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Original poster

Am I actually “too skinny”

124 replies

VanGoSunflowers · 28/07/2021 18:29

Please be kind as I know I will sound awful typing this…

I’ve always been small - usually fluctuate between an 8 and a 10 and am 5’7”. When I feel stressed, I lose my appetite and find it hard to eat. I have had a very stressful few months and fallen in to bad habits of working through lunch on a few occasions because I haven’t felt hungry. I’ve also had a sickness bug which hasn’t helped!

Anyway - a colleague keeps telling me that I am “too skinny” which I find quite hurtful. To be honest, I’m trying not to worry too much about my appearance right now but these comments are making me feel paranoid. BMI wise I’m probably on the low end of ‘healthy’ - I’m a ten on the bottom and an 8 on the top.

Does this sound horrendously emaciated?? Do people really look at people with my frame and think I look disgusting? Or is my colleague being unkind? I’m trying not to let it bother me but I’ve always been picked on for my weight, ever since I was young and it seems to trigger me somehow Sad

OP posts:
Coogee · 30/07/2021 10:48

They couldn’t possibly have been eating anything close to 2000 calories and that was at a hen with free flowing booze and treats.

They probably didn’t need to eat close to 2000 calories. Particularly if they were thinner. Some people need less, some more.

Despite being very active, I need 1800 to maintain my weight.

Perriwinkles · 30/07/2021 11:03

@Coogee

That’s true in fairness. I guess I never knew how little some extraordinarily thin women eat. They were skin and bone and ate so little I don’t know how they stay standing.

ILoveShula · 30/07/2021 12:57

I've had my share of comments on what I weigh and on what I eat.

The random man saying 'Are you enjoying that, love' may be friendly and well-meant but it made me feel greedy, and it put me off eating my lunch in the park.

Or the 'Should you be eating that?' when i was eating a cake. I hardly ever eat cake and it was a treat.

The people commenting are twats.

GrrrlPwr · 30/07/2021 13:14

Your colleague is rude and jealous. Ignore. Do you have enough energy to live your life? Then you are fine.

shallIswim · 30/07/2021 13:20

It's amazing how judgemental phrases like skin and bone slip into conversations about slim people. If anyone described a someone overweight as lardy they'd rightly get pilloried.

UseOfWeapons · 30/07/2021 13:42

Totally get this, I’m 5’8”, about 8 and a half stone, and I think I look wiry because I’m quite muscular. I get comments about how skinny I am, and it feels like criticism. It can make me very self conscious, although during the winter, I can drop another half a stone, and then I agree, I feel and look pretty dreadful.
I don’t comment on people’s looks unless I can find something positive to say, as why would I want to hurt another person? People should keep their opinions to themselves. As others have said, if you said someone was obese or had a huge head, you’d be shot at dawn.

MarmaladeToastAndAMarmaladeCat · 30/07/2021 14:44

That’s so rude. Your BMI is normal and you sound slim not unhealthily skinny.

I don’t think it’s appropriate for a work colleague to be making any sort of comment on your looks regardless of whether you are too skinny or not to be honest.

For what it’s worth I think people can have a distorted view of what is a healthy size nowadays. I was overweight, almost obese BMI and I started losing weight to get healthier, I had various people tell me I didn’t need to and that I was fine, and several people tell me I’d lost too much and telling me to stop when I was still an overweight BMI. I’m right in the middle of a healthy bmi and have had comments about me being skinny which is preposterous as I am nowhere near skinny.

roarfeckingroarr · 30/07/2021 14:45

Can't tell without a picture. Size 10 is not skinny.

Comedycook · 30/07/2021 14:48

@roarfeckingroarr

Can't tell without a picture. Size 10 is not skinny.
So which is it? You can't tell or it's not skinny?
Orpheline · 30/07/2021 15:12

I used to get comments, and was even given a plateful of food at a buffet. A friend suggested telling people that I work out a lot. That worked. If you make an effort to be slim, it's alright. To be natural is not ok.

ThorIsAGod · 30/07/2021 16:45

In the first school I taught in I was given extra helpings by the school cook as she wanted to fatten me up!

I could eat like a horse at that age and not put weight on so loved it! (Sorry missing the point I know)

Perriwinkles · 30/07/2021 17:28

@shallIswim

It's amazing how judgemental phrases like skin and bone slip into conversations about slim people

I didn’t mean to sound ‘judgemental.’ Gosh sorry about that. I was trying to describe the people I alluded to. They weren’t slim. They were extraordinarily skinny & didn’t look healthy. The point I was trying to make was that they barely ate at all and one of them said she ‘ate loads’ and I thought it highlighted how common disordered eating can be.

I was once told I was ‘skin and bone’ and to be honest, I didn’t take offence as it wasn’t judgemental; it was descriptive. I had been ill, had lost too much weight and it was a pretty accurate description of how I looked at the time.

