Let myself go

[Connellschain]

I’ve just separated from DH after a long, slow painful period during lockdown. Looking in the mirror I’m horrified at how fat (3 stone over) drab and old I look (46 for context).

How do I start? Please don’t suggest drastic diets, just haven’t got it in me. I buy Clinique and Estée Lauder face stuff but it doesn’t seem to be doing much!

I get my eyebrows done, face waxed but rubbish with make up - big pale moon face.

Any ideas? Thanks x

to begin with, drink a lot of water. If you do that already, then start some exercise (or a 10k steps commitment). Start feeling good abotu yourself and the rest will get sorted slowly

get some magnesium salts and lovely oil (neom or aromatherapy associates is good) to calm your nerves and treat yourself.

I always look 100x better when I use gradual tan - bondi beach oil, st tropez in shower are both good.

Most of all give yourself a break and enjoy some nice food without feeling you need to diet - easiest thing I find is cooking a whole chicken then picking at it when I’m snacking and just trying to replace the crap I eat with fruit or some home made granola. I’m super lazy and couldn’t do drastic dieting!

Also - expensive but something that has been essential in improving my self esteem is a peloton, good for spinning but also for yoga, lying down and chilling out yoga, meditations, walks and runs.

*magnesium salts for the bath

happiness! its your time now, do things that make you happy and you cannot look drab and old.

I dont mean that you just need to 'cheer up', you have been through a bloody miserable time and right now it shows on your face, its time to make time for you, perhaps a couple of new bits to wear, a new lippy, a bunch of flowers every week, new bed linen etc, all fairly small steps but in the right direction, as to weight, just for now try and ditch the junk, eat good colourful food, savour a glass of wine, this is not about loosing weight, its about caring for yourself, cherishing yourself and just being 'worth it'.

one of the first things i did when in your position was to decorate my bedroom, it was just how I liked it, it was my sanctury, MY space and I was worth it! just a start on the road to a new life but my word, what a difference it made to my mood.

Firstly make sure you are using the Clinique/Estée Lauder products religiously...and give them some time to work. Nothing happens overnight with beauty products.

Agree with PPs on drinking water and using a gradual tan - I use the Palmer's Cocoa Butter one and apply it with a tanning mitt every 3 days or so (just a very thin layer) - I honestly wake up feeling much better in myself!

Do you like walking? Could you find a local walking club to join - it gets you exercising and socialising, both of which are good for your health and mood. Failing that, have you ever wanted a dog? Now could be the time! (Only if you really wanted one of course)

Most importantly, the world is your oyster right now and despite what your negative thoughts tell you, you are NOT defined by how you look. You are a whole human being who sounds quite lovely and deserves happiness however much you weigh.

Thanks for your messages. Drinking water and walking seem like realistically places to start.

The comments in self care - flowers, baths etc are interesting. I’m so focused on making the house good for the kids I’d kind of forgotten myself.

I wish I could get myself banned from local Starbucks

Only wear colours that suit you

Give yourself a break and refocus your life on things that make you happy.

Exercise your body because your body likes it. Dance or walking in the countryside or whatever you feel good doing.

Nurture yourself with good nutrition as self care.

Join Caroline Hirons' Facebook group and tweak your skincare routine. Those guys know their stuff. (Don't spend a fortune though. It's not necessary. There are good and effective products at all price points.)

Sali Hughes' Facebook group is good for make up. As are YouTube videos.

Buy something for your bath that smells amazing, watch some comedies, (Ted Lasso is great) connect with your people.

Do A Bra That Fits or Boob or Bust and hoist the girls appropriately.

But mostly, take good care of yourself.

Connecting with friends, especially if it's on video chat so you can see them. It forces me to brush my mop and at least groom my brows and remove pen marks from my face, and of course put on a nice top. Somehow that connection and little bit of grooming makes me perk right up.

