Strange ideas about age, ageism on S&B.

[Pangolin44]

A bit of a mangled thread title, but I'm always slightly agog when it comes to age on this board.

So many 'Can I wear X at Y age?' threads. So many comments about 'age-appropriate' attire. Mutton-dressed-as-lamb always rears its head. Granny shoes, frumpy coats, 'I'm 35 am I too old for mini-skirts?'.

And don't get me started on hair! Bejeysus.

And this is women, talking to other women.

It makes me sad more than anything else, people are obviously posting on this board because they're interested in clothes and style, why close off any area of style because of age? The thought that women think they can't express themselves physically due to an imagined arbitrary cut-off.

I would love to free women from this idea, what's the worst that can happen?

I agree. I don't understand many of the "what do I wear to......" threads.

I saw a post on another thread from a woman in her mid 30s who had never been to a pub apart from Berni Inns.

I can understand avoiding pubs completely, if you’re Muslim or the child of alcoholics. But to be prepared to go to them, but never having got round to going to any except Berni Inns? Honestly my mind boggled at how different her life had been from mine - and I only drink once a week so I’m not exactly caning it.

I don’t think they’re like something an OAP would wear but I would agree that they’re not cool. I find them really ugly, like how I feel about irregular choice shoes or whatever. Where does it end? I mean, is someone supposed to post asking about something and everyone should say wow they’re lovely? I think it’s all subjective but if I was posting an image of a clothing item on a chat forum I’d expect to hear people’s opinions on it.

The point isn't saying you personally find them ugly.

The point is what do things that an OAP would wear look like?

Vivienne Westwood was an OAP. Theresa May, - terrible PM but a stylish dresser, is an OAP. Judi Dench, Helen Mirren, Stevie Nicks, Catherine Deneuve. are OAPs. Hell I could be one but I'm still working.

I totally agree, casual ageism all over the boards.

I was at an opera on Saturday night. There were quite a number of stylish women there but 3 really stood out. Two were definitely my age or older.

One was wearing a beautiful full skirted , almost Dior New Look skirt in black and gold brocade with black lace up boots and a short fitted leather jacket. I mentioned to her that her skirt was fabulous - she was very pleased and said it was £10 from a thrift shop.

The other was wearing a very dramatic, long, full skirted tweed pinstripe coat with offset buttoning down one side.

I don't know - possibly both these outfits looked like "something an OAP would wear". The first probably needed the self confidence of an older woman and the second the bank balance of an older woman. I doubt however that's what the judgemental poster on the other thread meant.

Well I just said I wouldn’t have categorised them as ‘something an OAP would wear.’ I would categorise them as ugly and would agree with the poster you mentioned that they’re not cool. I was agreeing that it isn’t correct to associate something with older people because it is uncool or ugly. I was disagreeing with your opinion that they are a ‘pretty pair of cotton sneakers.’ I think they’re ugly overpriced trainers.

Sorry your post wasn't clear. You said "I don’t think they’re like something an OAP would wear". That read as if this particular item didn't fall into that category but that the category "what an OAP would wear", is a thing.

I followed it up by saying ‘but I do agree that they’re not cool.‘ I was saying that while I disagree with the first OAP part, I agree that they’re ugly shoes.

Yes but point is it's not just incorrect to associate something with older people because it is "uncool or ugly" but the entire category of "like something an OAP would wear" is just utter nonsense.

People of any age can and do wear beautiful, ugly, elegant, horrible, boring, dull, outrageous, wacky, stunning, etc, etc clothes.( I'm not adding "cool" as I personally find it vague to the point of meaningless)

I did not use a category of ‘something an OAP would wear.’ I specifically disagreed with that category. I was simply agreeing that they are ugly shoes.

Very interesting discussion.

I think often our ideas of what 'elderly' women are like is based on the last generation - because that's what we know.

For example, even as recent as about 5 years ago I visited a relative in a residential home and they were only playing Vera Lynn type music. Just because it was assumed that old = remember the war. Actually, my relative loved Elvis and The Beatles and the Rolling Stones and was born after the war was well done. As must be the case for many residents now.

