Age & weight

[PineappleCakes]

Reading about Trousers of Truth, Victory Jeans (of which I have many pairs...) made me think about my weight. Again.

I'm 45 and I weigh roughly 1stone more than I did 20 years ago. I gained and never lost 1/2 stone post-pregnancy, then another 1/2 stone a couple of years ago through stress and comfort eating.

I'm not happy nor resigned to being this heavy. But is it normal that we women expect ourselves to weigh the same throughout our life? Our style changes, our skin ages but the hope/expectation that we "stay slim" or similar to our teen or 20s self seems even more entrenched yet possibly just as unrealistic.

Many of the fab posters on that other thread were talking about getting back into summer shorts etc. and I think we all watch our weight to some extent. How common is it, to stay the same weight or shape through the decades? Or is it just damaging to ourselves?

At 64 I'm slim but weigh nearly 2 stone more than I did at 18 when I was very thin (but healthy). Yes I'm a completely different shape.
My weight's reasonably stable but when I do put on a couple of pounds it's much harder to get rid of them now, although I've never dieted so you might argue I've never tried that hard. But I do try and eat carefully and well and I've cut down hard on the booze; this is partly because I'm hoping for a long old age and partly because I have a lot of clothes that I'd like to keep on wearing for as long as possible.

@Cormoran I'm the same, it's nothing to do with me conforming to pressure from society, I just think I look much better very slim and just a few pounds make me look and feel different (I'm short & very petite!)
I'm often been told that I'll put on weight at various points in my life, eg pregnancy, hitting 40 etc I had a hysterectomy in my early 40s and that had no effect on my weight either.
So I'm clinging onto the hope that I won't struggle to maintain my weight as I get older!!!

I was 8 stone 7 in my late teens ( I’m 5ft 2”) but found that really hard to maintain. As I got older, it varied a bit. I was around 10 stone for quite a few years. In my early 50s I was 9 stone but looked a bit too thin in the face. Now I’m 55 & with lockdown ( and a LOT of wine), I have reached 13 stone which is very heavy for my height.

I don't think that op was saying that ALL women who want to fit into the same jeans they wore at age 19 are conforming to societal expectations...or was she? I didn't read it like that anyway.

I think some people maintain a certain weight at all stages of their lives and others don't. I think that's great if you're someone who does that, without much restriction.

But, I do question the expectation that maybe ALL women should be aiming to do that and having to restrict their calorie consumption in a way which is significant and which encroaches on their lives in a negative way. For me, this doesn't seem like a sensible choice when someone is at an age where they are losing muscle mass. Not saying "stuff your face with cake all day and become very overweight", of course! But, I do think there is a line, where "I'm staying this size for me and I eat for my health", can, for SOME people become, "I must stay this exact size at all costs", which is less healthy.

Just my view obviously! And again, it's great if people look after their health and stay the same size without being restrictive to a point where it is no longer about health and all about a specific goal (stay a size 8, stay low bmi etc).

And if someone is at a point where it has become, I must stay this size. If I go up a dress size, I will be MORTIFIED... unless you're very overweight, I would just be asking myself, ok, I feel this way. But, why?

I have to agree with Gertrude. There really is more to life than worrying about every single calorie or carbs or whatever. Of course that’s not an excuse to mindlessly eat junk and never exercise, but it has to be sustainable. To answer the OP’s original question. I was around 9 st late teens. Had my children mid to late twenties and breastfeeding made me lose a lot of weight and I went down to below eight stone after both my children. Around my mid forties I seemed to put on a bit of weight (despite my eating habits, exercise etc not really changing), but have not put on any more. I’m 51 now and think I might have lost a couple of pounds of belly fat since I gave up drinking a couple of months ago. I don’t own scales though so don’t know for sure, but less overhang on my jeans! I’ve also never dieted, not because I haven’t tried in the past I’m just rubbish at it and never seem to manage more than a day or two! I do wonder if avoiding the ‘yo-yo’ diet culture has ultimately kept my weight more stable?

I don't think gaining 1 stone in 20 years is a lot. As long as you're healthy and happy, that's the main thing. I actually have no idea how much I weighed as a teenager! I'm slim and happy with my weight though (mid thirties).

