How did you come to terms with aging?

[AnaViaSalamanca]

Maybe not the right thread, but I am getting to late 30s and even though never been a beauty, I am having trouble coming to terms with losing my looks and not being attractive anymore. I hate catching myself in the mirror, or people taking photos of me- the melting jawline, the hollow eyes, the graying hair.

I am curious about other people's experience, how did you embrace it?

(apologies if this sounds ageist, it's not meant to, at all)

3 DC pretty much wrecked my body anyway. I have perfected the art of looking in the mirror enough to check my hair is tidy and clothes are on straight without actually looking at myself.

Also, having emerged from a very long abusive marriage a few years back to a man who valued looks over absolutely anything else and decided never to have another relationship ever again, I feel liberated from all the pressure to be "pretty".

I didn't feel old at 30yo, or at 40 or now at 50yo tbh.
I think how old you are depends on how old you feel and act.

I suppose that how I look3d has never been high on my list of 'important things' so it went right at the bttom of the pile...

Serioulsy, the best thing you can do is enjoy your life and learn to love yourself the way you are. We all have things that arent that nice. You look at your face, someone else will look at their legs, someone at their weight/their boobs/their tummy. And the reality is that none of that matter as such ad will make you happy/unhappy

I don’t think ageing necessarily ruins your looks unless you’re incredibly superficial and think artificial lashes and a spray tan is beauty.
Ageing is liberating, if you believe beauty is more than skin deep.
Keep healthy, look after your teeth, find your own style that is not trying to keep a falsely young image.
A slightly crinkly, warm smile and windswept hair in Barbour and wellies is probably more attractive than a middle aged women (and you’re not middle aged) teetering around on stilettos with peroxide hair and a skirt that exposes bulging thighs. Ageing with a degree of acceptance is definitely preferable to trying to stay eighteen forever.
It’s much more fun being older.

Can’t be doing with the judging on Botox/fillers etc... why is that so different from having a facial? Where do you draw the line. Live and let live I say and don’t judge others.

It's different because you're injecting toxins into yours even as opposed to putting stuff on it.

Someone asked about what creams. A company called Kri sell Rosehip oil - it's great. Also love body shop carrot range at the moment. I'm 47 and aside from a dodgy moment after a horrible suspected bout of this virus that's doing the rounds, most days I think I look half decent.

Just read that lip fillers are hylauronic acid so not toxins. I stand corrected.

@pinkhousesarebest i know what you mean. I read Elizabeth Gilbert's Big Magic and resurrected two old hobbies. I am very content, secure (finally), silencing anxieties, but i need to find some sort of tribe.
Not to form my identity, but just to be connected.

@CrazyToast i think it is almost an inevitability that we have to klunkily change gears in to middle age. We all formed our first sense of ourselves when we were young adults, so if we didnt have any other strong identity, being young ends up underpinning our identity!! And so it is not just youth slipping away. We feel it very personally. I wish that that had been pointed out to me when i was young.

I keep coming back to yoga as an answer to many questions. I havent done it for ages, when i did it years ago i was ready for the mind/body overlap.

35 now and I have Botox,highlights,lashes nice nails always put my make up on,classic clothing don’t follow the latest fashion . Iv definitely noticed Iv aged but I make the best of myself.

@WinnieWonder That is exactly how I feel! Perhaps if I was a mum or in some kind of important career, I would have that as a 'next stage' identity. Not really sure who I am these days! I don't feel that mature :-D. Honestly, I am quite pissed off to find that I'm struggling with this. I always assumed I wouldn't buy into ideas about women's value and youth/motherhood, and logically I don't, but somehow it has found its way into my head anyway.

My MIL is a very ‘youthful’ 89yo, youthful in that she dresses v well, has good taste, keeps her hair and eyebrows groomed, exercises (walks a lot), eats well, reads well and enjoys life.
I’m vain, not terribly good looking but probably not bad, and I have struggled with ageing. And yes I have had experiences of losing people etc. So I am very delighted that ageing is what bothers me. I feel that my being concerned about ageing is a privilege. Still not keen on the ageing itself.
Anyway, I have asked MIL if ageing bothered her. She had to think about it. She says she remembers it bothering her for a while, maybe 40s or 50s and then it stopped bothering her. I’m hoping it’ll just stop bothering me in the same way. Meanwhile, I’m grateful for the privilege of worrying about it and I sort of enjoy fighting the battle - hair, makeup, food, exercise, bit of poisonous old Botox etc.

