If you used to be ‘alternative’

[Sleepyhungryfattyanddoc]

What do you wear now?

As a teen / early 20s I liked lots of black, lots of ‘gothic’emo looks. As I got older I obviously moved away from it
But now my look is just blah and doesn’t feel like me at all. I never have an outfit to put on that I actually like or feel great in, just ‘ok’ at best
I’m sick of never feeling good or excited about my outfit, or just feeling like ‘me’

I’m obviously older and a mum, I don’t want to be dressing head to toe ‘goth’ but I don’t know how to find what my slightly more ‘sophisticated’ look may be

@Guineapigbridge I live in one of Sydney’s posher suburbs and everyone around here just wears active wear. So depressing .

I have this problem too. I used to dress very grunge... ditsy print dresses with big cardigans or jumpers over the top, thick tights or leggings, DMs, dungarees, tie dye, layered skirts...all of which is 'in' right now, but at 45 I feel silly. Like I'm either trying to be down with the kids or I'm stuck in 1993 in my head I am

I have dyed red hair and have recently had some magenta highlights which gives it a more edgy look, stacked ear piercings and black eyeliner. I tend to live in leggings and jeans and T-shirt's, which suits me fine day to day, but I never really know what to wear for going out. I tend to go for the mum uniform of midi dress and trainers, but I never really feel like me!

@OooPourUsACupLove

I am seeing the silver more and more - I think it's my new tribe!

My DH hasn't really changed either, stick thin, band T-shirt. I wonder if men have our dillemma or if they just stick on jeans, band T-shirt and that's it?

Somebody upthread mentioned the Little Lies site. I've been coveting some of the items for a while. Others, like the leopard coat, I have already. Hoping gor more Ritchie Manic and less Bette Lynch when I wear it though

Just had a look on Little Lies, there's some nice stuff on there!

I have some bits from Hell Bunny and EMP. For shoes it's Koi Footwear. I don't just wear black anymore but i go for things that make me happy /smile/laugh. I have moved away from just black , and added greens, greys ,reds. I mostly wear block colours . The real trick to enjoying my wardrobe is that I don't care if my wardrobe is in fashion , stylish or to someone else's taste. A very good thing too as I work with kids and they love my stuff... which probably says a lot.

Just dyed my hair blue black too. That definitely takes me back.

This is one of my favourite t-shirts as an example.

@AdoptedBumpkin

Interesting thread. I'm not sure I was especially alternative, but it is curious how some outlandish dressers turn gradually into very ordinary or even frumpy dressers.

absolutely. You cant keep that shit up forever. Its time consuming and absolutely only for occasional dress

Although I think The Kooples are expensive I don’t think the answer will be in a cheap-o item from Primark or H&M …. You’re better off buying a few well cut pieces and supplementing with charity shop / pre loved. There are a myriad of options in between very expensive and very cheap . You don’t need an alternative shop you just need to know what look you’re going for. I think Dark Academia is quite preppy and American based ( Ivy League) but you could twist it to be U.K. vintage blue stocking if you liked. Nick Caves wife has a clothing brand called Vampires Wife and she’s super cool. I was gifted a burgundy dress in M&S that I refer to as my VW dress - can’t wait to wear it with boots or DM shoes and dark lipstick. Adele Mildred is also a very cool designer who works with Dita von Tease and has a slightly gothic vintage look. A pair of her sunglasses would elevate any look.

@TabithaTiger

I have this problem too. I used to dress very grunge... ditsy print dresses with big cardigans or jumpers over the top, thick tights or leggings, DMs, dungarees, tie dye, layered skirts...all of which is 'in' right now, but at 45 I feel silly. Like I'm either trying to be down with the kids or I'm stuck in 1993 in my head I am

I have dyed red hair and have recently had some magenta highlights which gives it a more edgy look, stacked ear piercings and black eyeliner. I tend to live in leggings and jeans and T-shirt's, which suits me fine day to day, but I never really know what to wear for going out. I tend to go for the mum uniform of midi dress and trainers, but I never really feel like me!

I think ditsy dresses, cardies and black tights are ageless. I just wear them knee length not mid thigh now.

I forgot, DH got nostalgic and bought me some funky bright leggings so I’ve added bright leggings and oversized off the shoulder jumper to my AW2021 look

I am so boring now. Jeans and T-shirt's basically. I still wear my SOAD and Muse T-shirt's 🙈

I've just been looking at Snag Tights, they've got their new Halloween range in. I love a lot of them, but always worry about looking a bit too 'mutton dressed as lamb' at my age (49).

snagtights.com/pages/halloween

My husband describes himself as a mosher in school and had waist length hair till about 2 years before we met. He still likes metal but he is now very groomed with short hair and mostly wears sports wear like Under Armour or Nike. He says one day he realised he was scruffy and had the hair cut.

This has made my morning
I am early 40s now and lost my way a bit after having kids (I had no time to think or shop and was just blending in). I have more time now though and wearing lots of the stuff I used to. I used to wear wide leg jeans a lot and skinny shirts, ties etc. I would still wear that minus the tie probably.
There is stuff to be found in pretty much every shop. H and m do so much black it is easy to find a good dress or top in there.

