How did you come to terms with aging?

[AnaViaSalamanca]

Maybe not the right thread, but I am getting to late 30s and even though never been a beauty, I am having trouble coming to terms with losing my looks and not being attractive anymore. I hate catching myself in the mirror, or people taking photos of me- the melting jawline, the hollow eyes, the graying hair.

I am curious about other people's experience, how did you embrace it?

(apologies if this sounds ageist, it's not meant to, at all)

Well, it comes with living, and I like living.

Late 30’s??? You are a spring chicken!! It’s gonna get a lot worse than this! If you look rough now, it’s because you’re not trying hard enough (and I say that as someone who looks rough and needs to try harder!)!!

I got cancer when I was 38. It made me look at what is important. Getting wrinkles is not a big deal for me. I'm just happy to be healthy.

Yes. As above, the alternative is way worse. Your friends and family are presumably aging too so it's a case of making the best of it and appreciating what you have got. I think it's easier once you pass about 45/50 as although you want to look your best, maybe you don't care so much about turning heads.

Are you looking for advice or just to have a moan? It’s fine if the latter but at your age there are things you can actively do to prevent the damage getting worse.

Because there’s no choice aside from death! You just have to make the best of it and crack on.

Plus I would never want to go back to my teens or twenties again, they were an awful time. My life actually got a whole heap better around the age of 35 so in a weird way I’m happier as I am even though I don’t look young anymore.

I’m 35 and starting to notice my aging. I have plenty of grey hair, which I’ve grown out and come to love.
I quite like seeing the wrinkles and creases soften the edges of my face, the natural progression of me. It’s like looking over a familiar landscape that I’ve walked a thousand times and seeing changes, growth, decay. It helps that I’m not scared of being older and beyond. Each day, year, is a privilege to have.

I’m 52 and used to be very pretty. Now, I just try to keep myself ‘well maintained’ with regular haircuts and highlights, manicures and low key make up. Also, my mother died when she was 63 so I do believe the adage that growing old is a privilege denied to many.

I got cancer when I was 27. I'm now in my middke thirties, grateful to be alive and healthy, but I still struggle with coming to terms with signs of aging.

We're all different.

OP, to answer your question, I find it easier to embrace it when I feel physically and mentally healthy.

I try to see ageing as a privilege. My darling wife died at 33; she'd have given anything to have lived until she was grey and a bit wrinkly

I embrace it by not looking in the mirror very much and filling my life with things and people I enjoy.

What is your skin care like OP? Have you tried tretinoin? It really helps with wrinkles.

There’s so many good things about being older. I have more time to dedicate to interests friends Job development and more interesting family adventures. I feel more fulfilled and content with my day to day life.

Also I can afford nice clothes and hair cuts and more accepting of myself, seeing beauty In other older people

There's no point being scared of ageing - it happens. And with ageing comes confidence, experience, and the art of giving no fucks.

I'm 10 years older than you and feel very happy with how I look. More confident in fact when I was your age - I was heavier and frumpier then, and dressed less well. I exercise, look after myself, dress well
Yes I don't look 25 anymore, but that's fine. I actually just think mostly that I look really good! But more than that, i'm just really happy with my life.

I spent my 30s looking and feeling frumpy, a bit overweight and old. And now in my late 40s taking much better care of my skin, grooming etc. I wish instead of being fed up with my appearance in my 30s I just did something about it. I think if your appearance matters to you, the very best thing you can do is take care of it - have a good skin care routine (not necessarily an expensive one), be active, eat well, drink lots of water, decent haircut etc.

My best friend had a massive brain bleed and died at 39. Another dear friend I worked with died of ovarian cancer at 36. I think aging is a privilege.
I try to keep healthy and before lock down always made sure my hair was well cut and dyed.
Sorry I feel so different about aging since these two things happened it’s hard to explain.

Speaking for myself, I'm not sure you ever get used to it, because it never stops. So maybe you don't mind wrinkles but then your jawline collapses, or you're happy with grey hair but when it starts to fall out. It's endless.

If you're hoping we all reach some higher level of stoicism and acceptance then nope - or at least I haven't. I'm 63 and still vain. If you mean how do I deal with it, well I always try and see the funny side, and I also try and use it positively because by nature I'm quite lazy and my face reminds me that time is starting to run out.

And yes other stuff starts to happen: family and friends get life changing illnesses and die, and every time it happens you get a bit more perspective.

Fighting it!!! Older than you and have had fillers (subtle) and get my hair coloured. Do facial exercises/use a Nuface and retinol etc... it’s pure vanity and very sad but I don’t care! I’m happy and probably pass for 5-10 years younger than I am depending on how much sleep I’ve had!

But I am aware that there will come a point that I will need to accept it.

I’m 56 and just find I have to try a bit harder!
I don’t wear make up and apart from soap n water and sun block don’t really do skin care
A good hair cut makes a massive difference - when I was younger I used to leave it as long as possible between salon visits to save money
Total false economy - pre lockdown I have a trim and root touch up every 5 weeks
Nails every 2 weeks
Regular brow shape, colour and lash tint - I’ve recently tried lash perming n that helps open up my eyes
Dress to suit your shape and colouring - buy good quality basics
Stay around a good weight for your height and body shape - which you feel comfortable at
Drink lots of water - eat healthily - exercise
I’m hoping to grow old gracefully - without Botox or surgery

It's better than the alternative but if it bothers you that much, look after yourself, inside and out.

Decent face and neck cream, lots of water, fresh fruit and veg. Get some balance in your life so you're not tired and enjoy living.

Can’t be doing with the judging on Botox/fillers etc... why is that so different from having a facial? Where do you draw the line. Live and let live I say and don’t judge others.

Oh yes neck cream!!! That is one thing I would tell my younger self 🙈😆

You start fighting it with a vengeance. As others have said, a more rigorous skin routine, clean eating, and in my case cosmetic surgery the results of which I loved.