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Do you “dress your age”?

85 replies

Littlepond · 13/07/2020 08:02

I’ve always been adamant that I will wear what makes me feel good and that the whole “you are too old to wear that” is misogynist bullshit.

However.

I’m in my mid 40s, overweight. I’m going to a garden party in a few weeks for a friends 40th.

I bought a dress from H&M which makes me happy. It’s pink and flowery, short with puff sleeves. I was going to pair it with a pink belt and some ankle boots. It’s not the most flattering style for my shape but I generally don’t care about looking fat, I am who I am. But I’ve suddenly got a pang of concern that I look like I’m trying to dress like a skinny young thing and I just look old fat and ridiculous.

Am I there? Am I suddenly at a “you are too old to wear that” place?

What should a fat 40 something wear to a garden party? I kinda never grew up and still dress like a child 😂

OP posts:
ZaZathecat · 14/07/2020 11:42

I'm late fifties and hope I don't dress my age. I wear what I like, with the one proviso that I don't show too much flesh. I still have quite nice shaped legs but look daft in a mini skirt now.

Iamthewombat · 14/07/2020 11:55

I mean obviously you should be wearing linen trousers and a blouse with a cropped cardigan and kitten heels? That is the only response. With a light cardigan, and brown eyeliner.

A cropped cardigan and a ‘light’ cardigan? How does that work?

But seriously, re the outfit you described, I’ve never seen this advice dispensed on this website or anywhere else. In fact, you’re more likely to see the ‘wear what you want, who cares what anyone thinks!’ advice.

Which I’m not necessarily in favour of: if somebody posts looking for advice on whether an outfit is suitable for an event, it’s because they are unsure and want guidance on the impression their clothes will make on other people. If the poster truly didn’t care what other people thought, they wouldn’t ask.

In this case, the poster has asked:

It’s not the most flattering style for my shape but I generally don’t care about looking fat, I am who I am. But I’ve suddenly got a pang of concern that I look like I’m trying to dress like a skinny young thing and I just look old fat and ridiculous.

If one of my friends was in a similar position, and asked for advice, I’d tell her that if she thinks that the outfit is too young for her and unflattering then she should consider alternatives because she won’t enjoy the party if she’s worried about her appearance. It’s too easy to say, “oh, go ahead, wear what you like!”, but if you do that you risk doing a friend a disservice.

I’m 48, and if I asked a friend whether I should wear PVC shorts and a bikini top to a party because I was worried that I might look as if I were trying to recapture my teenage years, I hope that she’d tell me to trust my instincts and wear something else. Not linen trousers and an assortment of cardigans, or an outfit like the queen, but something that looks better and won’t make me feel self-conscious. Thus saving me from looking daft, which I would in the outfit I described.

squashyhat · 14/07/2020 11:57

@Iwalkinmyclothing

I don't know? Probably not, because I am not sure what women of my age 'should' wear.
This
Ignoble · 14/07/2020 12:02

I'm 53 and I wear clothes. That's as much headspace I'm willing to give this particular point.

Hear, hear @MaidenMotherCrone.

SarahBellam · 14/07/2020 12:26

Women our age should wear WHATEVER THE HELL WE WANT. I am 52 and I’m currently wearing kid’s sparkly pink Dr Martens sandals because I they go up to a size 5. They are beautiful, they make me happy, and I give no fucks what anyone else thinks.

BinkyBoinky · 14/07/2020 12:59

@sarahbellam fantastic

KetoWinnie · 14/07/2020 13:50

@Ignoble

I'm 53 and I wear clothes. That's as much headspace I'm willing to give this particular point.

Hear, hear @MaidenMotherCrone.

Whyyyyy post on the thread then?
AnnaNimmity · 14/07/2020 14:18

I don't think this exists anymore does it? Dressing your age? Most women I know just wear what they want.

That said none of us dress like our teenage daughters either.

I do dress for my size and shape though - i don't think I would wear anything that I thought made me look fat or frumpy (wherever it's from - I've just sent back a topshop dress for this reason, so it's not just about avoiding seasalt and the like). Whatever it is. I would never put comfort before looking good (and slim).

Sickoffamilydrama · 14/07/2020 14:41

I think we need pictures of the dress on you OP perhaps it's the accessories that don't work.

I'm early 40s and noticing I suit more structured/ sleek clothing now although I still wear colourful dresses that make me happy.

bringbacksideburns · 14/07/2020 14:42

I'm 52 and the way I dress has always been very different to what my mum would have liked to see me in.

She belongs to a particular sort of group of women who never do denim and when she was my age probably wore a lot of dresses with shoulder pads and blazers in pastel colours. With matching shoes and handbag.

I have never felt comfortable in heels. If i was a petite height maybe I would.

Most important is to feel confident and comfortable surely?

I debated buying some Dungarees from Sainsbury's the other day. I was telling myself I would end up looking ridiculous and too old for them but bought them in the end and i love them.

But I'm not wearing a mini skirt or a crop top anymore. Those days are gone.

Certainly before the age of 45 I wore whatever I fancied!!

SpareOom · 14/07/2020 15:06

I'm 52 and the way I dress has always been very different to what my mum would have liked to see me in.