I would say focus on footwear, accessories, makeup and hair and the rest can be quite simple.

I wonder if part of the thing is that dressing 'alternative' when you're a teen is actually very much about fitting in. It's not so much wearing whatever you like and being different so much as wearing what all the other goth/grunge/etc teenagers are wearing.

Maybe instead of looking for a grown up version of alternative it might make more sense just to buy clothes you like and wear them? Does that make sense? I'm getting a bit woo here, but kind of stop concentrating on how other people react to your clothes (either rebelling from normal or fitting in with the cool gang) and wear clothes that make you happy. Be it colours, shapes, fabrics... that make you smile.

@AccidentallyOnPurpose love the t-shirt
I work with kids too and they also like my "interesting" look, I like space/nature themed t-shirts which they also like.

And love kids shoes and often wish they made grown up versions

For me its expressing myself and wearing what I want, not what is expected of me, middle aged middle class mum.

[quote MrsVeryTired]@AccidentallyOnPurpose love the t-shirt
I work with kids too and they also like my "interesting" look, I like space/nature themed t-shirts which they also like.

And love kids shoes and often wish they made grown up versions

For me its expressing myself and wearing what I want, not what is expected of me, middle aged middle class mum.[/quote]
I have this primark black t-shirt with the planets on it/stars and it says "I need more space". Came in handy during lockdowns.

@AccidentallyOnPurpose

I have some bits from Hell Bunny and EMP. For shoes it's Koi Footwear. I don't just wear black anymore but i go for things that make me happy /smile/laugh. I have moved away from just black , and added greens, greys ,reds. I mostly wear block colours . The real trick to enjoying my wardrobe is that I don't care if my wardrobe is in fashion , stylish or to someone else's taste. A very good thing too as I work with kids and they love my stuff... which probably says a lot.

Just dyed my hair blue black too. That definitely takes me back.

This is one of my favourite t-shirts as an example.

That tee is amazing!!

I could have written your post OP. I used to be very alternative, but after having kids I drifted into a world of trying to be minimalist, classic, grown up, wearing 'investment pieces'. It was boring as hell. Only recently have I woken up to the fact that I feel most alive and authentic when I dress with a bit more drama. I already had some good accessories like an All Saints black leather biker jacket, some boots from Dune that have a biker look (lots of metal). I now want to add to those with some more interesting clothes than I used to wear. I'm trying to mostly buy second hand; used to just do Ebay but I've just joined Depop and there is so much more variety/ edgier looks on there, you can also search for hashtag terms like Dark Academia, etc. Recently I have ordered/bought:

• Garnet ring from Etsy
• Pair of black velvet flares
• biker style t-shirt with day of the dead graphic
• Black dress from the Vampire's Wife/H&M collaboration.
• High necked puff shoulder long sleeve top from Whistles sale (bit of a Victorian governess vibe to it )

I'm also looking out for second hand t-shirts of rock bands that I like. Good luck!

@YukoandHiro

*losing the baby WEIGHT.

Sorry if that post was accidentally upsetting. My baby is 10mo and very healthy! X

Thank goodness for that! Best wishes to you and your DC.

I still hanker after my slightly alternative days too.

I don't buy much clothing and try and shop my wardrobe etc or buy second hand but every so often I treat myself to stuff from Psylo and Toonzshop. Neither are really 'out there' which means I don't need a whole new wardrobe. The tops go with jeans I already own. The dresses are largely very wearable too.

I love Toonzshop but they dont have a lot of plus size :(

I was a goth/punk in the 90s. I'm in my late 40s now (and fat) and I tend to wear swing dresses with colourful snag tights. Mary Jane's or converse on my feet. Too much eyeliner

Great thread! I was a 90’s teen, but more indie/grunge than proper goth ( I wasn’t cool or confident enough for that! ) Over the years I’ve drifted a lot more mainstream, but definitely prefer things that are a bit different or quirky rather than fashionable. I have quite a difficult shape to dress too so most of the time I can’t wear fashionable things anyway.
Maybe start with shoes? I’ve always loved a stand out shoe Like lots of pp have said, keep it simple and just add the odd touches.
My favourite recent purchase was a pair of Liberty print vans, which I think perfectly sum up old me v new me

Oh, and I’m now off to look at EMP….

Get those dr martens on, I had mine on today with a sweatshirt tent dress.

I live in my black gap jeans. but all my t-shirts, tops have something wacky about them. Either the prints or the styles or being drapey/asymmetric/...
and my shoes are also "unique". Mostly I wear my doc martens style boots which I have repainted/varnished to make it look like it is about 100 years old and added some gears (proper steampunk feel :) ). But even my others are special converse; plaid red high heals, thigh high stiletto boots (ok, this gets worn only 1-2 times a year)

If not black jeans, then sarueru pants in good weather, or some skirts/dresses from Camden Market and the occasional corset.

My all time fav is my autumn and spring red leather jacket that is much shorter in the front and goes to my ankles on the back. Proper vampire film stuff :)