Would love to look posh & rich, I'm forty & frumpy, don't know where to start..

[Reinventingat40]

Turned 40 last month... Had a huge fight with DH last night & he called me frumpy... He's right...
Currently I live in primark (cheap & easy to buy)
Hair always in a bun
I've lost alot of muscle tone, I'm around a size 12, very unfit, can't afford the gym
My posture has become very bad recently, I'm always slouching, very noticible in photos.. I've really let myself go & the weight & middle aged spread has crept in...
I love that posh polished style like Kate Middleton & like her off duty clothes.
The posh polished sloaney look with the food hair & polished outfits.. I just want to look good again..

This is a good call. She’s also v good on accessories for this look, I think.

Yes I would love to wear that colour palette too, it looks so expensive. Unfortunately I just looked washed out in caramels, creams and beiges.Plus I think it is not suited to ordinary life, it is definitely suited to the life of the idle rich!

Lose a bit of weight, get a good colour and cut, buy yourself some nice clothes, fake tan, tooth whitening etc - do what you can afford (serve up beans on toast a few nights a week if you need to put aside some money) and start speaking kindly to yourself. Remind yourself every day to walk tall. You have to fake it til you make it.

Then get all glammed up, go on a big night out with your girlfriends and watch your bastard husbands face drop in horror when he realises the monster he's created!

Only joking, do it for yourself -( but that's what I'd do coz I'm petty like that!)

In fact quite honestly? I'd dump the nasty sod if he spoke to me like that.

Appreciate all the posts, will read the new ones now... Cleared out my wardrobe today of worn clothes, I have some nice bits but so much print... Need decent flats (comfortable for dog walking) & runners...

Totally doing it for me but I will be making sure he cleans up the kitchen after dinner, cleans the garden & the dc's baths & bedtimes to ensure I have time to get my "frumpy" fat ass the exercise it deserves😏

Good hair cut, you can buy some beautiful clothes in charity shops! I’ve got loads of designer clothes all under 10 pound! Go walking op good for your mental health as well as fitness, I can’t see a problem being a size 12 it’s hardly overweight! Three quarters of my clothes are fitted to my size I’m a size 14 and tall! Your husband is being very cruel, good luck

Another one suggesting kettle bells and resistance band. Short work outs on YouTube. Yes to Pilates and walking (as women age the high impact stuff definitely works against us because ya know hormones)

I'm 50 and just been through an overhaul so also try cut back a bit on sugar, pasta, bread.

Clothes wise pick up some basics as you go that work together in a simple colour palette. Yes to a scarf, necklace or similar.

Take care of your skin, especially before bed. I also have 15 mins to get ready and out the house with my DD13 in the mornings and I manage to do my skin and basic make up in that time so doesn't need to be anything crazy after moisturiser. Vita liberata beauty blur for glowy skin, dab of blusher on cheeks and mascara.

Lastly, stick two fingers up at your DH and only do any of the above for yourself.

May I just hijack the thread a bit to ask what weight of kettle bells I should be buying for a complete beginner? And any recommended brands. I want to lift weights when watching TV. Never done so before. Varying advice on the net.

I have some posh friends lol...
It's the tiny details that are the tells

Do Pilates, cross fit, running and/or long dog walking. Tennis in summer
Get a clothes steamer
Misshapen t shirts are only acceptable for gardening
De bobble your jumpers
Wear stud earrings all the time unless going out out, studs are preferably either pearl or diamond, can be fake as no one knows.
Polish your shoes
Wear a belt with your jeans
Lycra sports wear is a definite yes, baggy joggers no. Brand irrelevant.
Good hair cut, dye optional though
Short filed nails (polish optional)
Hand cream
Labradors etc are a bonus
Kids often scruffy/unbrushed/muddy
Tune out critical spouses

I am not very posh but my top tip is that giving up alcohol shows in your skin

The stud earrings or engagement rings are the biggest tell in my experience even if they've come from the stables or gym

@linenalltheway i know the type & it's always effortless, regardless of what they're doing they're groomed & polished..

A lot of it you can do at home though, and like I said about the Lycra and fake diamond studs you don't actually need loads of money. It does take a bit of time tho

Hello yes I love a print. Are they aging? 😩

This is so accurate! 😂

Lots of people refer to 'a colour that suits you' or suggest actual colours as 'classy' colours.

Finding the colours that really suit you seems to be easier for some people than for others. If you feel you could do with some help in that department, these people are the best that I have found.

https://www.houseofcolour.co.uk

Knowing the shapes and colours that suit you make it a lot easier to identify clothes that will work well for you.

So I think we've established your fella is being an arse and I'm sure you aren't frumpy.

There's been some great advice already on the thread but things that spring to mind are...

Firstly, be mindful about buying any clothes now if you're planning to alter your size/shape!

Agree that neutrals/black/navy/etc being a good bet for a classic/classy mix-and-match wardrobe - if you're into more colourful clothing, think about 'getting your colours done' or at least looking at some of the free guidance online. Work with your shape - get advice, if needed - and don't buy anything that will date quickly if your goal is that polished, timeless chic look (often goes hand in hand with 'posh').

For home workouts, you could get some dumbbells and check out Caroline Girvan on YouTube. She's much loved round these parts.

Balayage and/or babylights would be a good shout for a low-maintenance hair refresh as you can leave months in between appointments.

There were threads on here years ago along the lines of 'how to look expensive' so you might want to skim through those if you have that specific aim/look in mind.

You can do this. But don't, unless you want to - for yourself.

I guess the best immediate things are a good hair cut and decent, well-fitting underwear.

Then a basic but regular manicure (home is fine)
Get your brows shaped
Start a regular skin care routine with an extra five minutes effort at night.
I run and it's strengthened my back muscles which has helped with posture
Cleaned, polished and reheeled shoes or boots make a big difference too.

All things that don't cost much.

Looking very put together takes time and effort ( and extra £££s )
Regular hair cuts , lots of hair products inbetween for soft , sleek , swishy hair .
Well kept , not talons , nails. Immaculate clothes , not high fashion trends.
Light make up. Great posture .

@herecomesyour19thnervousbreakdown

Hello yes I love a print. Are they aging? 😩
Lol. I read your post as I love a pint !

Love all the above advice and would just add that black leggings (with or without bobbles) do nothing for anyone unless they have legs like a gazelle and a firm bum. I always remember someone (might have been or about Fergie?) that her bum in leggings looked like a bagful of ferrets. I'm not suggesting for one moment that this is you OP, just making an observation!

Omg bag full of ferrets, that's brilliant 😄

Tell your arsehole husband that if you are looking frumpy, you’ll just come stand next to him and instantly look better in comparison.

Or, if you need to lose weight, you could offload 13 stone of arsehole.

@JanisMoplin I'd get two to start 4 and 8 perhaps but no idea how strong you are, I also have a 12 but mostly use the 8 and I have Sveltus brand. Resistance band is great, I also use it for stretching.

Yikes, I am just going out for a walk/jog in black leggings. I have asked DH to check if my bum looks like a bag of ferrets. He is puzzled!

I think a lot of the posh and rich vibe comes from how you hold yourself and how you speak?

@jeaux90 I am not very strong. Thanks!