Am I actually “too skinny”

[VanGoSunflowers]

Please be kind as I know I will sound awful typing this…

I’ve always been small - usually fluctuate between an 8 and a 10 and am 5’7”. When I feel stressed, I lose my appetite and find it hard to eat. I have had a very stressful few months and fallen in to bad habits of working through lunch on a few occasions because I haven’t felt hungry. I’ve also had a sickness bug which hasn’t helped!

Anyway - a colleague keeps telling me that I am “too skinny” which I find quite hurtful. To be honest, I’m trying not to worry too much about my appearance right now but these comments are making me feel paranoid. BMI wise I’m probably on the low end of ‘healthy’ - I’m a ten on the bottom and an 8 on the top.

Does this sound horrendously emaciated?? Do people really look at people with my frame and think I look disgusting? Or is my colleague being unkind? I’m trying not to let it bother me but I’ve always been picked on for my weight, ever since I was young and it seems to trigger me somehow

I assume she is fat....

@VanGoSunflowers

Thank you all. I shouldn’t let it bother me, I know. Just another confidence knock though!

I’m not 100% sure what I weight but I’d guess between 9 and 9 1/2 stone

Is it possible that you've actually lost more than you think? If you're genuinely 9-9½ stone then you're not too thin but, equally, I wouldn't expect that you'd get comments for absolutely no reason. It might be worth weighing yourself and seeing if you've slipped down the scale further than you thought. Or make a conscious effort to eat 3 meals and 3 snacks until you are at a weight you feel comfortable with.

I get this. With a wide eyed innocent look, I say 'too skinny for what?'

They don't have an answer. I shrug perplexed. They never mention it again. I silently laugh.

@DaisyWaldron

It sounds as though you are at a perfectly healthy weight, so your colleague is wrong in that sense. But if you are losing weight because of stress to the extent that other people can see a change in you, that's a pretty good indicator that your mental health isn't all it should be right now. Is there anything you could do to ease some of the stress and prioritize your health a bit?

This is a good point - I think I’ve lost enough for people to notice and they range from catty to faux concern.

I need to try but the situation I am in will be stressful for a little while yet. I’m thinking maybe I need to get back into exercising properly as that may stimulate my appetite more!

Thanks for the comments all

I'm technically underweight, but have been for years, and I maintain this, it's just how my body is.
Anyone constantly commenting would be told exactly where to go.

I would tell your colleague that you do not appreciate the comments and could she stop.

I've been either borderline underweight or just in the normal range all my life.

I've had people whispering behind my back about eating disorders and even had someone tell my (now ex) husband that he "needed to take me to the doctors".

Hand on heart, I've never had an eating disorder or even been on a diet, it's just the way I am.

It annoys me how people think they have a right to be rude when you're skinny but big when you're fat.

Size 10 is not unhealthy

I've had people tell me I'm too skinny when my bmi is about 27. Some people are just rude.

It might be that you look a little gaunt if you're not eating well but, even if you do, your colleague is still rude.

It must be a body shape thing - I'm 5'8 would never in a million years be a size 8... when i was 'low end of BMI' I was size 10 .. and I was skinny as - no boobs -

Are your periods regular - when you drop too much weight they go 'weird', or don't exist. If your periods are fine - you are probably ok . :)

I am the same height as you. I am the same dress size. I too stop eating when stressed. I lost some weight due to my husband's illness and starting on anti ds that took any trace of appetite away. I am slowly putting a bit on but it takes me ages.

I HATE people commenting on my weight. Its always 'omg have you lost weight?!' and 'are you ok?' stuff. It makes me very anxious. I start to think 'am I ill?'

I wish people wouldn't do it. They might as well me shrieking 'OMG YOU LOOK AWFUL ARE YOU DYING' at me.

I wouldn't dream of commenting on someone's appearance unless it was to say 'you look nice' etc.

Ah I'd love to be told I look too skinny! But that isn't helpful to you I know.

I get told I'm skinny all the time and I feel embarrassed. I'm a normal weight and a size 8-10. I wouldn't dream of saying to someone you're fat.

I am 5'7 and went up to 10 stone, I felt really chunky and have just got to 9 stone 7 but plan to get to 9 stone as that's where I feel comfortable.

