Plus size chat / what are you wearing today sort of thread?

[ParisJeTAime]

We used to have one of these and it was fab!

It was vaguely for size 18+, but I know a 5 foot size 16 is not the same as a 6 foot one, so don't think it needs to be strict.

Anyway, if anyone would like to join me they'd be v welcome.

FWIW, I'm a tall size 18, apple shape.

Still in my PJs . Then going out for a walk / run (stating C25K again).

That's the thing though @ParisJeTAime despite my having the same waist as you I still fit a size 16 and XL in most clothes and where I have bought a size 20 or 18 they dont fit properly as are too baggy in certain areas so look mishappen. Currently in size 16 jeggings, XL Uniqlo grey jumper and a 15 year old tight 16-18 thermo top a tight, no clue where its from because I cut the itchy label out.

I asked my bluntly honest teen DS if I had put on weight since this time last year and he said no you look the same, which I'm happy with at least. I then asked if I was a normal over weight or very overweight size and he said somewhere in-between.

Unflattering Mint Velvet girlfriend jeans again but I have thermals underneath as its I'm cold. Also they feel appropriate as for some inexplicable reason I feel tired and achy today, which is pants as I'm currently trying to chivvy DC3 through homeschooling before leaving for a 2pm - 10am shift

I like my brown ribbed turtle neck though...
What the difference between a turtle neck and a polo neck anyway?

Gratuitous snow picture, although tbh we've had more than enough of snow this year, only 5 days without snow since December (it warmed up briefly and rained for 5 straight days...) will be glad when it goes again...

@UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme

It wasn’t so much that there was a special way of reading the charts it was that she was paying attention to measurements that I don’t even look at. for example the length of a jacket. I’ve never in my life looked at that and then compared it to a jacket I already own. I’ve looked at trouser length and occasionally at skirt length. She looked at the length of the jacket and knew where it would hit on her body. I would be relying on looking at the picture of the 5’11 model. ( but body length is hard to judge). If you watch her video on products from Uniqlo you will see her process. She looks at the charts, chooses an item based on measurements then shows you the garments when they turn up. She is able to pick apart what is good and bad about them... where they’ve cut corners, why a seam is in a wrong place and what that does to the fit. I think because we ( collectively) don’t sew clothes anymore we don’t know how a garment should sit on the body. It becomes a bit hit and miss and we accept “ it will do”. I’ve saved the names of a couple of seamstresses in my area and when I can I’m going to get some things altered to fit properly. I’ve done it previously with eBay purchases and the alterations cost more than the item but it turns it from something that’s flattering and gets worn to something that sits there gathering dust.

Proportions are more relevant than measurements if you're talking about looks - I have a 33 inch waist but look dumpy because my hips aren't big enough in contrast to my waist, where Paris looks curvy.

Divebar2021 ah that makes sense - all the measurements and buying more analytically, yes!

Ah thanks guys for the reassurance on my waist ! I did (in a panic) calculate my hip to waist ratio and it said low health risk, so hopefully that is right!

My measurements are 46, 38, 48 (boobs, waist, hips). I think I get away with more as I'm on the tall side, but obviously, that is far from ideal and I am trying to be healthier. Toying with dry end of Feb - March as expect that isn't helping matters. Haven't been doing as much exercise as I should have been lately either, as it's so fecking cold!

That's proper snow @UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme! Yes, I remember living in Aberdeen and the snow arrived one day to much excitement from me. A month later it was still there and I was fed up!

Swapped the jeans for a Next bootcut pair as DH said they were flapping in the wind, and added an ancient "teddy" gillet/ waistcoat (from last time teddy fabbric was fashionable? Not sure but I've had it years)...

I don't actually think I have a clue how to best dress my current shape! Advice appreciated...

The problem with wearing teddy fabric at work is that some of the residents think I actually am a stuffed animal/ cat... ok they don't really, but last time I wore it I had to ask three separate residents not to stroke my back...

Aw yes, I remember you having that problem before brained! Yes, that would get awkward. I can see why they are tempted to stroke it though, as it looks very cosy and soft!

Since I didn't know what shape I was till this morning, I'm reluctant to advise anyone else at this juncture 😂😂.

Yep still snowing on and off here. Has snowed almost constantly since Sunday but there are only a couple of inches. Where's it all going? Anyway, it means I'm stuck with the old leggings and Uggs combo AGAIN. I hate this look in normal times but every day? Just to keep warm? Yesterday I was wearing a jumper and a long cardigan. As neither of them are made from natural fibres when I got undressed last night, I could have powered a small village with the static!

I was thinking about a comment ParisJeTAime made last night about buying lots of clothes etc. and it struck a chord. I think my own profligacy stems from also being a big teenager and only having "Evans Outsizes" to select from. Actually, I wasn't really big - I was a 14/16 so while not small, my mother kept going on about how I should diet which in turn stems from the fact that she had been very slim when she got married but gained five stone over her childbearing years and never shifted it. So she was projecting I guess and the damage was done.