So around the same time we hit menopause and start feeling crap we’re expected to eat less and exercise more to stay the same weight as we did when we were 18-25? No thanks. How miserable.

I’m 40 and I’m in early menopause. I have chronic health issues (addisons, lupus, sjorgens, asthma, pituitary issues etc). Steroids for these conditions have meant I have piled on weight- despite the HRT as well. I do eat more than I probably should but life is hard enough as it is and eating is one of my few pleasures. I’m 5ft 7 and 13 stone. It’s not going up but not down either. When I was 18-25 I was a size 8!

I have no willpower and although I enjoy a long walk I hate exercise for the sake of it so I’ll probably get fatter and fatter as I get older. I don’t particularly want to but I don’t want to eat less either.

@GertrudeTheGreat

And if someone is at a point where it has become, I must stay this size. If I go up a dress size, I will be MORTIFIED... unless you're very overweight, I would just be asking myself, ok, I feel this way. But, why?

That's exactly what I'm like!! Nobody has ever put any pressure on me to stay slim, my mum, friends etc are all considerably bigger than me but for some reason I cannot stand how I feel/look when I put just a few pounds on

I'm 44, 5'4" & 13 stone.

20 years ago I was 24, in my first year at uni & weighed 9st7lbs.

I think I'm fat now but I can honestly say I have a lot more confidence in myself & my looks now than I did at at 24! I actually thought I was fat then.
I have a photo of me in a bikini aged 24 wearing a a silly mini sarong over my supposed 'tummy' in Majorca but now I just think, how stupid I was!
I go on holiday now and wear a bikini happily with no sarong..

I am trying to diet though as I know I'm unhealthy at 13 stone. Because I feel breathless quite often. And my joints ache.
Plus I don't fit into a lot of my lovely clothes.
I'm on a lot of meds which are sedating as a side effect and I suspect they slow down my metabolism.
So I'm counting calories, and setting small goals.
My ultimate aim is to reach 9st13lbs by September but I'm unsure how realistic this is...

Apparently when you have done through menopause you need 200 cals a day fewer and that is why so many women gain weight then.

Littlefluffyclouds13
Thats how I feel, no puts pressure on me to stay slim only myself, I eat healthy I walk and keep active by gardening , I don't exercise, I do have chocolate and cake just not every day, more like every week, I am the youngest of three siblings and they are all over weight which started at around 40 for them, and I suppose I don't want to look the same, not against anyone who is over weight, its just not for me, sisters do suffer with joint problems, one is using a stick to walk and she's only 8 years older than me,

I am bigger now, but I was pretty slim as a young 20s (6ft wearing size 10 clothes)

Weigh more now, but am not going to kill myself trying to lose half a stone for vanity

Instead I am trying to get really fit (fit at fifty ) instead of focussing on kilos or bmi. Yes I am upper end of healthy bmi, but I fit the same clothes as 10-20 yrs ago so am not sweating it

I accept a few wobbly bits of size 12/14 frame as it means I can eat nice food and relax about food and stick to my mantra if never ever dieting

I eat loads of carbs

Interesting littlefluffy. It really does interest me in a completely neutral and non judgemental way as to why. Why weight rather than something else? I think everyone has their thing. It is probably wrapped up with how we identify.

@lindyloo57, I think what you're describing is actually maintaining your weight for your health, which is a little different. I think most people seek to do that!

Maintaining a healthy bmi, or trying to, is different to wanting to weigh 7 stone or whatever, because that's what you were at age 19.

AFAIK the stats suggest that optimum BMI for a woman increases slowly with age - so while the perfect BMI for a given nineteen year old might be 20, the same woman at age 40 might have better outcomes at BMI 23, and at 60 she’d be better off with a BMI of 26.

Mind you that could just be because the women who still have a BMI of 20 at age 60 includes a disproportionate share of smokers, and people with undiagnosed cancer or other health issues, because it’s so rare to stay really slim through the menopause.

Having been slim in my teens and twenties I’m heavier now than I’m comfortable with, but at a BMI of 25 and a half that’s my vanity rather than health concerns talking. If it got much higher I’d be concerned.

