What makes you think someone is poor?

[Userchange]

What makes you think someone is poor?

I'd really like to know because I've had so many people assume that I'm poor (and not just in the last few years). Not people that really know me but like shop assistents or nurses and such people. I've had plenty of remarks that something like the ronald mcdonalds house would cost me too much money (was 15 euro a night).

I'm not poor. Far from it. I'm a SAHM in a detached house in a nice village. I style my hair every other day, wear minimal make up, always wear some fine gold jewelry. Granted, I don't wear brand names, but I do wear a proper wool coat, real leather handbag and leather loafers. I prefer buying pieces that are good quality and last than just pay for a brand. I don't have a noticable regional accent. DH makes a lot of money. I used to be poor when younger and apparantly I still look it in some way.

I don't have to look like you should rob me, but I would like the concerned poor remarks go away. So tell me, when you see someone, what makes you think that they're poor?

Why would you think that someone with not much money would have poor hygiene?

What a snobby attitude.

The headteacher in my dc's grammar school looks very poor to me. Terribly dressed, not in a boho/vintage way, but more dressed with contents of the lost property bin. On the last prize giving ceremony (where all staff make an effort!) she got up to the lecturn in a 80s pair of blue/green shell suit bottoms, a blouse, clashing tartan scarf draped around her neck, court shoes and her hair was sopping wet with a child's plastic hairband holding her hair back. Lovely pillar box red lipstick that was over half of her face too. That was her making an effort. She usually wears a dirty t-shirt and very ill fitting Jersey track suit bottoms. If you saw her on the street your heart would go out to her.

She is however Oxford educated and the most fantastic headteacher ever. She has about 20 roles within the school and does lots of voluntary work to enable pupils from poorer backgrounds to access STEM activities. I can only assume that her passion for education means that her dress sense isn't even on her list of priorities.

Is it the way you walk and hold yourself. Some wealthier and more confident people tend to hold themselves differently.

Judging my this thread the wealthy must hold themselves with their noses in the air looking down on anyone wearing leggings.

I never think about if someone I meet is poor or well off. But I suppose if I were to make a quick judgement it would be someone pushing a very young child in a buggy holding a bottle of fizzy drink. I would always think they were not affluent.

This made me chuckle as I know a school mum who ticks about 5 things on this list. Her daughter had a birthday party and invited DD. I was dumbstruck when I saw her house. The house is incredible and she is clearly loaded. When I picked DD up she invited me in for a coffee and turns out she and her husband run an very succesful niche business.

Ironically I know people assume I'm very poor although I earn around £100k (just for context). In an upmarket hotel bar recently I ordered a red wine and without asking which one I wanted the barman offered me a red which he said "is the cheapest we have". I bought a house last year and the kitchen salesman kept steering me away from the models I wanted because "they are really expensive" and pointing me to basic ones. Recently a man in our local library was putting up a poster about his tutoring service. When I enquired about pricing he said anyone claiming benefits can get a discount so I'd be able to pay less. When I replied I'm not a benefits claimant he looked totally disbelieving!

I look poor most days, I'm not. Never had that rollout of bed looking fab look about me.

My hairs always up in a scruffy bun, usually have leggings with mismatched jumper.

Very rare I have make up

When I do get dressed, I look like a completely different women.. but mostly like a thumb

I find this interesting too. I come from a place where it’s the done thing to be glamorous. Hair, make up, tab etc. That has never been my thing. I’m too lazy tbh.

I do however, eat very well, keep fit, toned, slim. Where I live, none of this matters as much as the ‘glamorous’, which seems to be a massive indicator in how you’ll be treated.

Ive been treated fairly dismissively in shops before until I start asking for something specific(or give my address (I’m thinking specific house related scenarios here!)).

I have found that I’m actually treated worse by less well off people based on my appearance tbh. Rather than wealthier people, who don’t seem to be as judgemental.

