What do you wear to look understated sexy in your 40s?

[SoledOut]

I knew how to look sexy with no effort when I was younger, and I've always been one to dress down not up (London influence)
But now my body is a bit more lumpy and I don't like getting my arms or legs out, how can I look like I've made the effort to dress up without looking like a try hard?
I'm single again after many years in a LTR and although the pubs and bars aren't open yet, they will be and I want to go on the pull (I realise that might not be allowed anytime this year, but I'm an optimist!)

I think the general advice of always dressing to suit your shape and personality still applies at any age. So for example I’m petite with modest chest but very toned midriff and (as my husband would say) a nice bum, I usually cover up my top half but wear close fitting trousers or smart jeans which I think looks nice and understated sexy. I’m 42.

I may be 40s, l can’t do short skirts but l can still do posh frocks, and l can still rock a good quality suspender belt, and l don’t just mean in the bedroom.

There was a thread on here a few weeks ago about 'how come women in their 40s/50s don't realise that dressing to look sexy (tight skits heels etc) is really dated and ageing' or some such.

At first I was mortally offended - and then started noticing that actually this is true - sexy these days is much looser and more comfortable than it used to be.

Have had a massive clear out and bought a few things in the sales, feel much better.

If you're naturally good looking, then tbh I don't think it much matters what you wear as long as your clothes don't make you look awful.
You will no doubt be considered attractive in anything if you are attractive.

Imo most men couldn't don't care less about fabrics, cut, style etc, and most don't care about whether you are 'dated'. They are usually attracted to women who are good looking, and who has what they consider to be a nice shape, which varies obviously depending on taste.

In general terms to seem sexy to as broad a range as possible, fitted clothing that shows your figure is a good choice. Also long, full or tousled hair is usually a winner.

After that I think the result is behaviour, laughing a lot, making and holding eye contact, being a bit tactile etc.

I think actual clothes are a very small part of it, so wear what makes you feel good.

sexy to me has never been body con & heels. Hated when that look was in fashion!

You can put together the most beautiful outfit but if you're lugging around a daysack full of rubbish it rather spoils the look.

I don't disagree that a crap bag won't ruin a look. I just don't think a good one elevates an outfit to sexy.

I also think location has an impact on your taste. I'm a Londoner so naturally favour the more casual, low effort look as that is what I grew up with.

Being sexy is more about being yourself and being confident rather than trying to hard, especially as you get older.

Being sexy and being well dressed are not the same thing.

Kate Middleton is often impeccably put together - well fitted clothes, luxurious fabrics, and effort in grooming, but I wouldn't class her as sexy.

I may have got those earrings slightly wrong, in my defence I was perusing the Sezane website when I saw them and those women are utterly sexy!

I think ‘sexy’ is probably intertwined with the signalling of availability. I guess there are cultural ways to look, that we associate with ‘attracting a mate’ and signalling that we are up for it!

An overt example of this might be heels, a bodycon dress, red lipstick, cat eye makeup and just got out of bed hair all at the same time.

A more subtle way might be a an understated outfit but with bit of cleavage, or bare shoulders or a shorter skirt.

So I guess wearing what you are comfortable in but incorporating your boobs (cleavage).

@GetTheDebtGoneIn2021

There was a thread on here a few weeks ago about 'how come women in their 40s/50s don't realise that dressing to look sexy (tight skits heels etc) is really dated and ageing' or some such.

At first I was mortally offended - and then started noticing that actually this is true - sexy these days is much looser and more comfortable than it used to be.

Have had a massive clear out and bought a few things in the sales, feel much better.

I think you are right in a way full blown tight, short, low cut with heels does look dated but you can still wear one or two but then add in a more modern twist.

I do think the "look" depends on location as others have said, I live in the south and here there's a lot more of a lose relaxed look but I travel for work to Manchester normally and it much more dressed up and tight short dresses.

@Ohchristmastreeohchristmastree

I may have got those earrings slightly wrong, in my defence I was perusing the Sezane website when I saw them and those women are utterly sexy!

