How did you come to terms with aging?

[AnaViaSalamanca]

Maybe not the right thread, but I am getting to late 30s and even though never been a beauty, I am having trouble coming to terms with losing my looks and not being attractive anymore. I hate catching myself in the mirror, or people taking photos of me- the melting jawline, the hollow eyes, the graying hair.

I am curious about other people's experience, how did you embrace it?

(apologies if this sounds ageist, it's not meant to, at all)

Im happy enough ageing as long as I look in relatively good knick. You'll have to pull my hair dye out of my cold dead hands.

And I do gradual tanning lotion on my body, and tanning drops in my face moisturiser, that makes a big difference.

And keeping your weight down to a pleasant level helps a lot. Mine had crept up but I've lost 11lbs in 2 weeks on 16:8.

I keep fit and do yoga, so I don't feel creaky and rusty.

All of the above really helps.

As above ageing is a privilege, I've lost two friends in mid 40's in the last year and they would have loved to wear shorts and paddle in the sea with their wrinkles so that's what I'm doing for them .. shorts and wrinkles all the way for me 🤩🤩

I am in my 50s and to be honest, never look in the mirror any more, bar a quick once over before work. I was pretty up to the birth of my last child, then aged 10 years in one ( at 42). I ws also supremely vain. Just over time it matters so much less and I fill my time with things that are not appearance related. That frees up so much time. And if ever I stand beside my teenage dcs at a mirror, it really puts the futility of trying too hard into perspective.
Keeping fit and flexible and building strength is a whole other story though. That is really important to me. But the rest, can't be arsed.

I'd say I look just as good aged 50 as I did aged 20 - different, obviously, but better dressed, better hair cut, more confident, I stand better etc. Perhaps my advantage is that I was never a beauty in the first place!

TBF I'd say I looked my worst in my early 30s - small dc, no money, never enough sleep & no time for regular exercise, haircuts etc.

I think you have reclaim yourself from the patriarchy. Coming up to 50 i realised that i have never valued myself more while society no longer values me. Femininity and wisdom are not just youthful. Part of being a woman is going through all of the stages. I feel like Im beginning to see it clearly.

Also, my goal changed. Instead of trying to look sexually attractive, i try to look healthy, happy, confident, stylish, contemporary..

Everything Floisme said.

@WinnieWonder good advice!

I haven't. I hate my ageing, decaying self.

My friend died when we were both 41. She was someone who lit up every room she was in. But it was me who got to see 42,43,44,45... So I try to be grateful for the extra time I have.

I dont know if friends dying really helps. Nobody wants to be robbed of the rest of their life but it takes different work/thought/acceptance to accept being older. The oldest!? Othered?
Wondering where all the women your age are! Older women are not the first to be hired that's for sure. So there's ageism in the workplace to contend with. With the best will in the world, younger people other you. Of course they do! They dont know yet that we are not a different species.

So friends dying young does make me grateful im alive, of course, but i need more than just gratitude, but figuring out how to be a 50 something in a world that wants to push older women in to the corner to let younger people keep centre stage is a different set of schools.

Im the oldest at my work. Im 50. The bosses are all ten or 15 years younger. I have a couple of colleagues who are 44 ish but it does feel like a sudden shift, one minute i was at work with some colleagues older, some colleagues younger.... But to be at the upper age limit already is kind of startling,and it did require me to think about who i was, what external things i valued, my own values, what kind of life i could construct in my 50s.

Im single too, so i dont have any of the value society places on one half of a couple
Ive thought my war through a few ideas in the last five years. Nothing too radical! Just feeling the fear and doing it anyway (sometimes anyway), sitting with the discomfort, changing my mindset from orphan to sage/warrior, redefining femininity..
So lots going on in my head these last 5 years that was more than just gratitude for being alive (when friends had died).

This is just me.

On balance, getting older is preferable to the alternative, therefore I accept it as the price of not dying young.

