Strange ideas about age, ageism on S&B.

[Pangolin44]

A bit of a mangled thread title, but I'm always slightly agog when it comes to age on this board.

So many 'Can I wear X at Y age?' threads. So many comments about 'age-appropriate' attire. Mutton-dressed-as-lamb always rears its head. Granny shoes, frumpy coats, 'I'm 35 am I too old for mini-skirts?'.

And don't get me started on hair! Bejeysus.

And this is women, talking to other women.

It makes me sad more than anything else, people are obviously posting on this board because they're interested in clothes and style, why close off any area of style because of age? The thought that women think they can't express themselves physically due to an imagined arbitrary cut-off.

I would love to free women from this idea, what's the worst that can happen?

Same.

The thing I hate about frumpy is that it's used to make people feel bad and wrong about their clothing choices.

That is it. Exactly.

Sure, but if something indeed is frumpy/dowdy, I'd rather someone told me about it before I buy it or wear it so I don't end up in the reality vs expectations thread again.

If someone starts a thread saying, What do you think about this (shapeless baggy dress with, I don't know, huge pocket that sweeps the ground) I think a perfectly OK reply is to say, To me, it looks frumpy and dowdy. We come back to the same old issue every time - if someone asks for an opinion of a certain item/look, it is surely ok to give an honest answer? Otherwise, what's the point? You can do it kindly but saying that an outfit is about to make someone (who is otherwise not so) frumpy must be ok? I would want to be told.

No worries, TizerorFizz, I disagree with people all the time!

Sure, but if something indeed is frumpy/dowdy, I'd rather someone told me about it before I buy it or wear it so I don't end up in the reality vs expectations thread again.
But what about when someone posts something they are happy with and unsolicitedly get told it's frumpy and they should get something completely different which is probably out of their comfort zone when that's not what they wanted to hear?

"65 ain't elderly."

I wrote old people at work once and got it corrected to elderly so I assumed it was a more polite word for old. It's only on MN that I've come across the idea that it means 80+.
If you need a special kind of bed, then maybe you are elderly after all?

I agree with you @JaneJeffer. This happens a lot on trainer and shoe threads.

Posters often recommend footwear that is entirely unsuitable for someone with plantar fasciitis/bunions/osteoarthritis because it is on trend, then sneer at the more practical and comfortable options.

Well I wasn't going to mention the word again but I had no idea 'elderly' meant 80+ to some people. To me it's always meant the beginnings of old age.

"Well to me 35 is young, not very young but young and you can wear whatever you want - hilarious that I presume poster thinks that's quite old for a mini skirt."

35 is young-ish, but there are still clothes that are usually worn by 25 year olds rather than 35 year olds and vice versa.

Frumpy isn't the problem there though. The problem is someone giving an unsolicited opinion. Same as if they said it was ugly or cheap looking.

That's a slightly different issue. If someone posts "I got this XXXX in the sales and am really chuffed because it's so comfy" then say nothing if you have nothing nice to say. That's just internet etiquette (to me). However, if someone asks for an opinion on something, I think replying honestly saying "that's a bit dowdy to me, sorry" is perfectly ok. And some items just DO make you look older/chubbier/whatever - as proven in the other popular thread right now.

I personally think that all black trainers do look a bit like orthopaedic shoes - but if someone is happy with theirs, fine,. However, anyone looking for new ones I would signpost them towards other things.

If you need a special type of bed you need a special type of bed.

I'm not hung up on approaching 64. I don't hide it, I don't use Botox etc, etc.

I simply have difficulty in imagining circumstances where it's helpful to describe me as "elderly" as opposed to being in a group which has or may have particular health needs - ie " women over the age of 50/60/70 may be at greater risk of ????"

I need to apply to keep my driving licence when I hit 70- again fine. It's because I'm 70.

And similar scenarios.

If someone asks for an opinion fine I will tell them what I think good or bad otherwise I leave them be just as I would in real life.

Constructive criticism is better than just telling someone they look frumpy. Why can't people say "this isn't very flattering, why don't you go for a longer/shorter length/different colour/different style"?

"If you need a special type of bed you need a special type of bed."

If old age is the reason you need a special bed, then you're old. Why be in denial about it?

Well, yes, if you're speaking to someone in rl you can use euphemisms if you want, but there's nothing wrong with going online and saying that in your opinion, a certain item of clothing is frumpy.

I would categorise elderly as being over 75. Wasn't there an oncologist recently who stated that he wanted to live to 75. As after that it's all downhill. Certainly my parents at 83 are increasingly frail.
I'm 59 & I consider & feel relatively young. I have 3 teenagers still. I will not be elderly once I reach 60 either. The rules on what to wear/ behave once you reach a certain age have long changed.
What really disturbs me nowadays is posters in their 30's saying they feel old & sad about losing their youth. And young girls with these massive pumped up lips. It doesn't help that make up is increasingly being advertised on these inflated pouts.

Wow your Dad looks incredible for any age.

I like the socks, and the skirt. The outfit looks great from the waist down, but too school uniform from the waist up. That would work with wide trousers better than with the skirt, the grey v neck looks strange with the skirt colour.

Certainly my parents at 83 are increasingly frail.

There are always exceptions. My father would think nothing of walking 3 miles to buy a paper at 90. Unfortunately/fortunately, he never got a chance to get frail.

I think mid calf length, whether skirts or trousers, is always tricky
I think it depends on your ankles!

My ankles are good - best part of my legs - but mid calf looks terrible on me (unless with knee high boots). But I really like the very top of the ankle length, whether it's a skirt, dress or trousers. It's an absolute bugger to get it right though.

@TizerorFizz
I completely agree with you about standing out not really being stylish. To me, it’s almost a reaction to not being noticed. Oh, I’ll wear bright coloured clothes and kooky glasses. It is definitely something I associate with women in their 50s+ (I’m 38). I respect it but I really don’t want to dress like that.

More generally, what’s also missing here is that age means experience. Generally speaking, you spend your 20s experimenting with clothes and then you begin to understand what looks good for you. Which colours suit you. Which cuts and styles of clothing are comfortable on you and look good on you and that you like. Fashion keeps moving and changing though so the question becomes: what can I buy that still suits me?

Someone in their 20s may not care but why throw away 20 years of experience with my own body to chase kids? I just don’t think most older people (myself included) have the same attitude to fashion as most younger people - and that’s okay!

@MarieRoseMarie
I do think you are right. I’m 30 years older than you you and I think women do find a capsule style and then work around it.

It is ok for people to be known by their glasses (Prue Leith) but for many it’s a step too far. I certainly agree with experimenting with clothes when you are younger. I still have a go occasionally. DDs usually say “mum, that would really suit you”. It might be a style I hadn’t really thought of. It’s purely because fashion is fast moving. That’s why I still buy fashion mags and look at The Telegraph fashion. I like to see what I could wear that I haven’t thought about.

A perennial issue is what to wear to a wedding as a guest. I suggested a trouser suit on MN. They are now all over magazines- “ditch the dress, get a trouser suit”. It’s easily the best option for me! I respect that others reach for the Phase 8. Fashion should be updated and it’s fun to use your experience to dress well.