It does not help the poster and it is not what the poster asked.

It's ok to have an opinion on fashion/style and whether it matters, but it adds nothing to a thread when people pop on to say "how can you care about this"

I would never post on a Love Island thread to tell them that it's a load of vacuous crap (despite that being my opinion).

Let people discuss what they enjoy.

There's not much joy to be had chatting about Covid/Cost of Living Crisis/climate change etc etc constantly. Many people need some light relief.

The posts denigrating people's choices go far beyond just advising if skinny jeans are "on trend".

Do you really feel sad?

If so, there is absolutely no need. Just be pleased that posters have a board where they can ask for other people’s opinions. Liken it to going on a girly shopping weekend. It’s both fun and helpful to gather opinions.

People who ask "what's on trend" are not interested in style & beauty- they're asking how to be socially acceptable

And you know this how?

Anyone even remotely interested in style and beauty will have half an eye on fashion. You may think not but if you genuinely don't then I can assure you, you won't be stylish. Slavish following of fashion regardless of if it suits one is not the same as having a good sense of trends and adapting to fit your personal style and lifestyle.

Wearing well made clothes that suited you in 1985 will not be stylish now even if your body shake is the same because... fashion.

Confession: 'Whenever anyone posts. 'I don't follow fashion I just wear what suits me' (or better still something about 'not being a sheep') I want to ask where they think that knowledge of what suits them comes from, and whether they think wanting smaller hips or longer legs is a basic human instinct. Sometimes I write out a reply and then remember I'm not a complete knob and delete it. But it's only a matter of time before I accidentally hit 'Post' so be warned.

If you do I shall look forward to reading it @Floisme. I’ve found this conversation fascinating and agree with the op that often threads are derailed by posters who have nothing of interest to add to the discussion. There was a thread in the last couple of days where the poster was asking whether smart wool coats had become a thing. Which was immediately derailed by the ‘I just wear my dog walking anorak everywhere and that’s good enough for me posters’ and the ‘I’ve got a black wool coat and it’s very useful for funerals’ comments. I’d been hoping for some discussion on whether the Colc had lead to younger people wanting to look more affluent perhaps. But I gave up reading the thread.

Your post really resonated with me @WishingMyLifeAway.

Regarding trainers, I have awkward feet so wear what is comfortable. I find some Skechers designs frumpy and some indistinguishable from the more popular "in" brands. I still maintain that if no trainers were logo'd there would be less snobbery about trainer brands, because there is snobbery on trainer threads. Skechers are universally hated, for example.

What I dislike about the S and B board is the superior fadhionistas telling anyone who hasn't bought the latest design that they are frumpy.

I fall somewhere in the middle. My clothes are a nod to what is in now, but in a style that suits me. I don't wear chunky trainers because I just don't like them (and think they look a little try too hard on a 64 year old).

Then you get geographical differences. In London it is so not cool to dress up to go out according to posts on here. The skinnies are so dated threads make no sense either. The shops are full of them still, and people are still wearing them round here.

My dilemma is wanting to look stylish without looking like mutton dressed as lamb and not wanting to look older than I am.

They are probably the same dullards who feel the need to post on make-up and skincare posts 'I don't put muck on my face' and 'I've only ever used soap and water and look 20 years younger than my age'.

My other favourite is people who don’t follow fashion and don’t want to change their style (they was fashionable when they started wearing it!) and are now annoyed they can’t find replacement items cheaply on the high street, as they could originally when such things were fashionable.

eg the posters annoyed that so many jumpers and tops for sale in cheaper/fashionable shops have been shorter length, rather than the longer baggy tops that look good with skinny jeans.

And this half term the only place I’ve seen loose fitting cold shoulder tops on sale has been charity shops (although I’m sure there’s still some places on the high street doing that look), whereas couple of years ago they were in every shop window. If you want to expose that bit of you, you can wear old tops or hunt round to find shops still doing this look, but not following fashion will take time and/or money if you don’t want to just wear your old clothes/need to replace worn out things.

i made this same point on another thread, but how young one thinks they look is very, very subjective. I met a woman who told me that she sleeps in make up, moisturises on and off, etc. and looks ‘10 years younger’ because of good genes. Except she looked her age if not older to me!

