How did you come to terms with aging?

[AnaViaSalamanca]

Maybe not the right thread, but I am getting to late 30s and even though never been a beauty, I am having trouble coming to terms with losing my looks and not being attractive anymore. I hate catching myself in the mirror, or people taking photos of me- the melting jawline, the hollow eyes, the graying hair.

I am curious about other people's experience, how did you embrace it?

(apologies if this sounds ageist, it's not meant to, at all)

Similar to zaraW had emergency brain surgery when I was 30. Genuinely happy for every birthday now and see ageing as something to be very grateful for. Wouldn't recommend my route to acceptance, but it definitely helps

I’m over 50 and I still look ok. I have long thick wavy hair that I’m letting go grey and it looks amazing! I’m thrilled with it. I look like a mermaid. Agree with the little bit of self tan on the face. That makes a massive difference. I weigh more than I’d like but that has the benefit of plumping up the face a bit. I strongly believe that beauty is beauty regardless of age. It is not the preserve of the young. We have been conned into believing this so companies can sell us overpriced face cream, but really, all you need is plenty of water, a big tub of Nivea and regular vigorous sex with a younger man.

@CrazyToast I feel exactly the same, I'm just not ready to accept it yet

I can’t believe I used to think I was fat etc when I was young 🙈

I am 50 now - can cope with the wrinkles & grey hair most days. What I find a struggle is working life - what to do when everyone only wants young people. That more than anything is making me feel ancient

Found this thread really interesting. I'm nearly 47, have had Botox since 40 (but that's worn off now as not had any this year due to timing of lockdown!). I've not bothered with home dyeing so my hair is multicoloured to say the least.
I whiten my teeth now and then - that seems to help a bit but I don't want to go overboard on that as it could easily look daft I'm sure.

What resonates with me is those of you who mention identity - I've never really thought of it that way before but it's so true for me. I've spent most my life being young, funny, and dare I say it pretty girl. Now I'm not those things (well I still think I'm funny of course) I don't know who I am. I have a decent job but not enjoying it at the moment. I'm married, happy-ish there, love my dogs.

I never had kids so that probably doesn't help. Maybe 'Fun auntie' but that's only a few times a year as nieces are other end of the country!

I'm the same age and i get what you're saying. Sometimes I have to remind myself that if i'd lived a few hundred years ago I'd have reached the natural end of my life expectancy. There's a cheery thought.

Also there are still plenty of places in 2020 where life expectancy is late 30s.

You'll never be as young as you are today.

I see photos of myself when I was in my thirties and was worried then about losing my looks and being fat - I'm just amazed at how attractive and slim I was then and should have relished in it instead of fretting.

Just look after yourself, plenty of water, sunblock etc - all the tips from other posters.

What resonates with me is those of you who mention identity - I've never really thought of it that way before but it's so true for me. I've spent most my life being young, funny, and dare I say it pretty girl. Now I'm not those things (well I still think I'm funny of course) I don't know who I am. I have a decent job but not enjoying it at the moment. I'm married, happy-ish there, love my dogs.

That's an interesting point. I have never tied my identity wih being pretty, young etc... so that well be why I really don't feel it's an issue

@CatherineTheNotSoGreat i think your MIL is right. It has felt to me like there was an accute period of adjustment. Hecate at the crossroads!?
But one can't hover indecively at the crossroads forever.
So that readjustment of identity is something that you successfully work through... it isnt an overnight process though.

I think the adjustment is continuous. It's not like you ever hit a moment when you can think, 'Right I've finished ageing now and it's OK,' What actually happens is that you adjust to one change and then something else hits you- it could be to do with your looks, your health, your physical capabilities or it could be more than that e.g. a friend your own age dies and you realise people are sad but not shocked.

True yes. Mourning or adjusting to the loss of looks could ticked off when BAM! it could be adjustment to a health issue 😪

"a friend your own age dies and you realise people are sad but not shocked"

Wow. That would be something to digest alright.

It could be to do with your looks, your health, your physical capabilities or it could be more than that e.g. a friend your own age dies and you realise people are sad but not shocked.

That age is 40+ if you are Indian, which is due to people not taking care of themselves and ‘adjusting’ to age related diseases (which have nothing to do with normal ageing). You really must take care of yourself.

I have wondered this myself, but I've come to the conclusion that people who worry about this are those who aren't happy with the way their life is right now. They worry that aging will take opportunities away from them, and regret the things they have yet to do.

But you don't have to be young and beautiful to do things. And there are plenty of older people who still look great!

regular vigorous sex with a younger man
I think my husband might object to this beauty treatment

I’m hoping to grow old gracefully - without Botox or surgery

I'm hoping to do similar but ..... disgracefully. There's nothing graceful about me whatsoever

@QuestionMarkNow I don't think I ever consciously tied my identity to any of those things but it's just reading this thread made me think about it. I'd like to think my identity is based on more than my looks or age of course - far more - but maybe not becoming a mum or being a big high flyer means I'm thinking about what my identity is as a woman in her late 40s. Anyway probably not a post for 'style and beauty'

It was a surprise when I lost that 'power' you have when you're young and attractive. I miss that but on the other hand I am so much less self conscious now.
I think, find clothes that suit you and don't look like you're either trying to be sexy or frumpy. Wear lightweight make up. Get exercise, relaxation, sleep, a ton of moisturiser and an expensive perfume or two. Drink a hell of a lot of water. Treating and pampering and finding some lovely basics that suit your skin and hair makes you feel so good.
Also my mum and I agree that a little bit of squashiness looks a lot better than being very bony when you get older. Fill out the wrinkles a bit. Susanna rather than Trinny.
We're only going to get older anyway.

"I didn't listen, that's why my face looks OK but my neck looks like an old turkey's grin"

The neck doesn't have many natural oils as far as I understand it so will age quickly. I'm not convinced that moisturiser would stop this.
Neck and hands are the quickest way to tell women's ages aren't they as it's less common to have treatments there so a woman who's had facial tweakments will have a neck that looks older than the face.