In addition to the Evans thing, I think I told this story on last summer's thread: I went to a party in my mid teens. I was wearing a nice pretty dress (from Evans of course, where else?). All the other girls were wearing those black polyester jumpsuit-long jacket combos (around 1980?). The lads at this party took the piss out of me mercilessly and as I was staying the night, I couldn't even escape. It was purgatory. I wept solidly for the whole of the next day. Okay so there could have been a movie-style transformation afterwards but there wasn't. But when I click "pay now" for a beautiful item of clothing, I'm doing it for that crushed teenager.

Anyway, several decades later, I am now in a position where there are many shops to choose from for plus size clothes and I'm also financially in a position to take advantage which wasn't really the case until recently.

I didn't buy anything from September (and then only bloody leggings for WFH) and wasn't planning to buy anything. I'm not going to "blame" this thread, I would say I've been more "inspired" by it. Of course I have too many clothes (and a bootful to go to the charity shop if they ever open again!) but I'm really excited about what I've ordered and in these dark days, that's not such a bad thing is it?

(Can you tell I'm on my desktop with a proper keyboard? Ha ha, I'll shut up now.)

Totally relate Charlotte. I don't think my mum ever told me to go on a diet, but she was always on one! Much good it did her! My dad's the same and a bit fixated on his weight, so no wonder we dcs had some issues! Ah dear, it's a sad state of affairs.

Anyway, yes, I think feeling as if you deserve nice clothes and a nice life, at any size, is so important! I'm so lucky I have a lovely DH who thinks I look lovely and tells me I'm not fat (haaa!), but I know people who won't go on a date till they've lost a few stone etc. I think chasing a low weight all the time means you just miss out on life really! My goal at the moment, is to be healthier and maybe lose weight or maybe stay the same, but just do healthier things for myself and my body. Because I've reached goal more times than I'd care to remember, and I didn't feel like a new person, just me but thinner...unsurprisingly 😂. And weight is so temporary. I think it's easy to get carried away; like, once I'm this weight my life will transform, but it doesn't. I know I would be a lot healthier and possibly live longer if I lost weight, and I am making efforts in this direction. But I do think it's more complicated for many people and being up to high doe all the time, in a constant state of flux about not being the right weight helps nobody really. I've been there, most of my teen years tbh and it just meant I was unhappy, stressed AND fat! The stress and self loathing didn't magically make me thin!

What an essay and I'm not even on a keyboard 😂

I agree with those last posts StCharlotte and Paris - my mother is still absolutely obsessed with women's weight now, in her 70s, and never mentions health, just "slimmness". Lots of things are "eww, horrid" (said with a peculiar scrunched up face) for my mother, and being overweight is in that category for her while the word "slim" is always preceded by "lovely and"... as though lovelyandslim is one word...

I have 3 sisters - one bulimic through her teens (for some reason we banded together and hid this from my mother - too late to tell her now) and one anorexic - no hiding that as she almost died, but also the family narrative is that this is nothing to do with the fact my mother was always on a very in-your-face diet (the routine is she publically metaphorically flogs herself and everyone falls over themselves telling her she did everything right) and "feeds" young children and men whilst Performance-competitive undereating with teenaged girls and women - as a child my "good eating" was praised, as soon as I hit puberty I was served meals on a smaller plate than the youngest children and told I "had to be careful", encouraged only to eat half of anything, told to go halves on things like a slice of toast with my mother, and quizzed about the sizes of things Id tried on if I went shopping with my friends...

When I walked in on my mother praising my 3 year old DD for being lovely and slim - specifically and only for slimmness - I decided my mother would never be aline with my children, especially DD, until theyre past the age where they can be damaged psychologically.

Sorry, also an essay! 😮🤔

If you feel shit about yourself its a downwards spiral IMO - most humans can only do positive things and make positive decisions when they have good self esteem to start with. Anything else is destructive.

So yep - there's a lot of merit IMO in buying and wearing nice clothes ☺️

Oh yes snd the anorexic sister was an underweight child and slim until her mid teens. "Lovely and slim" was her identity, and when she put on a small amount of weight in her mid teens she became self concious and almost reclusive, school refused and refused to do anything socially, putting things off "until I'm slim" as you say.

I think its actually sometimes more damaging to be the slim golden child than the dumpy plidder, because the slim golden child has everything hanging on their weight/ appearance and can lose that.

Oh good God yes, not my mum, but my Grandma was a bit like that with food and slimness! Think the reason my poor mum was always dieting was her influence really.