I'm nearly 47 and I'm slimmer than I was in my early 20s. My BMI is at the lower end of the healthy range. If I look around, the norm at my age is to be at the higher end or overweight. I don't want to conform to the norm. I like being slim.

I’m 6ft and weigh the same as in my early 20s, around 10st 5lb. When the weight creeps up (as it did at Xmas, to 10st11), I reduce calories for a couple of months to bring it back down. All my siblings and my mum are obese, I have a different frame to them but I just don’t want that for me and want to set a better example to my kids. I haven’t had a period for a year so I’m definitely peri (47)

@GertrudeTheGreat I do it for health but also to stay slim, I really couldn't bare to be over weight I have always felt like this even when I was a teenager. My mum was over weight later in life, she had a lovely figer when she was young , so did both my sister's, so it was expected me to go the same way, I have been a vegetarian for the past 30 years, whether this makes a difference I don't know.

I am 53 and weigh the same as when I was 23 - 5'1" and around 7st12lbs - if I get to 8 stone I cut back. But I have to work harder for it! Having said that, increased exercise, including strength exercises, has benefits beyond helping maintain my weight. It is good for my heart, bones and mental health. I put on weight when I breastfed the first time and hated it - I don't feel like me when I am chubby. So I eat healthily and exercise. I do still indulge in pizza, cake and wine - but not every day, which again has health benefits which far outweigh any aethestic considerations.

This is my one body, I want to enjoy as long and healthy a life as possible. So I put on my trainers and go.

@lindyloo57, but you keep mentioning 'overweight', which I think is the key thing which made me think what you were describing as different.

Most people seek to avoid being clinically overweight. But most women don't stay the same weight as when they were 20 years old. There is a range of weights in the healthy range, so you could have a BMI of 20 when you are younger and this could go up to 24.5 when you are older. You would not be 'overweight', but you would be heavier. Does that make sense?

I don't feel like me when I am chubby

Yes, I expect this is the thing. It is about how we sort of identify and individuals.

Some people identify as thin, or as weighing a precise weight. And, if they for some reason, find they are not that weight anymore, they find that very uncomfortable! Everyone has their 'thing' as I said. I find it very interesting (in a neutral and non judgemental way, as I say - genuinely interesting), that so much of who we think we are as people can be tied up in how much we weigh.

As individuals*

I hate you autocorrect

I have definitely gained weight.
The look of it doesn't worry as much as the health implications.
I really think optimum health is harder to have without being a healthy weight.
I know people say a little extra weight looks better for facial wrinkles, but I'd rather work harder on skincare and lose the weight.

@FourWordsImMuNiTy

AFAIK the stats suggest that optimum BMI for a woman increases slowly with age - so while the perfect BMI for a given nineteen year old might be 20, the same woman at age 40 might have better outcomes at BMI 23, and at 60 she’d be better off with a BMI of 26.

Mind you that could just be because the women who still have a BMI of 20 at age 60 includes a disproportionate share of smokers, and people with undiagnosed cancer or other health issues, because it’s so rare to stay really slim through the menopause.

Having been slim in my teens and twenties I’m heavier now than I’m comfortable with, but at a BMI of 25 and a half that’s my vanity rather than health concerns talking. If it got much higher I’d be concerned.

I am interested to find out where you got this information from. I think it’s misleading to say that a someone might be better off from a health point of view to have a bmi of 26 at age 60. This is around the age when high blood pressure and type 2 diabetes are increasingly likely . Happy to see the stats to be proved wrong but you shouldn’t post as fact if it’s just your opinion. Happy to see your stats and be proved wrong.

I also think that it’s insulting to say that women who keep their weight low manage it because they are smokers or have undiagnosed serious health issues. Maybe some of us are just careful about things and / or lucky with genetics. My BMI is just over 20 in my late fifties . I’ve never smoked and I enjoy my wine and chocolate but if my weight goes up by more than a few pounds I cut back till it comes down again .

I was about half a stone lighter when I was younger . I do agree that you risk looking a bit gaunt as you get older if your weight is low, and sometimes a few pounds make you look better .