Gentle exercise too does wonders. A walk, or if it's yukky weather I put on a walking video on Youtube (there are thousands, from scenic tours of gorgeous locations to city tours) and either walk on the spot/back and forth or I get on my exercise bike and cycle along. Yogo is also really wonderful. I follow Yoga with Adriene on youtube, but there are others on there. My back and shoulders always feel incredible after a yoga session. Depending on how old your kids are, you might be left alone long enough to really chill out. Most of all, be kind to yourself, it's a hell of an upheaval you've had and if sometimes a soak in a hot bath with a glass of something nice is all you're up to, then do it.

When my mother divorced 30 years ago she bought herself a divorce ring and absolutely loved it.

Yes to the fake tan, will make you look slimmer and glowing.

Yes to the exercise, especially walking, will make you feel loads better.

Good luck.

I wish I could get myself banned from local Starbucks

My tip - just walk straight past. It only takes a few seconds of (enormous ) willpower, and it gets easier very quickly as it becomes a habit.

Put the money that you would have spent on the coffee to one side and use it for the aforementioned flowers/candles/haircut/whatever.

Get yourself some of the all-in-one coffee sachets, this type of thing to compensate, or even better drink water instead which is a win-win, or have both.

Some lovely advice on here ❤️

With regards to your weight, I cannot recommend the book intuitive eating by evelyn tribole enough. Prior to reading it I was a chronic dieter with atrocious body image and now I feel so at peace with food and my body.

You say you have gained 3 stone. How I'm not going to tell you to diet ( I'm a good girl who does as she's told ! ) But if it's since you were in an unhappy relationship and you know what did it ( wine , chocs , or takeaways etc ) then gradually wean yourself off whatever it is .
You won't need to diet per se , but it will come off without any great effort.

Walking. Walk as much as you can. It will do wonders for your body and most importantly your mental health.

Also to add (because I’ve only seen your pale moon face comment now and identify 😂) St Tropez facial mist over makeup will make you look all glowy (but natural) and make you feel nice. I promise!

Self-care is definitely the way forward.
Indulgent bath soak, good conditioner for your hair and a pamper session a week where you're not disturbed.
Try and get your 5a-day in there and have one treat to look forward to at the end of the day.
I'd personally ditch the expensive face creams and buy a big tub of Nivea and buy myself a lovely new perfume with the money saved.
A new scent ( presuming you can use scent) will make you feel confident in your new phase of life!.

Do some hardcore exercise like Hiit sessions or heavy weights where you can really feel your muscles working. Something about feeling stronger in your body - even after one or two sessions - that's really empowering.

Also water and less sugar / carbs. And botox and fillers, has.

Have a look on Facebook, Instagram and YouTube for Trinny Woodall / Trinny London / Trinny Tribe. You'll be amazed at how much you will easily learn on health, wellbeing, beauty, skincare, style, exercise etc and you'll meet lots of lovely supportive ladies. Good luck

Get new clothes. A new start. A different you. Change your hair/style/colour. Start to love yourself and the rest will follow x

Don’t bother with a diet. Just eat nice things not crap.

I walked through heartbreak with headphones in obsessively ! with bouncy music to lift my mood ...
also started yoga and way quicker than I expected I was in a good place ..

Take care of yourself and good luck - you will get there

Forget about the Clinique/Ester Lauder. I’ve tried all that and now use Nivea and it’s just as good. The thing that made the biggest difference to me is taking iron and vitamin supplements. I’ve got more energy and generally feel better able to cope with life.

Isn't this a lovely thread! So down to earth, sensible and supportive!

OP

I hear you ! 46 too and three stone too heavy. I always make sure my eyebrows are threaded as I think this makes me look fresher and younger, I've discovered a great foundation called peritone and a great concealer called shape tape by tarte. I have booked in for a hair colour in October, I went blonde but feel it is ages me so am going back to my natural brunette in the hope it will do the trick ! Also just purchased some spanx underwear which I never thought I'd like.l but it really does the trick sucks you in and makes you look slimmer. I'm seeing someone at moment so to avoid any Bridget Jones moments I have to pop to the loo before bed and whip them off !!