She kept going on about it in front of my young dd once, a couple of years after my mum had died, and I did have to tell her to shut the fuck up, (ok, not really that rude, but that was what I wanted to say)! Looking back at photos of myself, I was quite a big preteen and teenager tbf, but it was because I was so unhappy at school I think. But, even on my first day of primary school photos, I look massive compared to my dd on her first day of scuool! I am naturally big really. Think insisting I become a size 10 was quite cruel of me, in hindsight. In the words of Jilly Cooper, it's like putting a cart horse in the grand national and beating it for coming last, or something like that.

Not saying I'm going to lie around eating cake all day that was last lockdown, but certainly, I intend to be a lot more gentle with myself re getting to a specific weight or size. I'm aiming for fit and healthy and I do think that can be achieved to a degree at any size, (although I know a healthy bmi is better if possible. But it's all relative).

Anyway, I never really was a size 10. Even when I was a little underweight I was a 10-12!

It's certainly a complicated business the whole weight and diet thing.

I think its actually sometimes more damaging to be the slim golden child than the dumpy plidder, because the slim golden child has everything hanging on their weight/ appearance and can lose that.

And this is true! My mum was the local beauty growing up, although never super slim. Think her identity did hinge on it to an extent. I've never had that particular problem 🤣.

Got to join in here. I’m not dressed today as I have gout again. Gout is one of the reasons I am trying to lose weight. Hurts so bad! But so interested in the shape discussion. I just measured myself and I am bust 48, waist 41, hips 45. I think that’s as apple as it gets. Im practically a crumble!
I’m not sure I believe in the health risks of this shape. I honestly don’t seem to have much fat around the middle, and the ratios don’t change significantly as I get thinner.
I’m much heavier than the other women in my family, bigger feet, bigger breasts, bigger bones, and so got to plus size when I appeared to have very little body fat. Got so used to hating shopping and buying things because I could get into them, not because I liked them. I was told I was fat, and subjected to the indignities of being fat, long before I actually was. I’m always surprised by how squishy healthy weight women are.
I also buy too many clothes. I still buy clothes that don’t fit me. Particularly things that are too big.I don’t know what colours suit me. I have got a lot better at shapes though. I can’t wear belts, I suit skirts and dresses if they fit, which is a challenge because of my proportions. I have a pleated skirt and a bias cut skirt, both with an elasticated waist, and they look great.Tops need to be of fine materials and very plain, cashmere and merino are my friends. I can’t wear polo necks or turtle necks, some, slightly lower crew necks do work. V necks and scoops are best.
Jeans are a nightmare. I currently have a pair of John Lewis and partners straight cut dark denim jeans which fit, and some ancient skinnies. I think, when I lose weight that I may try men’s jeans. I am seriously considering some maternity jeans! If I can find a good fit jeans do really suit me.
I don’t think I’m in a good position to give advice, but @UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme, I think you need to buy some simple, good quality jumpers, and step away from the bulky gilets!

Interesting. My mum was on and off a diet the whole time during my childhood... I can still remember the baked apples for puddings and grapefruit halves for breakfast. She is also a massive shopaholic .... I mean massive. She’s in her 70s now and currently doing the Michael Mosely blood sugar diet ( 800 calories). I also have years of doing diets and coming off them and as much as I know they ultimately don’t work I don’t actually know how to get to a healthy weight without them. I hate diet culture though... if anyone asks for dieting advice on MN they will be mobbed with advice telling them all sorts of outmoded crap about sugar in grapes and how they seem to be eating too much carbs because they had a whole banana. I’ll guarantee we all know the calorie content of a Kit Kat. I have really worked hard on my self esteem though and I’m buggered if I’m living a half life because I’m not at my ideal weight. My friend is similar in that her mum is a Slimming World consultant and is endlessly fussing about her weight. They will go on holiday together and her mum will announce she lost 2lbs at the end of it. She makes little passive aggressive digs at my friend and I know my friends self esteem is very damaged by it. She’s also trapped in an endless cycle of diets and self loathing.
On the whole I know I need to shift some timber for the benefit of my long term health. My mum did say to me that what I do now will lay the foundations for my health in my 60’s and 70’s ( I’m 50) which I find a good motivation for my exercise. Given the last year we’ve been through I’m seriously not worrying about a few extra packages coming through the door I just can’t wait to be out of lockdown so I can see all the ladies here out in their finery.

Oh and my mum was a beauty Queen too and total babe. Still is incredibly glamourous.

I just measured myself but I’m in a sports bra so I’m not sure if that’s skewed my measurements. I shall try again later when I’m dressed but needless to say it was a bit startling.

Interestingly I've always been slim up until I had my DC and my weight has never recovered and the last few years it just keeps increasing slightly. I did join a gym once between jobs and I did actually tone up and lose a lot of weight because I was swimming and taking classes nearly every day. It took 3 months and the difference was very noticeable but it all piled back on again slowly with the stress and tiredness of working F/T again.