Gosh yes. Grin You've just reminded me of my own mother's lifelong disappointment with how I dress. She's all about inoffensive pastels and clothes being 'flattering' -- and feels strongly that a woman cuts her hair into a short, practical cut at 35, whereas not only do I have long hair at 47, I dress more Margaret Howell than Laura Ashley. I like slouchy androgynous clothes in dark colours that, according to Mum, 'don't do a bit for me.' I think she spent my twenties praying that some day I would start to wear heels.

GracieLane · 14/07/2020 16:45

It's what my Nan used to wear to weddings. The cropped cardigan and light cardigan was an error but it has been known for my Nan to wear one cardigan and have another tied over her shoulders. She listens to the "what to wear for your age" advice and has tried educating me. I don't listen!! Wear what you like!! Have fun, experiment, there are no rules.

KetoWinnie · 14/07/2020 16:55

My mum also longs for me to get a short ladies hairdoo.

So stupid. It is only an inch past my shoulders

Headandheart · 14/07/2020 17:52

I definitely dress young for my age and I have had a few comments recently that have made me think twice about some things I wear eg someone I know cycled past me and said, I didn’t recognise you, you look like a teenager from the back. I am in my late 50s Confused.

SpareOom · 14/07/2020 18:26

So stupid. It is only an inch past my shoulders

Well, that is an inch of total wrongness, @KetoWinnie. I hope you have already booked in for your blue rinse on your sixtieth birthday. I believe that's the next Age-Appropriate Hair Milestone.

Terralee · 14/07/2020 18:37

Sigh. I wish I could be all trendy & tuck my tops in like a PP recommend but my tum is far toooo fat!!
A tucked in top would only highlight this fact.

Otherwise I think I dress fairly young for my age...
Today I bought another hoody & some more ripped jeans although it's hard to find jeans without rips.

Regarding the Garden Party - do you have to even wear a dress if you don't feel comfortable in one? How about a smart jumpsuit? I guess it depends on the weather too. And how dressed up the other guests will be.

whereorwhere · 14/07/2020 18:38

Hmm difficult one - I am a size a and mid forties and whilst I have the figure for it I wouldn't wear something short because I think it would be a bit mutton dressed as lamb. I don't dress my age but I certainly dress in a way that's respectful of my age and to a PP point I wouldn't want to draw attention to myself on the basis that I looked like a twat. I prefer people to say that's the woman who is always stylish not that's the woman who wears teenage dresses with saggy thighs

JaceLancs · 14/07/2020 19:52

I dress for my shape and colouring not age or fashion
Very excited as going out tonight for first meal out since March
Wearing a navy and white print bodycon dress with heels - with a navy linen jacket in a biker style (I’m 55)
I wear dresses a lot
Skinny jeans with flamboyant shoes
Ankle grazers with trainers
Plain linen shirts and knitwear but in mixture of basic colours and jewel brights
Plus tons of jewellery
Might not suit others but it’s my style

DarkmilkAddict · 14/07/2020 21:59

I worry that I still look a bit like a late-90s student (I'm 44). My body shape hasn't changed so that hasn't forced a rethink. I don't only wear dark colours anymore so that gives me hope. Or DMs. Plus I now tuck tops in Grin

mellowww · 15/07/2020 06:36

What does dressing your age even mean? It would depend on preconceptions about the age.

I think taste and style aren't particularly affected by age.

SoPanny · 15/07/2020 06:41

I’m the opposite end; I’m a frump now and seeing as I’ve put on weight post baby I see a dowdy, jowly mummy.

The only thing I feel good in is “business attire” (cringe) meaning I’ve not worn a thing that made me feel good since March.

OP, you wear what you want to. The only thing I’d sound caution on is fit; if it fits well it’ll be fine.

SoPanny · 15/07/2020 06:41

Ps I’m 36

JMAngel1 · 15/07/2020 07:54

Linen trousers and blouses with kitten mules are actually the height of fashion - they're what all the 20 and 30 year olds are wearing - with grey hairGrin

Littlepond · 15/07/2020 17:44

I’ve really enjoyed this thread thank you! I had no idea I was supposed to tuck tops in now 😂

OP posts:
Craftycorvid · 15/07/2020 18:07

Wine to all the 53-year-old sisters giving zero fucks! This is the attitude I try to have every day and most days I live up to it. When I was late teens/twenties I was so self-conscious about my body, I veered towards black sacks as my general attire. I always had a weight problem, was always dieting and not an awful lot of fashionable clothing suited me. In my 30s I still had a weight problem and went in for ethnic/baggy linen garb and ‘artistic’ necklaces that made me look like a 60-something sculptor from Hampstead (apologies to any Hampstead-based sculptors). In my 40s I unexpectedly lost weight, then lost more weight 50+ and belatedly all the things that never fitted me did. I used to find jeans impossible as if they went past my thighs they were huge in the waist, if the waist fitted then the backside was like a vice. Nowadays I could just shrug and embrace waterfall cardis (ok, I admit to owning one) and naice blouses and accept I missed out, but screw that. So, I wear anything that makes me feel happy, including some things my younger self ‘couldn’t’ wear. I have long hair. I am either in DMs or Converse most days, definitely no heels. But the body image police do still come after me and I have days of self-doubt.

The TLDR? Wear the damn dress and enjoy it, OP.

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