Give in to the grey, or go lighter?

[Impossiblecauses]

I used to have loads of nice dark hair. A baby, a bereavement, a pandemic, and chronic illnesses has left me with fragile whisps and the grey is noticeable. Do I give up and go grey? Or maybe highlights?

I am a huge fan of going grey. I did it and I love it. However, I think that given you have had a hell of a time recently you should do what makes you feel fabulous, something that will give you a boost. I rather suspect a good cut and colour will put a spring in your step.

I wouldn’t give in to the grey myself. It’s just not me, I would look old. I have a friend who stopped colouring her hair and has aged ten years overnight. I’ll keep colouring mine thanks.

I don't think there is a right answer to this one! I'm not grey (that I've noticed) yet, but I dyed my hair very blonde last year and hate it. I'm growing it out and it's taking ages. So I think maybe try your natural colour for a bit rather than dye first ask questions later. But you can't go wrong. I envy your lovely, thick hair

Sorry about the difficult time you are having. I lost my mum just before I fell pregnant without first dc, and it's hard

Do what you want to do. There’s no rules.

I'm going to book in at the hairdresser's and see what they think. It just feels like giving up! It's not the lovely grey-silver/white that some people go, it just is a very washed out brittle kind of grey.

I have another suggestion that works for me. I am 43 and got a decent scattering of greys but not loads. I like the idea of going grey and want to do so fairly naturally and gradually, but with a bit of help. I have brown hair and have added a bit of balayage. Just a light scattering of blonde highlights through the mid section and ends. It doesn’t hide the greys but helps them blend in/ take the attention away from them. The highlights really frame my face and help me look fresher and younger too. Had lots of compliments. It’s really low maintenance and only need redoing every 9-12 months and no roots to worry about. I intend to do this for the foreseeable and gradually let more and more greys grow through in time.

@EssexLioness that sounds very workable....I have been brave and booked in for Wednesday so hopefully there's hope for me yet. Thanks for the inspiration x

I guarantee your hairdresser will want to colour your hair unless you are adamant you want to embrace the grey. Lioness's suggestion is a good one.

@Impossiblecauses you’re very welcome. Hope things go well at the hairdressers. Would love to know how you get on 😊

Thanks everyone I am not really looking for the hairdresser to colour my hair in the all-over-tint sense as I feel like the roots would be too high maintenance.

But I had a consultation with her and she seems really kind and understands where I am coming from. I want to move forward rather than turn the clock back (although that would be great...!!)

Op, you use the word ‘brittle’ about your hair. I notice as my hair starts to grey, that the texture changes and it isn’t very nice any more, in the areas of hair where pigment is fading, the texture is dry and lacks movement.

I’m really wondering if bleaching and toning would remove the brittleness. If you have highlights/ balayage, do report back!

Good luck!

I absolutely love my grey bit it’s taken at least five years to get it in to a decent length and all the old colour out. Many trims/ crops/ shaved sides/ redyeing etc. So if you have had a crap time I’m not sure the resilience needed not to give in (especially with attitudes like up thread which are sadly prevalent - ridiculous to say someone looks ten years older with natural hair but hey ho) will be there?

What I mean is, the in between stage is fairly hideous and not confidence boosting. So I’d maybe leave it for another time unless you fancy a very short crop.

I started going grey at 17, and I'm not hip enough to carry off the grey thing, so am still colouring it four decades later. Unless you dress in either a hip, rock chick or sophisticated way I think it is just plain aging.
I spied a woman with my kind of hair : wavy/curly in a choppy bob. All grey and she looked fabulous. She was trim and wearing a biker leather jacket and jeans. Women like Helen Mirren or Christine Lagarde can carry it off because they are always well groomed and well dressed.
A friend went grey after her divorce - but she dressed in a dowdy mumsy way and instantly looked 15 years older.

especially with attitudes like up thread which are sadly prevalent - ridiculous to say someone looks ten years older with natural hair but hey ho

It is profoundly depressing. Especially since it’s completely untrue. Grey is no more ageing than dyed hair.

Personally I'd dye it. If it was a beautiful silver or white grey I'd maybe think otherwise, but if it's not a beautiful colour I'd get a cut and colour. The hairdresser can advise you on the most flattering shades. I'm a natural brunette and had some greys come through - I just had a full set of highlights and am enjoying being blonde. I figure that nothing is permanent and I can always dye it dark again if I go off it. I think it's nice to experiment.

I had highlights three weeks ago to cover a few greys coming through.
Sorry to high jack the thread but... It’s been a nightmare washing it since - I bought special shampoo and conditioned but it matts horrendously. I went back to my old products but it does the same, and takes 15-20 to get a brush through it after. Not sure what I’m doing wrong?!

Clouds was it bleached? To them highlight? I’d say try olaplex no3 or a decent conditioner you can leave it. Don’t brush and use a wide toothed comb when wet to just unmarried it. Start at the bottom and work up.

‘Blossomtoes

especially with attitudes like up thread which are sadly prevalent - ridiculous to say someone looks ten years older with natural hair but hey ho

It is profoundly depressing. Especially since it’s completely untrue. Grey is no more ageing than dyed hair.‘

Women always seem to be in competition. Box dyed hair with a margin of grey looks no better or worse than natural grey hair. No one looks ten years younger with dark brown dye on their head than their peer whose chosen to grow it out. It’s just all part of the shackles we’ve got used to wearing.

It sounds like you've been through a tough time op Is it the colour of your hair that's the real problem do you think, or the general condition? Stress and poor health can manifest itself in all kinds of ways, including skin and hair, and I think it's important to treat the right symptom or you can run the risk of making it even worse.

Noeuf - yes it was and I think she then put a toner in it. I’ll see if I can find some olopex 3 - thanks in advance as I’m not into hair and have never heard of it..!

Can't say for sure. I think it depends on how your skin looks and how you dress.

My friend shaved her head and let grey come in and I think it looks awful and terribly ageing.
But she is very happy with it.

I have a lot of grey and I dye it but the dye doesn't last so long maybe 4 weeks max?

@Blossomtoes

especially with attitudes like up thread which are sadly prevalent - ridiculous to say someone looks ten years older with natural hair but hey ho

It is profoundly depressing. Especially since it’s completely untrue. Grey is no more ageing than dyed hair.

I completely disagree.

So it's all in the eye of the beholder.

Luckytattie - sadly most ‘beholders’ have been brainwashed by decades of conditioning into thinking women should avoid looking like their natural selves as far as possible. So, yes you may think it’s ageing but I think you are wrong. And trained to see grey = negative.
Op - my highlights, when I have them, are always bleached first and then toned. My favourite rescue produce is either an AVEDA damage recovery (or something) or Olaplex - both are pricey but do seem to work.

I've gone grey and I love it. My hair is so soft and in great condition now, it just shines! Saved loads of money too. I have grey highlights