Would love to look posh & rich, I'm forty & frumpy, don't know where to start..

[Reinventingat40]

Turned 40 last month... Had a huge fight with DH last night & he called me frumpy... He's right...
Currently I live in primark (cheap & easy to buy)
Hair always in a bun
I've lost alot of muscle tone, I'm around a size 12, very unfit, can't afford the gym
My posture has become very bad recently, I'm always slouching, very noticible in photos.. I've really let myself go & the weight & middle aged spread has crept in...
I love that posh polished style like Kate Middleton & like her off duty clothes.
The posh polished sloaney look with the food hair & polished outfits.. I just want to look good again..

A couple of people have said it but another vote for groomed nails (whatever that may mean to you). Nobody looks polished or expensive without good nails. I’d say it’s one of the most important things with your goal!

You’ve had some great advice here. It’s interesting that looking rich doesn’t always equate to looking classy though. Megan Markle probably spends a small fortune on her clothes but will never look classy like Kate does.

Megan Markle probably spends a small fortune on her clothes but will never look classy like Kate does.
Bollocks, she looks great.

I am anti all royals because I am a republican to the core but purely for S and B discussion purposes, I think Meghan looks great ( better than Kate IMO). I love her shirt dresses and pencil skirts, plus her great skin with the touch of freckles and glossy hair.

Exercise as much as is sensible.

I wouldn’t go out and buy stuff straight off, just wear the clothes you have that are a bit smarter. This will help you understand what direction to head in when you do go shopping in terms of what’s comfortable and practical and stylish.

Try a week with no tracksuits.

Then a week doing your hair every day.

Then a week wearing a simple item of jewellery every day.

Try a week of taking time choosing your outfit every morning.

Please remember that you don’t deserve to be insulted, even during an argument.

I am p and r and over 40 I shop at charity shops in posh rural towns and eBay.

Clean hair in a pony tail and a fresh natural outdoorsy look, so little to no make up, just sun screen.

Gilets with jeans or slim fitted shirts, always merino or cashmere ( charity shops).

You absolutely must be slim and fit so take up country sports, walking, running, anything, there is no substitute for the benefit of fresh air on skin and general well being being surrounded by animals of all description large and small. Definitely no packaged, processed foods, plenty of fresh veg.

Check out the fashion geared towards the country sport/ equestrian genre such as Joules. Beautiful fabrics, timeless classics and easy to wear.

You will ooze confidence and be happy in yourself being outdoors close to nature and animals and wearing things that are comfy and practical.

You don't need to bother with the urban preoccupation and expense of nails, hair cuts etc if you are outdoorsy, fresh looking , slim, strong and fit.

Is "I am P and R" a MN thing now?

Or have we forgotten the ravaged Barbour and clothes covered in stinky dog hair? I am disappoint.

Well I am totally P and very very R, and dress like Rab C Nesbit!
Behold my string vest, ye proles!

OP, I am.both posh and rich. and 60 and a generous 14

Beyond having a v v good hairdresser, v v good shoes for Comfort, I don't give a flying fuck. The fact I go to bed every night in £20k of jewellery - earrings, rings helps.

Pinterest is good for ideas how to style up pieces. Also classic jewellery can help - delicate chain necklace, stud / peal earrings - elegant bracelet.
don’t have to spend a tonne.
hair - frequent cuts and a styling wand are your friend . Loose beach waves look great all time of year and are easy enough to achieve at home with the right tongs. You tube videos are helpful.
agree with swapping trainers for loafers/ ballet flats.

Agree with all those who said focus on posture. It's hard to just suddenly fix it though as it's usually due to a weak core and you will need to work on strengthening it.
Try pilates and yoga, but most effective thing will be weight training. Getting a kettle bell is a great idea!
People who stand well always look good, regardless of what they're wearing.

Also agree with checking out Vinted and charity shops for high end bargains.

@linenalltheway what type of engagement rings do you notice? Or just the size😄

I’m not a big earring fan but love spotting beautiful rings!

good luck OP, I love the idea of an overhaul! I’d start with hair / skincare / make up and then treat yourself to new clothes after you’ve been exercising / eating well!

racist crap
she looks wonderful- never sen her in a bad outfit unlike Km who like most of use makes serious fashion mistakes

@RosesAndHellebores woww! Can we see a ring pic so a girl can dream!

Joe Wicks' free videos are a good place to start re fitness. He's cheerful and they're short so hopefully manageable 3+ days a week? You will feel happier when you get into exercising, feel more toned and feel more like dressing nicely.

You’ve had some good advice, but I’d just like to add, buy clothes for the life you lead. There’s no point buying jeans and boots if you spend a lot of time waking the dog etc. I couldn’t tell you the last time I wore jeans and boots.