With clothes, it can be hard to let go of my own imagine of my grandparents as an example of what to wear when you get older. When I was young, I used to wonder what happened to your clothes taste as you aged, that meant you gave up jeans and pleated skirts and cardigans became your uniform. Of course, that doesn't happen.

While the world still worships youth, I am loving the recent move to have more diverse models in various settings. Including older models. They may have a bone structure I can never hope for but they also show that old =/= past it.

In my mid 40s, this gives me hope and inspiration to keep reassessing what I think of as appropriate for my age and to chuck the whole idea out and just think about what I want.

I know the demographic on this site is younger, mostly parents and all that, however, there is NO WAY at 65 I am migrating to Gransnet ever, that would tip me over the edge completely

This is the most ageist and ridiculous comment on the thread! What's wrong with Gransnet.

I know! Boring on about how active she is while also denigrating other women her age. "I'm not like them - I'm one of the cool geriatrics kids". Most of us grew out of that when we were in our 20s.

This

Sorry I forgot to tag @LightsOnNow in her quoted paragraph

Gransnet is for grandmothers I presume. I am not one of those people. It can be quite cliquey too.

I am surprised that my post annoyed some people. Seems you can't win, either celebrate your age and the enjoyment of it, or shut up and join the oldies club and be grateful you old mare. 😉

Gransnet is for grandmothers I presume

If Mumsnet is just for mothers, and I think it is not... @LightsOnNow

That's not what was meant at all, it was just terribly ageist.

shut up and join the oldies club

Don't be silly. No one is telling you you can't be on MN. We are calling you out on your attitude to Gransnet, aka 'the oldies club'.

You can't claim to be celebrating age, and at the same time say that joining a site with other women the same age as you would 'tip you over the edge'.

I like it here and I love you all! Life is too short for bickering and one upmanship (womanship?)

I ain't changing anything, I will not go where I don't feel it suits me or my Mumsnet assigned "deeply ageist personality". And that's that.

I ain't changing anything, I will not go where I don't feel it suits me or my Mumsnet assigned "deeply ageist personality

But nobody has said you should go to Gransnet. It's the ageism and attitude about the place in your posts. I hope you can see that.

You can't claim to be celebrating age, and at the same time say that joining a site with other women the same age as you would 'tip you over the edge'.

This 👏🏻👏🏻

Going back to style: some people are stylish. Usually these rich well known people either have a stylist or have a talent for dressing well. Personally I don’t think it’s difficult. So many great newspaper articles snd magazine editorials with fantastic suggestions.

What style means to me is the opposite of quirky. If you like quirky, that’s fine, but the most stylish women don’t. Also stylish people don’t always stand out. They aren’t the centre of attention.

There has been a wedding thread recently. Predictable brands appeared and mother of the bride outfits. I suggested a trouser suit. A few days ago the Telegraph (brilliant for wearable fashion) had a whole editorial on wearing trousers and a jacket to a wedding. They teamed chartreuse silky trousers and a cream tweed jacket. It was effortlessly stylish. So much nicer than forced wedding style. That’s what style is about. Looking classy, well put together and effortless. Age is immaterial.

@TizerorFizz Fashion is one thing the Telegraph do very well indeed. Lisa Armstrong is 10-12 years younger than me but I often like what she wears and how it's styled. And today's paper has another ex-editor from a fashion background suggesting that keeping an eye on fashion is VITAL as you get older to remain visible. With an acknowledgement that Miuccia Prada style socks really don't work well on anyone over 50 (except with boots and for gardening); it turns anyone into Nora Batty. Although I will concede that I once had such cold feet, I bought some mad socks and wore them with my sandals, and thought that it looked better than I could have hoped. I was returning from a boating holiday that started in the sun, and ended in near freezing rain.

With an acknowledgement that Miuccia Prada style socks really don't work well on anyone over 50 (except with boots and for gardening); it turns anyone into Nora Batty.

Actually I find the mid-shin sock thing can look very cute and stylish if worn with swagger and intent. As a mature wearer you do need to be well dressed, beautifully groomed, and able to communicate (wordlessly!) that it’s a mood, not a late night dash to Spar for milk!