Food or diets were never discussed at home as I was growing up. My DM was never knowingly on a diet and I was always slim. I was quite an active child so was always outside and as a teen and in my 20's and early 30's pre DC I was always out doing stuff and never really thought about food until I was hungry. I had no issues with the size of my body or with clothes back then.

My DM wrote me letter a year or so after my second DC telling me I was obese. My relationship with her has never been the same since. It made me realise how critical she was with me growing up, nothing I ever did was right according to her and she had no filter.

I also keep my DD away from my DM as to her she does make comments about her eating too much etc and getting fat even though my DD is very skinny. My DD tells me everything my DM says to her that's unkind or inappropriate, luckily we can laugh about it but it does boil my blood. DM can say and do similar to my DS but has never spoken to him re food etc, he's very tall and slim though but so is DD.

At the moment I guess I'm maintaining my weight as opposed to losing or putting it on. I don't like the stress of being on a diet or thinking about calories etc. I did do the Fast 800 last year which has made me more aware of the amounts of what I eat but I would never deprive myself of food I like because that's not how I grew up. In my mind I'm slimmer than I am in reality although I wish I was a couple of sizes smaller but not bothered enough to do anything about it till I see myself in photos.

Oof that's harsh! The written letter saying you are obese. Yes, my grandma laughed and told me I "have put on the beef haven't you hahaha" when i was a size 14, 4 months after I'd given birth 🙄.

Ugh people suck, even beloved (or not so beloved) family members!

Well, some waist 36 jeans have just arrived and they fit me well I think so God knows what's going on.

I think there must have been a deep shame for parents to have overweight children, especially daughters. We are still in a time where a woman's beauty is hailed over a lot of other successes she undoubtedly has. That's why the body positivy movement is so important because even though health is important, you shouldn't have a deep level of self hatred just because of your weight and society shouldn't think that it's a normal and acceptable way to think.

My mum genuinely said to me 'if you ever manage to find a man then he will have something wrong with him as only weirdos are attracted to fat girls' once we I asked her if I was pretty she said, 'you cannot be fat and pretty'. I like you ladies take great pride in my appearance now that I'm an adult, I don't think I would spend to long on my appearance if I was a normal weight. I always try and look my best.

@ParisJeTAime I hope they look fab! I'm in my pyjamas today, working from home means at a maximum my hair is brushed. Haha.

Oh fgs to your mum @LordOfTheOnionRings . What an absolute load of crap. Most adults are overweight. Does every one of them have to remain single?

I agree, it isn't that unhealthy/not at your healthiest weight has to mean unattractive either. I don't find overweight men unattractive (well, depends on their personality and general aura as well obviously). I will never understand people who attach so much importance to being thin. It's nobody's fault I guess. It's social conditioning.

Thank you! I like the jeans. Hoping the dresses are nice too when they arrive and I will report back on sizing!

I guess for those mothers we as daughters are a reflection of themselves to society somehow.

Interestingly, yesterday my DD 13 sat next to me on the sofa in her pants and during this last lockdown she has grown and filled out a bit. I could see when she turned that she had a bit of cellulite as her thigh squashed itself and without thinking I said 'Ooo' in surprise. She looked alarmed and I had to quickly say 'Oh you have lovely legs and smooth skin' which in fact she really does. She then called me a weirdo . But going through my mind was oh god I've been letting her eat to many sweet treats, she's doing far less exercise than usual but I can't mention any of this without upsetting her etc.

What's interesting though is that the girls these days, according to DD, want thicker bodies, legs and bigger bums. DD is delighted she's filled out and asked me for a pair of leggings that girls on TikTok are wearing that have an insert to make your bum look bigger even though it's an excellent rounded shape already. She literally has the perfect body but still wants to change it because of social media, it's so very sad.

It's all quite sad isn't it?

In my Mum's defence (backtracking a bit here), hers generally came from a good place in that she developed health issues due to her weight and she didn't want that for me. Shame I didn't listen because I have exactly the same issues now, although to a much lesser extent, and I have no one to blame but myself. Dammit.

Illness aside, it must have been hard for her, having been slim before she had children. I think I'm generally happier with myself than she was because I'm not mourning what I never had.

I've settled at a size 20 and have been this size for decades. I genuinely think it's my "fighting weight". My diet is as good as it's ever been. All my siblings also tend to be heavier. We can't all be sneaking Mars Bars under the cover of darkness surely?!

I have a very slim and petite SIL who is very critical of overweight people (she's never said anything to me but will publicly have a pop at my brother and her children if she thinks they're putting on weight). It genuinely is easy for her - she clearly has the metabolism of a cheetah. Some of the fat-shaming threads in AIBU are so ignorant. I'm not defending being overweight obviously and no one should aspire to it but I think it's time that people realised that much of it is down to nature/genetics etc and not necessarily lack of self control or midnight Mars Bars.