Age & weight

[PineappleCakes]

Reading about Trousers of Truth, Victory Jeans (of which I have many pairs...) made me think about my weight. Again.

I'm 45 and I weigh roughly 1stone more than I did 20 years ago. I gained and never lost 1/2 stone post-pregnancy, then another 1/2 stone a couple of years ago through stress and comfort eating.

I'm not happy nor resigned to being this heavy. But is it normal that we women expect ourselves to weigh the same throughout our life? Our style changes, our skin ages but the hope/expectation that we "stay slim" or similar to our teen or 20s self seems even more entrenched yet possibly just as unrealistic.

Many of the fab posters on that other thread were talking about getting back into summer shorts etc. and I think we all watch our weight to some extent. How common is it, to stay the same weight or shape through the decades? Or is it just damaging to ourselves?

@FindingMeno, but there is a healthy range. So, someone who is a stone or even two heavier than she was as a young woman, could easily still have a healthy bmi. I don't think anyone would argue that maintaining a healthy bmi is a good idea!

I’m in real trouble here. My weight in stone was always about half my age, until I hit 21 or so, then I was always a slightly chubby 10 to 10.5 stone. But since 2017, I’ve given birth, lost my partner, and spent long periods in lockdown. I’m now about to turn 46, and am 13.5 stone - I used to get my exercise through long hikes and bicycle tours and now as a single mum finding the headspace to stop comfort eating and start exercising is really hard for me. And I love wine. I feel gross, with my huge C-section scarred wine belly. :-(

@GertrudeTheGreat yes, agreed.

There was a study actually, which said a bit if extra weight over 60 meant a longer life expectancy.

BUT, it was a very small study. I don't think it was that conclusive, as it was so small.

I think one thing that we do tend to ignore in favour of our weight on the scales, is hip to waist ratio. I was listening to an expert recently who was emphasising how important that ratio is for health.

Of*

Sweet jesus autocorrect!

I stayed the same size from a teenager to 40 (without trying) and now I’m suddenly putting on weight.

A few pounds wouldn't hurt anyone as we get older, but my sister's are considerly overweight, both being a size 20/22 at 5ft 2 it puts a strain on their joints. I see how they struggle and I wouldn't like to be like that.

Yes, that does not sound ideal for their health @lindyloo57, and I'm sure everyone would pick being healthy bmi over being very overweight .

But if you read back through the thread, where you said "I'm like that too" to littlefluffy, she was replying to my comment that for some women, it becomes, "I must stay this same weight at all costs", which isn't really to do with healthy BMI,
which is a range. I was wondering what it is about, which we have been discussing .

Sorry to sound picky!

I knew someone would ask me for the back up on the stats - I’m pretty sure I’m right on this, but tracking down the data is tricky amid a flood of one-size-fits-all recommendations and I’m on my phone. I’ll try and dig the key papers out when I’m on my laptop.

I absolutely didn’t say that all women who kept their weight low were ill or smokers. I said that smokers and people with health conditions were over-represented amongst women who are still very slim post menopause, and that that’s a driver of the notorious J shaped curve. That’s one argument against my hypothesis that being in the overweight-but-not-obese range is actually the best bet for many post-menopausal women.

The problem is of course that while putting a bit of weight on might be fine, stopping below the level which will endanger your health is still vital. Exercise and some form of dietary limitation is still important whether your cap is a BMI of 22 or 28.

I absolutely didn’t say that all women who kept their weight low were ill or smokers. I said that smokers and people with health conditions were over-represented amongst women who are still very slim post menopause, and that that’s a driver of the notorious J shaped curve. That’s one argument against my hypothesis that being in the overweight-but-not-obese range is actually the best bet for many post-menopausal women.

It's like drawing an automatic link between low BMI and mortality. Very ill people tend to lose a lot of weight and then die. They have a low BMI because they are ill, not ill because they have a low BMI.

At 23 my BMI was 18.1
At 53 it's 19
About 1/2 a stone difference
I'm 5ft 7
It's a lot of hard work to stay slim.
Today I have eaten masses. Tomorrow will be cutting back a bit!

@GertrudeTheGreat

Interesting littlefluffy. It really does interest me in a completely neutral and non judgemental way as to why. Why weight rather than something else? I think everyone has their thing. It is probably wrapped up with how we identify.

