Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Style and beauty

Looking for style advice? Chat all about it here. For the latest discounts on fashion and beauty, sign up for Mumsnet Moneysaver emails.

Am I actually “too skinny”

124 replies

VanGoSunflowers · 28/07/2021 18:29

Please be kind as I know I will sound awful typing this…

I’ve always been small - usually fluctuate between an 8 and a 10 and am 5’7”. When I feel stressed, I lose my appetite and find it hard to eat. I have had a very stressful few months and fallen in to bad habits of working through lunch on a few occasions because I haven’t felt hungry. I’ve also had a sickness bug which hasn’t helped!

Anyway - a colleague keeps telling me that I am “too skinny” which I find quite hurtful. To be honest, I’m trying not to worry too much about my appearance right now but these comments are making me feel paranoid. BMI wise I’m probably on the low end of ‘healthy’ - I’m a ten on the bottom and an 8 on the top.

Does this sound horrendously emaciated?? Do people really look at people with my frame and think I look disgusting? Or is my colleague being unkind? I’m trying not to let it bother me but I’ve always been picked on for my weight, ever since I was young and it seems to trigger me somehow Sad

OP posts:
goose1964 · 28/07/2021 22:11

I'm the same height as you and at size 8 ( in the 80s) I had no flesh on my bones, not literally. I was more comfortable at a size 12. It sounds like they're worried about you though.

ArabeI · 28/07/2021 22:16

@Bluntness100

If you’re nine to nine and a half stone at 5.7 you’re not skinny at all, you’re just a healthy weight. I don’t understand the comments, I was expecting you to say you weight a lot less.
This
imnotsure1 · 28/07/2021 22:24

I'm 5ft7, size 8 and always between 50-55kg. I'm a healthy weight/size. The average size in the UK keeps increasing which I think gives rise to these 'too skinny' comments. Unfortunately it seems acceptable to call people too skinny.

CutePanda · 28/07/2021 22:35

I think a more important thing to focus on would be to address your stress levels. In the long run, not eating enough food will cause all sorts of problems. What is stressing you out?

If you don’t fancy food then could you drink something a nutritional drink like Complan or Ensure for your lunch? You might not feel hungry, but you need to nourish your body and mind.

RacheyCat · 29/07/2021 02:01

It's totally a UK perception. At 5'9 and a size 8, I get told I'm skinny from friends back home but here in Asia I'm by no means seen as remarkably slim.

MoltonSilver · 29/07/2021 07:33

I think your gp is the best person to answer this question for you. Their answer is really the only one that counts.

DotDotDotDot · 29/07/2021 07:46

I think people have totally lost sight of what a healthy weight is

I agree with this. Aren't we one of the fattest nations in the world now - something like 65% of us overweight or obese? We're just so used to seeing overweight people in society that to see a person of healthy weight is more unusual.

Size 8-10 is not underweight. Your colleague is either jealous or doesn't recognise a healthy weight anymore.

The only thing you probably need to address is your response to stress. If you find you don't like eating during stressful times, perhaps make a smoothie with something like oats, berries, avocado, peanut butter & milk to sip on?

Bryonyshcmyony · 29/07/2021 07:49

Most of my friends are tall and slim, I'm the heaviest in my friendship group at 5.7 and a good size 14. Size 8/10 sounds normal to me.

AndytheUnicorn · 29/07/2021 07:53

Your not too slim, you sound great. Ignore your colleague who is probably slightly envious of your figure. For some reason people believe they can make these comments to slim people.

RoseAndRose · 29/07/2021 07:57

I think people have totally lost sight of what a healthy weight is

I agree with this very much.

We have a kind of folk memory that dress sizes 'mean' something in terms of weight. But it's still rooted in the 1980s, before standardisation was abolished. The 90s saw vanity sizing (unrelated to any revalorisation of size of people in the population based on actual measuring) which pretty much added two sizes

So today's 8-10 wouid be roughly a size 12 - a nice normal medium/slim size.

OP's weight and size are both entirely normal, and it's an indictment of both the obesogenic society we have created and the astonishing manners of someone making unfounded personal comments that are the issues here

onelittlefrog · 29/07/2021 07:58

Yes, I do feel too thin and perhaps that’s why the comments are bothering me

Tbh I think the comments are bothering you because they are rude and actually constitute workplace bullying.

If it carries on you should speak to your manager about your colleague's inappropriate behaviour. Or if you feel comfortable, confront the colleague and tell them that you find it hurtful and inappropriate when they make comments about your physical appearance, and to please stop. Don't put up with this.

There are lots of people on here making comments like "I don't think you're too skinny" or "I'd love to be told I'm too skinny". It's not relevant. Imagine the post was about someone being told they are overweight - I think the reactions would be very different.

This is bullying, plain and simple, and you don't have to tolerate it.

RampantIvy · 29/07/2021 07:59

I'm always shocked that people feel they can say "You're too skinny" when you would never dream of saying "You're too fat" to someone.

I used to get this all the time as a teenager. When I had a Saturday job I was just taking my overall off in the staff kitchen when one of the staff said "Ooh, aren't you skinny", so I just said "Ooh, aren't you fat". She was plump TBH. It quite took the wind out of her sails, especially when I pointed out that saying someone was skinny was just as rude as pointing out that someone is fat.

OP, you don't sound underweight to me, but often people's perception of weight is skewed by your build. People think I am skinny because I have a thin face and small boobs, but I wear a size 12. I am 5'7" and have a BMI of 21.5.

Feelingmardy · 29/07/2021 08:03

Your weight, height, size sound slim but not 'too skinny'. I have a family member who, even when my BMI was 27 said I was too thin. Her BMI was high 30's. I think she has just lost touch with reality as IRL I am overweight - which is obvious to everyone but her. I would chalk this up to her issue and, if it bothers you, tell her that you find comments like that quite insulting.

