What do you wear to look understated sexy in your 40s?

[SoledOut]

I knew how to look sexy with no effort when I was younger, and I've always been one to dress down not up (London influence)
But now my body is a bit more lumpy and I don't like getting my arms or legs out, how can I look like I've made the effort to dress up without looking like a try hard?
I'm single again after many years in a LTR and although the pubs and bars aren't open yet, they will be and I want to go on the pull (I realise that might not be allowed anytime this year, but I'm an optimist!)

For summer, I love midi dresses with trainers I usually make sure they are fitted/have definition round the waist as I am hourglass. Brands I would generally recommend are Baukjen, Sezane, whistles, sometimes Reiss as long as you avoid the more in your face stuff. Depending on budget Sandro, Maje, Kooples have nice stuff but I always think very overpriced for what it is. Having said that - my fave summer dress ever is Maje. I can wear it everywhere and never look over or underdressed.

Love Maje

What's the sizing like in Maje?

I like Trilogy for silk shirts, cashmere, and well cut jeans. They also do some nice summer dresses.

Also little local boutiques - that is no real use but I tend to find they are run by women in their 40s with a good idea of what we want.

Re: jumpsuits being sexy, it depends on the jumpsuit. I have one which I love but DH is appalled by it. TBH that makes me like it more, but if I suddenly wanted to ditch him and pick up someone new, I would do so in my jumpsuit.

Are any of the things mentioned in any way understated or sexy? They all seem really dated and aging.

I'm pushing 40 and I basically wear what I did when I was 30. I still look fine in it so why not. If you start dressing by thinking about your age, you'll age yourself.

Today I wore high waisted ripped jeans, a white transparent shirt with a white vest underneath it and red trainers. It looked pretty good. Sexy? No idea but I don't care if anyone finds me sexy.

If you wear something that makes you feel good and are comfortable in I find you tend to look good in it. You can't look understated sexy if you feel awkward, uncomfortable, anxious about your outfit, can you?

What's the sizing like in Maje?

I generally take my normal size but some things are small on the chest.

I think Maje can run slightly small as French brands often do (though not Sezane IME). If I was between sizes, I would probably size up.

I would say the same silhouette as when you was younger but with a sleeve/leg covering. Nice make up and modern jewellery.

Early 40s, but not sure l achieve understated sexy. I go for V necks and longer dresses, bright colours with a touch of the comfortable. I can still pull off the braless look with some summer dresses, but not all. I’ll go for it while l can.

I like to mix my shops rather than focus on one, John Lewis, Mint Velvet, Phase Eight, Next and Joe Browns,even the odd New Look item thrown in and accessorised.

And always, nice lingerie underneath it all, to make the start of each day feel special.

It depends.

I think if something fits you well and suits you then go for it.

My last 'sexy' look was a knitted black dress from Next Directory which I just wore with boring old White Stuff black boots but it fits me well and is easy to accessorize.

I also got told I looked sexy in a balloon sleeve jumper (black) and a balloon sleeve sweatshirt with black leggings and Nike Internationist black trainers - so sporty sexy. Paired with black leather biker jacket.

My top that I guess could be sexy is a Massimo Dutti fine sleeved knit top, long sleeves and I think silk in there - a sort of v neck too, it is sexy but I don't consider it that to be very sexy!

@StarlightLady

Early 40s, but not sure l achieve understated sexy. I go for V necks and longer dresses, bright colours with a touch of the comfortable. I can still pull off the braless look with some summer dresses, but not all. I’ll go for it while l can.

I like to mix my shops rather than focus on one, John Lewis, Mint Velvet, Phase Eight, Next and Joe Browns,even the odd New Look item thrown in and accessorised.

And always, nice lingerie underneath it all, to make the start of each day feel special.

You're right re nice lingerie - I bought a black and cream luxurious looking padded bra last year (for 30G bust) and it makes me feel a bit va va voom when I wear it with nice black knickers - they didn't have matching ones when I bought it sadly.

I'm 44, I'm 3 stone heavier than when I was late 20s but dieting now. But I don't dress a lot differently to be fair.
When I go out out to restaurants & bars etc I like to wear a top with jeans or a short dress with black opaques.

My tops include cami tops from River Island & Monsoon (currently worn with an undone fitted cardi); & pretty but sexy longer sleeve tops from Lipsy, Dorothy Perkins, Oasis, Wallis, River Island, etc.

Jeans are usually smart skinnies or slim cut in dark blue, black or dark grey. From Dorothy Perkins, Next, F&F at Tesco.