@lindyloo57, I think what you're describing is actually maintaining your weight for your health, which is a little different. I think most people seek to do that!

I think my weight is very much part of my identity, I'm the skinny friend, the skinny sibling, cousin etc I've always dressed pretty much the same, mini skirts/dresses etc I like how I look in my clothes and don't want that to change. I wear a lot of vintage stuff that I've had for decades, so irreplaceable if I gain weight and it doesn't fit.

I realise I probably sound vain but I'm really not! I do take great pride in my appearance but I think that's due to being very badly bullied at school for being 'different'

Slightly lighter at 39 than at 29. Currently 8 stone 9. Was around 9.4 at 29

Early 40s I weigh 11stone.
I've fluctuated between 10.5 stone and 13 stone all my adult life.
Always been size 12-16.

I think the clothes thing is a real issue for many women. If you love clothes like I do, and have a collection which you’ve built up from age 20 to 45 with a more or less stable weight, then putting on that vanity stone or two may mean saying goodbye to a lifetime of memories. Imagine if you’d collected china or books, and every time you put on a stone you had to smash or burn one.

• that should say, every time you put on a kilo.

@Littlefluffyclouds13, you don't sound vain in the slightest! I completely understand and think it is actually really common for people to identify as 'the skinny one'. It isn't even a bad thing! It is just truly and interesting concept, which rarely gets discussed. Thank you for answering me

@FourWordsImMuNiTy

I think the clothes thing is a real issue for many women. If you love clothes like I do, and have a collection which you’ve built up from age 20 to 45 with a more or less stable weight, then putting on that vanity stone or two may mean saying goodbye to a lifetime of memories. Imagine if you’d collected china or books, and every time you put on a stone you had to smash or burn one.

Exactly! My god it's so nice to be able to talk about this! I've got dresses etc that I've worn since I was 16, they're 60s vintage and so totally irreplaceable these days. It's very much part of who I am, I would feel lost having to wear totally different clothes. Disclaimer - I'm a total scruff at home, current look, dd old leggings and a massive sweatshirt

An interesting concept*

Ffs autocorrect

[quote GertrudeTheGreat]@Littlefluffyclouds13, you don't sound vain in the slightest! I completely understand and think it is actually really common for people to identify as 'the skinny one'. It isn't even a bad thing! It is just truly and interesting concept, which rarely gets discussed. Thank you for answering me [/quote]
It's a pleasure, it's actually quite liberating talking openly about it!!

I’m 40 and I’d been the same weight (9.5 stone) give or take a few pounds for about 15 years. Even through several pregnancies and a baby - in fact post baby I dropped down to the lowest weight I’d been in a decade. Watched what I ate but enjoyed treats, alcohol etc without dieting.

Lockdown, turning 40 and another pregnancy and the scales are shooting up. I get the distinct feeling I’m going to have to work very hard to stay at my happy weight from now on.

I’m 53 and have no idea what I weigh. I know I become obsessed with weight and would rather go by my clothes.
I am 164 cm and a size 6-8 depending on the brand. Most see me a very slim but I know I have put weight on these last few months.. too much wine and settled in relationship where I am eating lovely meals frequently.
To everyone I still look really slim. I exercise a lot: a mixture of weights, cardio strength etc. But I hate the extra weight. I don’t feel like ‘me’ the me I have been since my late teens.
I am still in peri but on HRT. I need to shed the extra but as I age it gets harder and harder. A few days cutting back would do but now- not so much. Or maybe I am simply eating a lot more than I ever used to which is a good thing as my relationship food was not a happy one- it is getting better though.

I think I was about 9st at 15, and 9st11lb when I got married at 25. I'm 5ft4 with a large chest and broad shoulders. The wedding weight was me at a size 10, after months of 2 meals a day being cereal, fruit-only snacks and daily exercise. If I eat 3 normal meals a day, and some crisps/wine in the week, I hover at about 10 and a half.

Part of me thinks I should give myself a break. Why am I expecting to be a weight starting with a 9 when I'm pushing 40 and have had a baby? But I dropped 15lb post pregnancy back to 10st from breastfeeding despite eating All The Cake so I've got into bad habits. I'm weighing up whether to diet this summer or not bother after such a miserable year of lockdown with a toddler and redundancy.

I also agree that it is wonderful to be able to talk about this without judgment and shame.
I would also like to add that I have 6 children.