I could cope with normal ageing. What I can’t cope with is how pregnancy fucked up my body. My stomach is permanently scarred and hangs like an apron, and my boobs are floppy and different sizes. At least ageing is slow... pregnancy took my attractive body from me in a matter of 10-12 weeks. I’ve coped by just giving up on clothes, makeup, hair - what’s the point? It can’t fix me.

Friends dying at 17, 19, 28, 43. I'd rather get wrinkly than die.

''On balance, getting older is preferable to the alternative, therefore I accept it as the price of not dying young.''

I want it to be more than this! It's my reward for tough times in my younger years.

By thoughtfully remembering everyone I have known who has passed away decades before their time and to know how lucky I am to age.

That and looking towards woman I admire who embrace their ages who are older than me but look amazing and follow their lead x

What creams do you recommend, those who are saying use creams? I wear Factor 30 all year round but don't do anything else for my skin (mid 30s), probably should...

Winnie so interesting. I am also the oldest in my workplace. Where do they go? It is only recently I have come to réalise that my lovely colleagues do not really consider me as one of them. That was a shocker. And after consideration , if the best we can do is be grateful we are not dead, we’ll there is something not right.
In my case, I found a hobby that consumes my every thought and penny and makes me feel like a 20 year old. Despite broken wrists and sore muscles. And retirement is not a distant dream anymore so the workplace and it’s machinations don’t have a hold on me anymore.

Molocosh honestly this is transient. I lived in Paris, shopped my life away, wouldn’t have put out the bin without my lippy on and then had dc in quick succession. I lost myself for about six years but it comes back. Give yourself time. You are still so young ( whilst feeling ancient, I remember that feeling of whatever so well.)

I'm in my 50s and was average looking as a young woman. But I've recently realised I've actually become quite an attractive middle aged woman so I'll take that thank you.

A friends of mine died in an accident at 20 years old. I see aging as a privilege that not everyone gets.

Of course ageing and having the privilege of getting older is better than the alternative. Doesn't mean you can't strive to look/ feel better/ healthier about yourself if it means you are happier in the life you have. I've also had friends who have passed suddenly way too young but I know that they wouldn't want me to turn into a dowdy' person who doesn't take care of themselves just to honour them and be grateful I'm alive.

I'm late 30's and take better care of myself now than what I did in my 20's, because I've lost a close friend and want to do the best that I can for myself. I'm slimmer and healthier for a start. I also try and wear clothes that suit my shape. I have a good skincare routine, know how to apply make up and dye my hair every month (I've very dark hair and greys are so noticeable which I personally hate).

I think the most important though is confidence in how you carry yourself.

I’m finding it all a weirdly mixed blessing! Going through menopause was scary at times. Sudden aches where none previously existed, just suddenly feeling older. On the plus side, having been podgy since puberty struck, I was able to lose weight and keep it off. As the proud owner of a very round face and double chin, I suddenly had some cheekbones and a jawline. On the minus side, scrawny chicken neck if I don’t watch it. My hair is only just recovering a bit after coming out in handfuls. Now I’m fast becoming like the Forth Bridge, face creams and serums, Nuface facials, you name it. And exercise. I feel generally happier and fitter than in my twenties, but keeping the old package together takes a bit more effort!

I think it is much harder to let go of youthful looks if your aging and not found someone to settle down with, if i was in a happy settled relationship i prob would embrace my aging too

I have problems with this. I don't know who I am supposed to be if it is not young person finding their way/mother/career woman etc. Perhaps throwing yourself into a purpose can help you find your identity as a more mature person.

Also, if you are interested in fighting it, you are at the right age. I love face exercises/yoga for lifting and tightening. You exercise the other muscles in your body so why not face? Also a bit of filler and botox can brighten and can also get rid of wrinkles/stop them forming (for a while). Not everyone is into that but I love it--it's like buying some time while I get my head around who 'mature woman me' is.

Yoga is great too--do some indian yoga/meditation and they tell you the life philosophy behind it all too, it is good for giving perspective on things.

Overall, this bullshit comes from a culture which tells us we are not valuable as older women. I hate that and am disappointed in myself for internatlising it.