Mid 30s - what are items are definitely no longer suitable?

[Shopkinshurtlikelego]

Mid 30s, size 6-8, lost my way a bit.
Chucked out a lot of stuff (all too big) and buying new. Love some of the current fashions and finally feel I can wear them due to the weight loss but now I might be too old?
I’m guessing short dresses and mini skirts are a no which is fine, I don’t want to wear them anyway. What else is a definite no?

I'm in my 50s and wear what I like.

And you are a young mum not a middle aged one. I'm not middle age yet as it's always ten years older that I am at present.

Also, in certain circumstances, there is a huge deal of merit in faking it until you make it, so even if you struggle to believe the compliments you start paying yourself, stick with it, it will pay off

I hope your DH didn't really say that to you and that this is a wind up

Seriously wear what you like. Don't listen to him or your mum. Try not to be influenced by ridiculous advertising where models cannot be over eg 35 or some arbitrary number

I think overall I’m like a 3/10 anyway (according to dh too!) so I struggle to find anything at all that looks nice!

I mean - I’m sure he’s right!

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. If you're "d"h really believed you were a 3/10, he wouldn't have dated you. We are biologically wired to want to be with a partner we personally find attractive. He dated you thus he must think far more highly of your looks than that.

The problem is an emotionally abusive partner not your looks.

Or he was just desperate...
I’m 10 years younger than dh and was only 20 when we married. It’s gone downhill since.

Even desperate people wouldn't go with someone they found so unattractive, that they would rate them 3/10. We are simply not wired that way. An abuser would go with someone they found attractive and then undermine the person's self esteem though, eventually leading their victim to believe they are really ugly, so they won't leave.

Wear what you like. There comes a stage when some things don’t look great and you will regret not wearing them in your 30s.

Your mum is a bitch and your husband is an arsehole.

You've been working hard on looking after yourself and they just tear you down?
Get rid OP. And love yourself xx

An abuser would go with someone they found attractive and then undermine the person's self esteem though, eventually leading their victim to believe they are really ugly, so they won't leave.

This x 100. You are not a 3/10, your horrible husband is trying to make you feel bad about yourself .

I bet you are absolutely lovely. Your horrible mother and husband have really done a number on your self esteem. Even at my heftiest, my DP would never have given me 3/10 and if he had, he’s be wearing his own arsehole as a headband. I think it’s time you shed some weight of the abusive shit partner kind. X

You don't hear men saying "oh god she's got a lovely turned ankle.

Believe it or not a man actually did say those exact words to me!

OP please stop listening to those who would bring you down and learn to love yourself, as I'm sure you look amazing

Yeah but when you see adverts and online etc. 99% are early - mid 20s
It doesn't really matter how old the models are though. They don't pick the clothes. I just looked at that first dress in Sosander and the model is a size 8, so you would look similar to her in it (granted she's probably taller). Buy it if you like it, I bet you'll look lovely in it.

Do you have a nice friend who would go shopping with you?

Ps you husband is a nasty man and you're mother is a bitch.

I was talking about this whole issue the other day with some work colleagues. We are mid 40s+ and remember a time when women of the older generations were our age they wore a twin set and pearls, probably with a pleated skirt.

Women in their 60s went to the hairdressers and had a shampoo and set which usually meant having a blue rinse put through your white/grey hair. Think the Queen for a hairstyle.

Those days are long gone. Someone I know told me I shouldn't wear a bikini now that I was over 40. WTF? Why? I am not model shaped but so fucking what? I will still wear a bikini on holiday.

Wear what you want, stop listening to those people putting you down. Maybe your DH is shitting himself that lots of other men may be attracted to you and this is his way of keeping you with him.

I say this kindly op but your dh is as abusive as your mother. I think you are so used to having your mum be so vile to you and putting you down you don’t see anything wrong in it and therefore got stuck with your dh because that behaviour is normal to you. It’s not normal. It’s abuse and it’s awful and you deserve better. I think you need to distance yourself from them both.

Well I did want to comment how much @EsmesRedPetticoat post made my DD and I laugh.
In light of the OP recent post I need to say WTF how dare your DH talk to you like that, unfortunately your DM has conditioned you to expect that kind of thing, who made them the body/looks police?
Do you want your DC to feel like you do? If not then start modelling body positivity to them & teach them loadly Infront of your DH & DM that it's rude to talk about people's bodies.

You’ve done so well with your weight loss. Your husband and mum sound like dementors. Please pay them no mind. They sound inadequate.
When I was 20/30 and your size, I dressed 80’s “corporate modest”, pleated skirts, blazer. What a fucking sad waste of time cf. being a confident, flamboyant teen, or the confident ‘middle age’ (it’s merely a state of mind) person I am now. I am 53 and larger than I’d like, but my girls (in their 20’s) now borrow/steal my clothes. Buy all the clothes! Please

What a shit your husband is btw. Nasty thing. Hope you ditch him with the ex-wardrobe.

The only things that are a definite no are the things that don't make you happy (subject of course to the usual dress code restrictions: work, weddings, funerals et al).

Stop worrying about fashion and focus on the abusive husband and unpleasant mother. Seriously, it's not normal for someone who's married to you to say things like that.
What you really need is some therapy to build your self esteem and get out of your marriage

I am mid 30s and actually dress younger than I ever have: minis, cropped trousers, brogues, denim... think it's important to do so to avoid the pearls and twinset look (though power to your elbow if that is your thing).

In other news, your DH sounds truly, truly awful. Why would you say those things to someone you care about? I am lucky: my mother told me all the time how beautiful I was and my DH does the same. Meant I grew up with a very (too) high level of self-esteem and demanded that my partners treated me in the same fashion (and they all have).

[Flowers] to you, OP.

So you're size 6 to 8, mid thirties and think you're too old to wear certain things. There is literally no hope for the rest of us Thanks OP

Oh god sorry OP, just seen your comment:

"Well after I’d lost two stone and got a few new things he said ‘you can roll shit in glitter but it’s still shit’. So generally not very complimentary!"

What an arse. My ex said this to me practically word for word, it's horrible. Don't take any notice, he's the insecure one. Wear what you like, and feel good!