I think ‘sexy’ is probably intertwined with the signalling of availability. I guess there are cultural ways to look, that we associate with ‘attracting a mate’ and signalling that we are up for it!

An overt example of this might be heels, a bodycon dress, red lipstick, cat eye makeup and just got out of bed hair all at the same time.

A more subtle way might be a an understated outfit but with bit of cleavage, or bare shoulders or a shorter skirt.

So I guess wearing what you are comfortable in but incorporating your boobs (cleavage).

Your outfit looks lovely. I just wouldn't think of it as overtly sexy.

So I guess wearing what you are comfortable in but incorporating your boobs (cleavage)

I can't resist commenting to this that I've always found it difficult to not incorporate my boobs into any outfit the blighters follow me every where

I should make it clear even though I mentioned up thread what my DH thinks is sexy. I actually don't ever take what he likes into account when I dress up to feel sexy, it's far more important I feel good.

@Sickoffamilydrama

So I guess wearing what you are comfortable in but incorporating your boobs (cleavage)

I can't resist commenting to this that I've always found it difficult to not incorporate my boobs into any outfit the blighters follow me every where

I should make it clear even though I mentioned up thread what my DH thinks is sexy. I actually don't ever take what he likes into account when I dress up to feel sexy, it's far more important I feel good.

Tbf to your DH, he may inadvertently be right o trend. If the young women I've seen (during the summer when it was allowed) were anything to go by, a smart jacket with cleavage is the height of fashion. But worn as a dress, or with little shorts.

user29 that will probably right he's one of those annoying people who is clueless about what is fashionable but always seems to look on trend. & That's not love blinkers speaking.

I don’t think a lot of the things posted previously are ‘sexy.’ Well dressed maybe but not sexy (I do appreciate everyone will have different ideas of sexy). I’m in my early 20’s and here are things I think of as understated sexy which I would wear in my 40’s also (if I were going for overtly sexy I would wear something different).

www.nastygal.com/gb/drape-two-plunging-satin-blouse/AGG76470.html That blouse with a tight skirt or skinny jeans/leather leggings and heels.

www.thereformation.com/products/maya-dress?color=Black&glCountry=GB&glCurrency=GBP&gclid=CjwKCAiAgc-ABhA7EiwAjev-j-sLKcI3sascSqC53uAnXqBnpWnhzGWzgjD8VwEHnO5MU4O0rc65ZhoCoUkQAvD_BwE Or this dress with some nice heels.

I agree with a PP that if you’re attractive, you’re attractive. Accentuate the best bits of your figure and wear nice makeup/ a nice hairstyle.

Tbh I think you are looking at those items from the perspective of a 20 yr old.

@marbellamarc

Tbh I think you are looking at those items from the perspective of a 20 yr old.

I'm a long way from 20 and I think those examples are spot on. I wouldn't wear the top in that colour, but in black with leather leggings for sure. The dress I think would look better with flats, due to the cut though, not the age of the wearer.

Whoever linked to Sincerely Jules - major kudos - yes, this vibe.
I think a silky cami top with no cleavage (so no boosting bra, no bra at all if possible)
A couple or one thin gold chain - around 18-20 inch so it leads the eye down
A subtle fab with gleaming skin - body oil
Leather leggings or tailored high waist trousers in a gorgeous wool crepe
Blazer
Oversized clutch
Either dip front where ankle boots with a moderate heel or killer shoe boots

That was a subtle tan

And suede ankle boots. Bloody auto correct

@Floraflower3
That top is right up my street and I'm 48.

Whoever linked to Sincerely Jules - major kudos - yes, this vibe.

Why thank you!

Yeah I don't know how leather leggings slipped my mind when thinking about this. They are perfect for this look.
If you really want to go for it and are happy with how you look, go for a waist length or tucked in top with them too!
(A few will faint at the very idea, but if you look good I guarantee this will be popular. It's the bad Sandy thing)

I just think the top looks very cheap.

I like Reformation but a rib dress is very hard to pull off at any age.