Sorry again if it caused offence—absolutely not my intention — was just aiming for a succinct, understandable description (the point being that they weren’t slim).

Perriwinkles · 30/07/2021 17:30

@roarfeckingroarr

Can't tell without a picture. Size 10 is not skinny
It is on some people. It’s certainly very slim and I don’t think we can equate dress sizes to universal descriptors. It’s person-specific.

shallIswim · 30/07/2021 17:31

[quote Perriwinkles]@shallIswim

It's amazing how judgemental phrases like skin and bone slip into conversations about slim people

I didn’t mean to sound ‘judgemental.’ Gosh sorry about that. I was trying to describe the people I alluded to. They weren’t slim. They were extraordinarily skinny & didn’t look healthy. The point I was trying to make was that they barely ate at all and one of them said she ‘ate loads’ and I thought it highlighted how common disordered eating can be.

I was once told I was ‘skin and bone’ and to be honest, I didn’t take offence as it wasn’t judgemental; it was descriptive. I had been ill, had lost too much weight and it was a pretty accurate description of how I looked at the time.

Sorry again if it caused offence—absolutely not my intention — was just aiming for a succinct, understandable description (the point being that they weren’t slim).[/quote]
Don't worry. I think we slip into these stereotypical phrases too easily, all of us.
Personally I'm fine with it but I have a DD with an eating disorder and when I hear a phrase like that I flinch on her behalf x

Perriwinkles · 30/07/2021 17:35

@shallIswim

I understand and even though it was said to my face I wouldn’t dream of saying it to someone else’s face. I’ll know not to use it again - even online - though. Eating disorders are all too common these days and even people describing their weight and height on this thread could be triggering for some people with eating disorders.

shallIswim · 30/07/2021 17:45

[quote Perriwinkles]@shallIswim

I understand and even though it was said to my face I wouldn’t dream of saying it to someone else’s face. I’ll know not to use it again - even online - though. Eating disorders are all too common these days and even people describing their weight and height on this thread could be triggering for some people with eating disorders.[/quote]
We do tie ourselves in knots tho don't we? Fortunately DD is recovering and is now a 'healthy' weight but it will always be with her, nagging away, goading her on what she should and shouldn't eat.
She has taught me so much about what we get wrong in our society of superabundance. I used to talk about being 'naughty' or 'good' with food. And it's just not helpful
We weren't even a diety type family - no scales in the bathroom for instance. But perhaps my general attitudes (as well as her perfectionism and pre disposition) contributed. I'll never know I suppose. But I do try these days not to attach value judgements around language when food and weight are concerned.
Didn't mean to tick you off specifically x

Perriwinkles · 30/07/2021 20:25

@shallIswim

That’s good that your daughter is recovering. Wishing her deep healing. I can’t imagine how horrific it must have been for her and for the whole family.

ThorIsAGod · 30/07/2021 22:05

@Perriwinkles I really don't think size 10 is skinny these days. I have lost half a stone and I'm still not skinny although easily fit in a size 10. Size 10 is quite big these days (relatively speaking!)

Perriwinkles · 30/07/2021 22:55

@ThorIsAGod

I respectfully disagree. I don’t think size 10 ‘is quite big these days.’ It really just depends on each body and there is no
objective definition of ‘skinny’ either…All these descriptions and explanations of sizes, weight etc in this thread aren’t healthy, in my view.

GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal · 30/07/2021 22:57

Eh? I'm 5'7 and between an 8 and a 10. I'm slim but not skinny, and no one says otherwise.

Blinkingbatshit · 30/07/2021 23:23

You sound perfectly fine to me!!….I sadly am too skinny & BMI has dropped to underweight. I’m not well but with Covid etc lots of people haven’t seen me in ages and do the horrified double take. I’ve actually immediately burst into tears on one person who said as an opener “Christ you’re skinny”, bless her she was mortified. But even my dh got it wrong the other day - I was helping him do up a far too small for him wetsuit and I quipped about how pushing everything together was creating a bit of a cleavage…”well, at least one of us still has some” he responded. He was joking but again, I was distraught☹️.

grasstreeleaf · 31/07/2021 09:35

For context I wear a size 8 now but wore a size 12 when I was 16 in the 80s. I am roughly the same size and the same weight as I was then. I am slim but not really skinny and have a BMI of 18.5. (which is still healthy). Dress sizes have gone up and I think people's perceptions of a normal size (and weight) have a little bit.

Bone frame size makes a difference as does muscle mass. I have a narrow frame and some muscle definition.

grasstreeleaf · 31/07/2021 09:36

Oh and I'm 5 foot 7.

IceLace100 · 31/07/2021 11:23

Do your BMI. If it's 18.5 - 25 you're fine. If not, you need to lose/ gain. Or if your doctor says anything follow their advice.

Ignore other people's opinions. They're just that. Opinions.

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