I'd trade the fading looks for pain free mobility, and regular good sleep free of hot flushes!

Good face cream, facial exercises and light reflecting foundation or BB cream. Highlights or colour to cover the grey is easy.

But I think the most important thing is to keep your fitness levels up including toning - flexibility exercises. This will help your posture and is really important in later years. I'm taking way older than you are now but now'a the time to start if you haven't already.

And look after your teeth.

But try not to obsess about what you look like. As long as you have basic grooming covered and clothes that suit you and your lifestyle concentrate on being as fit and healthy as you can and enjoy life.

I haven't had to come to terms with the ageing process, as I rarely think about it. I am 78 now, and my skin and body are pretty well ok. Never had so called beauty treatments of any kind., and use basic moisturisers on my face, and nothing fancy or pricey.And I am pleased to have not been to a doctors for about 30 years or so..

I'm 34 and I just dont care about this. I do the best with what I have; keep my hair nice, visit the dentist regularly, moisturize my skin; wear light make up and keep at a healthy weight. Other than that what can you do? Everyone ages and it's a sign that you are lucky to be living and enjoying life.

@Railingsohno

Oh yes neck cream!!! That is one thing I would tell my younger self 🙈😆

Really? How are they different from any other moisturiser?

Mid 40s here; amazing hair and shoes. That is enough for now. I may go down the Botox route but at the moment I have a fat wrinkle free face.

It beat the alternative. Ageing is a privilege denied to many - just take care of yourself and enjoy your life. Colour your greys, use good skin products , love yourself.

Well, take yourself in hand now, dont leave it till you are 50 plus.
Yoga, vv good face creams, exercise, etc.

Mid 30s here but this is how I see it:

Like comes in eras. For me there was the era I lived with my parents, the era I was doing my university studies/working, and the era where I have kids.

Era 3 has more white hair than era 1 but less acne! Also more body acceptance and clothes I actually picked myself.

My mum complains about aging all the time! But if she wasn't older she wouldn't have the joy of being a grandmother!! It's a new era for her! An era with more wrinkles and stuff, yes.

Also, don't get embarrassed about taking photos! You'll regret not having them :) your loved ones will be sad for not having photos of you.

@Gwenhwyfar

PP means putting moisturiser in your neck. My mum says the same. A lot of people are very careful with their face and forget their neck.

I look back at pictures of myself in my 20s /30s and I looked great, too skinny, reasonable face, decent hair in most pictures but I never felt great about myself, always felt less attractive than others. What an idiot.
I'm now late 60s and very wrinkled (too much sun) but from distance I'm ok (compared to others my age).
The only time I got compliments is when I wore something that really suited me, people would ask where I bought it. Good flattering clothes are hard to find but I did the House of Colour (or any other of these) where they find what colour suits you. So you could try that OP, one other thing is posture. Good posture makes you look slimmer, taller and more confident. I'm doing exercises for that at the moment, people definitely are inclined to slump with age, or due to lack of confidence.

I'm 39. Not blowing my own trumpet but I used to be quite pretty. Now my face is really gaunt, I have bags under my eyes and I have lost my looks.

I take care of myself: get regular hair cuts and eye brow shapes, have a skin care routine and exercise etc so in that respect I look as good as I can. But it's not good!

However I have lost a few friends recently trough illness or accidents. And I realise that getting older is not a given so I should appreciate it. There is no point, literally no point, worrying about your changing looks. You can't do anything to stop it.

Have you ever seen an 80 year old that looks 30, or 40 or 60? No. The same fate befalls us all.

So while I understand it's hard to accept ageing, the sooner you can do so the happier you will be.

@Grey12

You can get actual neck cream, it's thicker and lifts the skin apparently.

Someone said to me when I was in my twenties 'use neck cream before you think you need it'. I didn't listen 😂

And what neck creams would you all recommend? It's come up a lot here..

I'm with you @1forAll74. I think it's sad that so many women seem to think they have to try and preserve their looks as they age. Just accept that aging is a part of life and spend more time enjoying that life instead of worrying about how you look.

I didn't listen, that's why my face looks OK but my neck looks like an old turkey's

Not sure if it's too late to start now