The Dutch are very direct. We had Dutch neighbours (we lived abroad). They were always falling out with the other native neighbours, the other Dutch expats and their own families. I did not care what they thought about me they could speak English and when I wanted a natter I would engage with them ( they said I was lazy because I was poor at speaking other languages). However, I found all their shenanigans very entertaining. I’m always in my scruffs getting dirty doing house renovations or gardening. I have never owned an expensive car and I don’t wear my jewellery because it irritates me and is not practical. I can’t work in an organisation anymore because I just can’t be bothered smothering my face in caque on a daily basis. Honestly, I just do NGAS anymore as we all look and smell the same dead and that’s were we are all heading in the end!

Maybe a mixture of just having had a baby, stress from their illness, hair not being perfect and being perhaps an immigrant (don't know if you're Dutch, obviously) added to that one - and being aware that paying out for a room could be a reach for a lot of parents at that point?

Other than that, maybe it is that your hair is its natural texture and colour - black posters will often say how racism dictates that their natural hair is interpreted a unprofessional, perhaps somebody else with curly hair with some grey in it would experience a similar response? It's only recently that hair dyed and flattened into a perfect poker straight sheen has fallen out of fashion, after all. And posture. Is yours absolutely upright or do your ankles collapse over, making the rest of you out of alignment?

I think that posture can make a huge difference in people's perceptions.

I find it humorous when people think I'm poor. I learnt a long time ago that you can't tell anyone's wealth without really knowing them.

I completely agree.
I own both my cars (no PCP). My savings match what is left on my mortgage (due to a bit over a decade of sacrifices and hard work, very few treats and holidays). This is not a gloat, I promise you but to show you I get treated very badly by people and it has been assumed I rent a council house (on a few occasions- awkward). I think it's my accent and lack of confidence and styling it out (we were poor when I was young).

Sounds like your insecurities coming through from your childhood.
No one cares if you are rich or poor ! I look young and it happens to me so it's probably that .. no one knows how much dh earns because I don't talk about it 🤷‍♀️

Body language, I expect. How do you hold yourself? Do you speak first? Is your voice a confident one?

I really don't think you can easily tell. Some people care more about clothes than others.

I’m poor at spelling and grammar too!

Years ago I went to an interview for a mother's help type role. The lady was rather posh and as we were talking she made a few notes, obviously about her impression of me. She left the room for a few minutes so I took a peek at her notepad. TBH some of it was positive but I'll never forget the killer remark ..."cheap shoes"! Ouch!

I think some people assume that if you had money you would be blowing it on flash clothes and material items because that's what people in their lives do. However, as not everyone wants to advertise their wealth, some are unimpressed by it so wouldn't dream of being ostentatious with their money. Each to their own.

I should say I did count our Dutch neighbours as friends and we went to all their family gatherings( which were always very entertaining). They always welcomed us with copious amounts of food and wine (while also commenting on how much weight I had gained or lost). I was very upset when one of them passed away and I had a little cry at the funeral. I still smile remembering them. My advice life’s too short to take things too seriously.

Badly fitting black leggings with wobbly thighs and bum 🤦‍♀️.

What is ironic is that very rich people don't care that much about how they look.

My neighbour is a multi millionaire, yet he spends his time in scruffy jeans and a T shirt. His wife looks not much better. Rich people don't need to 'prove' anything, whereas chavvy types want to show off their designer stuff to 'prove' they have disposable income.

I don't really understand your post @Userchange because it would be very rude of someone in a professional role to comment on your wealth or poverty.

I think it's more like it seems a lot of money to them so they are projecting, it's costs a lot in their opinion or maybe you were hesitating about buying something and they assume you couldn't afford it.

I deliberately scruff it up because I've had too many incidences of people using me for money.

People fall for it when I drive an old banger with unfixed dents, wear dirty worn shoes, wear specsavers glasses, leave on chipped nail varnish, drink cider, use a rucksack rather than a handbag etc.

She sounds fabulous