Buy fab outfits that work for you. Luxe sportswear is really in at the moment. I wear H&M soft touch sports leggings. Really thick and comfy with New Balance trainers and a khaki Mac from Kiin to walk the dog. Still casual and comfy but a step up from joggers and a baggy tee.

Dress in what makes you feel comfortable but not sloppy iyswim. Personally I wouldn't go down the loafer route-they're very ageing. Maybe start with a haircut as a bun is also ageing and not that flattering but that's just my opinion. They don't even look good on younger women, only time they look OK is on ballerinas.
But whatever you do, do it for you, not for anyone else. Go through your wardrobe and be honest with what you do and don't like, colours etc.
I think a lot of people have let themselves go due to covid so don't be hard on yourself. Your dh is a that.

@StuckonanLNERtrain can you explain why you decided my post was racist? And surely any racist comments (assuming you find one) should be reported to MN?

I think the best thing to do is start with small changes that you can implement quickly.

1. paint your toe nails a jazzy colour. It’s cheap, quick, lasts ages, and will make you feel groomed.
2. get a fringe. If you just blow dry and straighten the fringe it takes 5 mins max, and then you can mum bun the rest of the hair but still look more ‘done’.
3. sort out your skincare and find a 5 min make up routine that works for you. I do: tinted moisturiser, a bit of eyebrow pencil, dr paw paw pink tinted ointment on lips and cheeks, a light shimmer eyeshadow and mascara and that’s it. It doesn’t weigh down the skin like heavy make up does, and is all geared around making you look a bit brighter and more awake.
4. once a month put aside an hour to dye your hair, tint your eyebrows, do a face mask etc.
5. There’s nothing wrong with primark. But don’t wear it head to toe. Get some decent shoes and a decent bag and it goes a long way to balancing out a bit of primark.
6. match basics you already have with statement bits from other shops. Kate wears a lot of Zara and H&M - it doesn’t need to be pricey.
7. if you want to feel put together, don’t buy print. Just buy block colours so it’s easier to mix and match pieces.
8. get some things that are fun. A bright headband or dangly earrings or a fun kimono jacket or something to give you a little boost.
9. drink a lot of water.
10. And finally - MAKE SURE YOUR UNDERWEAR FITS WELL. This is the most important of all!

Agreed this has to be all for you but where I’d (and have sometimes!!) start: 1. Shave legs and underarms (makes you feel lovely!)2. Use nail varnish 3. Get eyebrows done 4. Wear jeans or a skirt or trousers instead of trackies. 5. We’ll done with the excercise!! 6. Start watching reading something that grips you 7. Take up something you’ve always wanted to do or go back to something eg swimming (Because relaxed and effortless is in the demeanour as much as anything!!)

I’m not going to address the DH rudeness issue because that’s a big conversation and its late.

But if you want to look a lot better:

• do 15-30 mins gentle jogging a day (start with couch to 5k podcasts so you don’t runnoutbof breath).


• get a brazilian blow dry or other expensive hair treatment. The main reason middle aged women look posh (or not) is their hair.


• wear a tiny bit of eyeliner regularly


• think about what clothes you’re wearing.

xxx

I bought an 8kg bell and for starters 3kg hand weights, though I pretty soon progressed to 4 kg so you might want to start with 4s. Argos do the best handweights as they are neoprene covered and very reasonable in price.

I prefer a cast iron kettlebell with a rounded handle as it's more flexible on the moves, but the neoprene covered ones are a bit more comfortable.

Just out of interest, why do you want to look posh and rich?

My 2 DC go to a private school and there are lots of posh and rich women there and TBH, not one of them is well groomed, fashionable or fit and toned.

I like the look, looks understated without trying too hard (but obviously alot of work, effort & money) behind the scenes... The school mums at dc's school are a mixed bag, they're at a state school beside a very affluent area & some of the school mums look amazing..

You all have inspired me this morning to put on a bit of foundation. And I think I look better!

Small steps!

Break it down for your life and your different roles / parts of the day / week.

Keep it simple.

Have a uniform for:

1.indoor clothes - simple comfortable / same colour and cut that gets thrown in the wash and requires no thinking day in day out. Frump (comfort, practical) as much as you like here certainly not a place for blazers, jeans, chinos, cashmere

2.Have dog walking outfits - probably as above with good jacket/boots

3.Have a school pick up / everyday shopping outfit (if it’s important to you to feel confident) - same thing - neat tidy jeans, blazer, T shirt.

Then it’s all about the posture and grooming - teeth, hair, nails, glowing skin and STAND TALL & SMILE! You don’t have to do this at home (if you don’t want to) - only when out and about.

Pare it all down.

Minimal decisions.

Simple quality structured classic flattering clothes for different functions don’t waste time confused and deciding what to wear - spend that time exercising or beauty routine.