My short dresses are from Zara, River Island, Wallis & Topshop etc they tend to skim my figure rather than be bodycon. I'm lucky my legs are quite slim.

Footwear depends on the venue - I've got heeled ankle boots, flat biker boots, pretty flat pumps, otk boots, sandals & proper heels. From Dune, Clarks (smart yet comfy heeled boots), Quiz, River Island, M&S etc.
I generally wouldn't wear my trainers on a night out unless it was a rave & I doubt I'll be invited to any of them!!

I've got biker jackets, plus a faux fur & suede aviator jacket from River Island which looks really nice on nights out.

On the last 'first' date I went on in 2019 (seems forever ago) I wore black skinnies, grey heeled ankle boots, & a navy and gold chain print silky River Island blouse with a few buttons undone.
I got told I looked good & got more dates after that, so that outfit must've been quite sexy.

I can't wait until Covid is over & I can finally go out again!!

Thanks everyone, I have ordered a couple of bits in the Reiss sale which might notch up my sexiness.
I am naturally good looking I guess, but when I hit 40 I definitely don't turn the heads I used to (which is a great thing, until you become single again!)
I hate the dating apps and I would be nice to go out on a night out and be 'on the pull'.
I'm so used to dressing down, and I think guys my age want someone a bit more dressy - which is fine - I'll never be one for heels and body-con dresses, but I do want to feel desirable again.
I do have lots of lux fabrics in my wardrobe, but I think I just need to introduce more black which I think automatically makes me look sexier.
I am a proper full on feminist, but I don't want to get some when this is all over!

DO want to get some!

Reverse Freudian slip!

@Sickoffamilydrama

Just thought of another one op my DH thinks that a woman in a suit jacket done up to show a peak of cleavage or bra is very sexy.

I don't like the look personally and feel like I've just forgotten to get dressed for work properly and I always think it must be quite hot and you can't exactly take the jacket off...well you could but then it would be a full blown sexy outfit rather than understated sexy. so it doesn't make me feel sexy but might work for you.

Ah the high class hooker look!

Looking happy, confident with a good haircut and modern clothes that fit well is the look I'm going for

@SoledOut

Thanks everyone, I have ordered a couple of bits in the Reiss sale which might notch up my sexiness. I am naturally good looking I guess, but when I hit 40 I definitely don't turn the heads I used to (which is a great thing, until you become single again!) I hate the dating apps and I would be nice to go out on a night out and be 'on the pull'. I'm so used to dressing down, and I think guys my age want someone a bit more dressy - which is fine - I'll never be one for heels and body-con dresses, but I do want to feel desirable again. I do have lots of lux fabrics in my wardrobe, but I think I just need to introduce more black which I think automatically makes me look sexier. I am a proper full on feminist, but I don't want to get some when this is all over!

by the way black doesn't have to be the only colour for sexy...

dark brown, dark grey, lighter grey, minky grey/brown etc.

Imo men and women have very different ideas on this

In my very limited experience, men find dresses or skirts sexy. Less so boiler suits or leather track suit bottoms (though both are fashion right now!)

So it depends what kind of sexy: the kind women aspire to, or what the average guy likes?

Yes there are variations, not all men like the same

I think not being too 'obvious' is key. I think a silk blouse open at the neck with an understated necklace is sexier than full-on cleavage on show in cheap sheer fabrics.

But I think everyone's perceptions of 'sexy' is different isn't it - I don't think short skirts are particularly sexy (not on me anyway!) but I think that well cut trousers are.

I think the problem with many women in, let's say, UK/US, is the desire to always wear the very latest fashion as not to look 'dated'.
Most high fashion/trends derived from it, unfortunately, doesn't suit the majority of women, well, unless they are size zero and 6ft tall.

Not a popular view on MN, but Parisiennes, some of them, clearly not all, are sex-appeal, style and casual carelessness personified, yet often wear couture pieces that belonged to their grandmothers.
Talk about 'dated' if one wanted to be literal.

My recipe would be to find the style that suits you, your body and lifestyle, and then get the best quality basics, as from proper fashion houses, not high-end high street (eBay is the best as otherwise prohibitively expensive for most).

Buy a couple of fun 'current' bits every year, high-street stuff for 'trends' and you'll have the wardrobe that flatters forever.

As for sexy, again, go with what suits you, appropriate for the occasion, never overdone.

To me, an instant style-remover and in some ways, a class-identifier, is the hair straightening craze, (sorry to drag the class into it) just so awful, why do people do it? No-one looks good with ironed hair.
Same for salon blow-dries, so American 'cheerleadery'...