Chances are, if you use soap and water as your only skincare and never follow fashion, you don’t actually look 25 in your 40s.

It’s just fanciful nonsense designed to shame those who care about anything - you see it all over MN.

Just going back to trainers, I never knew that trainers were considered such a fashion item in the same way that clothes were until I started reading the S and B threads.

I hate waste so I will wear something until it falls apart but try and update the look. Although I must admit that I love my denim jacket because it has useful pockets, and will continue to wear it until it falls apart.

@Usernamen - that reminds me of when I got told I was completely wrong that you can’t always tell when someone’s had Botox/fillers, because they can always tell, and it always looks bad.

I tried to say about a local woman to me that’s got a bit of a large insta following, having seen her in the flesh a few times (she has a dc a similar age to one of mine so at clubs etc), I thought that maybe she’d had her forehead done, but wasn’t sure. She did an insta about her work, and I was surprised she had her cheeks filled, her lips done (genuinely hadn’t been able to tell when facing her!) as well as Botox in forehead and round eyes. I’d massively underestimated the work because it was good and therefore she just looked good, not done.

but no, the anti work people were convinced I couldn’t possibly be right - you can always tell and it’s always pouty mouths and frozen faces… 🙄

The problem I see is that style and beauty mean different things to different people - and that's ok - we should celebrate difference.

However - what I think is not ok (and this is something you see in every arena of life) is defining what you like in terms of hating/disparaging something someone else likes - that is just polarising and creates divisions.

Your own style should be a reflection of what you are and like - be that following high fashion or being a savvy vintage shopper.

It's all in the language we choose to use. There is huge difference between - personally I prefer to wear xyz because it makes me feel good and I wouldn't be seen dead in xyz - they are so fugly.

That's very true MrsFrisbyMouse but I think there is a thing we've been subconsciously taught that when talking about fashion/style you prove your stripes by declaring your special knowledge superior, this usually means denigrating a direct competitor to it. Because, well, like most creative related things, it's not very evidence based and much more ephemeral. Hence it's much more how you present your authority on the subject than the actual substance of it and it tends to boil down to wear this not that.

I'm surprised it took some to read MN to know how tribal trainers are. My brother was robbed of his when a teen because they were so desirable. If you go on any streetwear forums where it tends to be young male dominated the arguments about trainers are nothing compared to here and if you feel sad about a bunch of young mums all wanting to wear the same type of floral midi dresses, you're going to feel a lot sadder on there. I'm not really interested in trainers much but the whole culture around it is fascinating.

@LimeCheesecake what do you mean about the cold shoulder look only being in charity shops? That asymmetrical slashed cut-out top look is everywhere. Just a variation.

@LadyWithLapdog - that’s not a cold shoulder top - it’s a one shoulder top. The cold shoulder tops were tops with two arms and both having a cut out bit over the shoulders. Usually a baggy top to be worn with skinny jeans. Was everywhere a few years ago. And then you would be hard pressed to find a one shoulder top!

if you like the cold shoulder top, that’s baggy to hide a stomach area - you will have to wear your old ones, or really hunt on the high street. They did suit a lot of women who wanted something a bit more interesting but not revealing.

(one shoulder tops create bra issues)

Style does not equal fashion though. And beauty certainly doesn't.

But why take it so personally? Maybe they are better at noticing than you. And when they say “you can always tell” what they mean is “I can always tell”. Maybe they’re right, or not. But just because you didn’t notice one woman’s Botox and fillers doesn’t mean no one else did.

@LimeCheesecake i know the ones you mean. I thought these ones are a newer version, a trendy one, as they have the same hole-y appearance. I don’t like them, but my DD bought something like this the other day (from Stradivarius).