Do you “dress your age”?

[Littlepond]

I’ve always been adamant that I will wear what makes me feel good and that the whole “you are too old to wear that” is misogynist bullshit.

However.

I’m in my mid 40s, overweight. I’m going to a garden party in a few weeks for a friends 40th.

I bought a dress from H&M which makes me happy. It’s pink and flowery, short with puff sleeves. I was going to pair it with a pink belt and some ankle boots. It’s not the most flattering style for my shape but I generally don’t care about looking fat, I am who I am. But I’ve suddenly got a pang of concern that I look like I’m trying to dress like a skinny young thing and I just look old fat and ridiculous.

Am I there? Am I suddenly at a “you are too old to wear that” place?

What should a fat 40 something wear to a garden party? I kinda never grew up and still dress like a child 😂

Hmm. Nervous of this whole can of worms but broadly I agree with you in theory, however part of what makes ME feel good is feeling confident and not feeling like I’ll be negatively judged for what I’m wearing by the people I’m with.

Your title and OP ask different things. Do I dress my age? I’m 29 and don’t dress as “youthfully” as I might be expected to, but I’ve two young children (and the body to prove it 🙄) whereas in my social demographic most mums are a decade older than me. But I got fed up of dressing boringly so now try to inject a nod to current trends via accessories or similar.

Are you to old for the dress? In my opinion you should wear something you like and you feel is flattering, so you can relax and enjoy yourself. I don’t mean in terms of looking fat, it’s broader than that- the length, colour tone against your skin/hair, appropriateness for the event. Without seeing you or it, if you’re not sure I’d choose something you love more. I’ve been to a few events dressed unhappily and the memories are quite unpleasant and really spoiled the day, for me!

No idea what you should wear though...!

I’ve certainly changed how I dress now I’m In my 40’s but it’s not all about my age. My style has changed, my budget has changed, my body has changed, my outlook has changed, my lifestyle has changed, my desire for trends has changed.
I will still wear something short if I choose and I think it looks good but not with huge heels or Too much skin showing up top. I know someone who is overweight, loves clothes and fashion and has an amazing daring style. She always looks good and never looks like she’s trying to look younger or thinner but that’s because she knows who she is, has confidence and quite a defined style.

Noooo! Don't let the mind worms get to you! Please please please wear it if you love it. It is so attractive to see someone who is confident in their look, whatever it is!

Here’s some advice on what women over 30 should wear but I think it also applies to you

warningcurvesahead.com/2016/06/04/24-things-women-over-30-should-wear/

Do I dress my age?
I dont know. what should 55 year olds wear.

I'm mid thirties and my mum is mid sixties; we dress much the same and have lots of the same items of clothes (think skinny jeans/ankle boots with a leather jacket in winter, boyfriend jeans and trainers in summer). I'm not really sure which one of us isn't dressing our age!

There are things I don't wear any more because they no longer suit me: short sleeves, above the knee hemlines, anything fussy near my jawline. The reason of course is that my body and face have changed with age. (Incidentally there are also things that look better now, e.g.pencil skirts because I'm curvier.)

So indirectly, yes - age influences how I dress. But I go by the mirror and the camera and my own instincts, not by a set of rules that are based on the idea that older women a) all look the same and b) should hide away. My process goes, 'Does it still look good?' not 'Can I still wear it at 63'?

It's hard to know what's happening in your case. It sounds like you've got a great attitude to clothes so this might just be an attack of nerves, which we all get because it 's hard not to internalise some of this ageist, misogynistic nonsense.
On the other hand, it might be your subconscious picking up on some subtle body change that your eye hasn't registered yet. Or it might be a change of mindset that means you're starting to get bored with your style. Both have happened to me.
Basically, I would listen to your instincts. If the dress still makes you feel good then of course wear it. But if it doesn't, then don't be afraid to look for something else that does.

Ignore the age. Ignore the weight. Ignore the can of worms.

This is not the dress for you for this occasion because on this occasion wearing this dress is not making you feel good.

Simple as that.

I'm 26, and dress my 'age'. Though what I will say is my mum is 54 and wears very similar clothes to me and honestly she looks ten times better in then than I do do most of the time.
Wear whatever you want. Don't let those thoughts put you off. I think the people who look the best are the people who wear whatever but wear it with confidence!