At 18 I was only 7 stone and that was skinny but I looked fine as I was young, my daughter is very similar now and technically under weight but eats loads so I'm not worried as I think it's just how we are in my family.

Your colleague is rude!!

I'm 5'6 and a little under 9 stone and I get this all the time. Too skinny for what? It's so rude, you and I are a healthy weight and I'm sure you look just fine.

Your colleague is rude. It’s always rude to comment uninvited on others’ appearance. She’s also jealous.

People have lost sight of what healthy weight is. We see so many people who are overweight we consider it normal. If your BMI is within the normal range then you’re not underweight. And even if you are it’s no ones business unless it’s affecting your health, then it’s a private medical matter.

If you’re nine to nine and a half stone at 5.7 you’re not skinny at all, you’re just a healthy weight. I don’t understand the comments, I was expecting you to say you weight a lot less.

Do you think you look too thin at the moment? It can vary. According to BMI, I could be just under 8 stone and still within the normal range but I start to look very fragile and sick at 9 and a half stone. I’m only 5’5” so you’d think I could stand to lose more weight than that but I really do look terrible that thin. I look fine at 10 and a half - 11 stone which puts me at a size 10-12.

So while you’re BMI may be technically fine, you may have tipped into ‘too thin for you’ territory due to your lack of appetite and bug without realising that it’s happened.

I've had this, 5ft 5 and a size 8. I eat healthy but also eat what I want to eat. When I was younger I had a work colleague berate me for being a 'silly girl' and another male co-worker really took against me. I was told later it was because his daughter had anorexia! Ignore them that's all you can do

Also when I was 5'7 and 7 stone I was a size 8- with vanity sizing you're actually (like myself) at 9/91/2 stone a 12/14 now at 9/9.5 stone compared to sizing my mum used to wear!

@Runningquestion

Do you think you look too thin at the moment? It can vary. According to BMI, I could be just under 8 stone and still within the normal range but I start to look very fragile and sick at 9 and a half stone. I’m only 5’5” so you’d think I could stand to lose more weight than that but I really do look terrible that thin. I look fine at 10 and a half - 11 stone which puts me at a size 10-12.

So while you’re BMI may be technically fine, you may have tipped into ‘too thin for you’ territory due to your lack of appetite and bug without realising that it’s happened.

Yes, I do feel too thin and perhaps that’s why the comments are bothering me. Bottom half isn’t too bad - I’m lucky that I’ve got an arse but top half I think looks a bit scrawny

It isn't right for anyone to comment on anyone's weight. I deliberately avoid saying 'you've lost weight' to people as a) they might put it back on again pretty quickly (as it's easy to do) and b) this always seems to be said as a compliment and everyone needs to look a certain way. I also think most people project an overall impression that doesn't actually change with a +/- two stone weight loss.

When I was younger someone at work told me I had Twiglets for legs.

It's possible your colleague is genuinely concerned but it's not their business.

It's also possible your colleague is a bit jealous and is having a dig.

Your measurements sound normal OP. But if you do feel under stress and feel your eating/weight/general health struggles as a result, maybe have a chat with a GP?

You sound fine to me.
Our sizing is out of whack anyway. Today's size 10 was a size 12 or 14 in the sixties. I know this nec is our loca vintage clothes shop converts sizes to modern sizing. As a society we are so used to overweight being the norm that we have forgotten what a healthy weight is.

I agree that the U.K. has lost sight of what is a healthy weight.

More adults are overweight and obese than a normal weight. People say on here that a size 16 is "average" as if that makes it "healthy" - no, it means we are mostly too heavy ( I include myself in that as I'm heavier than I want to be due to life events, I eat rather than lose my appetite sadly!).

Many people make these comments to thinner people to make themselves feel better when they are overweight.

I agree comments about thinness are as unacceptable as comments about fatness. It's hurtful and inappropriate either way. Especially from a work colleague. A gentle chat from a spouse or loving family member concerned for health reasons is a different thing altogether.

These stats in the pic are from the House of Commons Library January 2021.

I feel for you OP. A friend of mine made the same remark about me. I'm not too skinny, I'm just a smaller build than that particular friend.