Another unpopular opinion of mine concerns the bloody trainers. Unless one is a blossoming teenager, trainers do not, categorically, look remotely sexy. Sporty, boho - yes. Sexy - never.

@praecantator

I think the problem with many women in, let's say, UK/US, is the desire to always wear the very latest fashion as not to look 'dated'. Most high fashion/trends derived from it, unfortunately, doesn't suit the majority of women, well, unless they are size zero and 6ft tall.

Not a popular view on MN, but Parisiennes, some of them, clearly not all, are sex-appeal, style and casual carelessness personified, yet often wear couture pieces that belonged to their grandmothers.
Talk about 'dated' if one wanted to be literal.

My recipe would be to find the style that suits you, your body and lifestyle, and then get the best quality basics, as from proper fashion houses, not high-end high street (eBay is the best as otherwise prohibitively expensive for most).

Buy a couple of fun 'current' bits every year, high-street stuff for 'trends' and you'll have the wardrobe that flatters forever.

As for sexy, again, go with what suits you, appropriate for the occasion, never overdone.

To me, an instant style-remover and in some ways, a class-identifier, is the hair straightening craze, (sorry to drag the class into it) just so awful, why do people do it? No-one looks good with ironed hair.
Same for salon blow-dries, so American 'cheerleadery'...

Another unpopular opinion of mine concerns the bloody trainers. Unless one is a blossoming teenager, trainers do not, categorically, look remotely sexy. Sporty, boho - yes. Sexy - never.

LMAO. You come across as a crashing bore and also a snob.

So you think most of us here have access to proper fashion houses, couture etc?!

A lot of Parisiennes I have seen are quite boring being all in black or navy.

The one French friend I have in England (lives in London) does do darker colours but with twists, so maybe a patterned shirt etc.

However, she doesn't necessarily do it to be sexy, it's just everyday wear etc.

She'll wear a black trenchcoat/raincoat as practical but a good style.

Also - I've been told when I wear my Internationalists with e.g. a dress etc then yes it can look sexy depending on the man - as I've been told trainers can look sexy in a certain look.

@praecantator

I have never seen my French friends wear granny couture pieces

A lot of navy, black, grey maybe camel. And being skinny (often men are happy to see a few curves , but women (French women) aren’t going there , still very much competitive skinniness, non?)

I have not seen anyone with poker flat ironed hair for a long time! Where do you see this? !

@CleverCatty

That's absolutely fine. I could very well be both .
Anyone could have access to quality fashion via eBay, people who buy high-end items tend to care for them well.
There's a world of difference in the quality of fabric, cut and finish between high-end high street and proper fashion house garments and consequently, the way said garments fit and the silhouette they create.
You might be the exception to the rule and rock your sex-appeal in trainers, brilliant and good on you!
I haven't met or even seen anyone else who could do it though.

@Flatcokeisnojoke

We clearly have very different friends. You are correct though, one must be slim.

Good quality skinny black jeans, maybe a black or dark silk shirt or top, leopard or other animal print boots (chelsea or short western style).
I like Zara, H&M (if you pick carefully), Next.

I'm 48 and have Emmanuel Alt as style icon, think her look is very grown up sexy, understated.

[quote praecantator]@CleverCatty

That's absolutely fine. I could very well be both .
Anyone could have access to quality fashion via eBay, people who buy high-end items tend to care for them well.
There's a world of difference in the quality of fabric, cut and finish between high-end high street and proper fashion house garments and consequently, the way said garments fit and the silhouette they create.
You might be the exception to the rule and rock your sex-appeal in trainers, brilliant and good on you!
I haven't met or even seen anyone else who could do it though.

@Flatcokeisnojoke

We clearly have very different friends. You are correct though, one must be slim.[/quote]
Not always. I've worn, would you believe, Joseph, Alberta Ferretti etc garments and the odd other designer piece. Although people can recognise them sometimes I wouldn't necessarily say they're 'sexy'. They are generally better cut and the finish is better but some shops in London (Reiss, Jigsaw etc) do do 'pret a porter' well, otherwise they wouldn't sell them. There are also other French and other ready to wear shops that do stylish clothes well, Caroll, Comptoir des Cottoniers etc.

I've also seen quite a few people wear fashion house garments - obviously the more out there stuff - and they look awful. So money does not always equal style.

I honestly do think you're a snob and a bore. Whether you're French or not I can't tell, but even my French friend (and other French friends) doesn't bore on in a snobby way about their clothes.