I think so but my friends dress very well so that might be perceived by some to be dressing a little bit young for my age.

I dont mind covering up but i am not frumpy.

Ps if the party will have uber stylish people dont wear that dress. The outfit you describe sounds like you feel its you so trial it at home, hosting one friend.

I’m 40 very soon and I am shocked at how many of my friendship group dress in things that I consider to be “older” - I will get flamed here I’m sure but I wouldn’t dream of wearing something from Seasalt or Boden or any of those type of shops. I am still wearing stuff from H and M, Asos, sure I mix in basic stuff from supermarkets and whatever else but I wouldn’t dream of wearing for example a printed tunic style top with Hotter or Clark’s loafers. Which seems to be what a lot of women my age are doing. I’m still wearing slouchy jeans, oversized tops and Nike or Adidas trainers etc. I think some of it is that I have a 17 year old dd who is good at keeping me aware of what’s “in”. I don’t aim to be the height of fashion but I don’t want to look 60 when I’m 40 either. And even then when I’m 60 I don’t want to wear stuff that isn’t fun and edgy.

I'm 53 and I wear clothes. That's as much headspace I'm willing to give this particular point.

I agree. Im 50 and my eye was never to frumpy clothes just because i had xx birthdays under my belt.

My problem is the other extreme. Ie, can i do white boots again? Tartan trousers?

I have to have a wee dialogue in my head.

Ps i have a teenager as well so i tuck in my tops. I notice friends with no teenage daughter wear tops out 🤣 totally scientific that conclusion.

Thanks for all the replies. I particularly love that website

That would be a no from me 😬. Wear what you want!

It is only a small gathering at the garden party but they are all quite stylish and beautiful. I guess I’m funny looking so I’ve always just been a bit quirky cos I can’t imagine I’d ever be conventionally beautiful.
Perhaps I am over thinking this!

Or perhaps it’s an excuse to buy another new dress. I’ll definitely wear the puffy sleeve one over the summer but maybe I need something slightly different for the garden party.

Thanks everyone

If something “does something for you” then get it. If it doesn’t then put it back.

No I wear what I like and looks good.
It's a bit insecure not to.
I'm early 50's I know we're not supposed to say this without joking or apologising but...
I am confident and have a lovely figure.

I think it’s a bit disingenuous to just say “where what you love! Who cars what others think!”. I don’t think posters would wear skinny jeans and a leather jacket to a black tie event, no matter how much they loved the outfit, for example.

I don’t really subscribe to the idea of age and appropriateness which doesn’t mean I’m going to wear the same as a teenager - just that my age doesn’t really enter my thought process. I’ve just turned 50 and I still wear boiler suits, jumpsuits, trainers etc. ( I’m
a size 16-18 so do consider that as part of my process). I think you need to go to your event feeling good... I’m not sure that this current dress option is right for this event if you’re doubting yourself. I’m not sure what you should wear as an alternative... I know what I would wear - a long black and white silky dress from Arket with some minimalist sandals from Cos and maybe a non fitted cream blazer ( awaiting delivery today ) with a crossbody bag but you need to be you. An alternative would be a jumpsuit as I think they look pulled together for any occasion. There’s no point dressing like someone else however if it doesn’t feel authentic to you.

I don't know? Probably not, because I am not sure what women of my age 'should' wear.

Like others I think what is most important is how you feel in that dress; if it made me feel good I would wear it. I have a really "marmite" hairstyle but I like it and that is what counts.

I am 43 and wear whatever I like, I don't factor my age in apart from in acknowledging that I need to choose fabrics more carefully these days as the cheaper stuff doesn't always hang well any more (I am a 10 - 12 and have a fairly good figure, but can't get away with absolutely anything any more...).

My mother is in her 70s, dresses pretty flamboyantly and is one of the most stylish women I know - she dresses to suit her shape and personality, knows she looks good and that really shines through. She will take pieces from all manner of places and make them work.

I have one rule only: that is that I won't wear white trousers or a white skirt till after menopause unless I'm absolutely desperate to get my period. That's it. And that rule is for me personally, other women might either have regular periods, or none at all or more courage than me. That's all good.