RampantIvy · 29/07/2021 08:06

I agree that when people say "but the average dress size is a 16" to justify why they are overweight, they are normalising obesity. Normal doesn't necessarily mean healthy.

GlutenFreeGingerCake · 29/07/2021 08:09

Of course it's rude to comment negatively on someone weight but if you have lost weight through stress and illness perhaps you are looking a bit unhealthy and that is what they are seeing.

Justilou1 · 29/07/2021 08:21

I think you should have a private word to your colleague. Ask her to change the word “skinny” to “fat” and if she would ever say that to a colleague at work. Let her know that her comments are personal and insensitive, and you would prefer it if she would keep her opinions to herself please. If she says that she has been saying this out of concern for your health, you can tell her that your physical and mental health is none of her concern unless she thinks that it may be affecting your work. The. she can feel free to either bring it up with you and your line manager/HR.
(Log this just in case.)

Turkishangora · 29/07/2021 08:29

You sound fine op. I am very similar to you, lose appetite when stressed, 5'8" BMI of 20, size 10 on top and 8 on bottom. Have been a lot thinner. Used to get comments about my weight all the time when I worked somewhere where everyone pretty much bar me (mostly women) were overweight/obese.

In the late 80s when I was a stone lighter I was a size 10. I have a vintage skirt from 1979 that's a size 14 and tight on me. Modern day sizing is a farce.

shallIswim · 29/07/2021 09:35

It's a way for people to validate their own weight. Unless it's your very nearest and dearest saying it with real concern I'd ignore.
Our idea of 'normal healthy weight' is so far out of whack these days

baldafrique · 29/07/2021 11:19

It's always overweight women who make such comments, in my experience. If your BMI is healthy, just ignore.

Laburnam · 29/07/2021 11:58

I am always told I have no meat on my bones. I am a healthy weight. It is usually said by women that are overweight, I would never dream of replying telling them some home truths but you only need to walk down the high street to see slim people are in the minority

mistermagpie · 29/07/2021 12:37

You sound similar to me OP. I'm 5'8" and weigh just over 9 stone, I'm a size 8 probably but often wear a 10 because I like things baggy.

I don't think it's too skinny, I think it's a pretty normal size! I occasionally get comments about my weight, but that's mainly because I've got three kids aged 6 and under and the assumption seems to be that I should be fatter as a result... generally any such comments are complimentary though so I think your colleague is just rude.

5128gap · 29/07/2021 13:32

Size 10 is now waist size 28" and size 8 is 26" (which is more indicative of your appearance than weight and bmi) so not skinny at all. Are the people saying this of a larger build than you so perhaps its relative? Or do they mean it as a compliment? Alternatively when you lose weight does it go from your face and make you seem drawn?

VanGoSunflowers · 29/07/2021 15:43

@5128gap

Size 10 is now waist size 28" and size 8 is 26" (which is more indicative of your appearance than weight and bmi) so not skinny at all. Are the people saying this of a larger build than you so perhaps its relative? Or do they mean it as a compliment? Alternatively when you lose weight does it go from your face and make you seem drawn?
Yes, I am wearing size 28” waist jeans now and if anything they’re a little snug!

I do seem to lose it from my top half and my face a little. And I probably do look tired so that doesn’t help!

The person that said this was actually male and of a larger build than me (being polite!)

But have had comments from women too who aren’t overweight at all to be fair.

OP posts:
Perriwinkles · 29/07/2021 15:56

@VanGoSunflowers

In terms of skipping lunch and stress etc, I would advise making a conscious decision to eat every meal and perhaps try some meditation and breathing exercises (if you haven't already) to put you into a calmer state). I feel weak and weight falls off me fast if I skip meals, so it's easy to put it on (if you want to) by eating every meal and allowing for treats (if you want to).

I've no idea if you're too skinny based on measurements and BMI as it all depends on a person and how they look and feel, their bone structure, fat composition etc. I look much thinner in clothes than naked. I have so much fat on my body that is well hidden by clothes so people often think I'm thinner than I actually am!

As for your colleague, I would take being told by someone that I'm 'too skinny' as an unwelcome comment. I learned a few years ago not to comment on people's weight. When I was younger, I used to comment on weight loss etc. as most people I knew did and I thought it was the norm to compliment and comment. Now I simply say nothing and if I ever say something, it would be to say, 'you are looking really well.' One friend of mine who had been obese and had a host of health issues as a result lost a lot of weight; so I told her she looked 'absolutely wonderful' but I never commented on her weight.

Another friend lost a significant amount of weight - I later found out it was anxiety-induced - and thankfully I did not comment on it. Yes, she looked unwell at the time because she had been unwell mentally which made it difficult for her to eat. She has now put on weight, looks way better but again, I did not comment.

I'm not sure any of us like our weight being commented on, do we? We like comments such as 'you're looking great' etc. but I don't think we like the specifics being mentioned and no-one wants to be told they're 'too' anything.

So, my point is that your colleague's comment is hurtful and I would be hurt by it. I know it can be difficult to be direct but if she says it again, could you try saying something like, 'do you mind not saying that again? I'm sure you don't mean to hurt me but it actually really hurts my feelings when you say that.' If you'd find it too hard to be that direct, the next time she says 'you're too skinny,' you could say, 'oh let's not talk about my weight again!' or 'you're always commenting on my weight.' Either way, I think it's important you say something in a way befitting to your personality to get the message across that you do no want your weight to be commented on again.

Best of luck OP. Wishing you health and happiness.

Perriwinkles · 29/07/2021 15:57

**I see from your most recent post that it's a man. I wrote 'she' but either way, everything I wrote still stands.

Swipe left for the next trending thread